Saleable Trifles, or A Treasury of Laughing and Joking
Creator: Anonymous | Date: 1630s (first printed 1642) | Notes: Original title: Nugae venales, sive Thesaurus ridendi & jocandi An anonymous Neo-Latin anthology made up of jests, drinking songs, mock-disputations, burlesque treatises, macaronic pieces, student comedy, and constraint verse. It repeatedly uses the formal apparatus of scholarship, medicine, law, and university disputation to treat absurd, obscene, or trivial subjects such as farts, pigs, freshmen, cuckoldry, drunkenness, poverty, and other comic low matter. 👉 <a href="https://tryleo.ai/collections/exlatinis/the-diploma-of-boorishness-a-seventeenth-century-jestbook-that-wore-the-universitys-robes-to-mock-them">Read our introductory primer, full report, and finding guide here</a> 📜 <a href="https://archive.org/details/bub_gb_OUi1hY5uJv0C">View the original file on Internet Archive</a> This text was transcribed and translated as part of the ExLatinis project—an effort by Leo to make English translations of every published text in Latin in early modern Europe (between 1450 and 1750) available to the public for free online.
- Title
- Saleable Trifles, or A Treasury of Laughing and Joking
- Creator
- Anonymous
- Date
- 1630s (first printed 1642)
- Notes
- Original title: Nugae venales, sive Thesaurus ridendi & jocandi An anonymous Neo-Latin anthology made up of jests, drinking songs, mock-disputations, burlesque treatises, macaronic pieces, student comedy, and constraint verse. It repeatedly uses the formal apparatus of scholarship, medicine, law, and university disputation to treat absurd, obscene, or trivial subjects such as farts, pigs, freshmen, cuckoldry, drunkenness, poverty, and other comic low matter. 👉 <a href="https://tryleo.ai/collections/exlatinis/the-diploma-of-boorishness-a-seventeenth-century-jestbook-that-wore-the-universitys-robes-to-mock-them">Read our introductory primer, full report, and finding guide here</a> 📜 <a href="https://archive.org/details/bub_gb_OUi1hY5uJv0C">View the original file on Internet Archive</a> This text was transcribed and translated as part of the ExLatinis project—an effort by Leo to make English translations of every published text in Latin in early modern Europe (between 1450 and 1750) available to the public for free online.
Document notes
Original title: Nugae venales, sive Thesaurus ridendi & jocandi An anonymous Neo-Latin anthology made up of jests, drinking songs, mock-disputations, burlesque treatises, macaronic pieces, student comedy, and constraint verse. It repeatedly uses the formal apparatus of scholarship, medicine, law, and university disputation to treat absurd, obscene, or trivial subjects such as farts, pigs, freshmen, cuckoldry, drunkenness, poverty, and other comic low matter. 👉 Read our introductory primer, full report, and finding guide here 📜 View the original file on Internet Archive This text was transcribed and translated as part of the ExLatinis project—an effort by Leo to make English translations of every published text in Latin in early modern Europe (between 1450 and 1750) available to the public for free online.
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BIBLIOTECA NAZ. Vittorio Emanuele III XLII C 68 NAPOLI
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National Library Vittorio Emanuele III XLII C 68 Naples
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NUGÆ VENALES
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Trifles for Sale
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A VITTORIO EMAN NAPOLI 50
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A VITTORIO EMAN NAPOLI 50
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NUGÆ VENALES, S I V E THESAURUS RIDENDI & JOCANDI AD Gravissimos Severissimosque Viros, PATRES MELANCHOLICORUM Conscriptos. Editio ultima auctior & correctior. ANNO 1720. Prostant apud NEMINEM; sed tamen UBIQUE.
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Trifles for Sale, OR Treasury Of Laughing and Joking FOR The Most Grave and Most Severe Men, The Enrolled Fathers of Melancholics. Latest edition, enlarged and corrected. YEAR 1720. Sold by NOBODY; yet nevertheless EVERYWHERE.
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Huic Editioni accessere, I. Theses de Hasione & Hasibili qualitate. II. Cortum Versicale de Flois Swartibus, &c. III. Disputatio Physiologistica, de jure & natura Pennalium. IV. Disputatio de Cornelio, ejusdem natura ac proprietate. V. Themata Medica, Beanorum, Archibeanorum, Beanulorum & Cornutorum quorumcunque affectibus & curatione. VII. Pugna Porcorum. VIII. Crepundia Poëtica aucta. IX. Canum eum Cattis Certamen. Misce stultitiam consiliis brevem. Horat.
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Added to this edition, I. Theses on the nature of Hasion and Hasibilis . II. A Versical Court concerning Flois Swartibus , etc. III. Physiological Disputation, on the right and nature of Pennalia . IV. Disputation concerning Cornelius , of its nature and property. V. Medical Theorems, on the afflictions and cure of Beani , Archibeani , Beanuli , and all kinds of Cornuti . VII. The Battle of the Pigs. VIII. Poetic Cradles enlarged. IX. The Contest of Dogs with Cats. Mix a little folly with counsels. Hor.
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PRÆFATIO. Festive Lector, Emper jocari, stultorum nunquam risui operam dare, nonminus fatuorum hominum est: utpote qui id quod sibi proprium est, faciunt quasi minime proprium. Si enim homo rationalis, etiam risibilis est. Atque hoc est, quod homini proprium, & quidem quarto modo, appellant cum ratione differentes Logici. Ex his autem modum tenere, sapientis est. Omnetulit punctum, qui miscuit utile dulci, Horatius ait, & omnium calculo approbatur. Quomodo autem illud fieri possit, haud facile explicari potest. Ego, qui tamen unicuique liberum suum judicium relinquo, non sic severo studio in- *3
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FOREWORD. Festive Reader, To joke, or never to devote one’s effort to the laughter of fools, is no less the mark of foolish men: since they do that which is proper to themselves, as though it were in no way proper. For if a man is rational, he is also laughable. And this is what the Logicians, differing in reasoning, call the proper thing of man, and indeed in a fourth way. But to keep within due measure in these matters is the part of the wise. “He has carried off the point who has mingled the useful with the sweet,” Horace says, and it is approved by the vote of all. But how this may be done is not easy to explain. I, however, leaving to each person his own free judgment, do not with such severe study in- *3
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PRÆFATIO. inbiandum existimo, ut propterea omnis risibilitas proinde humanitas, tollatur exuatur; neque sic risui operam dandam puto, ut ea de causa omnis severitas, omnis authoritas exulet, atque ita fieri potest, ut Sit modus in rebus, sint certi denique fines. Quos ultra citroque nequit consistere rectum. Cujus modi tanto major habenda ratio est, quanto major utilitatis. Est enim id, ut iterum hoc dicam, optimum utilissimumque, seriis festiva miscere. Quod ut majori cum delectatione facere possis, quisquises, Lector, visum fuit hæc ridicularia, elegantissima simul cum aliis festivis opusculis recudere, risuique promovendo iterare. Tu interim His utere, Lector amice; Quæbonasunt, lauda; falsa refelle: vale. Quæ-
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PREFACE. I deem it necessary to warn that therefore all laughter should likewise not be stripped away from humanity; nor do I think that one should devote oneself to laughter in such a way that, for that reason, all seriousness and all authority depart. And thus it may come to pass that There must be moderation in things, there must in the end be fixed limits. Beyond which right cannot stand to either side. Of this sort the greater regard must be had, the greater the usefulness. For it is, as I say again, best and most useful to mingle the serious with the festive. And so that you may do this with greater pleasure, whoever you are, Reader, it has seemed good to reprint these humorous pieces, very elegant too, together with other cheerful little works, and to repeat them for the promotion of laughter. Meanwhile, use these, dear Reader; Praise what is good; refute what is false: farewell. What-
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Quanam in mundo admiranda? R E S P. Uod omnes cornices sunt nigræ: quod ratti æque citò currant ac mures: quod canes ossa arro- dant & deglutiant: quod rusti- cus armaturam induat, galeam capiti im- ponat, hastam arripiat ad defendendum pullos gallinaceos, cum singulis diebustam diligenter observentur à vulpium orphanis. Mirabile quod feles nequam post coenam, densis existentibus tenebris, sine lumine, sine gladio, sine pileo, nudis auribus pedi- busque, absque crepidis calopodiisque aude- ant aggredi ingentem exercitum honestorum murium & glirium. Mirabilius quod hiems nunquam ita caleat sicuti æstas: uti legitur apud Quinquarillam, sine perspicillo in li- bro per omnia albo, in illis verbis pata, pata, pon. Mirabilissimum omnes foeminas hoc vi- tio laborare, ut per unum idemque foramen mingant & cacent, cum (scilicet) latrina po- dicem obverterint. Quid est scholasticus; R. Est filius patris sui, frater fororis, ne- pos avunculi; doctor omnium, præsertim in
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What is admirable in the world? R. That all crows are black; that rats run just as quickly as mice; that dogs gnaw and swallow bones; that a countryman puts on armor, sets a helmet on his head, seizes a spear to defend the chickens, while each day they are diligently watched by the orphaned foxes. It is marvelous that wicked cats after supper, when the darkness is thick, without light, without sword, without hat, with bare ears and feet, without shoes or slippers, dare to attack a huge army of honorable mice and dormice. More marvelous that winter is never so warm as summer: as is read in Quinquarilla, without spectacles, in a book all white, in those words pata, pata, pon. Most marvelous of all, that all women suffer from this vice, namely, that through one and the same opening they urinate and defecate, when, of course, they have turned the latrine toward the backside. What is a scholastic? R. He is the son of his father, the brother of his sister, the grandson of his uncle; a doctor of all things, especially in
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2. in naturalibus: utpote qui se libenter adjungit puellis, quæ ex simplicitate caseum feli custodiendum commiserunt. Summa summarum studiosus melius loquitur furno; etiamsi os ejus non ita large pateat; profert aurea verba, etiamsi rostrum ipsius non sit flavum. Noctis commoda quanam? R E S P. 1. Nocte conficiuntur homines. 2. Nocte amatores amasias suas adeunt, & cum iis fabulantur. 3. Nocte Cosinographi, Astrologi, Philosophi contemplantur planetas. 4. Nocte ebrii sine scandalo sese inebriant & planetas (hem patinas dicere volui) perscrutantur. 5. Nox arridet magis, quo liberius suam magiam exerceant; placet furibus ut tutius furentur: meretricibus ut delectabilius coeant. Breviter (ut 600. literis dicam) nox confert dulcem quietem, & inducit oblivionem omnium malorum. Certe si nox non esset, multi artifices se perditum irent; qui candelabra, & candelas conficiunt, quanam re compararent sibi victum? Lenones honesti quomodo sese sustentarent? Magni mercatores sulphuratorum mendicarent; quid enim opus esset sulphuratis, si non essent candelæ; quid candelæ sine nocte? Objett. Luna est candel naturalis, ergo non opus est candelis artificiosis? R. 1. Luna non semper lucet, & tunc homines instar glirium stetere cogerentur. Est quidem Luna cande a naturalis lucens noctuis & vespertilionibus, non & hominibus, multo minus furibus. Mu-
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2. in natural things: namely, one who readily associates himself with girls who, out of simplicity, entrusted cheese to the cat for safekeeping. In sum, a scholar speaks better through the furnace; even if his mouth does not open so wide; he utters golden words, even if his beak is not yellow. What are the advantages of night? R E S P. 1. At night people are made. 2. At night lovers visit their sweethearts, and talk with them. 3. At night Cosmographers, Astrologers, Philosophers contemplate the planets. 4. At night drunkards get drunk without scandal and inspect the planets (I meant to say dishes). 5. Night smiles more, so that they may more freely exercise their magic; it pleases thieves so that they may steal more safely: courtesans, so that they may consort more delightfully. In short (so to speak in 600 words), night brings sweet rest, and induces forgetfulness of all evils. Certainly if there were no night, many craftsmen would go to ruin; those who make candlesticks, and candles, by what means would they procure their livelihood for themselves? How would respectable pimps support themselves? Great merchants of sulfur products would have to beg; for what need would there be of sulfurized things, if there were no candles; what need of candles without night? Objett. The moon is a natural candle, therefore there is no need for artificial candles? R. 1. The moon does not always shine, and then men would be forced to stand still like dormice. Indeed the Moon is a natural candle shining for owls and bats, not for men, much less for thieves. Mu-
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3. Mulier quanam pudibunda? R. Quæ tegit faciem cum indusio suo. Quibus sibi Sapiens homo debet cavere? R E S P. 1. A zelo amantium. 2. A rapina militum. 3. A penna Notariorum. 4. A subtili practicâ Procuratorum. 5. A mercatoribus non dantibus mutuò. Contra non renuet prandere cum Abbatibus; cœnari cum Advocatis; jentaculum sumere cum commissariis aliisque magnatibus; celebrabit pascha in ædibus suis, at quadragesimum ubique. Præceptores nostri sic nos instruere solebant. Quinque hominum genera frequentant nundinas, 1. emptores, 2. venditores, 3. spectatores, 4. ii qui spectatum veniunt, 5. trium literarum homines, vulgò crumenisecæ, ab hoc quinto hominum genere, discipuli, vobis cavete. Cur odium Vatinianum inter Monachos & Canonicos? R. Quia Monachis ova, Canonicis gallinæ in deliciis sunt. Monachi acculant Canonicos, quod gallinas devorent, quæ illis ova esculenta parere possunt; contra Canonici acculant Monachos, quod ova comedant, è quibus pulli gallinacei (cibus Canonicorum) excuduntur. Iudex & Scabini sic responderunt; Monachorum rationibus perpensis illis assentimur: sed perpensis rationibus Canonicorum & illis assentimur, itaque neutra pars causa ce- ci- A 2
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3. What woman is modest? R. She who covers her face with her veil. From what should a wise man beware? R E S P. 1. From the jealousy of lovers. 2. From the plundering of soldiers. 3. From the pen of notaries. 4. From the subtle practice of proctors. 5. From merchants who do not lend mutually. On the other hand, he will not refuse to dine with abbots; to sup with lawyers; to take breakfast with commissioners and other magnates; he will celebrate Easter in his own house, but Lent everywhere. Our teachers used to instruct us thus. Five kinds of men frequent fairs: 1. buyers, 2. sellers, 3. spectators, 4. those who come to watch, 5. men of three letters, commonly purse-cutters; from this fifth kind of men, students, beware. Why is there the Vatinian hatred between monks and canons? R. Because eggs are a delicacy to monks, and hens to canons. The monks accuse the canons, because they devour hens, which can produce for them edible eggs; on the other hand the canons accuse the monks, because they eat eggs, from which chickens (the food of canons) are hatched. The judge and the assessors answered thus: we assent to the monks’ arguments when weighed; but when the canons’ arguments are weighed we assent to them also; therefore neither party has a case ce- ci- A 2
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cidit. Monachorum una ratio est è millibus petita, quia possunt esse gallinæ absque ovis, nam Deus in prima creatione creavit gallinas cum nullum esset ovum. Contra Canonici asserunt Deum gallinas non ex nihilo creasse, sed ex materiâ quâdam confusa, quam Iudæi tobu vabohu, poëtæ chaos nominant. 2. arcte accurateque tenent, gallinas posse produci etiam non existentibus gallinis: idque probant experientiâ. Nam cives in Alcair urbe Turcicâ, in furnis suis calidis ex ovis pullos exfilire faciunt: itaque adhuc sub judice lis est, quis victor, quis victus, dubitatur. Foemina formidolosa quænam? R. Quæ caudam intra crura deponit. Homo cujus partis orationis est? R. Participii partis: quia partem capit ab omni animalium genere. Sic multis struthiocameli ventriculus est, qui durissima concoquere possunt; aliis adest cor Leonis, in quorum numero sunt milites quidam; plures canis natura gaudent; quam plurimi suis, omnia promiscuè devorantes; infiniti Asini complexione delectantur, à Gallis dicti, Asnes à courtes oreilles. Quotuplices sunt crepitus ventris? R. Sunt multiplices. Tormentarii horrendos edunt sonitus, domicella crepitus suos premunt intra nates, exilesque sonos emitunt; crepitus apothecariorum nihil aliud redolent, quam vinum aromatites vel anisum con-
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It falls. The monks have one argument, drawn from thousands: namely, that hens can exist without eggs, for God in the first creation created hens when there was no egg at all. Against this, the canons assert that God did not create hens out of nothing, but out of some confused matter, which the Jews call tobu vabohu , and the poets chaos. 2. They firmly and exactly maintain that hens can be produced even when hens do not exist; and they prove this by experience. For the citizens in the Turkish city of Alcair, in their hot ovens, make chickens spring out of eggs: thus the case is still under judgment, who is victor and who is vanquished, is doubtful. What kind of woman is a fearful one? A. She who lets her tail down between her legs. Of what part of speech is man? A. Of the part of a participle: because he takes a part from every kind of animal. Thus many have the stomach of an ostrich, who can digest the hardest things; others have the heart of a lion, among whom are certain soldiers; more have the nature of a dog; most of all, pigs, devouring everything indiscriminately; countless others delight in a donkey’s build, called by the French Asnes à courtes oreilles . How many kinds of belches are there? A. There are many. Gunners give out horrible sounds, young ladies suppress their belches within their buttocks, and emit faint sounds; the belches of apothecaries smell of nothing else than wine, aromatics, or anise...
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5. conditum: aromatarii nil nisi zingiber in podice habent; procuratores articulant suos crepitus, sicuti causam alicujus processus; advocati (quos auri sacra fames exagitat) nil nisi aurum tonant in suas braccas, experiemini, & proculdubio invenietis aliquid merdae. Foemina audax quænam? R. Quæ duos homines per unum foramen exspectat. Quid est Rusticus? R. Liberalis est, ut dives avarus; delectabilis, ut stercus saccharatum; syncerus, ut miles tempore belli apud pulchram foeminam; amabilis ut podagricus; albus ut civis ex Æthiopia, civilis ut rusticus Montensis. Breviter, Dominus rusticus (cui Deus largiatur vitam donec moriatur) est pulchrior monacho sine cappa, mendico sine scutella, advocato sine codice & decretalibus, ebrio sine cantharo. Dominus rusticus est insignis & generosus miles: qui uno oculo torvo tremorem incuteret integro exercitui muscarum, imo scarabæorum: in illius honorem sequens carmen pono: Rustica gens est optima flens, sed pessima gaudens Ungentem pungit, pungentem rusticus ungit. Quosnam usus præstat charta? R E S P. 1. Ut nates mundemus, alioqui digitis illas tergere oporteret. 2. Memoria optimorum librorum chartâ reservatur: hinc extat Ovidius amoribus, speculum Ululæ, quatuor filii A 3
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5. Confectioners have nothing in their backsides but ginger; agents articulate their farts, as if it were the cause of some proceeding; lawyers (whom the sacred hunger for gold drives on) thunder nothing but gold into their breeches; test them, and without doubt you will find something of shit. What is a bold woman? R. One who waits for two men through one hole. What is a rustic? R. He is liberal, like a rich miser; delightful, like sugared dung; sincere, like a soldier in wartime with a lovely woman; amiable as a gouty man; white as a citizen from Ethiopia, civil as a rustic of Mont. Briefly, the country gentleman (may God grant him life until he dies) is more handsome than a monk without a cowl, a beggar without a bowl, a lawyer without a law book and decretals, a drunkard without a tankard. The country gentleman is a distinguished and generous soldier: one who with one squinting eye would strike terror into a whole army of flies, indeed even of beetles. In his honor I place the following poem: The rustic race is best at weeping, but worst at rejoicing; The ointment-bearer is pricked by the pricker; the rustic anoints the pricker. What uses does paper provide? R E S P. 1. So that we may wipe our backsides, otherwise we would have to wipe them with our fingers. 2. The memory of the best books is preserved by paper: hence Ovid survives in the Love Affairs, the Mirror of the Owl, the four sons A 3
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6. filii Aymonis, &c. probati authores, qui ex incendio Trojæ reservati sunt. 3. Literæ amatoriæ ad amasiam chartâ transmittuntur. Quid historiographi, poëtæ, oratores essent sine charta? sine gramine campus, & sine crine caput. Foemina meticulosa quænam? R. Quæ non audet dormire sine viris. Quis sagittarius collimat ad pedes; O tangit nares? Crepitus ventris. Germani sic efferunt; Der unghewisse Schutz binn ich ghenannt, In allen Landen sehr woll bekannt, Ich ziel dir nach d'versch, und tref dir die Nasz Kanstu es mir sagen, du bist ein Basz. Bona Eunuchorum quænam? R E S P. 1. Sunt immunes à carnalibus voluptatibus, quibus homines brutorum more agitantur, & quasi in furorem præcipitantur. 2. Moriuntur in suo individuo, sicuti phoenix, avis nobilissima. 3. Habent vocem exilem & musicalem. 4. Præsiciuntur gynæceis imperatorum, Regum, Principum, &c. Quatuor occidunt hominem ante tempus, Uxor formosa, tristis familia, immoderatus cibus ac potus, aër corruptus. Vinum à quibus in pretio habitum fuit? Romani authorem vini tam magni fecerunt, ut eum inter Deosponerent; Græci in vino
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6. sons of Aymon, etc., approved authors, who were preserved from the burning of Troy. 3. Amorous letters are sent to a beloved by means of paper. What would historians, poets, and orators be without paper? Without grass a field, and without hair a head. What woman is timid? R. She who does not dare to sleep without men. What archer aims at feet; O touches noses? A belch of the belly. The Germans express it thus; Der unghewisse Schutz binn ich ghenannt, In allen Landen sehr woll bekannt, Ich ziel dir nach d'versch, und tref dir die Nasz Kanstu es mir sagen, du bist ein Basz. What are the advantages of eunuchs? R E S P. 1. They are free from carnal pleasures, by which men are driven like beasts, and as it were cast into frenzy. 2. They die in their individuality, like the phoenix, the noblest bird. 3. They have a thin and musical voice. 4. They are assigned to the gynaeceums of emperors, kings, princes, etc. Four things kill a man before his time: a beautiful wife, a sad household, immoderate food and drink, corrupt air. By whom was wine held in honor? The Romans made the inventor of wine so highly esteemed that they placed him among the gods; the Greeks in wine
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7. vino veritatem esse dixerunt, ideo Bacchus pingitur nudus & juvenis: quippe qui sine malitia & fraude veritatem aperit. Hippocrates & Galenus asserunt vinum esse medicamentum præstantissimum. confortat enim & calefacit nervos frigidos; purgat melancholiam; provocat urinam; calefacit stomachum; sistit vomitum; & ani mat homines ad actus heroicos. Cur asinis sese mutuo fricare licet? Hoc privilegium omnibus asinis & quadrupedibus & bipedibus concessum, se mutuo scabere, quia genealogiam suam ducunt à tritavo illius asini, cujus maxillâ Cain occidit fratrem suum Abelem. Quis usus raparum & brassicæ capitata? R. Sunt optima medicamenta pro ægrotis, nam mollificant merdam. Decoctio earum pellit cholicam ventosam, quæ sese exserit per posticum; & sensum odoris vellicat foetore maligno. Quid est homo sine barba? R. Piscis sine squammis, ursus sine crine, foemina sine pilis, canis sine cauda. Mulier nausea abundans quenam? R. Quæ nihil appetit, nisi jure perfusum Avarus cui similis? R. Est similis porco, nam nemini prodest, nisi post mortem. Sed invidus, neque post mortem quicquam utilitatis adfert, & in vita suâ valde parum. A 4 Cre-
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7. They said that wine is truth; therefore Bacchus is portrayed naked and young: since he, without malice and deceit, reveals the truth. Hippocrates and Galen assert that wine is an excellent remedy. For it strengthens and warms cold nerves; purges melancholy; promotes urine; warms the stomach; stops vomiting; and animates men to heroic acts. Why are asses allowed to rub against one another? This privilege has been granted to all asses and quadrupeds and bipeds, that they may scratch one another, because they trace their lineage from the great-granduncle of that ass whose jaw Cain used to kill his brother Abel. What is the use of turnips and cabbage? R. They are the best remedies for the sick, for they soften the dung. A decoction of them drives away windy colic, which shows itself through the back passage; and it tickles the sense of smell with a foul stench. What is a man without a beard? R. A fish without scales, a bear without hair, a woman without hair, a dog without a tail. What woman is full of nausea? R. She who desires nothing except gravy poured over it. To what is a miser like? R. He is like a pig, for he benefits no one, except after death. But the envious man brings no benefit even after death, and in his life very little indeed. A 4 Cre-
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8. Crepitus ventris estne corporale quid? R. Ita probatur sic; ratio corporis organici consistit in subtilitate sensuum. Atqui nihil æque sensibile est ac crepitus. Ergo crepitus est corpus organicum. 2 Ecce alia ratio deprompta ex profunditate meæ braccæ: Ea omnia quæ constant ex quatuor elementis sunt corporea. Sed crepitus sunt compositi ex quatuor elementis. Ergo (Minorem probo.) quia crepitus sunt sicci, humidi, frigidi & calidi, fac periculum victo dabis manus. Quam pulcrum est philosophiæ operam dedisse! ubique enim locorum nobis adjumento est. 3. Quæ suas habent dimensiones, longitudinem, latitudinem & profunditatem corporea sunt. Ergo crepitus sunt corporei. Quia quidam crepitus magni, quidam longi, quidam breves, quidam curti, quidam obliqui, quidam largi, secundum magnitudinem foraminis. Cæci quibus rebus minime indigent; R. Candela & perspicillo, juxta illud: Wasbath Kertz oder Brill, Wan die Eul nicht sehen will. Quid remedii pro odoratus amissione? R. Recipe medicamentum quod in officinis vocatur Diamerdis. Papirus, unde denominationem habeat. R. A Priapo, Deo, inter Gentes & amatores, satis noto: anagrammatizet quis voculas Priapus et Papirus inveniet easdem literas. Ideo autem à Priapo Papirus, quia eo amatores utuntur, dum ad amasias suas literas transportandas curant. Qui-
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8. Is the crepitus of the belly something corporeal? R. It is proved thus: the nature of an organic body consists in the subtlety of the senses. But nothing is as perceptible as a crepitus. Therefore a crepitus is an organic body. 2 Behold another argument drawn from the depth of my breeches: all those things which consist of the four elements are corporeal. But crepitus are composed of the four elements. Therefore (I prove the minor.) because crepitus are dry, moist, cold, and hot, try it, and the vanquished shall yield the hand. How beautiful it is to have devoted oneself to philosophy! for everywhere it is of help to us. 3. Those things which have their dimensions, length, breadth, and depth are corporeal. Therefore crepitus are corporeal. Because some crepitus are large, some long, some short, some stunted, some oblique, some broad, according to the size of the hole. The blind need least of all things; R. A candle and a pair of spectacles, according to the saying: Wasbath Kertz oder Brill, Wan die Eul nicht sehen will. What remedy is there for the loss of smell? R. Take the medicine which in the shops is called Diamerdis. Papirus, from where does it get its name? R. From Priapus, a god, among the Gentiles and lovers well known enough: let someone anagrammatize the words Priapus and Papirus and he will find the same letters. And it is called Papirus from Priapus because it is used by lovers when they take care to carry letters to their mistresses. Who-
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9. Quibus in locis publice licet loculos exhaurire? R. 1. In Ganea. 2. In Caupona. 3. In sphæristerio. Coitus quid efficit; R. Efficit largam, parvam, curtam & ma- gnam amicitiam. Crepitus ventris estne spiritualis? R. Ita, probatur sic: 1. Quæ invisibilia sunt, spiritualia sunt. Atqui crepitus sunt in- visibiles. Ergo spirituales sunt: minorem pro- bo, dum vos oro ut insignem crepitum emit- tatis, mihique indicatis cujus coloris sit, vel metimini mihi ulnam unam, sicuti metiri solent pannus, & vobis, ut in concurfu lam- pada tradam. Quæ habent agilitatem, ut nullus hominum possit eorum ictus evitare sunt spiritualia. Sed tales sunt crepitus. Ergo, &c. His adde, etiamsi crepitus proveniunt ex spelunca & nascantur sine visu, sicuti tal- pæ, attamen non sunt palpabiles, sicuti tene- bræ Ægyptiorum. Ergo, &c. 3. Fides ex auditu est. Crepitus sunt ex auditu & odora- tu. Ergo crepitus spirituales sunt. Fæmina superba quænam? R. Quæ tantum magnos intuetur. Phlegmaticis & pulmoniacis quomodo succur- rendum? R. Clystere auriculari, seu in aures inje- cto, quo cerebrum eorum purgetur à pituito- sis & biliosis humoribus. Hoc medicamen- tum heri vesper (nolo enim numerare, men- ses, septimanas & dies) inveni in aliquo libro A 5 im-
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9. In what places is it publicly permitted to empty purses? R. 1. In a tavern. 2. In an inn. 3. In a sphaeristerium. What does intercourse accomplish? R. It accomplishes broad, small, short, and great friendship. Is flatulence spiritual? R. Yes, it is proved thus: 1. Whatever things are invisible are spiritual. But flatulence is invisible. Therefore it is spiritual. I prove the minor premise by asking you to emit a remarkable fart, and to tell me what color it is, or to measure out for me one ell, just as cloth is usually measured, and for you, so that I may hand over the lamp in the contest. Things which have such agility that no man can avoid their blow are spiritual. But such are farts. Therefore, etc. Add to this that although farts come from a cavern and are born unseen, like moles, nevertheless they are not tangible, like the darkness of the Egyptians. Therefore, etc. 3. Faith comes by hearing. Farts come by hearing and by smell. Therefore farts are spiritual. What woman is proud? R. The one who looks only at the great. How are phlegmatic and consumptive persons to be helped? R. By an ear clyster, or one injected into the ears, so that their brain may be cleansed from pituitous and bilious humors. I discovered this medicine yesterday evening (for I do not wish to count months, weeks, and days) in some book A 5 im-
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10. impresso triginta annis ante mundi creationem. In quo etiam libro inveni medicamentum ex helleboro albo confectum, quo sumpto lens abortiit & pediculus sternutavit. O quam pulchrum est, esse Medicum! etiamsi nasum stercori admovere debeat: quid tum postea; ex re quâlibet bonus odor lucri: licet stercus & urina sint medicorum fercula prima, non curo; modo mea bursa semper sit gravida Jacobitis; modo meum armamentarium semper probè sit instructum (si non pistolis saltem pistolettis): sit interim (per me licet) medicorum recipe. decipe. Quodnam est præsentissimum remedium colica? R. Occludere os, aperire nates. Agimus vobis gratias Reverendi Doctores & in gratitudinem osculamur manus vestras, vos in recompensationem osculamini nostras nates. Quid est honor? R. Est nihil apud Latinos, rien apud Gallos. Honor est, quod facit fumare culinam, honor est, quod replet granaria & cellas; honor est, superbe vestitum esse; honor est, strenuè evacuare cantharum, honor est 1000 homines in prælio occidere & ne unum quidem procreare. Mulier Hugenota & Papistica quænam? Hugenota est, quæ omni tempore desiderat carnem; Papistica quæ sæpe volvit & tractat aspergillum. Volatus avis paradisi quam vim habet? R. Mare reddit humidum & sallum, ignem efficit
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10. printed thirty years before the creation of the world. In that same book I also found a medicine made from white hellebore, which, when taken, made a lens abort and a louse sneeze. O how beautiful it is to be a Physician! even if one must apply the nose to filth: what then afterward; from any matter whatever, a good scent of gain. Although dung and urine are the physicians’ first dishes, I care not; only let my purse always be pregnant with Jacobites; only let my armory always be well supplied (if not with pistols at least with pocket-pistols): let meanwhile (by me at least) the physicians’ recipe be: deceive. What is the most present remedy for colic? R. To shut the mouth, to open the buttocks. We offer you thanks, Reverend Doctors, and in gratitude kiss your hands; you, in recompense, kiss our buttocks. What is honor? R. It is nothing among the Latins, rien among the French. Honor is what makes the kitchen smoke, honor is what fills the granaries and cellars; honor is to be splendidly dressed; honor is to drain the tankard briskly, honor is to kill 1000 men in battle and not to beget even one. What is a Huguenot woman and a Papist woman? A Huguenot woman is one who at all times desires meat; a Papist woman is one who often turns and handles the aspergillum. What power does the flight of the bird of paradise have? R. It makes the sea moist and salty, it produces fire
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II. efficit calidum, & aromata efficacia cordi corroborando. Quanam sibi honorifice cedunt; R. Dies cedit nocti, tempus serenum plu- vioso, dies sabbati, dieisolis. Quid est crepitus? R. Crepitus est flatus ventris, quem na- tura provida sanitatis tuendæ causa per podi- cem ejicit: materia ejus existens paulum crassa. Hæc est definitio essentialis & quid- ditativa, constat enim ex genere, quod est flatus, & differentia, quæ est ventris, nisi velis nos æque per os ac per podicem pedere. Ære alieno obarato quid jucundissimum? R. Si terminum dilationis ei datur eo us- que dum induciæ fiant inter feles & mures. Mendici quam varia nanciscuntur nomina? R. Si juxta rivum Rheni comedant, Domi- ni Rheni appellantur, si in plateis pediculos colligant custodes platerarum vocantur, si juxta exercitum sese scabant, generosi milites sunt, si furentur, patibuli incolæ existunt, si panem petant propter Deum proprie mendici dicuntur. Quid est foemina? R. Est secunda pars necessaria ad propa- gationem & conservationem generis humani: Græcus quidam dixit, ignem, aquam & foem- minam esse tria mala, atque ita foeminam bonam quis inveniet? Philemon testatur, bo- nam capram, bonum mulum, & bonam foem- minam, esse tria pessima animalia, Simonides dicit, A 6
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II. causes heat, and spices effective in strengthening the heart. In what do they yield honorably? R. Day yields to night, fair weather to rainy weather, Saturday to Sunday. What is a crepitus? R. A crepitus is a discharge of wind from the belly, which provident nature, for the sake of preserving health, expels through the anus: its matter being somewhat thick. This is the essential and quidditative definition; for it consists of the genus, which is wind, and the difference, which is of the belly, unless you wish us to fart equally through the mouth as through the anus. What is most pleasant to one burdened with debt? R. If a term of delay is granted to him, even until a truce is made between cats and mice. What various names do beggars obtain? R. If they eat beside the Rhine, they are called Lords of the Rhine; if in the streets they pick up lice, they are called keepers of the streets; if they scratch themselves beside the army, they are noble soldiers; if they steal, they are inhabitants of the gallows; if they ask for bread for God's sake, they are properly called beggars. What is a woman? R. She is the second part necessary for the propagation and preservation of the human race: a certain Greek said that fire, water, and a woman are three evils, and so who will find a good woman? Philemon testifies that a good goat, a good mule, and a good woman are the three worst animals. Simonides says, A 6
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12. dicit, foeminas natas vel ex simia, vel ex vulpe, vel ex mustela; alter clamat earum pulchritudinem esse instar rosæ spinis circumdatæ, verba earum fraus, ornatus earum cauda pavonis, amor earum veluti serpens, qui in amplexu strangulat marem suum. Foemina (quod sub rosa dictum velim) est homo levissimus vix ponderans duo grana, foemina constat ex tenuissima materia cujus ulna emitur teruncio. Quare rex rhombuli, trifolii, cordis & lignis, quatuor chartarum reges semper sunt pauperes? R. Quia continuosunt in lusu: juxta illud: Ludus homini perditio: Miserrima est præterea conditio eorum regum; Nam si uni parti nimium pecuniæ detraxerint, condemnantur ad ignem & sicuti magi in cinerem rediguntur. Quibus caput facile tumidum sit? R. Illis quos deficit moneta. Homunculi quidam cum in popina quadam abdomini inerviissent, capita eorum ita intumuerunt, ut inde egredi non potuerint. Quid est melancholicus? R. Est stultus inter omnes asinos, qui non intelligit carnam perdicum esse longe deliciatiorem vaccina. Familia spiritualis quænam est? R. Cujus vagina capax est magnarum re- rum. Cre-
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12. he says, women are born either from a monkey, or from a fox, or from a weasel; another cries out that their beauty is like a rose surrounded by thorns, their words are deceit, their adornment a peacock’s tail, their love like a serpent, which in an embrace strangles its male. A woman (which under the rose I would wish to be said) is a very light creature, scarcely weighing two grains; a woman consists of the most delicate material, of which an ell is bought for a farthing. Why are the king of diamonds, clubs, hearts, and spades, the four kings of cards, always poor? R. Because they are continually in play: according to the saying, Game is man’s ruin. Moreover, the condition of those kings is most miserable; for if they have taken too much money from either side, they are condemned to the fire and, like magicians, are reduced to ashes. By whom is the head easily swollen? R. By those who lack money. Certain little men, after having overindulged their bellies in a certain tavern, had their heads so swollen that they could not get out of it. What is a melancholic man? R. He is the most foolish among all donkeys, who does not understand that the flesh of partridges is far more delicious than beef. What is the spiritual family? R. That whose sheath is capable of great things. Cre-
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13. Crepitus ventris est ne bonus? R. Ita, probatur sic: illud censetur esse bonum, quod utile, jucundum & honestum est. Cicer. 1. officior. Atqui tales sunt crepi- tus, Ergo, &c. Minorem probò: utiles sunt crepitus: quia qui animose pedit prolongat vitam suam juxta proverbium vulgare; utili- tas crepitus inde quoque apparet, quod o- mnes fere artes ex eo originem suam duxe- runt. Musica ex crepitu orta est, quia tota pendet ex varietate sonorum sicuti non inve- niuntur duo nasi per omnia similes, ita vix ac ne vix quidem duo crepitus ejusdem soni, sed quot peditores, tot soni. Antiqui prædice- bant pluviosum aut serenum tempus ex tono & sono suorum crepituum, Ecce Astrologia. Germani, qui crepitus emittunt, tamquam ex profunda aliqua spelunca, hinc bombardæ & tormenta bellica inventa; Galli, hinc con- fecere pilam lusoriam, quam follem appel- lant. Nautæ artem navigandi, inde didice- runt, ut uno vento ad contraria loca naviga- re possint, hac consideratione moti, quod cre- pitus collimet ad pedes & feriat nares: Gale- nus, Hippocrates, Avicenna, Rales, &c. multa secreta quoad medicinam, inde aufe- runt. 1. Crepitus est jucundum quid; quia cantat nascendo, & nascitur cantando. Imo quod plus est, unus crepitus clare editus o- mnes sodales etiam omnino melancholicos, ad risum concitat. Imprimis crepitus canis au- læ delectabilis est, quippe qui veniam peden- di largitur Domicellis omnibus horis, dum- A 7 modo
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13. Is the fart of the belly not good? R. Yes, it is proved thus: that is considered good which is useful, pleasant, and honorable. Cicero, On Duties, 1. But farts are such. Therefore, etc. I prove the minor premise: farts are useful, because he who farts boldly prolongs his life, according to the common proverb; the usefulness of farts also appears from this, that almost all arts have drawn their origin from them. Music arose from farting, because it wholly depends on the variety of sounds; just as two noses are not found altogether alike, so scarcely, or hardly at all, are two farts of the same sound, but as many farters, so many sounds. The ancients predicted rainy or fair weather from the tone and sound of their farts. Behold Astrology. The Germans, who emit farts as though from some deep cave, hence cannon and military engines were invented; the French, hence they made the ball used in play, which they call a bladder. Sailors learned the art of navigation from it, so that they may sail to opposite places with one wind, being moved by this consideration, that a fart aims at the feet and strikes the nose. Galen, Hippocrates, Avicenna, Rales, etc. took many secrets concerning medicine from it. 1. A fart is something pleasant; because it sings while being born, and is born while singing. Indeed, what is more, a single fart, clearly uttered, stirs all companions, even the thoroughly melancholic, to laughter. Above all, the fart of the court dog is delightful, since it grants permission to fart to all the young ladies at all hours, while— A 7 as long as
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14. modo dicant, abigite canem, quia pepedit. 3. Crepitus est honestum quid: quia utilitatem adfert maximam, & hominem vivificat, unde quidam ex retento crepitu obierunt. Hinc Cæsar quidam Romanus edicto permisit, ut cuilibet crepitum clare emittere liceret etiam in ipso convivio. Filii prodigi quinam? Quorum abavus est Midas. Nam Midas omnia quæ continebat, mutabat in aurum, ita prodigi omnia Midæ bona relicta transmutant in merdam, colore eodem, sed odo- re plane diverso. Quomodo efferes uno vocabulo latino quinque animalia eaque pilosa? R. Vultis scire? unico verbo hoc conculcavimus. Prima syllaba est con Gallicanum, quod Latinis sonat cunnum. Secunda syllaba est cul quod etiam Gallicum est, Latinis autem est podex. Tertia syllaba cat picardicum est, Latinis cattus. Quarta syllaba est vi & est opifex naturæ. Quinta syllaba est mus animal satis notum, Gallicè fouris. Mulier debilis quænam est? Quæ statim in dorsum cadit, simulac eam vel digitulo quis tetigerit. Quænam est differentia inter pediculum formaliter sic dictum, & pediculum planum, seu inguinalem? R. Pediculus ut sic totum perreptat corpus, at pediculus planus inhæret s mystaci, palpebris &c. occupatque, portum posticum; Gallis, le
Transcription: Translated (English)
14. Thus they say, “Drive away the dog, because he farted.” 3. A fart is an honorable thing, because it brings the greatest benefit and revives a man; whence certain men have died from retaining a fart. Hence a certain Roman Caesar by edict allowed anyone to let a fart go loudly, even at a banquet itself. Who are the prodigal sons? Those whose great-great-grandfather is Midas. For Midas changed everything he touched into gold; thus the prodigal, with all of Midas’ goods left to them, transform them into dung, of the same color but with a quite different smell. How would you express in one Latin word five hairy animals? R. Do you want to know? We have trampled this with a single word. The first syllable is con, Gallician, which in Latin sounds like cunnus. The second syllable is cul, which is also Gallic, but in Latin is podex. The third syllable, cat, is Picard, Latin cattus. The fourth syllable is vi, and it is the craftsman of nature. The fifth syllable is mus, a well-known animal, in French fouris. What kind of woman is weak? One who immediately falls onto her back, as soon as anyone touches her even with a fingertip. What is the difference between a pediculus, so formally called, and a flat pediculus, or inguinal louse? R. The pediculus, as such, crawls over the whole body, but the flat pediculus clings to the mustache, the eyelids and so on, and occupies the rear port; to the French, the
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15. le port souffle au cul. dictum. Dicam planissime, ut cæci videant, surdi audiant, leprosi sentiant. Pediculus inguinalis est instar planetæ fixæ, at pediculus vulgaris instar planetæ erraticæ: aliquando tamen boni amici sunt, ita ut eadem mensa imò eadem quadra utantur. Rapæ quomodo prosunt? R. Auferunt à filiabus cordis palpitationem, syncopen, anxietatem, pleuritidem, appetitum inordinatum, colorem pallidum, tremorem, vomitum oris sed non podicis. Summa rapæ & brassicæ capitatæ prosint. Nam brassicæ procreant ventum & rapæ crepitum, Quidam multas comedendo rapas femoralia permerdavit. Si quis non vult credere admoveat nasum & sentiet procul dubio, nisi prorsus careat odoratu. Quis est author ventorum? Follis confector & podex. Bona Domestica quænam est? R. Quæ omnibus satis pensi exhibet. Quid sunt Bohemi? R. Sunt homines rotundi, quorum nasus, dum vivunt, semper intra duos oculos consistit, qui æquè sordide egrediuntur mundo ac intrant, qui habent ventum in podice æque ac follis; minimum eorum natura donavit 32. dentibus, qui maxilla instar crepitaculi leproforum. Bohemi plebeji equitant super foeminas, at magnates & nobiles super equos, stulti sunt per naturam, estque iis stultitia proprium quarto modo, frigent præ calore, & æstuant præ frigore. Qui-
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15. the port blows at the ass. dictum. I shall speak most plainly, so that the blind may see, the deaf hear, the leprous feel. The pubic louse is like a fixed planet, but the common louse like a wandering planet: sometimes, however, they are good friends, so that they use the same table, indeed the same dish. How are turnips useful? R. They remove from daughters palpitations of the heart, syncope, anxiety, pleurisy, disordered appetite, pale color, trembling, vomiting of the mouth but not of the anus. Above all, turnips and headed cabbages are useful. For cabbages produce wind and turnips cracking, Some man, by eating many turnips, has defecated through his breeches. If anyone does not wish to believe it, let him bring his nose close and he will undoubtedly sense it, unless he is entirely without smell. Who is the author of winds? The bellows-maker and the anus. What is the good Domestic thing? R. That which provides everyone with enough of it. What are the Bohemians? R. They are round men, whose nose, while they live, always remains between the two eyes, which come forth from the world as sordidly as they enter it, who have wind in the anus just like a bellows; nature has given them at least 32 teeth, whose jaw is like the rattle of lepers. Common Bohemians ride upon women, but magnates and nobles upon horses; they are fools by nature, and folly is proper to them in a fourth way; they are cold from heat, and they burn from cold. Why-
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16. Quinam sunt excommunicati? R. Qui crepitum emittunt & non aperiunt podicem. Quam quisque novit artem in hac se exerceat? R. Itaque Philosophus loquatur de Philosophia, medicus de merdis, cerdo (vulgo aurifex in corio) de veteramentis, barbitonsor de barba. Cæcus delectetur baculo suo, Doctor caputio, monachus cappa, faber securi, nauta navi, &c. Recita laudes podicis. R. Dominus podex cætera omnia membra dignitate superat. Nam 1. Est philosophus, quia gerit barbam. 2. Est advocatus insignis, quia tam clarè animi sui sensa exprimit, ut nullus advocatorum audeat nasum suum admove: 3. Est Capitaneus animosus, nam aut vult vincere, aut vinci sive mori, ita præfractè pugnat. 4. Est Rusticus insigni charitate præditus, sæpe enim vicini sui agrum gratis stercorat. 5. Dominus podex est excellens pictor, præsertim quoad indusium, linteamina enim tam citò non sunt extensa, quin picturas varias adumbret. 6. Est probatus pharmacopola, quia optime conficit confectionem Diamerdis, 6. Est optimus musicus. Nam quamvis musica divina & vocalis sit jucunda, nihil tamen ad podicis musicam. Nam vocalis musica, tantum satisfaciat auribus, at podici musica, non tantum tangit auditum, sed etiam odoratum, gustum, visum, tactum. 8. Est vir honorabilis, quia primus locus ei assignatur. Incon-
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16. Who are excommunicated? R. Those who let out a fart and do not open the buttocks. In what art should each man exercise himself, according to what he knows? R. Thus let the philosopher speak about philosophy, the physician about dung, the cerdon (commonly a worker in leather) about old clothes, the barber about the beard. Let the blind man delight in his staff, the doctor in his cap, the monk in his cowl, the smith in his axe, the sailor in his ship, &c. Recite the praises of the buttocks. R. The buttocks, by the Lord, surpass all other members in dignity. For 1. It is a philosopher, because it wears a beard. 2. It is a distinguished advocate, because it expresses the sentiments of its mind so clearly that no one of the advocates dares to put his nose near it. 3. It is a valiant captain, for it either wishes to conquer, or to be conquered, or even to die; so obstinately does it fight. 4. It is a rustic endowed with remarkable charity, for it often fertilizes its neighbor’s field for free. 5. The buttocks, sir, is an excellent painter, especially with regard to underwear, for the linen is not stretched so quickly that it does not sketch various pictures. 6. It is a proven pharmacist, because it prepares the confection of Diamerdis very well, 6. It is the best musician. For although divine and vocal music are pleasing, they are nothing compared to the music of the buttocks. For vocal music only satisfies the ears, but the music of the buttocks touches not only hearing, but also smell, taste, sight, and touch. 8. It is a honorable man, because the first place is assigned to it. Incon-
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17. conviviis hoc cernere licet, ubi parietes tape- tis ornati sunt & pulvinaria composita, nam ibi audiuntur statim hæc & similia: tu pone podicem hic, tu ibi, hem tu nimis humiliasti podicem, tu non satis commode sedes, ni- mium exaltasti podicem, tu eas allatum vi- num cum tuo podice, tu manes hic cum tuo podice, & ego vobis ago gratias & abeo cum meo podice. Foemina curiosa quænam? R. Quæ appetit scire, quid quivis possit. Qui maximè omnium lucrantur? R. Qui in hoc seculo sunt versipelles, tem- pori servientes & instar Chameleontis quem- libet colorem induentes, qui cum affirmanti- bus affirmant, cum negantibus negant, hic quæstus hodie est uberrimus. Brassicis capitatis quinam delectantur? R. Foeminæ: idque propter acrimoniam earum, & cum eas miscuerint cum farina zi- zaniorum, provocant annos, dies & menses suos, suppositis in modum suppositorii: lo- quor de Androgyne, id est, corpore composito ex duplici podice & quatuor clunibus, quod mirifice facit ad conservationem generis hu- mani. Galenus ait, brassicam capitam ad- modum utilem esse iis, qui tremori & convul- sionibus sunt obnoxii: quare consulo juve- nibus, ut omni mane sumant scrupulum unum ut nates tremant, quando virga eis mi- natur, sumant item tandem recens nuptæ, ut possunt
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17. At banquets this can be seen, where walls are adorned with tapestries and cushions arranged, for there are immediately heard such things and the like: you put the seat here, you there, hey, you have lowered the seat too much, you do not sit comfortably enough, you have raised the seat too much, you take the wine brought in with your seat, you stay here with your seat, and I give you thanks and depart with my seat. Which woman is curious? R. She who desires to know what anyone can do. Who profit most of all? R. Those who in this age are changeable, serving the time and like a chameleon putting on any color, who with those affirming affirm, with those denying deny; this business is today most lucrative. Who are delighted by headed cabbages? R. Women: and that because of their pungency, and when they have mixed them with darnel flour, they provoke their years, days, and months, being applied underneath in the manner of a suppository: I speak of the Androgyne, that is, a body composed of a double podex and four buttocks, which wonderfully serves for the preservation of the human race. Galen says that headed cabbage is very useful to those who are subject to trembling and convulsions: wherefore I advise young men to take one scruple every morning, so that the buttocks tremble when the staff threatens them; likewise let newly married women take it at last, as they can.
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18. possint alacrius perficere opus, quod primâ nuptiarum nocte exsequendum. Fæmina gulosa quænam est? R. Ad hanc quæstionem utpote difficilem, solus respondere nequeo: subvenite viri qui ornati estis more Mosaico secundum vetus Testamentum scilic. Hem devorate manipulum unum cinnamomi, syncope corripiami- ni, apprehendite trabem ne cadatis: quid jam dicitis: Illa gulosa est, quæ amat rem delicatulam. Rem acu tetigistis. Quis nasus est optimus? R. Magnus. Vide catalogum Imperatorum Romanorum, omnes fuerunt nasuti. Numa secundus rex Romanorum sesquipedalem nasum habebat, ideoque nominatus fuit Pompilius, quasi dicas, nasus in superlativo gradu. Lycurgus & Solon habebant insignem nasum, si fides sit adhibenda Plutarcho. Summa omnes reges Italiæ fuerunt nasuti, excepto Tarquimo superbo, qui ideo etiam urbe & regno pulsus fuit. Quisque apprehendat nasum suum, & videat, num possit fieri Imperator. Qui habent magnum nasum cæteris sapientiores sunt, & melius exercent animi functiones, quia melius excrementa exeunt. Unde Homerus quia erat sapiens nasutus dicitur. Et proverbio illi dicuntur prudentes, qui è longinqno odorantur, & de stupido dicitur, non habet nasum: præsertim nasus est indicium brachæ: juxta illud. Ad
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18. they may carry out the work more briskly, which is to be performed on the very first night of marriage. What woman is gluttonous? R. To this question, since it is a difficult one, I cannot answer alone: come to my aid, you men who are adorned in the Mosaic manner according to the Old Testament, namely. Well then, devour a handful of cinnamon, be seized with syncope, grasp a beam lest you fall: what do you now say? She is gluttonous, who loves dainty fare. You have hit the nail on the head. Which nose is the best? R. A large one. Look at the catalog of the Roman Emperors; they were all big-nosed. Numa, the second king of the Romans, had a nose a foot and a half long, and therefore was named Pompilius, as though you were to say, “nose” in the superlative degree. Lycurgus and Solon had a remarkable nose, if credit is to be given to Plutarch. In sum, all the kings of Italy were big-nosed, except Tarquin the Proud, who was therefore also driven from the city and the kingdom. Let each man grasp his own nose and see whether he can become Emperor. Those who have a large nose are wiser than the rest, and perform the functions of the mind better, because the wastes pass out better. Hence Homer is said to have been wise because he was big-nosed. And by proverb those are called prudent who smell things from afar, and of a stupid man it is said, he has no nose: especially the nose is a sign of brachæ: according to that.
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19. Ad formam nasi cognoscitur ad te levavi. Quanam est differentia inter sapientem & stultum? R. Aliqui mensuræ duæ vini discriminant sapientem à stulto. Nam cum doctor mensuram unam atque alteram biberit; nihil differt à stulto. Alii qui plus vident quam 25. cæci cum suis perspicillis, sic respondent, nullam aliam esse differentiam inter sapientem & stultum, nisi quod hic publice, ille privatim sive clanculum, suam exercet stultitiam. Certe in quibusdam etsi stultitia foris non appareat, semina tamen stultitiæ intus latitant. Sed qui se putat aliis sapientiorem esse, is stultorum imperator dicendus est. Est enim primus stultitiæ gradus sese aliis anteponere. Huic quæstioni finem imponens vobis omnibus opto annos Nestoris, divitias Midæ, ipsius autem auriculas iis, qui non habent. Foemina frigida quanam est? R. Aquæ potatoribus res ista decidenda relinquitur non vinolentis: qui capite & po- dice suum negotium defendunt, sicut cornix, quæ nuces frangere & dejicere desiderat: uno verbo: frigida est, quæ desiderat operiri visibus. Cur data est barba viris? R. Ut sit signum dominii in foeminas, iis- que præpolleant. Foeminæ iratæ Iovem adierunt, petentes ab eo barbam, tum Jupiter subiratus, in medio, inquit, consistit virtus, bar-
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19. According to the shape of the nose, it is known that I have lifted up unto you. What is the difference between a wise man and a fool? R. Some distinguish the wise man from the fool by two measures of wine. For when a doctor has drunk one measure and then another, he differs not at all from a fool. Others, who see more than the blind with their spectacles, answer thus: there is no other difference between a wise man and a fool, except that the one exercises his folly in public, the other in private or secretly. Certainly, in some cases, although folly does not appear outwardly, the seeds of folly still lie hidden within. But he who thinks himself wiser than others must be called the commander of fools. For the first degree of folly is to prefer oneself to others. Bringing this question to an end, I wish you all the years of Nestor, the riches of Midas, and for the latter, the ears of the ass, to those who do not have them. What kind of woman is cold? R. This matter is left to be decided by water-drinkers, not wine-bibbers: those who defend their business with head and backside, like the crow, which desires to crack and drop nuts. In one word: she is cold who desires to be covered from sight. Why was a beard given to men? R. That it might be a sign of dominion over women, and that they might excel them. The angry women went to Jupiter, asking him for a beard; then Jupiter, becoming suddenly angry, said, virtue stands in the middle, bar-
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barbamque illis affixit in medio. Juro per ambas nates hoc formaliter ita sese habere. An viri cornigeri sint infames? R. Nequaquam. Nam cornua portare ho- nori datur. Sol spargens radios super terram, nonne videtur dicere, videte cornua mea. Luna crescendo & decrescendo ostendit cor- nua sua. Magna pars quadrupedum gerit cor- nua. Imo ipsi Diaboli si pictoribus sit haben- da fides, habent cornua. Monoceros, Taurus, hircus gloriantur cornibus suis. Moses cornu- tus pingitur. Pan Ethnicorum Deus cornua habet, Græcum est, Latinis omne, si ad- das cornua, idem est ac si dicas, omnia sunt cornuta. Cum igitur in Cælo, in terra, in inferno sint cornua, quare & viris cornua non competent? Expone versus istius Epitaphii. O Deus omnipotens vituli miserere Ioannis Quem mors præveniens non sivit esse bovem. Corpus in Italia est, habet intestina Brabantus: Ast animam nemo; cur? quia non habuit. R. Est epitaphium factum in honorem cu- jusdam studiosi nobilis Heydelbergæ studen- tis, qui cum insigniter genio indulgeret, vi- numque non pitissando, ut decebat, sed ple- nis buccis hauriret, vitam suam abbreviavit. Illius sensus est: O Deus omnipotens vituli mi- serere Ioannis. Vocabatur enim Joannes Kalb seu vitulus. Quem mors præveniens non sivit esse bovem. Metuendum enim, ne si diutius vixisset, ex vitulo bos factus fuisset. Corpus in-
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and he attached a beard to them in the middle. I swear by both buttocks that this is formally so. Are horned men infamous? R. Not at all. For to bear horns is granted as an honor. The sun, scattering rays over the earth, does it not seem to say, “Behold my horns”? The moon, waxing and waning, shows its horns. A large part of quadrupeds bears horns. Nay, even the devils themselves, if painters are to be believed, have horns. The monoceros, the bull, the goat glory in their horns. Moses is painted horned. Pan, the god of the heathen, has horns. It is Greek, all Latin: if you add horns, it is the same as if you said, everything is horned. Since therefore in heaven, on earth, and in hell there are horns, why should horns not also belong to men? Explain the verses of this epitaph. O almighty God, have mercy on John the calf, Whom death, coming before him, did not allow to be an ox. The body is in Italy, Brabant has the intestines; But the soul no one; why? because he did not have it. R. It is an epitaph made in honor of a certain noble student at Heidelberg, who, as he indulged his appetite remarkably and drank wine not in small sips, as was proper, but with full mouthfuls, shortened his own life. Its meaning is: O almighty God, have mercy on John the calf. For he was called John Kalb, or calf. Whom death, coming before him, did not allow to be an ox. For it was to be feared that if he had lived longer, he would have become, from a calf, an ox. The body in-
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21. in Italia est, &c. cum nobilis esset, corpus ejus Italiam versus missum, intestina vero ad Brabantos, ast animam nemo: cur? quia non habuit. Certe ebriosi neque vitam neque animam habent. Quid est barba? R. Est pilus. Quid est pilus? R. Est barba. Quinam sunt omnium maxime gulosi? R. Foeminæ: quia non solum de die, sed etiam de nocte carnes comedere volunt, una vice tantum devorantes ut penè suffocentur. Quæ est differentia inter barbam & crinem? R. Barba nascitur in foeminis juxta os pubis, at crinis in pericranio & auribus. Narrat lepidam Thrasonis Irrisionem. R. Quidam cum à Thrasone egregie fustibus mulctatus esset, interrogante populo cur se non defendisset, respondit id strenue fecissem, nisi metuerem Thrasonem hunc alio tempore me aggressurum, & minaciter in culum meum sufflaturum, quod pati nullo modo possem quin in illius faciem & oculos screarem, quod redoleret merdam. Foemina diligens quænam est? R. Quæ bis suum opus perfecit, antequam altera semel. Quomodo pronunciabis uno verbo, radices esculentas, carnem & pisces? R. Vocula Pekulharing. Pe enim Brabantinis sonat radicem; Coloniens. & Germanis Mur-
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21. in Italy, etc.; and since he was noble, his body was sent toward Italy, but his intestines to Brabant, yet no one sent his soul: why? because he did not have one. Certainly drunkards have neither life nor soul. What is a beard? R. It is a hair. What is a hair? R. It is a beard. Who are the greediest of all? R. Women: because they want to eat meat not only by day, but also by night, devouring at one time so much that they are nearly suffocated. What is the difference between a beard and hair? R. A beard grows on women near the pubic region, but hair on the skull and ears. He tells a witty mockery of Thraso. R. When a certain man had been soundly beaten with cudgels by Thraso, and the crowd asked why he had not defended himself, he replied, “I would have done so bravely, had I not feared that this Thraso would at some other time attack me and threatenly blow into my buttocks, which I could in no way endure without spitting in his face and eyes, so that it would stink of shit.” What kind of woman is diligent? R. She who has finished her work twice, before another has done it once. How will you pronounce in one word root vegetables, meat, and fish? R. The little word Pekulharing. For Pe sounds to the Brabantines like “root”; the people of Cologne and the Germans Mur-
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22. Murren oder gelbe Ruben, Haring est piscis: & kul seu testes carnem significat. An pecunia obediunt omnia? R. Sic? Nam magni mercatores sulphuratorum apud combibones in majori pretio sunt, quam ipse Plato, si maledicto isto metallo destituatur, juxta illud: Si nihil attuleris, ibis Homere foras. Quanam sunt privilegia scabiosorum? R. Si tres sodales assideant & sint nisi duo vitra, Dominus scabiosus habebit unum pro se, privilegiatus est, ut solus bibat, solus edat, solus merdet. Si octo hospites diverterint in diversorium, in quo sit curta suppellex, & sint nisi tres Lecti, Dominus scabiosus privilegiatus est ut unam occupet (cæteris omnibus ringentibus) solus dormiat, ita bene meretur de omnibus scabiosus. Innumerabilia ejus Privilegia sunt. Hoc privilegium etiam in eos competit, quod leprosos nitore superent, quodque duo scabiosi oculati plus videant quam ducenti coeci cum suis perspicillis. Cur crepitus est generis masculini cum pertineat potius ad foeminas, & mentula generis faminini, cum pertineat ad masculos? R. Missos faciamus Chamæleontes, qui nisi ventis & fumo vescuntur, cordatos consulamus. Prima quæstio est, cur crepitus fit generis masculini, &c. agitata fuit in collegio magistri Aliborum. Vos qui estis Nasuti dicite
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22. Murren or yellow turnips, Haring is piscis: and kul or testes signifies flesh. Do all things obey money? R. Yes? For great merchants of sulphur, among the tipplers, are held in higher esteem than Plato himself, if deprived of that cursed metal, according to the saying: If you bring nothing, you will go out, Homer, outside. What privileges do the scabby have? R. If three companions be seated, and there be only two glasses, the scabby lord will have one for himself; he is privileged to drink alone, eat alone, and fart alone. If eight guests should stop at an inn in which there is scant furniture, and there be only three beds, the scabby lord is privileged to occupy one (while all the others grin), sleep alone; thus the scabby man well deserves of all. His privileges are innumerable. This privilege also applies to those who, in brightness, surpass lepers, and that two sighted scabby men see more than two hundred blind men with their spectacles. Why is farting of the masculine gender when it pertains rather to women, and the penis of the feminine gender, when it pertains to males? R. Let us set aside the chameleons, who feed only on winds and smoke; let us consult the sensible. The first question, why farting is of the masculine gender, etc., was discussed in the college of Master Aliborum. You, who are sharp-nosed, speak.
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dicite sententiam vestram: accedite hic: Non- ne veteres Romani condiderunt legem de crepitu propter foeminas? quæ eum intra na- tes suffocabant, & totum sodalitium hume- ctabant sine humore vini vel cerevisiæ, ita ut labia non madefierent? R. Verum quidem est, mentulam proprie pertinere ad mascu- lum, sed quia foemina ea die nocteque exer- cenda est, dixerunt esse generis foeminini. Per quam regulam. Esto foemineum, &c. Quanam est suppellex mobilis maxime ne- cessaria de nocte? R. Sulphurata. Nam simulac nox ingruit, candela accendi & focus extrui debet, hoc autem sit beneficio sulphuratorum; quod si desint, jam vicinos importune adire oportet, & precario ab illis ignem petere. Et quam ne- cessaria sint sulphurata hinc apparet, quod magna pars pauperum victum inde sibi quæ- ritant, hinc Cornucopiæ pauperum dici pos- sunt, quia ex illis victitant quoad necessaria alimenta scilicet & vestes. 2. Si quis tempo- re nocturno incidat in syncopen, aut apo- plexiam, statim subsidium petendum à sul- phuratis & ignitabulo (Nam hæc duo inse- parabilia sunt) statim candela accendenda ad accerendum medicos, pharmacopæos, chi- rurgos, quod si sulphurata desint, ecce Ho- mo mortuus. Unde recte Belgæ de sulphura- tis: Ein grosz gemach umb ein klein Geld. Mu-
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“Say your judgment; come here: Did not the ancient Romans establish a law about breaking wind because of women, who stifled it within the buttocks and dampened the whole company without the moisture of wine or beer, so that the lips were not made wet?” R. It is indeed true that the penis properly belongs to the male, but because a woman is to exercise it day and night, they said it was of the feminine gender. According to which rule: let it be feminine, etc. What portable furnishing is most necessary at night? R. Matches. For as soon as night falls, a candle must be lit and a fire kindled; and this is done by means of matches. If these are lacking, one must now go importunately to the neighbors and beg fire from them. And how necessary matches are is shown by this: a great part of the poor earn their living from them; hence they may be called the cornucopia of the poor, because from them they live, as far as the necessities of food and clothing are concerned. 2. If anyone at night should fall into syncope or apoplexy, aid must immediately be sought from matches and a tinderbox (for these two are inseparable); immediately a candle must be lit in order to summon doctors, apothecaries, and surgeons. But if matches are lacking, behold, the man is dead. Hence the Belgians rightly say of matches: Ein grosz gemach umb ein klein Geld. Mu-
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24 Mulier liberalis quanam? R. Quæ nihil deneget petentibus aliquid à se. Est ne mendicus præferendus diviti? R. Est. Quia Alexander totius orbis monarcha invidebat Diogeni paupertatem suam, dicendo: si non essem Alexander, vellem fieri Diogenes. 2 Quia paupertas artes perdocet: necessitas enim artium inventrix & ingenii largitor: & revera dum pauperes student, divites abdomini indulgent: & quia paupertas semper in magno pretio habita fuit, ideo mendici immunes sunt ab omnibus vectigalibus; & ubique locorum jus municipale (quod quibusdam in locis multo constat) gratis obtinent. 3. Omnes reges totius mundi, principes, cives, &c. de jure divino tenentur illis pendere tributum & dare eleemo synam, privilegium hoc illis nunquam deerit quamdiu mundi hæc compages stabit, nam mendicos semper habebimus nobiscum. Verum quidem est quod multam adhibeant diligentiam, quo sibi acquirant panem quotidianum, at id illis commune est cum advocatis, procuratoribus & totâ tribu furunculorum. 4. Cum per mare, per terras currat mercator ad Indos, idque sæpe cum vitæ periculo, soli mendici à latronibus liberati sunt, juxta illud; Cantabit vacuus coram latrone viator. 5. Cum obærati à suis creditoribus vexentur, in solos mendicos neque procurator, neque creditor, neque magistra-
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24 What kind of woman is generous? R. One who refuses nothing to those asking something from her. Should a beggar be preferred to a rich man? R. Yes. Because Alexander, monarch of the whole world, envied Diogenes his poverty, saying: if I were not Alexander, I would wish to be Diogenes. 2. Because poverty teaches the arts: for necessity is the inventor of arts and the bestower of ingenuity; and indeed while the poor study, the rich indulge the belly; and because poverty has always been held in high esteem, therefore beggars are exempt from all taxes; and everywhere they obtain municipal rights (for which in some places much is paid) for free. 3. All kings of the whole world, princes, citizens, etc., are bound by divine right to pay them tribute and give alms; this privilege will never fail them as long as this frame of the world stands, for we shall always have beggars with us. It is truly the case that they apply much diligence, so as to acquire for themselves daily bread, but that is common to them with advocates, procurators, and the whole tribe of little thieves. 4. While the merchant runs by sea and land to the Indies, and often with peril to life, beggars alone are freed from robbers, according to that saying; The traveler without money shall sing before the robber. 5. When debtors are harassed by their creditors, against beggars alone neither the proctor, nor the creditor, nor the magistra-
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25. stratus ullum jus habent: quia calvum velle- re difficile est, tonsi sunt usque ad cutem, est- que illis domi curtissima suppellex. Itaque petentes ablegant; contra ab omnibus stipem petunt, cives sunt totius mundi, cum cæteri homines una civitate inclusi sunt veluti Pa- risiis, Roma, Colonia, &c. 6. Præterea neque fæda usura animam conspurcat, nemo illis fortunam invidet. Videtis ergo pauper- tatem esse malorum refugium, miseriæ asy- lum. 7. Donum pauperis rustici in vola ma- nus portantis pauxillulum aquæ ad Artaxer- xem, nonne superat divitias 100. Domino- rum? Pauperibus enim nunquam deest bona voluntas. Et Thebanus Philosophus nisi co- gnovisset paupertatis prærogativam, nun- quam projecisset bona sua in mare, dicens; mergam vos ô Divitia, ne mergar à vobis. Fa- britius id quoque exactè cognovit, cum ra- pa sua prætulit auro Samnitarum. Magnus Philosophus nudus exivit civitate Priena. Diogenes nunquam rupisset scutellam suam ligneam, nisi scivisset, naturam nobis de omni supellectili satis superque providisse. Et certè tot homines docti non fuissent amplexi paupertatem, nisi gustum aliquem boni in ipsa percepissent. Breviter mendici quiete dormiunt, non timent crumenisecas neque latrones nocturnos. Neque opus habent Hel- vetiis ad thesauros suos custodiendos. Et ut id quod res est, dicam, homo qui paucis contentus est, perfectè dives est, imo ditior quam si possideret opes Cræsi & Alexandri. B Pau-
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25. The mules have no right: because it is difficult to pull a bald head, they are shorn close to the skin, and at home they have the very scantiest furniture. So they drive away those who ask; on the contrary, they beg alms from all, they are citizens of the whole world, whereas other men are enclosed within one city, as it were Paris, Rome, Cologne, etc. 6. Moreover, neither foul usury soils the soul, nor does anyone envy them their fortune. You see, therefore, that poverty is a refuge from evils, an asylum of misery. 7. Does not the gift of the poor rustic, carrying a little water in the palm of his hand to Artaxerxes, surpass the riches of a hundred lords? For the poor are never without goodwill. And the Theban Philosopher, unless he had recognized the prerogative of poverty, would never have thrown his goods into the sea, saying: “I shall sink you, O Wealth, lest I be sunk by you.” Fabricius also knew this exactly, when he preferred his turnip to the gold of the Samnites. The great Philosopher went naked out of the city of Priene. Diogenes would never have broken his wooden bowl, unless he had known that nature had sufficiently and more than sufficiently provided us with all furnishings. And certainly so many learned men would not have embraced poverty unless they had perceived in it some taste of good. Briefly, beggars sleep peacefully; they fear neither cutpurses nor night robbers. Nor do they need the Swiss to guard their treasures. And, to say what the matter is, the man who is content with little is perfectly rich, indeed richer than if he possessed the wealth of Croesus and Alexander. B Pau-
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26. Pauper nihil potest omittere & tamen singulis diebus lucrum facit. Qualis futurus est Antichristus? R. Erit prægnans & pariet 18. Elephantos scarlatos & cæruleos, & hac de causa anseres tam alte vociferabuntur, sicuti solebant ante 100 annos, neque dignabuntur calefacere pedes, quando volent ire cubitum. Mulieres cur potius nubunt Iurisperito, quam Medicis & Theologis? R. Poëta neotericus. Ut juris mystes jus, fas rectumque ministrat, Fæmina sic rectum semper amare solet. Meretrix quid & unde? R. Meretrix rectè à quibusdam dicitur Ephippium Reipublicæ: ejus avus fuit eques rusticus, & ne ipsa degeneret à stirpe sua, vocatur eques aurei velleris, sive mavis, equus. Meretrix unam manum ori admovet alteram crumenæ, nisi quando assidet mensæ: meretricis unus oculus in patinis est, alter in quadra vicini sui, uno oculo ridet altero flet, aurem unam aperit culinæ odori, alteram claudit precibus amicorum, curæ cordique illi est sodalium sanitas. nam eos non fit stertere nec die nec nocte, & præsertim tempore pomeridiano, quod est admodum insalubre: habet aures patulas similes auribus (salva reverentia) asinorum, os illi est instar fornacis, quamvis ad tantam capacitatem non accedat. Uno verbo meretricum virtutes tot sunt, quot sunt mulcæ in autumno, pe- culi
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26. A pauper can omit nothing, and yet every day he makes a profit. What will Antichrist be like? R. He will be pregnant and will give birth to 18 scarlet and blue elephants, and for this reason the geese will cry out so loudly, just as they used to do 100 years ago, and they will not deign to warm their feet, when they want to go to bed. Why do women marry a lawyer rather than physicians and theologians? R. A modern poet. As the jurist administers law, right, and what is just, so a woman is always accustomed to love what is right. What is a prostitute, and whence comes she? R. A prostitute is rightly called by some the steed of the republic; her grandfather was a rustic knight, and lest she herself degenerate from her stock, she is called a knight of the golden fleece, or, if you prefer, a horse. A prostitute brings one hand to her mouth, the other to her purse, unless when she sits at table: one eye of a prostitute is in the dishes, the other in her neighbor’s platter; with one eye she laughs, with the other she weeps; she opens one ear to the smell of the kitchen, the other she shuts to the prayers of friends; the health of her companions is her care and concern. For she does not let them snore by day or by night, and especially in the afternoon, which is very unhealthy: she has ears spread wide like the ears of asses (with due reverence), her mouth is like a furnace, though it does not reach such great capacity. In a word, the virtues of prostitutes are as many as there are flies in autumn, pe- culi
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diculi in pallio mendici, farcimina Parisiis, & ne videar eis adulari, est tanquam equus mulus in quibus non est intellectus. Mendacia adferuntne quid utilitatis? R. Quod sic. Nam Chaldæi, Ægyptii, Græci & Romani, cum animadverterent veritatem non sufficere populi ferociæ domandæ, formarunt religiones mendaciis scatentes. sinxerunt Neptunum cum tridenti, Cupidinem cum sagittis, Vulcanum cum face ardenti aliaque mille figmenta, & mendacia quæ excogitarunt ut subditos in perpetua obedientia & concordia continerent. Idem fecit Minos in Creta, Lycurgus Lacedæmoniis, Mahomet suis mendaciis totum imperium stabilivit. Bellorum præfecti & quæstores ærarii mendæcio admodum opus habent, similiter & judices in suis functionibus. Et Domini Advocati, qui defendunt, quod prætor eis mentiri permittat. 6. Nam si cui ex justa causa. Mercatoribus & artificibus mendacium panis quotidianus est, ex quo plerique victitant, & multorum res ad restim rediisset, nisi se hoc modo sustentassent. Amatores nunquam ad finem optatum pervenirent, nisi mentirentur per gulam, Medici, chirurgi, lenones, imo agyrtæ omnes nonne palam utuntur mendaciis? Judith nonne mentita est, ut patriam liberaret periculo, quod illam premebat. Et divinus Plato, quamvis magnus zelator veritatis (qui in secunda sua lege omnes poëtas exilio multavit, eò quod insigniter mentirentur) nihilominus lib. 2. de re- B 2 pub.
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spit in the cloak of a beggar, sausages in Paris, and lest I seem to flatter them, it is like a horse, a mule, in which there is no understanding. Do lies bring any benefit? R. Yes, indeed. For the Chaldeans, Egyptians, Greeks, and Romans, when they perceived that truth was not enough to tame the ferocity of the people, formed religions teeming with lies. They invented Neptune with the trident, Cupid with arrows, Vulcan with a burning torch, and a thousand other fictions and lies which they devised in order to keep their subjects in perpetual obedience and concord. Minos did the same in Crete, Lycurgus among the Lacedæmonians, Mahomet established his whole empire with his lies. The prefects of war and the treasurers of the treasury are greatly in need of lies, likewise the judges in their functions. And the Lords Advocates, who defend the claim that the praetor allows them to lie. 6. For if, for some just cause. Merchants and artisans have lying as their daily bread, from which most of them make a living, and the affairs of many would have come to the rope, unless they had sustained themselves in this way. Lovers would never reach the desired end, unless they lied through their appetite; doctors, surgeons, pimps, indeed all quacks, do they not openly use lies? Did not Judith lie, in order to free her homeland from the danger that pressed upon it? And the divine Plato, although a great zealot for truth (who in his second law banished all poets into exile, because they lied notably) nevertheless lib. 2. de re- B 2 pub.
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28. pub. dicit: selectas fabulas matres ac nutrices pueris narrare hortabimur, quasi dicat, instilla infantibus mendacia. Et ut breviter dicam verbis circiter 18000. Rhetorica quid aliud est, quam ars mentiendi. Charitativa quænam est? Responde, tu qui tantum cerebri habes quantum pulicum in podice canis, qui repletus es sapientia à culo usque ad gurgulionem. Hæreo: dicam ergo: charitativa est, quæ libenter hospitio excipit coecos. Quodnam est maximè necessarium & speculativum in domo? R. Dicam aperte, ut surdi audiant; monoculi & coeci videant, inodori odorem illius participent; est latrina. Ea enim omnes uti coguntur de necessitate naturæ, unde excretio opus naturæ, dicitur. 2. Latrina est admodum speculativa; nam nos omni scientia instruit. Si quis desiderat esse Mathematicus, Philosophus aut Astrologus, adeat latrinam, ibi percipiet, quando coelum pluet, ibi videbit eclipses cum lunares, tum solares, ibi intelligit rotunditatem orbicularem cum suis influentiis, cognoscet ventum Australem flantem ex loco proprio, ibi intuebitur patinam (hem planetam dicere volui) Veneris, inspiciet horologium, in quo horæ ad amussim indicantur. Si quis discere velit artem militarem admoveat nasum suum latrinæ, percipiet sonum bombardarum, toimentorum, &c. Si quis desiderat scire Mul-
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28. Pope says: “We shall encourage mothers and nurses to tell selected fables to children,” as if to say, “instill lies into infants.” And to put it briefly in about 18,000 words, what is rhetoric other than the art of lying. What is charitable? Answer, you who have as much brain as there are fleas in a dog’s backside, you who are filled with wisdom from your rear end to your throat. I am at a loss; I will therefore say: charity is that which gladly receives the blind into lodging. What is most necessary and most speculative in a house? A. I shall speak plainly, so that the deaf may hear, one-eyed men and the blind may see, and the scentless may partake of its odor: it is the latrine. For all are compelled to use it by necessity of nature, whence excretion is called the work of nature. 2. The latrine is quite speculative; for it instructs us in all knowledge. If anyone desires to be a Mathematician, Philosopher, or Astrologer, let him go to the latrine; there he will perceive when the sky is going to rain, there he will see eclipses, both lunar and solar, there he will understand the circular roundness with its influences, he will learn of the south wind blowing from its proper place, there he will behold the dish (I meant to say the planet) of Venus, he will inspect the clock, in which the hours are indicated exactly. If anyone wishes to learn the art of war, let him bring his nose near the latrine; he will perceive the sound of cannon, mortars, etc. If anyone desires to know Mul-
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29. Musicam, adeat latrinam, audiet varios sonos, discantum, tenorem, altum, bassum. Si quis vult esse mercator & facere lucrum ingens, adeat latrinam, petat mille libras, non ei denegabitur, semper janua patens erit. Si quis vult esse coquus adeat latrinam, ibi videbit omnes generis cibos præparatos, tartas, farcimina &c. Cur Helvetii in braccis suis gerunt vaginas, in quibus enses recondunt: Hollandi vero, Galli, aliique Germani non item? R. Quia Helvetiorum filiæ simplicissimæ sunt, ideoque ejusmodi signis indigent: contra filiæ Gallicanæ, Hollandicæ, &c. longe sunt astutiores ideoque signum certius sibi eligerunt, optime enim callent hunc versiculum: Ad formam nasci cognoscitur ad te levavi. Recita verba ridiculi cujusdam oratoris. R. Quidam dum peroraret inter cætera sic dicebat, ubi incipiam, auditors, nescio. Nam quantum ad Theologiam attinet, nihil intelligo, quantum ad Mathematicam valde parum, quantum ad Philosophiam sum alter ignorans, & quantum ad reliquas omnes scientias, nihil scio. Deo sit laus & gratia. Nam quantum ad Jurisprudentiam aliâs rectum das recht, ei rei foeminæ vestiæ melius studuerunt quam ego, & vos docebunt quidem aliquid. Itaque nihil habeo, auditors reverendi, quod vobis proponam, nisi meam stultitiam, & si non vultis me audire perorantem de B 3
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29. If anyone wants to learn music, let him go to the privy; he will hear various sounds, discant, tenor, alto, bass. If anyone wants to be a merchant and make a great profit, let him go to the privy; let him ask for a thousand pounds, it will not be denied him, the door will always be open. If anyone wants to be a cook, let him go to the privy; there he will see all kinds of foods prepared, tarts, sausages, etc. Why do the Swiss wear scabbards on their breeches, in which they keep their swords: whereas the Dutch, the French, and other Germans do not? R. Because the daughters of the Swiss are very simple, and therefore need such signs: whereas the French and Dutch daughters, etc., are much more cunning and have therefore chosen a surer sign for themselves, for they know very well this little verse: By shape one is recognized at birth; I have lifted you up. Repeat the words of a certain ridiculous orator. R. A certain man, while he was concluding, said among other things: where I shall begin, listeners, I do not know. For as far as theology is concerned, I understand nothing; as far as mathematics, very little; as far as philosophy, I am another ignorant man; and as for all the other sciences, I know nothing. To God be praise and thanks. For as far as jurisprudence is concerned, das recht, the women who study dress matters have paid more attention to that than I, and they will indeed teach you something. Therefore I have nothing, reverend listeners, to propose to you, except my own foolishness, and if you do not wish to hear me speaking at length of B 3
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32 de hac insigni materia, vos omnes inanes dimittam, sed quia video aures vestras apertas instar crumenæ Advocati vel erectas instar asinorum, dicam vobis verbum unum atque alterum. Dicite mihi bona fide, existimatisne vos me sapientia antecellere? si putetis, jam stulto stultiores estis. Nam primus gradus stultitiæ est; sese aliis anteponere. Nonne legistis apud probatos authores stultorum numerum esse infinitum? An ego vos stultitia supero, dum ridicularia vobis narro; an vos me eadem superatis, qui ridicularia auditis? Certe plures sunt stulti, quam sunt syllabæ in Calepino; dicam apperte ut Surdi quoque audiant. Die Welt ist der Narren voll. Vultis probationem? Nonne proverbium est? Oportet stulscere, vel in juventute, vel in senetute. Itaque stultitia regnat vel in hoc, vel illo tempore. Quibus non licet curare cuticulam? R. Quibus panis, vinum & dentes desunt. Quare foemina non sunt caudata? R. Quia caudam à viris aut à vicinis suis mutuo accipiunt. Porti in quibus homines superant? R. In vestibus & cibo. Nam vestes habent naturales, setas scil. & cibus eorum est delicatior nostro, quia est exactè masticatus, ita ut nihil aliud restet, quam ut deglutiatur. Quinam sunt infortunati? R. Qui habet memoriam cuniculi, qui currendo se perditum it. 2. Qui è lecto sur- gentes
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32 On this important subject I will let you all go empty-handed, but because I see your ears open like a lawyer’s purse, or sticking up like a donkey’s ears, I will say one word and another to you. Tell me honestly, do you think that I surpass you in wisdom? If you think so, you are now foolisher than fools. For the first step of foolishness is to place oneself above others. Have you not read in approved authors that the number of fools is infinite? Or do I surpass you in folly when I tell you ridiculous things; or do you surpass me in the same, since you listen to ridiculous things? Certainly there are more fools than there are syllables in Calepino; I will say it plainly so that even the deaf may hear. Die Welt ist der Narren voll. Do you want proof? Is it not a proverb? One must become foolish, either in youth or in old age. Thus foolishness reigns either in this time or that. Who are not allowed to care for their skin? Answer: Those who lack bread, wine, and teeth. Why are women not tailed? Answer: Because they borrow a tail from men or from their neighbors. In what do men excel? Answer: In clothing and food. For they have natural clothing, namely bristles, and their food is more delicate than ours, because it is exactly masticated, so that nothing remains but to swallow it. Who are the unfortunate? Answer: He who has the memory of a rabbit, who runs himself to ruin. 2. Those who from bed ar- ising
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31. gentes podicem elevant antequam nasum ele- raverint. Quanam non saturantur? R. Oculus visu, auris auditu, &c. & foemina nunquam fastidit virum. Quid est hypocrita? R. Qui incedit capite reflexo intra duas scapulas, qui habet brachia sua intra manicas, togam supra coxendicem gestat, & podicem intra femoralia ab[sc]ondit. Quinam sunt ejusdem farina homines? R. Dominus Be-fa-be-mi, id est, musicus. Dominus palpator pullorum an ova parere velint vulgo Hennentester. Rogierbon temps, id est, comessator & Bacchi filius vulgo Schmerborst. PROBLEMATA LUDICRA & Historiolæ ridiculæ A N I M I Relaxandi CAUSA EXCOGITATA. Quanam sunt raro contingentia & fere contra natura cursum? R E S P. P Uella adolescens sine amore: nundinæ sine furibus, antiquus Iudæus sine divitiis; antiquum horreur sine muribus: antiqua vestis pellicea sine pediculis: anti- quius B 4.
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31. People lift their backside before they have lifted their nose. On what are they never sated? R. The eye with seeing, the ear with hearing, &c.; and a woman never grows tired of a man. What is a hypocrite? R. One who walks with his head bent down between his shoulders, who keeps his arms within his sleeves, wears his toga above his hip, and hides his backside within his breeches. Who are men of the same sort? R. Lord Be-fa-be-mi, that is, a musician. Lord palpator pullorum, or one who feels chicks to see whether they wish to lay eggs, commonly called Hennentester. Rogierbon temps, that is, a reveller and son of Bacchus, commonly called Schmerborst. PLAYFUL PROBLEMS and ridiculous little histories IN ORDER TO Relax the mind INVENTED FOR THIS PURPOSE. What are things that happen rarely and almost against the course of nature? R E S P. A young girl without love: a fair without thieves, an old Jew without riches; an old horror without mice; an old fur garment without lice: older B 4.
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32. q[ui]nus caper sine barba, antiqua monialis sine religione. Quis vulgo dicitur Calcearius Dei? R. Qui corium furatur & calceos propter Deum dat. Quis præsertur nobilibus sine servis incedentibus? R. Asini molitoris: illi enim servo comite ingrediuntur. Cur mendici numerosam habent prolem? R. Quidam, quia levibus utuntur stragulis seu tegumentis ideoque arcte coëunt: hinc Liberorum multitudo: quidam aliter; quia tuto solent coire, exploratum habentes non se sed nos eorum pueros esse educaturos; ipsi enim faciunt, nos autem cogimur educare. Ridicula cujusdam agroti responsio. Ægrotabat quidam, & cum de ejus vita desperatum esset, cæpit parochus hominem admonere suæ migrationis, & inter alia verba consolatoria ita dixit, præpara te ad summam felicitatem, hodie enim portaberis ab Angelis in sinum Abrahami: ad quod ægrotus: Hoc mihi profecto gratissimum est: nam si longa est via non possum ire pedibus, adeo defessus sum & infirmus. Focus nauta in ebrium. Ebrius quidam cum aliis multis se lacum Acronium trajecit, ac in prora paulum obdormiscens, in lacum est præcipitatus: Socii autem illius cum clamarent ut navem sifteret nauta, quoniam ebrius in lacum decidisset: Ille
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32. A beardless goat, an old nun without religion. Who is popularly called God's shoemaker? R. He who steals leather and gives shoes for God's sake. Who is carried ahead of nobles who go without servants? R. The miller's donkeys: for they enter with a servant accompanying them. Why do beggars have numerous offspring? R. Some, because they use light blankets or coverings and therefore couple closely: hence the multitude of children; some otherwise, because they are accustomed to couple safely, knowing for certain that not they but we will bring up their children; for they beget them, but we are forced to raise them. A ridiculous reply of a certain sick man. A certain man was ill, and when his life was despaired of, the parish priest began to admonish the man about his departure, and among other consoling words said thus: prepare yourself for supreme happiness, for today you will be carried by the Angels into Abraham's bosom; to which the sick man said: This is indeed most pleasing to me: for if the journey is long I cannot go on foot, so exhausted and weak am I. The drunken sailor. A certain drunkard, with many others, crossed Lake Acronian, and, dozing a little in the prow, was plunged into the lake. But when his companions shouted to the sailor to stop the ship, since the drunkard had fallen into the lake: he
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33. Ille dissimulavit aliquandiu, surdisque auribus lacum sulcavit: Tumultuantibus vero tandem omnibus ut sisteret, sineretque educi ebrium: Respondit ridicule: Quam fatui estis, creditis hunc hominem aquâ suffocari? Acclamantibus illis, jam fere actum de vita ejus, nisi subveniret confestim. Stultis, inquit, stultiores estis: vino suffocatus aquam in nullam corporis partem admittit. De Nasuto Adolescente. Erant studiosi literarum Adolescentes, qui una iter faciebant; & cum essent cauponam ingressi procax mulier unum ex illis Nasutum cepit irridere. At ille, Deus, inquit, uno eodemque tempore meum & tuum nasum creavit, mihique optionem fecit, aut tuum eligendi, aut meum: Itaque cum tuus mihi displiceret, ita apud me cogitabam, elige tibi longiorem, & caca in hunc breviorem. Quinam sunt omnium Latissimi? R. Sacerdotes, qui etiam in funere, & juxta mortuos canunt, & monachi qui die nocteque psallunt. Quisnam Cauponem egregie decepit? R. Bavarus quidam qui comedit in ovo integrum pullum gallinaceum, & non solvit. Quinam sunt omnium liberrimi? R. Medici, & carnifices: quibus solis licet hominem impune occidere, & cum homicidium aliis capitale sit, illis etiam mercedem affert. B 5 Qua-
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33. He dissimulated for some time, and with deaf ears dug the pit: but when they were all making a great uproar, he was at last told to stop and allow the drunk man to be taken out. He answered with a laugh: How foolish you are! Do you believe that this man can be suffocated by water? When they cried out that his life was now almost done, unless help came at once. You fools, he said, you are even more foolish: being suffocated by wine, he will not let water into any part of his body. Of the Pug-nosed Youth. There were young men devoted to letters, who were travelling together; and when they had entered an inn, a saucy woman began to mock one of them because of his nose. But he said, God, said he, at one and the same time made both my nose and yours, and gave me the choice either of choosing yours or mine: and so, since yours displeased me, I reasoned thus to myself: choose for yourself the longer one, and shit on this shorter one. Who are the broadest of all men? A. Priests, who even at funerals, and beside the dead, sing, and monks who day and night chant psalms. Who most cleverly deceived the innkeeper? A. Some Bavarian who ate an entire chicken in an egg, and did not pay. Who are the freest of all men? A. Physicians and executioners: to whom alone it is allowed to kill a man with impunity; and whereas homicide is capital for others, for them it even brings a reward. B 5 Qua-
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34. Quanam utilitates nasi? R. Nasus discernit omnis generis odores, muscum, zibetum, crocum, quæ nasi beneficio in magno habentur pretio. Imo ipsi cæci per nasum sentiunt Ventum flantem ex provincia inferioribus. Quæ ros periculo non vacat? R. De magnatibus majorumve gentium diis dicere; veritas enim odium parit, periculosum est iis aliquid scribere, qui possunt proscribere. Italorum proverbium est, Scherza con infanti, Et lascia star è Santi? Id est, cum pueris jocare & sanctos sinito stare. Quem universus mundus vocat nepotem? R. Qui pulchram habet uxorem. Mira descriptio hominis pygmai. Narrabo quid ridiculi, unde auris vestra sinistra titillabit. Vos qui libenter saltatis ab equis ad asinos, imo qui estis asini ipsissimi arrigite aures; hæc enim faciunt ad palatum vestrum. Pygmæus ille est homunculus rufus cum barba nigra, ipsius pileus factus erat in modum syringis apothecarii, globuli ex cæpis constabant, collare ex corio Hispanico, vulgariter Corduano, periscelides ipsius compositi erant ex farciminibus; veniebat è regione, in qua nullæ erant personæ, flumenta & homines excipias, optime callebat artem auferendi Lendes è manibus & natibus: sciebat quoque arrodere ungues, despumare lebetem, & quod mirabile dictu est vorabat sicuti Lupus,
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34. What are the uses of the nose? R. The nose distinguishes all kinds of odors, musk, civet, saffron, which, by means of the nose, are held in great esteem. Indeed even the blind perceive by the nose the wind blowing from the lower provinces. What question is not free from danger? R. To speak of great men or of the gods of the greater nations; for truth breeds hatred, and it is dangerous to write anything about those who can proscribe. There is an Italian proverb, "Scherza con infanti, Et lascia star è Santi?" That is, play with children, and let the saints alone. Whom does the whole world call a nephew? R. The man who has a beautiful wife. A marvelous description of a pygmy man. I shall tell something ridiculous, whereat your left ear will be tickled. You who gladly leap from horses to donkeys, indeed you who are donkeys themselves, prick up your ears; for this will suit your taste. That pygmy was a little reddish man with a black beard; his hat was made in the shape of an apothecary’s syringe, the buttons were made of onions, the collar of Spanish leather, commonly called Cordovan, his garters were made of sausages; he came from a region where there were no personae, if you except rivers and men; he was most skilled in the art of removing nits from hands and buttocks: he also knew how to bite the nails, skim the pot, and, marvellous to say, he ate like a wolf,
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35. pus, bibebat sicuti vacca, erat bene versatus in probatis autoribus, in Calepino duorum foliorum & in multis aliis Libris, nam quantum conjectura assequi possum ponderabat circiter Libras 28 casei Hollandici, excepto pileo illius nocturno seu cucupha, quam pignoris loco hospiti reliquerat: memini me illum aliquando vidisse Parisiis in balneo, sed tunc erat purgator caminorum; stylus ipsius erat satis amplus & nitidus & splendebat sicuti matula. Legerat multos commentatores per exiguum foramen oculis sui, sed ipsi non arri- debant, itaque ablegavit illos ad milie Diabolos, sicuti globulos in Ludo pyramidulorum. Nam prædicti autores erant ita obscuri, sicuti tenebræ Ægyptiorum. nihil poterat comprehendere, & nescio an vos quoque poteritis ruminare, unus dicebat Bran, lingua Rouana esse merdam, alter differebat, non omnes rusticos quadratos esse in terra Montensi, quia etiam multi reperiuntur inter crassos Batavos, tertius affirmabat febrem quartanam esse pulcrum ollare pro Angelis in præmium illorum gulositatis, quartus differebat, sed in magno cætu, ubi solus erat, ut culinæ civis decupediis acriter ad sanguinem usque disputasset & vidisse ibi hominem, existentem in prætorio, qui merdaverat in granarium quo magnificum sibi nomen præ rattis & muribus compararet. Familia omnium inutilissima et tristissima qua prædicatur? R. Gallina sine ovis, porca sine Suculis, B 6 vacca
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35. then, he drank like a cow, was well versed in approved authors, in Calepino of two folios & in many other books, for as far as I can judge, he weighed about 28 pounds of Holland cheese, except for that nightcap of his, or cucupha, which he had left with the host as a pledge: I remember having seen him once in Paris in a bath, but then he was a chimney-sweeper; his style was quite broad & neat & shone like a chamber-pot. He had read many commentators through a tiny hole in his own eyes, but they did not please him, so he sent them off to a thousand devils, like the balls in the game of pyramid balls. For the said authors were as obscure as the darkness of the Egyptians. he could understand nothing, & I know not whether you too will be able to ruminate, one said Bran, in the Rouen tongue to be shit, another differed, not all rustics being square in the land of Mont, because many are also found among the thick-headed Dutch, a third affirmed that a tertian fever was a fine pot for Angels as a reward for their gluttony, a fourth differed, but in a great assembly, where he alone was, he would have sharply disputed to the blood, as a citizen of the kitchen with his teeth, and said he had seen there a man, being in the town hall, who had shit in the granary so as to win for himself a splendid name over rats & mice. What is the most useless and saddest household? R. A hen without eggs, a sow without piglets, B 6 cow
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36. vacca sine lacte, filia quæ noctu extra domum divagatur, filius lusor, uxor furtim bona viri absumens & famula prægnans. Recita latitia gradus? R. Si vis gaudere per unum diem radas barbam, si per septimanam, vade ad nuptias, si per mensem eme pulchrum equum, si per semestre, eme pulchram domum, si per annum ducas pulchram uxorem, si per biennium fias sacerdos, si semper vis esse lætus & gaudens, sis sobrius. Quinam sunt insignes fatui? R. Fidelis amator puellarum, probus Lusor & misericors miles. Quomodo quidam vicinum suum ad prandium invitavit? R. Hoc modo: ô bone vicine, veni hodie in domum meam & mecum prande: si enim edulia tecum apportaveris, non nisi ad vini solutionem te compellam. Quinam sunt omnium probissimi? R. Homines rufi scilicet, quia Christus solius rufi Iudæ Iscariotis (quem rufum pingunt) osculo tangi dignatus est. Cur pulices plus mulieres quam viros infestent? R. Quoniam postquam cibo sunt ex saturati, etiam flumen & aquas apud illas habent quibus & sitim exstinguere possunt. Recita cujusdam ridiculum testimonium? Quidam Tubingensis in tellem adductus tale testimonium dedit: Ego jacui & dormivi, atta,
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36. a cow without milk, a daughter who wanders outside the house at night, a son who gambles, a wife secretly consuming her husband’s goods, and a pregnant maid. Recite the steps of joy? R. If you want to rejoice for one day, shave your beard; if for a week, go to a wedding; if for a month, buy a fine horse; if for half a year, buy a fine house; if for a year, take a fine wife; if for two years, become a priest; if you want to be always cheerful and joyful, be sober. Who are the distinguished fools? R. A faithful lover of girls, an honest gambler, and a merciful soldier. How did someone invite his neighbor to dinner? R. In this way: O good neighbor, come today to my house and dine with me; for if you bring food with you, I shall compel you only to pay for the wine. Who are the most honorable of all? R. Red-haired men, namely, because Christ deigned to be touched with a kiss only by red-haired Judas Iscariot (whom they depict as red-haired). Why do fleas infest women more than men? R. Because after they have had their fill of food, they also have rivers and waters among them with which they can quench their thirst. Recite someone’s ridiculous testimony? A certain man from Tübingen, brought to the gallows, gave the following testimony: I lay down and slept, atta,
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37. attamen vidi & audivi, quod actoris caput li- gone percuteret, nescio tamen an tetigerit eum. De Paulo Wüst. Paulus Wüst, id est impurus ex inconditis salibus & scommatibus cognominatus, cum Eberhardus princeps noster barbatus rogasset cum, ut suus familiaris esset, Respondit, Pater meus procreavit sibi proprium fatuum, tu item, si vis unum habere, facias tibi ipsi, sicut pater meus fecit. De Nobili amplexatore. Rotenburgi ad Nicrum quidam Nobilis in Caupona amplexaturus puellam: Quid inquit præmii acceptura es & passura, ut mea manu inguen tuum attrectem, nam si clamaverit, ut Catus, farcimen ei statim à me dabitur? Puella subridens, quid tu, inquit, à me vis auferre mercedis & anum meum inflare: Nam si vocem emiserit anus, qualem edit cornu venaticum, continuo leporem ego tibi capiam. Fatui cur mulieribus grati? R. Quoniam omne simile appetit sibi simile, vel quoniam pares cum paribus facillime congregantur. Amor quare api comparatur? R. Quia in ore mel, in cauda aculeum habet. Flos veneris rosa est, sed sub ejus purpura multæ latent spinæ. Principium dulce est, at finis amoris amarus. Lata venire venus, tristis abire solet. Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit. Pistor quidam cum in spectaculo quodam B 7 Chri-
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37. but I saw and heard that he struck the actor’s head with a pickaxe, though I do not know whether he touched him. On Paulus Wüst. Paulus Wüst, that is, the filthy one, so nicknamed because of his crude jests and quips, when our prince Eberhard the Bearded had asked him to be his companion, replied: My father has produced for himself a personal fool; if you also wish to have one, make one for yourself, as my father did. On a Nobleman’s embrace. At Rotenburg on the Neckar, a certain nobleman, wishing to embrace a girl in an inn, said: What reward will you receive and endure, so that I may touch your groin with my hand? For if she cries out, like a cat, shall a sausage immediately be given her by me? The girl, smiling, said: What do you want to take from me in payment, and inflate my backside? For if my backside lets out a voice like a hunting horn, I will at once catch you a hare. Why are fools pleasing to women? R. Because every like seeks its like, or because equals are most easily gathered with equals. Why is love compared to a bee? R. Because it has honey in its mouth and a sting in its tail. The rose is the flower of Venus, but beneath its purple many thorns lie hidden. The beginning is sweet, but the end of love is bitter. Venus comes with joy, but is accustomed to depart sadly. Courtliness wins friends, truth breeds hatred. A certain baker, when at a certain spectacle B 7 Chri-
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38. Christum crucifixum præsentaret, Iudæi illum probrosis dehonestabant verbis, quod cum patienter tulisset, nec iis commovere- tur, dixit unus ego hominem exagitabo, clamavitque ad eum sæpius fur Farina, Tum pistor, tace, aut ego te cruce in terram prosternam. Facetum rustica puella dictum. Quidam Nobiles cis Necharum Sueviæ nostræ slumen præteribant quasdam lotrices rusticas, quarum ob nimium frigus pedes rubebant: unde unus illorum, cur tam rubent (inquit pedes vestri? Respondit una rusticarum, quia ignem habemus in calcibus. Iterum ille: Rogo ergo ut accendas mihi hanc meam virgulam, educendo virilia. Cui Rustica rejectis post terga vestibus, clunes ostendens, dixit: Age, mi Domine, descende & suffla mihi in culinam meam pro excitando igne, qui mihi jam extinctus est. Quinam nasi pretiosissimi? R. Rubicundi quique habent carbunculos. Nam iste color pluris constat, quam color vestis scarlatæ. Scientiæ suntne inutiles? R. Ita probatur. I. Rhetorica est ars mentiendi, ex albo facit nigrum, hominem candidæ vitæ atramento & meris carbonibus denigrat. Theologia superat captum nostrum. Medicina boletos venenatos & artem intoxicandi nos docuit; Ars coquinaria gulositatem inducit. Imo Historiographus quidam tradit, nescio in quo libro, coquos in causa fuisse ut
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38. Christ, presented crucified, the Jews insulted him with shameful words; and when he bore them patiently, and was not moved by them, one said, “I alone will provoke the man,” and repeatedly shouted to him, “Thief of flour! Then, baker, be quiet, or I shall lay you low upon the ground with the cross.” A witty saying of a rustic girl. Some noblemen were passing beyond the Neckar in our Swabia some rural washerwomen, whose feet were reddened because of the excessive cold. Whereupon one of them said, “Why are your feet so red?” One of the countrywomen replied, “Because we have fire in our heels.” Again he said, “I therefore ask that you light this little stick of mine,” while uncovering his manhood. To him the rustic woman, casting her garments behind her and showing her buttocks, said, “Come now, my lord, descend and blow into my kitchen, to stir up the fire which has now gone out for me.” Whose noses are the most precious? R. Those who are ruddy have carbuncles. For that color costs more than the color of scarlet clothing. Are the sciences useless? R. Yes, it is proved. I. Rhetoric is the art of lying; it makes black of white, and smears with ink and mere charcoal a man of upright life. Theology surpasses our understanding. Medicine has taught us poisonous mushrooms and the art of poisoning; cookery leads to gluttony. Indeed, a certain historian relates, I know not in what book, that cooks were the cause that
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39. ut dives ille helluo Evangelicus ad inferos descenderit. Nisi enim cibos opipare conditos illi apposuissent non ita genio indulisset; summa summarum scientia multa incommoda procreat, inducit vigilias, parit catharros, &c. Qualis autem effectus, talis causa. Ergo conferamus nos omnes ad Abbatem fratrum ignorantiæ, missos faciamus alchymistas cum suo auro imaginario, Philosophos cum enterationis, &c. Arrigite aures auditors sicuti lepores; hoc enim scriptum inveni in vocabulo Reformatorum, quam pravam imaginationem tum perversis quibusdam hominibus ademeris, cum crepitum ex asino mortuo extruseris. Recita testamentum porci. R. M. Grunnius Corocotta porcellus tale testamentum fecit. Ego infrascriptus de visceribus meis dabo sutoribus setas, rixatoribus capitinas, surdis auriculas, caussidicis & verbosis linguam, bubulariis intestina, esiciariis femora, mulieribus lumbulos, pueris vesicam, pullis caudam, cynædis musculos, cursoribus & venatoribus talos, latronibus ungulas, musicis chordas, epulonibus rostrum, rusticis merdam, sueculis mammas nec nominando coquo, do, lego, pistillum, quæ mecum detuleram à querceto usque ad haram. Liget sibi collum de reste. Optimi amatores mei vel consimiles vitæ, rogo vos ut corpori meo satisfaciatis, bene condiatis de bonis condimentis, nucleis piperis ac mellis ut nomen meum in sempiternum nominetur. Pra-
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39. that that rich gospel glutton should have descended to hell. For if they had not set before him foods richly prepared, he would not have indulged his appetite so freely; in short, knowledge produces many inconveniences, brings on wakefulness, begets catarrhs, &c. And such as the effect, such the cause. Therefore let us all gather to the Abbot of the brothers of ignorance; let us dismiss the alchemists with their imaginary gold, the Philosophers with their entera-tion, &c. Prick up your ears, listeners, like hares; for I found this written in the vocabulary of the Reformers, what evil imagination then you took away from certain perverse men, when you drew forth a crack from a dead ass. Repeat the testament of the pig. R. M. Grunnius Corocotta the little pig made this testament. I, the undersigned, from my own entrails I give to cobblers bristles, to quarrelers heads, to the deaf little ears, to lawyers and the verbose the tongue, to beef-dealers the intestines, to cooks the thighs, to women the loins, to boys the bladder, to little chicks the tail, to catamites the muscles, to runners and hunters the ankles, to thieves the hooves, to musicians the strings, to banquet-lovers the snout, to peasants filth, to sowlets the teats, and not to be naming the cook, I give, bequeath, the pestle, which I had brought with me from the oak grove to the sty. Let him tie his neck with a rope. My best beloved friends, or those like them in life, I ask you to satisfy my body, season it well with good seasonings, with kernels, pepper, and honey, so that my name may be mentioned forever. Pra-
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40. Practica vera in multos annos duratura aliena ab omni mendacio. De Dominis hujus anni. Plures & varii futuri sunt præsentis anni Domini, quilibet supra alium se extollere studebit, scabella super scamma ascendere conabuntur, ancilla super servos, vir super foeminam, in Magistrum dominabitur scholasticus, felis super murem præceps ruet. De anni qualitate? Aureus numerus hoc anno parvus erit & modicus, apud pauperes multæ futuræ sunt hoc anno tenebræ, mediæ noctis præsertim tempestate; scarificare & sanguinem minuerebonum est & utile, quoties hominem necessitas ad hoc impulerit, vitanda tamen maxime sanguinis minutio, quæ fit à rusticis circa festa Bacchanalia, dum illis fæcimini- bus repleti sunt. In Martio aliisque temporibus utilia sunt scabiosis balnea & unguenta; frictio quoque illis non erit ingrata. In Julio ex frigidioribus cellis allata sitientibus sunt jucundissima. In Decembri autem tunicæ jumentorum pellibus subductæ stomacho & toti ventri sunt opportunæ. Imbres hoc anno erunt humidi propter respectum Aquarii, propter naturalem & consuetum cursum solis dies longiores æstate quam hyeme. In æstate lilia & rosæ in copia provenient, sed timendæ tunc tonitrua & fulmina. In autumno folia de arboribus cadent, & flores deslorebunt & marcescent. In vere omnis vis terræ erigitur ad producendos fructus. De
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40. True practice, lasting for many years, free from all falsehood. Concerning the Lords of this year. There will be many and varied Lords of the present year; each will strive to exalt himself above the other, they will attempt to climb above the benches onto the stools, maid over servants, man over woman, the schoolboy will dominate the master, the cat will rush headlong over the mouse. Concerning the character of the year? The golden number this year will be small and modest; among the poor there will be many darknesses this year, especially at midnight in stormy weather; to bleed and let blood is good and useful, whenever necessity drives a man to this, yet bloodletting must especially be avoided when it is done by rustics around the Bacchanalian feasts, while they are filled with those dregs. In March and at other times baths and ointments are useful for those with scabies; friction also will not be unpleasant to them. In July, drinks brought from cooler cellars are most delightful to the thirsty. But in December the garments of beasts of burden, with the skins removed, are suitable for the stomach and for the whole belly. The rains this year will be damp because of the influence of Aquarius, and because of the natural and customary course of the sun, the days will be longer in summer than in winter. In summer lilies and roses will come forth in abundance, but then thunder and lightning are to be feared. In autumn the leaves will fall from the trees, and the flowers will wither and fade. In spring all the force of the earth rises to produce fruits. Of
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41. De morbis hujus anni. Corripientur homines diversis infirmitatibus secundum diversas eorum complexiones, ille laborabit podagra, alter febribus, hic dysenteria, ille lumbagine: omnes autem avari laborabunt chiragra: aliqui autem convalescent, alii morientur, sani melius habebunt, quam infirmi, pariter divites quam pauperes. Tam principes quam populares hoc anno timere habent mortem; principes præsenti anno sibi caveant à gravibus morbis, tum enim sani & bene validi manebunt. Quod si minus fecerint timendum ubi morbus invaluerit quosdam eorum morituros esse. Communis plebs si multum austeri lactis, pruna & similia comederit, formidandum ne ex ejusmodi esu ventris profluvium patiantur, si aquam biberint ne iis venter intumescat ac grave periculum incidant, præsertim si indoctum medicum curarorem susceperint. Ex cerasorum esu homines calculosi efficientur, per podicem enim innumeros calculos ejicient. De Frugibus. Triticum, siligo, avena, hordeum & quicquid aristam habet in rupibus & saxis tenuiter crescent, in stercoratis autem bene cultis copia crescent omnis generis frumentorum. Non tamen semper pari vendentur pretio, sed nunc pluris, nunc minoris. Ita etiam cæteræ res in fortunæ rota modo ascendent postea descendent velut servus & ancilla. In his futuris annis pretiosius futurum est triticum quam
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41. On the diseases of this year. Men will be afflicted with various infirmities according to their different constitutions; one will suffer gout, another fevers, this man dysentery, that one lumbago: all the avaricious will suffer chiragra. Some, however, will recover, others will die; the healthy will fare better than the sick, and the rich likewise better than the poor. Both princes and common people will have reason to fear death this year; princes in the present year should guard themselves against severe illnesses, for then they will remain healthy and in good strength. But if they do not do so, it is to be feared that when the sickness grows stronger some of them will die. The common people, if they eat a great deal of sour milk, plums, and similar things, should fear lest from such food they suffer flux of the bowels; if they drink water, lest their belly swell up and they fall into grave danger, especially if they put themselves under the care of an unlearned physician. By eating cherries, people prone to stone will be made calculous; for through the anus they will pass countless stones. On the crops. Wheat, rye, oats, barley, and whatever has an ear will grow sparsely among rocks and stones; but in manured and well-cultivated land there will be abundance of all kinds of grain. Yet they will not always be sold at the same price, but now for more, now for less. So also the other things on Fortune’s wheel will sometimes rise, afterward fall, like a servant and a maidservant. In these future years wheat will be more expensive than
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42. quam millium, & milium acceptius quam lolium. Rapæ, raphani, cæpæ, &c. Ad satietatem in foro reperientur exili pretio. Nemo tamen nimium illis vescatur: tussim enim generant, & crepitum supra & infra, osculumque eorum qui hæc comederint, puellæ exhorrescent. De Communi plebe. Calcearii, sutores, peltiones opificesque reliqui & propolæ multa mentientur, & hæc lucri causa facturi sunt; pecunia inæqualiter inter homines præsenti anno dividetur. Advocati & Procuratores invigilent bene suis officiis & causis si venari voluerint sine rete & canibus; opifices & plebeji nisi laboraverint patientur penuriam victus. De mulieribus & virginibus. Mulieres & virgines debiles erunt & brevis memoriæ, sed prolixiorum crinium; uxores hoc anno communiter viris suis imperitabunt, maritisque multa (quanquam non omnia de Deo) concionabuntur: meretrices vetulæ optimæ erunt amasiorum internunciæ. Conjunctio Veneris cum Iove demonstrat quam plures foeminas prægnantes fore, quæ ante gravidæ non fuerunt & si masculum conceperint parient masculum, si foemellam, parient foemellam: quod si magna conjunctio fuerit Martis & Veneris, fient & virgines gravidæ, quoniam sagittarius in corpus earum aget; multæ foeminæ quærent habitus formas novas atque pleræque delectabuntur choreis
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42. which are more acceptable than thousands and thousands, and more so than darnel. Turnips, radishes, onions, and the like will be found in abundance in the marketplace at a low price. Nevertheless, let no one eat too much of them: for they produce coughing, and a rumbling both above and below, and the kiss of those who have eaten these things the girls will shudder at. On the common people. Shoemakers, tailors, furriers, and the remaining craftsmen and shopkeepers will lie a great deal, and will do these things for the sake of gain; money will be distributed unevenly among men in the present year. Advocates and procurators should diligently attend to their duties and cases if they wish to hunt without net and dogs; craftsmen and common people, unless they labor, will suffer a shortage of food. On women and maidens. Women and maidens will be weak and of short memory, but with longer hair; wives in this year will commonly rule over their husbands, and will lecture their husbands on many things, though not all about God: old prostitutes will be best as go-betweens for lovers. The conjunction of Venus with Jupiter shows that many women who have not previously been pregnant will be pregnant, and if they conceive a male, they will bear a male; if a female, they will bear a female: but if there is a great conjunction of Mars and Venus, even maidens will become pregnant, since Sagittarius will act upon their bodies; many women will seek new styles of dress, and most will delight in dances
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43. choreis, cantibus & instrumentis musicis, nonnullæ nocturnis præliis, omnibus vero gratum erit laudari. De cantatoribus, amatoribus, fistulatoribus, artificibus & pictoribus. Hi omnes magnam erga mulieres habebunt fortunam, in latere, quo loculus pendet & inter pocula de magnis rebus gloria- buntur, plagam autem S. Urbani, id est, ebrietatem vix cavere poterunt. De populi seditionibus. Post kalendas Februarii magna futura est populi seditio, tunc enim stultorum erit infinitus numerus. In Octobri ingens sanguinis & cruoris erit effusio, plurimi enim boves, sues, capellæ & hædi mortui in sanguine jacebunt. De quorundam hominum penuria. Magna erit sacerdotum penuria adeo ut quidam tria quatuorve vel plura habebunt officia ecclesiastica, penuria etiam Nobilium, nam & rustici conabuntur esse nobiles. Erit præterea penuria in Iudæis, quia Christiani usuram & foenus exercere studebunt. De vino & cerevisia. Vites plurimis in locis vini copiam dabunt. Multis autem vinum erroneam vitam faciet, fæcesque, & supra & infra egeret. Magnas item discordias & seditiones Bacchus excitabit, præterea vinum magnum calorem intus, sed intensum frigus extra causabitur dum vacuam crumenam & vestes malas & de-
Transcription: Translated (English)
43. With dances, songs, and musical instruments, some will be honored by night battles, but all will be glad to be praised. Of singers, lovers, flute players, craftsmen, and painters. All these will have great fortune among women, at the side where the purse hangs, and among cups they will boast of great things, but they will scarcely be able to avoid the wound of St. Urban, that is, drunkenness. Of the riots of the people. After the kalends of February there will be a great riot of the people, for then the number of fools will be endless. In October there will be a great pouring forth of blood and gore, for very many oxen, swine, she-goats, and kids will lie dead in blood. Of the scarcity of certain men. There will be a great shortage of priests, so much so that some will have three, four, or more ecclesiastical offices; there will also be a shortage of nobles, for even rustics will try to be nobles. There will furthermore be a shortage among the Jews, because Christians will make efforts to practice usury and lending at interest. Of wine and beer. The vines will give an abundance of wine in many places. But wine will lead many into a wrong life, and the dregs will flow both above and below. Likewise Bacchus will stir up great quarrels and riots; moreover, wine will cause great heat within but intense cold without while an empty purse and poor clothes and de-
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44. detritas calvasque faciet, maxime si tesserarum concursu uratur. Vinum Cretense (quod malvaticum vocant) carius erit quam vinum vernaculum, erit etiam melioris saporis, hoc ebriosi testabuntur, nisi eorum palatum slava bile infectum fuerit. Ingentes quoque in se continebit virtutes; nam mane stomachum comfortabit, meridie refrigerabit corpus, vesperi sitim exstinguet, per totum vero annum refrigerabit, non secus Hebræorum sichar, si uva non bene maturuerit, erit vinum acerbum. Cerevisia erit optima, si nimium aquæ infusum non fuerit. De mulierum infirmitate. Mense Majo cum sanguis in homine renovatur, quasdam mulieres pruriginibus vexabit, pro remedio viri illas scarificare debent: quod si non profuerit, ungendæ sunt circa lumbos unguento confecto ex cinere incombusto. De rebus quibusdam nocivis. Res quædam hoc anno, hominibus nocivæ futuræ sunt ut serpentes, viperæ, vespertiliones, ova putrida. Ne hinc ergo detrimentum accipias, non comedes ulla ova rusticorum abstinebisque diligenter ab ovis zephyris wind eyer, vulgo eyer ohne schalen. De ventis. Venti hoc anno instar chamæleonis mutabuntur, modo enim flabit ab aquilone, modo ab austro, omnes autem venti dirigentur secundum rostrum galli-gallinacei super pinaculum templi stantis. De
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44. it will make the skin flabby and bald, especially if burned by the falling together of dice. Cretan wine (which they call malvaticum) will be more expensive than native wine; it will also be of better flavor, as drunkards will testify, unless their palate has been stained with black bile. It will also contain great virtues in itself; for in the morning it will comfort the stomach, at midday it will refresh the body, in the evening it will quench thirst, and throughout the whole year it will cool, no differently from the Hebrew sichar; if the grape has not ripened well, it will be sour wine. Beer will be best, if too much water has not been mixed into it. On women’s weakness. In the month of May, when blood is renewed in man, certain women will be troubled with itching; as a remedy, men should scarify them: if that does not help, they should be anointed around the loins with an ointment made from unburnt ash. On certain harmful things. Certain things this year will be harmful to people, such as snakes, vipers, bats, rotten eggs. Therefore, lest you suffer damage from this, do not eat any peasants’ eggs, and carefully avoid the eggs of zephyrs, wind eyer, commonly eyer ohne schalen. On the winds. The winds this year will change like a chameleon; for now it will blow from the north, now from the south; but all the winds will be directed according to the beak of the cock standing on the pinnacle of the temple. On
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45. De quibusdam futuris effectibus hujus anni. Dies quibusdam plus æquo breviores videbuntur, ut nox longa, quibus mentitur amica. Mercenarios sæpe hoc anno capiet laboris tædium; utilius erit pecuniam accipere, quam dare qui vinum cerevisiaque non spernet. Conjuges tamdiu inter se pacem habebunt donec litigare inceperint. Nigræ vaccæ lac album præbebunt. Brevissima concio cujusdam parochi. Parochus rogatus ab Episcopo, ut coram se rurissacram haberet concionem, annuit: at aulici, quorum animus in patinis erat, clam insusurrabant in aurem parochi, ne pateretur in longum produci sermonem, qui benè in præsens quadraret, sicuti longa sarcimina tosta ad ignem, juxta illud vulgare, Kurtze metten lange bratt Wurst. Recte, ait parochus, monetis, ego potissimum studebo inservire tempori. Et exorsus dicere: cum plusculi, ait, me rogarunt, ut brevibus complecterer sermonem: accipite igitur vos aulici, hunc sermonem Christi Servatoris, quo ait, se reprobis dicturum, Ita maledicti, Quid potest dici brevius; & si quoque vultis in ignem longa tosta sarcimina, quando quidem & illa nobis sunt in promptu, non negabimus, comprehenduntur autem in verbis proxime sequentibus videlicet, in ignem æternum. Præterea si quis coquos desideret, qui piper aspergant, & illi ad manus sunt Diaboli & Angeli ejus. Quare
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45. Of certain future effects of this year. Days will seem to some more short than they should be, as if the night were long, to those whom a friend deceives. This year labor will often grow wearisome for laborers; it will be more useful to receive money than to give it, for one who does not scorn wine and beer. Married couples will keep peace with one another for as long as they have not begun to quarrel. Black cows will yield white milk. The shortest sermon of a certain parish priest. A parish priest, asked by the Bishop to deliver a sacred sermon before him in the countryside, agreed; but courtiers, whose minds were on their dishes, secretly whispered in the parish priest's ear that he should not allow the sermon to be drawn out at length, but should make it fit the present occasion well, like long sausages roasted by the fire, according to the old saying, Kurtze metten lange bratt Wurst. Rightly, said the parish priest, you advise me; I shall chiefly endeavor to serve the time. And beginning to speak: since, he said, several have asked me to give a brief sermon, take therefore, you courtiers, this sermon of Christ the Savior, in which he says that he will say to the reprobate, Thus accursed, what can be said more briefly? And if you also want long roasted sausages for the fire, since these too are ready to hand, we shall not refuse; but they are contained in the words that follow immediately, namely, into everlasting fire. Moreover, if anyone desires cooks who sprinkle pepper, even these are at hand, the Devil and his angels. Therefore
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46. Quare in piscibus sunt ova rotunda in volatilibus oblonga figura? R. Quia calor movet à centro, & maxi- me ad figuram pyramidalem, quod patet in flammula ignis, quæ tendit in conum, etsi lata sit in basi, & idco quia calor fortior est in volatilibus, quam in piscibus, ova volatilis sunt oblonga, piscis rotunda, quia calor debilis dispergitur in gyrum. Principum quænam prærogativa? R. Principes dum sunt ebrii, vocantur familiaribus læti, dum sunt nigri dicuntur fusci, dum sunt stulti dicuntur probi, simplices & innocentes; dum tyranni, vocantur justi. In Germania cur tanta copia mendicorum vagatur? R. Quia mendicus mendicum procreat. Non enim parentibus curæ est, ut liberi eorum honesta aliqua arte sese sustentent, sed in eo toti sunt, ut eorum vestigia sequantur, olliatimque mendicent. Recita ridiculum cujusdam Parochi factum. Quidam parochus cum in facie Ecclesiæ matrimonium contractum confirmare vellet, maritum interrogavit Chonrade quod est tibi nomen? Chonradus cum maximo astantium risu, dicis (inquit) vocor, Nomen enim meum tu ipse pronuntiasti. De Unoculo. Quidam unoculus, cum duxisset puellam, de-
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46. Why are the eggs of fish round, but those of birds oblong in shape? R. Because heat moves from the center, and especially toward a pyramidal shape, as is clear in a little flame of fire, which tends into a cone, although it is broad at the base; and therefore, because heat is stronger in birds than in fish, the eggs of birds are oblong, those of fish round, because weak heat spreads in a circle. What is the prerogative of princes? R. When princes are drunk, they are called cheerful by their intimates; when they are black, they are called swarthy; when they are foolish, they are called good, simple, and innocent; when they are tyrants, they are called just. Why does such a great number of beggars roam in Germany? R. Because one beggar begets another beggar. For it is not a care to parents that their children sustain themselves by some honorable craft, but they are wholly intent on this, that they follow in their footsteps and beg from door to door. Repeat the ridiculous deed of a certain parish priest. A certain parish priest, when he wished to confirm a marriage contracted in front of the church, asked the husband, “Conrad, what is your name?” Conrad, with great laughter from those standing by, said, “You say I am called; for you yourself have pronounced my name.” Of the one-eyed man. A certain one-eyed man, when he had married a girl, de-
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47. devirginatam, quam ipse virginem credebat, acerrime ei exprobrabat læsam pudicitiam. Ad quod illa: Cur tibi integra esse deberem quum tu sis luscus careasque altero oculo? Hoc damnum, inquit vir, ab hostibus atque inimicis accepi: At ego meum ab amicis respondit puella. Versus leoninus de amore. Post visum risum post rÿum venit in usum Post usum tactum, post tactum venit in actum, Post actum factum post factum poenitet actum. Cur in mundo monstra monstrosiora inveniuntur, Theologus ebrius, vel avarus, Iurisperitus injustus, Medicus valetudinarius, qui seipsum curare non potest? R. Quia eorum professioni vita omnino non quadrat. Puella interrogata utrum vellet in anserem mutari an in gallinam, quid dixit? R. In Gallinam, quia hæ anseribus sunt feliciores, quæ quotidianum Venerem norunt, anseres vero vernam duntaxat. Quænam est differentia inter fures privatos & publicos? R. Fures privatorum furtorum in nervis atque in compedibus vitam agunt, fures autem publici in auro atque in purpura. Scite Diogenes, videns magistratus quendam, qui ex ærario phialam furatus fuisset, comprehensum ducentes, magni (inquit) fures parvum ducunt. Pul-
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47. He was most fiercely reproaching her for her lost chastity, whom he himself believed to be a virgin. To this she said: Why should I have remained intact to you, when you are one-eyed and lack one eye? “This injury,” said the man, “I received from enemies and foes.” “But I,” replied the girl, “got mine from friends.” Leonine verse on love. After seeing comes laughing; after laughing comes habit. After habit comes touching; after touching comes action. After action comes the deed; after the deed, repentance for the deed. Why are more monstrous monsters found in the world: a drunk or miserly theologian, an unjust jurist, a sickly doctor, who cannot cure himself? R. Because life does not at all correspond to their profession. A girl, when asked whether she would rather be changed into a goose or into a hen, what did she say? R. Into a hen, because hens are happier than geese, since they know daily love, whereas geese know it only in spring. What is the difference between private and public thieves? R. Thieves of private thefts live in chains and fetters, but public thieves in gold and purple. Diogenes cleverly, seeing some magistrates who, when a cup had been stolen from the treasury, were leading away the man who had been caught, said: “The great thieves are leading the small one.” Pul-
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Pulchra etymologia nominis Philippi. Phi, nota fætoris, lippus malus omnibus oris. . Phi malus & lippus, totus malus ergo Philippus Recita historiam ridiculam cujusdam Itali morituri? Italus quidam è vita migraturus cum corpus Domini à sacerdote manducandum acciperet, adactus solenni Centurionis dicto; Domine non sum dignus ut intres, verba hæc non gravatim reddebat. At cum ventum esset in eum locum, sub tectum meum, quod Italice suggerebant his verbis à casa mia: Ille vehementer reclamabat, Non à casa mia: atque id cum semel atque iterum fecisset, astantibus multum ægre ferentibus, causam rogatus, Ego inquit, quoad vixi semper in conducta domo habitavi. Quod verbum omnibus ridendi materiam præbuit. Mors Mordet, Omnia Rostro suo ad Viatorem. Disce mori quicunque legis mea scripta viator. Omnes aqua manent funera, disce mori. Disce mori frater, discat cum præsule clerus. Cum juniore senex, cum patiente rudis. Quænam est interpretatio harum Literarum S.P.Q.R.? R. Quot capitolia tot sensus dicebat ille. Romani sic exposuerunt Senatus Populusque Romanus; alii sic, salutem Populi quære Romani. Sibyllæ de Deo sic, Serva populum quem Redemisti. Beda ut deridere: Gothos; stulius populus quærit Rom:um. Galli
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Beautiful etymology of the name Philip. Phi, the sign of stench; lippus, bad to all mouths. Phi bad and lippus, therefore Philip is wholly bad. Recite the ridiculous story of a certain Italian about to die? An Italian, about to depart from life, when he received from the priest the Body of the Lord to be eaten, being constrained by the solemn saying of the Centurion; “Lord, I am not worthy that thou shouldest enter,” did not ungraciously repeat these words. But when he came to the place, “under my roof,” which in Italian they suggested by these words, “à casa mia,” he vehemently cried out, “Not à casa mia!” and when he had done this once and again, and those present were greatly troubled at it, being asked the reason, “I,” said he, “so long as I lived, always dwelt in a rented house.” Which saying furnished all with matter for laughter. Death bites, with its snout, everything for the traveler. Learn to die, whoever reads my writings, traveler. All funerals remain in the water; learn to die. Learn to die, brother; let the clergy learn with the bishop. Let the old man learn with the younger, the rude with the patient. What is the interpretation of these letters S.P.Q.R.? The answer: “As many capitals, so many meanings,” said that man. The Romans thus explained them as Senatus Populusque Romanus; others thus, “Seek the welfare of the Roman People.” The Sibyl concerning God: “Save the people whom Thou hast redeemed.” Bede, to make mockery: “The Goths; the foolish people seeks Rome.” The Gauls
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49. Galli, Si peu que rien. Itali, famosi Poltruni, questi Romani. Germaniæ protestantes, Sublato Papa quic- tum regnum. Catholici, Salus Papa, quies regni. Quare fatui flent splendente sole, & rident quando pluit? R. Quia post splendorem folis sequitur pluvia, post pluviam autem splendor. Focus Ciceronis. Cicero cum à quodam cœna exceptus esset, satis parca & quotidiana, nam pene se nulli negabat, valedicens hospiti, tacite ei in au- rem susurrabat, Non putabam me tibi tam familiarem. Milites cui sunt similes? R. Parochus quidam videns aliquot tem- plum intrantes, abrupto concionis filo sic illos aggressus est: vos milites, inquit, simi- les estis Christo: sicut Christus toti mundo exosus fuit, ita etiam vos hominibus exosi eri- tis: sicuti Christo multæ fuerunt tensæ insi- diæ; sic & vobis insidiæ tendentur. Chri- stus fuit captus, vos etiam capiemini. Chri- stus fuit condemnatus ad mortem, vos etiam condemnabimini. Christus fuit mor- tuus in cruce, vos etiam moriemini sub patibulo. Christus rogatu cujusdam fuit sepultus, vos etiam si qua gratia restat, se- peliemini. Christus resurrexit à mortuis: vos etiam à mortuis resurgetis. Christus ascen- dit ad coelos, at vos descendetis ad 100, mille Diabolorum. C Sy-
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49. The French, little or nothing. The Italians, famous cowards, these Romans. Protestant Germany, with the Pope removed, a quic- tum kingdom. Catholics, the Pope’s safety, the kingdom’s peace. Why do fools weep when the sun is shining, and laugh when it rains? R. Because after sunshine comes rain, and after rain, sunshine. Cicero’s joke. When Cicero had been entertained at supper by someone, a meal quite sparing and ordinary, for he scarcely ever refused anyone, taking leave of his host, he whispered to him quietly in the ear, “I did not think myself so familiar to you.” To whom are soldiers like? R. A certain parish priest, seeing some men enter the church, breaking off the thread of his sermon, thus attacked them: “You soldiers,” he said, “are like Christ: just as Christ was hated by the whole world, so also you will be hated by men; just as many snares were laid for Christ, so also snares will be laid for you. Christ was captured; you also will be captured. Christ was condemned to death; you also will be condemned. Christ was dead on the cross; you also will die beneath the gallows. Christ, at someone’s request, was buried; you also, if any favor remains, will be buried. Christ rose from the dead; you also will rise from the dead. Christ ascended into heaven, but you will descend to 100,000 devils.” C Sy-
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50. Synonyma quænam sunt? Unus Nobilis — Duo Nequam. Unus Magnus — Duo parvi. Unus albus — Duo nigri. Unus Carolus — Duo Joannes. Unus Astutus — Duo simplices. Unus Sobrius — Duo ebriosi. Unus Leo — Duo Leonardi. Unus audax — Duo formidulosi. Pueri cujusdam lepidum dictum. Cum optio quibusdam hominibus data esset, hic se Pontificem maximum, alter opimum Canonicum, alter quippiam aliud se velle esse asseverabat. Tum puer loquaculus, qui aderat: Ego, inquit, pepo esse vellem. Rogatus quam ob causam, quoniam omnes mihi culum olfacerent, est enim mos frequens, ut melones empturi, posteriorem olfaciant partem. Quot sunt genera stultorum? R. Quatuor, 1. Quod tantum minatur, quod à nullo timetur, 2. Quod tantum jurat, quod ei nihil creditur, 3. Quod tantum dat, quod nihil retentum, 4. Quod cum non habeat servitorem, sibi servire recusat. Narræ lepidam historiam de duobus sacrisculis. Sacrificus quidam collectam ex Missa pecuniam in angulo altaris deposuit cum hac inscriptione, Ecce locum ubi posuerunt cum. Alius sacrificus forte fortuna scedulam invenit, sur- repta-
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50. What are synonyms? One noble — two worthless ones. One great one — two little ones. One white one — two black ones. One Charles — two Johns. One clever one — two simple ones. One sober one — two drunk ones. One lion — two Leonards. One bold one — two timid ones. The clever saying of a certain boy. When the choice had been given to certain men, one declared that he wished to be the Supreme Pontiff, another a rich canon, another something else; then a talkative boy, who was present, said: I, he said, would wish to be a melon. When asked for what reason, because everyone would smell my backside; for it is a common custom, when buying melons, to smell the hind part. How many kinds of fools are there? A. Four: 1. He who merely threatens, and is feared by no one. 2. He who merely swears, and is believed by no one. 3. He who only gives, and keeps nothing back. 4. He who, though he has no servant, refuses to serve himself. Tell a witty story about two priests. A certain priest placed the money collected from Mass in a corner of the altar with this inscription: Behold the place where they laid him. Another priest, by chance, found the note, stur-
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51. reptaque pecunia chartam illam inanem & complicatam relinquit cum hac inscriptione, Surrexit non est hic. De impari Conjugio. Sponsam juvenculam, quæ seni marito nuperat, quidam in Nuptiis, ut mæstiorem solito consolatus: Bono animo, inquit, esto: nam vetulus eques tam longum iter potest conficere quam juvenis. Es trabt ein Schimmel so weit, als ein Henest. Huic illa, ductis ex imo pectore suspiriis, & manibus ventrem demulcens, respondet: At non in hac semita. Insulsum dictum Rustici cujusdam. Cum cuidam rustico in montibus Helvetiorum uxor omnesque liberi peste obiissent, rusticus indignabundus: Ego semper audivi, inquit, quicquid homini charum sit, aufert ei diabolus. Duo versus retrogradi. Posco mihi dones sadai cali sator alta. Alta sator cali sadai dones mihi posco. Triste mihi tollas sadai præbens rogo læta. In mendicum qui se pro medico gesserat. Tu te fers medicum, nos te plus esse fatemur. Una tibi plus est litera quam medicus. Utrum qui consuevit multos cibos accipere, plus sustineat jejunium, quam solitus parum comedere? R. Multum comedere solitus melius sustinet jejunium, quia propter præcedentem repletionem habet paululum caloris, & ideo potest C 2
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51. When he had collected the money, he leaves that empty and folded paper with this inscription, He has risen; he is not here. On an Unequal Marriage. A young bride, who had recently married an old husband, was being comforted at a wedding by someone, as if more sad than usual: Be of good cheer, he said; for an old horse can make as long a journey as a young one. Es trabt ein Schimmel so weit, als ein Henest. To this she, drawing sighs from the bottom of her breast, and stroking her belly with her hands, replied: But not on this path. A foolish remark of a certain rustic. When a certain peasant in the mountains of Switzerland, after his wife and all his children had died of the plague, said in anger: I have always heard, he said, that whatever is dear to a man the devil takes from him. Two retrograde verses. I ask that you grant me: sadai cali sator alta. Alta sator cali sadai dones mihi posco. Sad things you take away from me; I pray, giving me glad things: sadai. On a beggar who had pretended to be a physician. You claim to be a physician; we admit that you are more than that. You have one letter more than a physician. Whether one who is accustomed to taking many meals can endure fasting better than one who is used to eating little? R. One who is accustomed to eating much endures fasting better, because, owing to the previous repletion, he has a little heat, and therefore can C 2
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test plus jejunium sustinere: in alio accidit è converso. Fucus Ciceronis in Vannium, qui paucis die- bus consulatum gesserat. Magnum ostentum (inquit) anno Vannii est, quod illo consule, nec hyems, nec ver, nec æstas, nec autumnus fuisset. Quare avidius vorantes citius satiantur? R. Quia avide vorantes multum aëris cum cibo inferunt per hiatum ructus, vel crebritatem respirandi, igitur ubi aer vias compleverit, fastidium cibi fit. De tribus studiosis Theologiæ historia lepida. Obsonium delicatum tribus theologiæ tyronibus appositum, sed ita pusillum ut una vice devorari potuerit. Pacti sunt igitur inter se, ut qui aliquid huic rei congruum, ex evangelicis literis protulerit, toto vesceretur solus. Primus dixit: Desiderio desideravi hoc obsonium manducare. Alter ait: Domum quampiam ingressi, comedite, quæ apponuntur vobis. Tertius direpto obsonio & una vice devorato, in toto Evangelio, inquit, non occurrit huic rei aptius verbum, quam extremum illud, quo usus est Dominus, videlicet, Consummatum est. Raphani marini vires. R. Raphanus marinus stomachum calefacit, cruditates absumit, calculum pellit, omnis generis obstructiones aperit, oculorum vero aciem lædit; & hebetat; ut recte Ovidius, Nil prodest, quod non ladere possit idem. An senes possint rejuvenescere. Tradunt de aquila naturalium rerum scriptores,
Transcription: Translated (English)
to sustain fasting by test: in another case it happens conversely. A joke of Cicero against Vannius, who had held the consulship for only a few days. A great portent (he says) in the year of Vannius was that, during that consulship, there was neither winter, nor spring, nor summer, nor autumn. Why do those who gorge themselves greedily become satiated more quickly? R. Because those who gorge themselves greedily bring in much air with the food through yawning, belching, or frequent breathing; therefore, once the air has filled the passages, disgust for food arises. An amusing story about three students of theology. A delicate dish was set before three beginners in theology, but so small that it could have been devoured in one sitting. They therefore agreed among themselves that whoever produced something suitable to this matter from the evangelical writings would eat the whole thing alone. The first said: “I have eagerly desired to eat this dish.” The second said: “When you enter a house, eat what is set before you.” The third, after seizing the dish and devouring it all at once, said: “In the whole Gospel there occurs no word more fitting for this matter than that last one used by the Lord, namely, ‘It is finished.’” The power of horseradish. R. Horseradish warms the stomach, removes undigested food, drives out the stone, opens all kinds of obstructions, but it harms and dulls the sharpness of the eyes; as Ovid rightly says, “Nothing is useful that cannot also do harm.” Whether the old can become young again. Writers on natural things relate of the eagle,
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53. res, eam quolibet decennio juventutem renovare, serpentes vero etiam quolibet anno. Sed pennarum ista acuta, non corporis mutatio. Aquila enim cum alis ad volatum haud amplius aptis se impedire sentit, concitato cursu in sublime fertur, ideoque ad frigidissimas aquas conversa, ter iis immergitur, postea- quam in nidum evolans, alis pullorum tecta, in sudorem resolvitur veteribusque plumis exutis novas recipit, unde senectutem ipsam exuere creditur, nihil interim minus, quam mutationem in corpore passa: Serpentes vero cum calorem habeant admodum debilem, & cutem hyberno tempore constrictam ac fuliginibus exhalare cupientibus exitum intercludentem, ideo quicquid fulginosi humoris hyeme est congestum in ipsam cutem colligitur, quam siccioremque redditam à subjecta pelle, nullo corporis malo detrahunt, ut mobileores evadant. Quod si est rejuvenescere, quid obstat, quomodo & Homini cui excisi sunt dentes renascuntur, & post scabiem exsiccatam nova cutis efflorescit, juvenescere dici possit. Lepidum dictum Augusti Cæsaris. Augustus Cæsar cum audiret inter pueros, quos Herodes rex infra biennium jussit interfici, filium quoque ejus occisum, ait melius est Herodis porcum esse quam ejus filium. Vivere nostram quid? Ita comparatum est, ut tum primum nos mori arbitramur, cum extremum ducimus C 3 spiri-
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53. it is said that they renew their youth every ten years, and serpents indeed every year. But this is an acute change of feathers, not of the body. For the eagle, when it feels itself hindered by wings no longer suitable for flight, is carried upward by a rapid run, and therefore, turning toward the coldest waters, it plunges into them three times; afterward, flying back to the nest and covering the young with its wings, it works itself into a sweat, and, casting off the old feathers, takes on new ones, whence it is believed to shed old age itself, while in the meantime it undergoes nothing less than a change in the body. Serpents, however, since they have very weak heat, and their skin in winter is tightened and blocks the exit for fumes that wish to exhale, whatever of sooty moisture has collected in winter is therefore gathered into the skin itself, and, being made drier by the underlying skin, they cast it off without any harm to the body, so that they may become more agile. But if this is to rejuvenate, what prevents it? In the same way, as in man whose teeth have been pulled out grow again, and after a scab has dried a new skin blossoms forth, why should this not be called becoming young again. A witty saying of Augustus Caesar. When Augustus Caesar heard that among the boys whom King Herod had ordered to be killed before the age of two, Herod’s own son also had been killed, he said, “It is better to be Herod’s pig than his son.” What is our life? It is so arranged that we think we are dying only then, when we draw our last spiri-
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54. spiritum, quod si animadvertamus, nos singulis diebus & horis ac momentis mori comperiamus, mortem seu inusitatum quid animo concipimus, cum nihil æque familiare nobis circumferamus. Haud aliud est vita nostra quam mors continua, tantundem vitæ decedit, quantum accedit. Qui triens ætatis suæ transegit, tantundem sui parte mortuus est: qui semissem, semi-mortuus: præteriti nostri temporis portio mortua est, præsens vivit simulque moritur, futura similiter morti mancipabitur. Nemo est qui non est morti propinquior post annum, quam ante annum fuit, & cras quam hodie, hodie quam heri, quicquid temporis vivitur de spatio vivendi demitur. Iocus Ciceronis. Cicero cum venisset ad Pompejum dicentibus aliis tarde eum venisse, non inquit serozeni, quia nihil paratum invenio. Nigredo Æthiopum unde? Multis persuasum est, Æthiopes propterea esse nigros quia calidissimam regionem inhabitant. Sed obstat 1. Quod filii Æthiopum etiam in frigidissimis regionibus nascantur nigri etiam si calorem patriæ nunquam sint experti. 2. Quod in calidissimis regionibus, etiam sint homines non nigri, sed vel Europæorum instar candidi aut fusci. 3. Quod Hispani in Æthiopia degentes, non gignerent Liberos alterius coloris, quam in Europa. Causa igitur duplex esse videtur. 1. à regionis æstu. 2. occulta seminis proprietate, qua
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54. spirit, if we notice it, we shall find that each day and hour and moment we die; we imagine death to be something unusual, when in fact we carry about with us nothing equally familiar. Our life is nothing other than a continual death; just as much of life passes away as is added. He who has spent a third part of his age is dead to that extent; he who half, half-dead: the portion of our past time is dead, the present lives and at the same time dies, the future likewise will be surrendered to death. There is no one who is not nearer to death after a year than he was before that year, and tomorrow than today, today than yesterday; whatever time is lived is taken away from the span of life. A joke of Cicero. When Cicero had come to Pompey, and others said that he had arrived late, he replied, not too late, because I find nothing prepared. Whence the blackness of the Ethiopians? Many have been persuaded that the Ethiopians are black because they inhabit a very hot region. But this is contradicted: 1. Because the children of Ethiopians are born black even in the coldest regions, even if they have never experienced the heat of their homeland. 2. Because in the hottest regions there are also men who are not black, but either as white as Europeans or dark. 3. Because Spaniards living in Ethiopia would not beget children of a different color than in Europe. The cause, therefore, seems to be twofold: 1. from the heat of the region. 2. from a hidden property of the seed, by which
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55 qua sit ut è nigris nigri, è candidis candidi generentur. Iucunda historia de Rege Francia. Rex Franciæ Philippus clericos quosdam pauperes ad coenam invitaverat, at unus illo- rum in fine mensæ caponem abstulit. Illum Rex animi gratiâ semotis arbitris interrogat quam scientiam profiteretur, Theologiam in- quit, tum rex: Nonne legisti in S. I. Nolite esse solicit de cibo. Imo respondit & ego vo- lui deponere omnem solicitudinem & certus esse, ideo caponem mecum sumere volui. Crepitus ventris excusatus. Emiserat quidam ingentem ventris crepi- tum in densa hominum turba; Objurgatus ob hanc rem ab amico, per Iovem, inquit, meus podex jam dudum loqui desiderat, sed nihil illi deest, præter linguam tuam. De Puella delicata Straubingensi. Erat Puella delicata & præpetulans Strau- bingensi Cauponi cuipiam: hanc lascivus Sa- cerdos amabat. Fortè miles ex Ungaria redi- ens apud Cauponem divertebatur qui & ipse Cauponis filiam perdite amare incipiebat, sed ab ea repulsus aliquoties, cepit tandem ob- servare, quem amaret: viditque colloquen- tem in templo cum Sacerdote. Quadam no- cte, cum hospites coenam diutius protrahe- rent, & puella sæpius ad ingressum domus de- scenderet, miles subsecutus sese occultavit sub gradibus. Intromissus ibi Sacerdos & à puella in balneolum deductus atque ibi moras trahe- re C 4
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55 from blacks, black; from whites, white, may be generated. A pleasant story about the King of France. King Philip of France had invited certain poor clerics to supper, but one of them at the end of the meal carried off a capon. The King, for the sake of information, questioned him when the bystanders had been sent away, what science he professed; “Theology,” he said. Then the king: “Have you not read in Holy Scripture, ‘Be not anxious about food’?” “Indeed,” he replied, “and I wished to lay aside all anxiety and be certain; therefore I wished to take the capon with me.” A breaking of wind excused. A certain man had let out a tremendous breaking of wind in a dense crowd of people. Reprimanded for this by a friend, “By Jupiter,” he said, “my backside has long since wished to speak, but it lacks nothing except your tongue.” About a delicate girl of Straubing. There was a delicate and very wanton girl belonging to some innkeeper of Straubing; a lustful priest loved her. By chance a soldier returning from Hungary was staying at the inn, and he too began to love the innkeeper’s daughter desperately, but having been repulsed by her several times, he finally began to observe whom she loved; and he saw her conversing in the church with the priest. One night, when the guests were prolonging supper for a long time and the girl repeatedly came down to the entrance of the house, the soldier followed and hid himself under the stairs. The priest was let in there and led by the girl into a little bathhouse, and there to tarry C 4
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56. re jussus fuit, dum hospires irent cubitum. Pollicetur meretricula se mox rediturum, at- que inde in suum cubile secum abducturum. Miles his auditis; ut primùm ascendit in supe- riorem domum puella, statim magno cum im- petu in balneolum irruptit, Patrem se filiæ es- se simulat, verberibus mulctat Sacerdotem ei- que vestem detrahit, & extra domum protrubat: se verò in balneolum confert, & desertam à Sacerdote stationem occupat. Iam ubi ho- spites cubitum ivissent, celeriter redit virgo, & apprehensum toga sacerdotali militem pro Sacerdote secum in lectulum suum per tenebras abducit. Nocte intempesta ad ostium re- vertitur exturbatus Sacerdos, & fenestram cu- biculi, in quo meretricula cum milite cubabat, longurio pulsat. Illa rata militem esse istum pulsatorem, monet suum amatorem ut hominem lotio perfundat: Hic inquit, miles est qui has nobis facit molestias. Quæso te mi Domine, hæc urinâ madefactum ab ostio re- move. Paret miles & sacerdotem undique conspergit. Ille tristis recedit, & iratus mere- triculæ. At miles antelucano tempore à mere- tricula discedit, quasi ad preces matutinas in templum iturus: Progressus à caupona, ubi sa- cerdotale pallium reliquerat, abit in tem- plum, sequitur paulò post meretrix, ut Sacer- dotem quæreret, & de causa derelictæ vestis eum rogaret. Verum ubi Sacerdos illam con- spexit, iratus exprobrat illi suam exclusio- nem, & acceptam nocte contumeliam. Dolo militis cognito, veniam puella impetrat, Sa- cerdos
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56. He was ordered to remain, while the guests went to bed. The little prostitute promises that she will soon return, and will then take him away with her to her own bed. The soldier, hearing this, as soon as the girl went up to the upper room, immediately burst violently into the little bath-room, pretended to be the girl’s father, punished the priest with blows, and stripped off his clothes, and thrust him out of the house; then he himself went into the bath-room, and occupied the station left empty by the priest. Now when the guests had gone to bed, the girl quickly returned, and, taking the soldier in the priestly robe for the priest, led him with her through the darkness into her own little bed. In the dead of night the expelled priest returned to the door, and knocked with a long pole at the window of the room in which the little prostitute was lying with the soldier. She, thinking that it was the soldier knocking, tells her lover to douse the man with urine: “This,” she says, “is the soldier who is causing us all these troubles. I beg you, my lord, remove this one, wet with urine, from the door.” The soldier obeys and drenches the priest on all sides. He departs sadly, and angrily at the little prostitute. But the soldier leaves the prostitute before daybreak, as if he were going to the temple for morning prayers: having gone from the inn, where he had left the priestly cloak, he goes to the temple; shortly afterward the prostitute follows, to look for the priest and ask him about the reason for the abandoned garment. But when the priest saw her, he angrily reproaches her for shutting him out, and for the insult suffered in the night. When the soldier’s trick is discovered, the girl obtains pardon, the priest
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57. cerdos noctu recipitur, miles auro corrumpitur, ut rem istam alto silentio teneat. Diogenes Cynicus domum epulonis cujusdam videns inscriptum, pretio venalem, quid dixit? R. Sclebam aliquando fore, ut diuturna crapula Dominum evomeres. Cur sternutantes salutantur? R. Romæ aliquando pestis inguinaria fuit tam sæva, ut homines in via, in mensa, in ludis, in colloquiis subito morerentur. Itaque cum quis sternutabat sæpe cum sternutatione spiritum exhalabat, unde, cum aliquem sternutantem quis audiebat, statim accurrens, Deus te adjuvet, acclamabat. Et abhinc adhuc consuetudo servatur, ut cum aliquem sternutantem audimus, Deus te adjuvet, acclamemus. Sones cur suspiciosi? R. Quia increduili, increduili quia experti, hoc est, quia compertum habent, quanta sit hominum perversitas non facile credunt, sed suspicantur. Cibus Rusticorum qualls? R. Panis ater, caseus, pila, lentes, olera, carnes bubulæ & vaccinæ, vetustissima cæpa & allium. Ebrietas varia: Ebrietas est varia, pro ejus natura qui bibit, & pro vini conditione in facultate, colore, consistentia & sapore: si quis enim cute perspirabili, uracur tenuivino, quod non aspi- rando C 5
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57. Pigs are received by night, a soldier is bribed with gold, so that he may keep this matter in deep silence. When Diogenes the Cynic saw the house of a certain glutton, with the inscription, “For sale,” what did he say? R. I knew long ago that, from a long debauch, you would vomit up your master. Why are those who sneeze greeted? R. At Rome there was once a plague of the groin so severe that men died suddenly in the street, at table, in games, in conversation. And so when someone sneezed, he would often breathe out his life with the sneezing; hence, when anyone heard someone sneezing, he would run up at once and cry out, “God help you.” And from that time the custom is still observed, that when we hear someone sneeze, we cry, “God help you.” Why are old men suspicious? R. Because they are incredulous, and incredulous because experienced; that is, because they know how great human perversity is, they do not easily believe, but suspect. What is the food of rustics like? R. Black bread, cheese, beans, lentils, vegetables, beef and veal, very old onions and garlic. Various drunkenness: Drunkenness is various, according to the nature of the drinker, and according to the condition of the wine in its strength, color, consistency, and taste: for if anyone, with a perspirable skin, is heated by thin wine, which not by breathing C 5
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58. rando est nervis molestum, is non facile ebrius fiet, aut si fiat, facile evanescet ebrietas: Si quis vero non sit perspirabili cute, ut mulier, se liberalius vino invitat, ut non facile ebriæ fiat, diutissime tamen durat illa ebrietas: cerebrum enim in his frigidum, & humidum una cum ventriculo: hinc inopia caloris nati- vi, unde non facile dissipantur vapores à vi- no elati. Homo quæ re maxime indiget? R. Eâ, quam medici recusando accipiunt, & recusant accipiendo: quia dicendo nolo accipiunt pecunias, ita auferunt apostemata vestrorum marsupiorum, eorumque interea plane examinant & purgant. Jocose & eleganter Belgæ, Rapen is een soo goed kruyt, alle man is om rapen uyt. Quando Lupus fuit mansuetus? Respondit quidam studiosus macilentus quadragesimalis ex Hungaria oriundus: Lupus fuit mansuetus dum esset in arca Noe. Tunc enim se captum videns vix obliquis oculis ovem intueri audebat. Recte aliquando etiam olitor est opportuna loquutus. Quinam sunt stulto stultiores? R. Aucupes & venatores: hi enim mane surgunt, nulla tempestatis habita ratione, per æstus, per frigora, incertæ exiguae prædæ spe sub dio vagantur hyberno maxime tempore, quando feris anatibus insidiæ struuntur. Iam canes secum ducunt, jam accipitrem manu ferunt, jam retibus, amitibus, aliisque decidi-
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58. When anything is troublesome to the nerves, it does not easily make one drunk, or if it does, the drunkenness quickly passes away: but if someone whose skin is not perspirable, like a woman, indulges himself more freely with wine, so that he does not easily become drunk, nevertheless that drunkenness lasts a very long time; for in such people the brain is cold and moist, together with the stomach: hence there is a lack of natural heat, so that the vapors raised by wine are not easily dispersed. What does a man most need? R. That which doctors take by refusing, and refuse by taking: because by saying “I will not” they accept money, and thus remove the abscesses from your purses, while in the meantime they thoroughly examine and cleanse them. Wittily and elegantly The Belgians: “Rapen is een soo goed kruyt, alle man is om rapen uyt.” When was the wolf tame? A certain studious, lean, fasting scholar from Hungary answered: The wolf was tame while he was in Noah’s ark. For then, seeing himself captured, he scarcely dared to look at the sheep with oblique eyes. Thus even the gardener sometimes spoke fittingly. Who are more foolish than fools? R. Fowlers and hunters: for they rise in the morning, paying no regard to the weather, and through heat and through cold they roam under the open sky for the hope of a small and uncertain prey, especially in the winter season, when snares are laid for wild ducks. Now they lead dogs with them, now they carry a hawk in their hand, now with nets, poles, and other means of falling-
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decipulis ad sicedulas, perdices, coturnices, alaudas, &c. capiendas accommodatis, onusti incedunt; tum retia operose explicant, falconis vel accipitris volatum observant, redeuntem anxie exspectant, ac sæpe media hyeme, per flumina per nives totum diem sequuntur, non sine valetudinis discidio: completo die vix unam, aut alteram aviculam, domum reportant. Quod si ineat rationem ejus quod in falcones, canes, retia aliaque instrumenta impenderit videbit sine perspicillis se cum ratione insanire. Anhelitus felium veneficum. Pravus est anhelitus felium, novi enim quosdam, qui cum noctu in lectis feles secum habuissent, & in lectum ab eis aerem inspirassent, hectica febri tandem consumpti perierunt. Nec ita pridem in monasterio quodam, ubi permulti catti familiariter nutre- bantur & in coenaculis cubilibusque, & lectis frequenter erant, adeo plerique infecti sunt, ut intra breve tempus, nec Missa nec Vespera eo in monasterio decantarent. Ex his intelligere est, quam minime fabulosum sit, quod vulgus dictitat, feles infantibus esse exitiales: ipsorum enim ori toto corpore incumbentes, fuliginis exitum; & thoracis motum intercipiunt, ac pestifera, quando se demittunt, aura, & exhalatione tenellorum infantium spiritus inficiunt & præfocant. Cum mulieribus infæcundis quid agendum? R. Mitte illas ad Thomas Badenses & res erit
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trained for catching siskins, partridges, quails, larks, &c., they go about laden; then they laboriously spread the nets, watch the flight of the falcon or hawk, anxiously await its return, and often in the middle of winter, through rivers and through snow they follow it all day, not without injury to their health: when the day is over, they bring home scarcely one, or two little birds. And if he reckons up what he has spent on falcons, dogs, nets, and other equipment, he will see, without spectacles, that he is mad with reason. The noxious breath of cats. The breath of cats is bad; for I know certain people who, when they had cats with them in bed at night, and breathed the air from them into the bed, finally perished, consumed by hectic fever. Not long ago, too, in a certain monastery, where very many cats were kept familiarly and were often in the dining rooms and sleeping places and beds, so many were infected that in a short time neither Mass nor Vespers were sung in that monastery. From this it may be understood how little fabulous is what the common people say, that cats are deadly to infants: for as they lie over the whole body on the infant’s mouth, they block the exit of the soot, and the movement of the chest, and, when they settle down, with their pestilential breath and exhalation they infect and suffocate the spirit of tender infants. What should be done with infertile women? R. Send them to Thomas of Baden, and the matter will be
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erit in vado: de his enim thermis ita Poggius Florentinus Leonardo Aretino scribit: Nulla (inquit) in orbe terrarum balnea ad fecunditatem mulierum magis accommodata esse: innumerabilem multitudinem nobilium & ingnobilium ducenta millia passuum eo venire non tam valetudinis quam voluptatis causa. Omnes amatores, omnes procos, quibus in deliciis vita est posita, eo concurrere ut fruantur rebus concupitis, multas foeminas corporum simulare ægritudines cum animo laborent, omnibus unam mentem esse tristitiam fugare, quærere hilaritatem, Non de communi dividundo agere: sed de communicando divisa. Has ipsas thermas. August. Busbeq. epist. 3: fol, 138. conciliatrices amorum vocat, quod si sinistro quodam fato balnea ista nihil proderunt, uxores ad Academias mitti possunt, ubi omnium facultatum studiosi facile rimabuntur sterilitatis causas: norunt enim plerunque morbos mulierum, præsertim studiosi medicinæ, quibus pro viva Anatomia esse possunt, facilique labore sterilitatem abigent, foecunditatemque provocabunt. Præscribe mihi aureum dogma. R. Quæ supra nos nihil ad nos. Itaque auriga loquatur de curru, tutor de crepidis, nauta de ventis, faber lignarius de securi, coquus de jure, carne assa, elixa, frixa, de brassica & de omnibus ad culinam pertinentibus. Ubi visuntur quam plurimi cornuti. R. Nullibi magis quam in Italia & in pri- mis
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Indeed, in the marsh: for concerning these baths Poggio the Florentine writes to Leonardo of Arezzo thus: “There are,” he says, “no baths in the world more suited to the fertility of women; an innumerable crowd of nobles and commoners comes there, from two hundred thousand paces away, not so much for health as for pleasure. All lovers, all suitors, whose life is devoted to luxury, flock there to enjoy the things they desire; many women, feigning disorders of the body while their minds are troubled, all have but one purpose: to drive away sadness, to seek cheerfulness, not to deal with the division of common property, but with the sharing of what is divided.” Busbequius also calls these same baths, in epistle 3, fol. 138, “promoters of love”; and if, by some ill fate, those baths should help nothing, wives may be sent to the academies, where students of every discipline will easily discover the causes of sterility; for they generally know the diseases of women, especially those who study medicine, for whom women may serve as a living anatomy, and with little labor they will drive away sterility and bring about fertility. Prescribe for me the golden maxim. R. What is above us is nothing to us. Therefore let the coachman speak of the carriage, the tutor of shoes, the sailor of winds, the carpenter of the axe, the cook of broth, roasted meat, boiled meat, fried meat, of cabbage, and of everything pertaining to the kitchen. Where are the greatest number of cuckolds seen? R. Nowhere more than in Italy, and above all
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6r. mis Venetiis: ubi enim mercatores ultra annum peregre profecti, inferiorem corporis partem, instrumento quodam ex ferro & chajybe confecto, & gossypio artificiose refecto circumdant & obseratam relinquunt, sed quam vanum hoc sit, palam est. Mus miser est antro, quifaltem clauditur uno. Sie wissen mehr löcher alseines. Invitam namque, custodire æque difficile est, quam in ferventi sole gregem observasse. Et licet eas custodiretis, non secus ac pater Acrisius suam Danaen. Quam turris abenea Robusta Quæ fores, et vigilium canum Excubia muniebant. Horat. lib. 2. od. 6. Imo Wann jhr sie an die seiten henget, Wie ein Fuhrmans tasch, consilium tamen invenient, quo vos eludent, certius namque, si nullis repagulis clauderentur, fortassis fideliores essent, sed si Argum apponas, aut Atlantem custodem constituas, erumpet tamen & evadet, maneat potius quilibet domi, ne longæ ipsius exspectationes pertæsæ, tu Clytemnestra cum servis, qui tenentur operas Domini præstare, se commisceat, Dan wen jhnen dasz fleisch hebt an zu jücken, nehmen sie was da ist, & secundum Bechmannum, Non herbis hic fit rigidis quos educat hortus Carne opus est illis si saturare velis. Hinc etiam Dianira anxie conqueritur quod ob crebram mariti absentiam, ea vo- lupta- C 7
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6r. as in Venice: for indeed merchants who have travelled abroad for more than a year, encircle the lower part of the body with some instrument made of iron and steel, artificially lined with cotton, and leave it fastened shut; but how vain this is is plainly evident. A mouse is wretched in a cave, if it is shut in by only one hole. They know more holes than one. For in truth, to guard against it is just as difficult as to watch a flock in the blazing sun. And even if you should guard them, not otherwise than King Acrisius guarded his Danaë. With what a brazen tower Mighty were the doors, and the watch Of vigilant dogs that protected it. Horat. lib. 2. od. 6. Indeed, when you hang them at your sides, like a carter’s bag, they will nevertheless find a way to outwit you; for certainly, if they were enclosed by no bars, they would perhaps be more faithful, but if you set Argus as guard, or appoint Atlas as custodian, still it will burst forth and escape. Better let each one stay at home, lest, weary of long waiting, your Clytemnestra mingle with servants who are obliged to perform their master’s duties. When the flesh begins to itch in them, they take what is at hand; and according to Bechmann, Not with rigid herbs does the garden make those it brings forth It is flesh they need, if you wish to satisfy them. Hence too Dianira complains anxiously that because of her husband’s frequent absence, that plea- C 7
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62. Iuptate destinatur, qua aliæ mulieres sole- rent oblectari, qua ratione & viduam se no- minat. Vir mihi semper abest, & conjuge notior hospes, Monstraque terribiles persequiturque feras. Ipsa domo vidua, votis operosa pudicis. Torqueor, infesto ne vir ab hoste cadat. Certè, quo sæpius mariti proficiscuntur, eo sæpius uxores eorum obliviscuntur, unde Helena Menelai uxor de marito absente con- queritur, —— prorsus ne sola jaceret. Hospitis est tepido nocte retenta sinu, Scitum Demadis dictum. Cum Athenienses vellent Alexandro divi- nos honores impendere, dixit Demades, Vi- dete (inquit) ne dum coelum custoditis, terram amittatis. Est ne ducenda Aulica? R. Nullo modo, caveat sibi quilibet ne ducat talem, Den sie pflegen gemeiniglich mit zerbrochen geschirren zu jubiliren. Moneo ha- rum sectatores, ne semper amabiles sperent nescii auræ fallacis, nec nimium illis fidant, sed mucronem alio vertant. Nam aulicæ ancillæ thermis & balneis in- servientes, meretrices & nutrices sub eodem militant vexillo, juxta illud. Hoff Magd, Bad Magd, huren und Ammen, Gehören zusammen in einem stammen. Tot enim & tam multi Equites, & Domi- celli virginum claustris & thesauris latronum more
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62. For that enjoyment, by which other women are accustomed to be amused, she says for what reason she is a widow. My husband is always away, and the guest is better known to the wife than the husband, and he pursues monstrous and terrible wild beasts. A widow in her own house, busy with chaste vows. I am tormented, lest my husband fall before a hostile enemy. Certainly, the more often husbands go away, the more often are their wives forgotten by them; hence Helen, the wife of Menelaus, complains about her absent husband, —— lest she should lie quite alone. The guest is kept through the night in a warm embrace, a witty saying of Demades. When the Athenians wished to bestow divine honors on Alexander, Demades said, Take care (he said) lest, while you are guarding heaven, you lose the earth. Is an Aulic woman to be married? R. By no means; let everyone beware of marrying such a one, for they usually rejoice with broken dishes. I warn the followers of these women not always to hope for amiable favors, for they know not the deceitful breeze, nor trust them too much, but turn the point elsewhere. For the Aulic maidservants serving in baths and thermal baths, whores and nurses serve under the same banner, according to the saying: Housemaid, bathmaid, whores and nurses, belong together in one stock. So many and so many knights, and young ladies of the virgins’ cloisters and of the treasures of thieves, after the manner of robbers
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63. more insidiantur, Wie jederman an ihnen zu Ritter worden, partem Lenociniis verborum, amorem extorquent, & cum puellulis istis (Non sit, pulonas molliat apta manus.) His saltem de rebus colloquuntur quæ ad amorem faciunt tantos obscænos sermones proferunt, quibus ipsum Plutonem ex infernis producere possent, Da sparet mon beyderseyts der Ehren, und behilfft sich alleweil des scandirens. Ibi prudens & ætate confecta Gynæcei magistra (à) ove principium) à quot olim procis sit adamatæ narrat, quibus muneribus dignata, quibus blanditiis ambita. Hæ enarrat, quot gemmas, quot monilia, quot catenulas extorserit, quot strophiola, quot basia illa reddiderit. Alia commemorat singulari quodam dicendi lepore, quoties nuper cum hoc vel illo collocuta fuerit, ô inquit quæ dixit eorum recordabor quoad victurus sim! Tanta pietate præditus est, adeo si cum eo dormiam, nihil incommodi mihi illaturus est; altera illius sermonem interrumpit & de Comædiis tragoediisque incipit, quisque melius suam personam expresserit, facere dijudicat. Tandem discessa gynæcei magistra Pamphilus adest, qui glycerium suum bene absolvit: Hisce sermonibus tempus terunt, & quæcunque dicunt, secum aliarum admiratione dicere putant, si recte considerabis internum non externum Aulicarum habitum, invenietis sub formosis istis pellibus turpissima monstra latitare: memores enim aulicarum deliciarum earum non obliviscuntur, & qua,
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63. more snares are laid, and how everyone is won over to them; by the arts of flattery in words they extort love, and with those little girls (Non sit, pulonas molliat apta manus.) They at least converse about such things as promote love; they utter such obscene talk that they could bring even Pluto himself up from the underworld. In the meantime he on all sides preserves the honor, and meanwhile keeps making use of slander. There the prudent and aged mistress of the gynaeceum (from the beginning of the story) tells how many suitors of old were in love with her, with what gifts she was honored, and with what flatteries she was courted. She recounts how many gems, how many necklaces, how many chains she wrung from them, how many ribbons, how many kisses she returned. Another, with a certain singular grace of speech, recalls how often she has recently conversed with this man or that, and says, “Oh, what she said I shall remember as long as I live! He is endowed with such piety, so that if I should sleep with him, he will bring me no harm”; another interrupts her speech and begins speaking of comedies and tragedies, judging which person has best portrayed his role. At last, when the mistress of the gynaeceum has departed, Pamphilus arrives, who has duly settled his affair with Glycerium. With these conversations they pass the time, and whatever they say they think they are saying to the admiration of others; if you rightly consider not the outward but the inward appearance of the court ladies, you will find that beneath those beautiful skins most hideous monsters are concealed: for remembering the delights of the ladies of the court, they do not forget them, and what,
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64. qua, ut verum fateamur, fidelitate & integritate maritis puram virginitatem afferunt, notum est, ubi sperant se in Angliam profecturos in Hollandiam pelluntur. O quanto dolore miser maritus afficitur; quoties cogitur legere Mathiam de Afflictis, dum illa legit Ioannem in extravagantibus; ferenda omnia, dissimulandæ hanreitates, & patiendi factus. Quod si maritus extravagationes prohibere velit incipit illa stomachari & rixari Wirft mit Schelmen und Dieben umb sich, sonderlich wenn sie Margaretha heist, derer sieben den Teuffel die höllen zu eng machen. Margari- des septem spoliasse feruntur Avernum. Inter- dum, cum amatoribus paciscuntur, ut maritum bene contusum & communibus impensis de- lumbatum remittant, quod injuriam sibi factam ulciscantur & vindicent, eos adamata accipiunt, quos antea nihil pendebant. Unde Ovid. lib. 2. de arte amandi non immerito de ira foeminarum ait, Sed neque Salvus Aper media tam sævus in ira est. Fulmineo rapidus dum rotat ore canes.} Femina quam. &c. Cur canes sublato altero pede posteriori min- gunt? R. Ne sibi urina calceamenta contami- nent. Historia jucunda de quodam Italo. Italus quidam opulentus, cum stipem opimam mendico erogaret, mendicus illi gratias
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64. Indeed, as we must admit, they bring to husbands a pure virginity with fidelity and integrity. It is well known how, when they hope to go to England, they are driven off into Holland. O how much sorrow the poor husband suffers; how often he is forced to read Matthias de Afflictis, while she reads John in the Extravagantes; everything must be endured, outrages must be overlooked, and one must be made patient. But if the husband wishes to forbid these vagaries, she begins to grow angry and to quarrel. She throws around herself with rogues and thieves, especially when she is called Margaretha, of whom seven would make the devil think hell too narrow. The seven Margarets are said to have plundered Avernus. Sometimes, when they make terms with their lovers, so that they may send back the husband well beaten and, at common expense, shaved close, they embrace those they previously cared nothing for, so that they may revenge and avenge the wrong done to themselves. Hence Ovid, book 2 of De Arte Amandi , not without reason says of the anger of women: “But not even Salvus Aper is so savage in his anger in the middle of the road. Swiftly he turns the dogs about with his lightning mouth.”} “Femina quam. &c.” Why do dogs urinate with one of their hind legs lifted? R. So that they may not soil their shoes with urine. A pleasant story about a certain Italian. A certain wealthy Italian, when he was giving a rich alms to a beggar, the beggar thanked him
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65. tias egit, multaque fausta homini precabatur, atque intercætera optabat, ut angeli animam ejus in paradisum veherent: dives aversatus hoc votum, respondit piu sero che puo esser. id est, serius quam fieri potest: divitias suas cognitas, coelestibus ignotis & adhuc sperandis præferens. An alterius uxoris custodiendi absente marito causa nos solum de die sed etiam de nocte adesse cogitur? R. Negat id Nov. 134. cap 9. Verum nos contrarium asserimus, valde enim periculosum solum dormire præsertim sexui foemineo, propter lemures, spectra nocturna, incubos à quibus valde infestantur, qui timidum muliercularum animum facile consternare possunt: sic ex nimia solitudine oritur melancholia, quæ difficulter curari potest, ergo eam ut proprium corpus defendere tenetur. Multæ foeminæ inveniuntur, quibus talis consuetudo innata est, ut ne unam noctem solæ dormire possint, nec illud ullo modo evelli & eradicari potest, qui vero id fiat nos latet, siquidem non omnium rerum ratio reddi potest, præter quod dicimus, tantam consuetudinem iis esse alteram naturam, &c. propterea. Natura sequitur foemina quisque sua. Circa hoc tamen estote providi ut hanrei zetis in occulto, ne habeatis mercedem vestram in propatulo, vitam enim qui in amoribus habet, os habeat obseratum oporret. Cui.
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65. He did this, and was praying many blessings upon the man, and among other things wished that the angels would carry his soul into paradise: the rich man, rejecting this wish, replied: piu sero che puo esser. that is, later than can possibly be: preferring his riches, known to him, to heavenly things, unknown and still to be hoped for. Is, on account of guarding another man's wife in her husband's absence, we compelled to be present not only by day but also by night? R. Nov. 134, cap. 9 denies it. But we assert the contrary, for it is very dangerous to sleep alone, especially for the female sex, because of lemures, nocturnal spectres, incubi, by whom they are greatly troubled, who can easily terrify the timid mind of women: thus from excessive solitude arises melancholy, which can hardly be cured, therefore she is bound to defend it as her own body. Many women are found in whom such a habit is innate, so that they cannot sleep alone for even one night, nor can it by any means be cast out and rooted up; but how this may happen is unknown to us, since an account cannot be given of all things, besides which we say that so great a habit is in them another nature, &c. therefore. Each woman follows her own nature. Nevertheless, be careful about this, so that you conceal the matter in secret, lest you have your reward in public, for he who lives in loves must keep his mouth shut. Cui.
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66. Gu. Horol. prin. l. 2. c. 12. Mann musz schweigen wenn einem Barmhertzigkeit widerfahren ist. Facile enim contingere posset, ut te repudiato alter admittatur. Focus de quodam Helvetio. Helvetius quidam in alpibus pascendi pecorum curâ detentus, quod rarissime in templa Deorum veniret, semel instigatus à vicinis fuis in hebdomada magna, quam & sanctam vocant, matutinis interfuit. Et cum solito more extinctis luminibus tumultus fingeretur, quem Iudæi concitasse creduntur in captione Christi, ille extracto gladio, in angulo fani stetit summo timore perculsus: cumque lumina rursus accenderentur, vicinum suum acclamans, quæsivit anne vulneratus esset? Et interea vidit Sacerdotes imaginem crucifixi portantes; & quoniam non novit imaginem, dixit, Ego benè cogitavi tantum tumultum non finitum iri sine homicidio. Historia de Rege Philippo. Regi summo Philippo obviam factus mendicus petit largam eleemosynam quia frater ejus esset, quæsivit rex ex qua parte, de Adam inquit: rex jussit ei dare numulum. Et cum diceret, hoc non est donum regis fratris, respondit rex: si omnibus fratribus tantum darem, nihil penitus retinerem. Quæritur, an quis cum sponsa nondum ad maritum deducta hanreitatem committere dicatur? R. Quidam negant: Nos affirmamus arg. l. 13. 83. ff. ad l. Iul. de Adulte. & verbum; plecti-
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66. Gu. Horol. prin. l. 2. c. 12. A man must be silent when mercy has been shown to him. Facile enim contingere posset, ut te repudiato alter admittatur. A story of a certain Swiss man. A certain Swiss man, detained in the Alps by the care of tending cattle, because he very rarely came to the temples of the gods, was once, at the urging of his neighbors, present at matins in Holy Week, which they also call sacred. And when, according to custom, the lights had been extinguished and a disturbance was feigned, which the Jews are believed to have stirred up at the capture of Christ, he, drawing his sword, stood in a corner of the church, struck with great fear; and when the lights were lit again, calling out to his neighbor, he asked whether he had been wounded? And in the meantime he saw the priests carrying the image of the crucified one; and because he did not know the image, he said, “I thought well that so great a disturbance would not end without murder.” A story about King Philip. A beggar, having met the great King Philip, asked for a generous alms because he was his brother. The king asked from what side, “from Adam,” he said. The king ordered a coin to be given to him. And when he said, “This is not a gift from my brother the king,” the king replied: “If I gave as much to all my brothers, I would retain nothing at all.” The question is whether a person is said to commit incest with a bride who has not yet been led to her husband? Answer: Some deny it; we affirm it, according to the argument from l. 13. 83. ff. ad l. Iul. de Adulte. and the word; punish-
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67. plectitur, ut facit l. 1. de v. 5. Concedimus quidem: quod uxor Domini non sit ut est textus l. 12. ff. de ritu Nupt. uxor tantum esse intelligtur in his, quæ ad ejus honestatem pertinent, & non nuptiæ duntaxat, verum etiam spes nuptiarum violari non debet, & quamvis carnaliter non cognoverit, Ist noch nicht mit dem ledern seil drüber gewesen, tamen ipsius uxor est sponsus æque ac maritus subjectum patiens & bonus vir dicetur. Et quis ignoret cingendum haberi pro cincto, moribundum pro mortuo, condemmandum pro condemnato, sponsam copulandam pro copulata, repudiandam pro repudiata, Gad de v. 5 ad 5. 12. nu. 15. Alii distinguunt inter sponsalia de futuro & de præsenti, ut faciunt canonistæ in c. pen. x. de spons. quam tamen distinctionem usus fori hodierni non observat, ut notat. Treut. de nupt. l. 1. Focus Diogenis in Aristhenem. Diogenes ita in Aristhenem magistrum jocabatur: ipse me pauperem fecit ex divite, & pro amplá domo fecit in dolio habitare. Poena Hanreitatis quænam? R. Licet apud multas gentes gravis poena constituta erat Hanrificis, tamen Germanos ullam poenam illis constituisse nullibi invenio. Apud Ægyptios illis virilia exsecabantur, alibi naribus amputabantur, Diodor. Sicul. lib. 2. bibl. cap. 3. Epigr. Apud alios pilorum evulsione puniebantur, poena quidem ridiculosa, sed tamen ignominiosa. Apud anti- quos
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67. is included, as is done in l. 1. de v. 5. We do indeed concede: that a wife of the Lord is not, as the text is in l. 12. ff. de ritu Nupt. she is understood to be a wife only in those matters that pertain to her honor, and not only the marriage itself, but also the hope of marriage ought not to be violated, and although he has not known her carnally, Ist noch nicht mit dem ledern seil drüber gewesen, nevertheless she is his wife; betrothed as well as husband is the subject who suffers, and he shall be called a good man. And who does not know that one to be girded is regarded as girded, the dying man as dead, the condemned man as condemned, the bride to be joined as joined, the repudiated woman as repudiated, Gad de v. 5 ad 5. 12. nu. 15. Others distinguish between betrothals of the future and of the present, as do the canonists in c. pen. x. de spons. yet this distinction is not observed by the usage of the present courts, as Treut. notes de nupt. l. 1. The jest of Diogenes against Aristhenes. Diogenes thus jested against his teacher Aristhenes: he made me poor out of rich, and instead of a large house made me live in a barrel. What is the punishment for harlotry? R. Although among many peoples a severe punishment was established for harlots, nevertheless I find nowhere that the Germans established any punishment for them. Among the Egyptians their genitals were cut off; elsewhere their noses were cut off, Diodor. Sicul. lib. 2. bibl. cap. 3. Epigr. Among others they were punished by plucking out of the hair, a punishment indeed ridiculous, but nevertheless disgraceful. Among the ancient
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68. quos germanos mos fuit, ut rebellionis seu conspirationis in Imperatorem Rom. rei, canem imperii, ignominiose in dorso gestarent. Span. in Chron. Interesset Reipub. ut singulis diebus festis spectante universo populo duo Cornua cervina capite gestaret Cornutus. Mulieres et virgines qui illibatas conservare velint quid faciendum? R. Diligenter sibi caveant ab illis, quos vulgus vocat studiosos sive studentes, adeo enim rapax est hoc genus hominum, & ita saluti mulierum pariter ac virginum insidiantur, ut fidem omnem exsuperet, circumeunt eas ut rugientes leones, occasionemque quærunt qua mulieribus & virginibus impune possint imponere, tam humaniter tam amice se gerunt, ut putares esse parvos Angelos, cum revera sint meri Diaboli; in pellibus ovinis ad vos veniunt, intrinsecus vero sunt lupi rapaces, Sie zerbrechen den hafen, und lasseu euch die Scherben ausz lecken. Sæpe ad templa non quidem orandi gratia veniunt sed ut uxores vestras filiasque, quæ in uno tertio cum illis conveniant, spectent & videant, nutibusque vel gesticulationibus amorem suum illis patefaciant. Et si caveæ illas incluseris, ut Tamerlanus rex Scytharum Bajazetem regem Turcarum. Munst. fol. l. 4. vix ab harum harpyarum incursu essent securæ. Quilibet igitur hunc versum in frontispicium domus suæ scribat: Wer sein hausz wil halten keusch und rein, Lasz kein Studenten und Huhren hinein. Didi-
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68. It was the custom among the Germans that those guilty of rebellion or conspiracy against the Roman Emperor should carry the imperial dog dishonorably on their backs. Span. in Chron. It would be of advantage to the commonwealth if, on each feast day, in the sight of the whole people, a Cornutus should wear two stag horns on his head. What should women and maidens do if they wish to preserve their chastity? R. Let them be careful to avoid those whom the common people call scholars or students; for this class of men is so rapacious, and so intent on the ruin of women and maidens, that they surpass all belief. They go about them like roaring lions, and seek every opportunity by which they may with impunity impose upon women and maidens; they behave so humanely and so amiably that you would think them little angels, when in truth they are mere devils; they come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves. Sie zerbrechen den hafen, und lasseu euch die Scherben ausz lecken. Often they come to churches not indeed for the sake of praying, but that they may look upon and see your wives and daughters, who assemble with them in one place, and by nods and gestures make known their love to them. And if you shut them up in cages, as Tamerlane, king of the Scythians, did Bajazet, king of the Turks. Munst. fol. l. 4. they would scarcely be safe from the attack of these harpies. Therefore let everyone write this verse on the frontispiece of his house: Wer sein hausz wil halten keusch und rein, Lasz kein Studenten und Huhren hinein. Didi-
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69. Didicerunt enim ex Terentio studiosi, quod non sit vitium adolescentem scortari. Quan- do ergo ex accidenti videtis illos domum vestram introeuntes, scitote quod non orent Pater noster. Bald. in l. natal. ff. de probat. Nam Veneri studiosos esse deditos ex eo patet, etiamsi in domum conductam meretricem ducant, non tamen possint indepelli, cum locator debuisset prius considerare, quod studiosus non viveret castus Bald. in l. eamem c. locat. Deinde cane pejus & angue fugiatis copulatrices, vel conciliatrices Kopterinnen. Quod si videatis ejusmodi sinistræ famæ mulieres domos vestras intrantes; cogitate quod finis instet, & quod de nostro corio jam ludatur, solent enim esse juvenum Mercurii Postbotten, Postillion, vestræ famæ insidia-trices, & quantum possunt, alias reddere sibi similes satagunt. Interdum etiam citantur à propriis sororibus & ancillis ad exercendam erga bonos maritos infidelitatem. expellite itaque illas, vobisque & uxoribus vestris consulite, ne post hac cum Euripide dicere cogamini: malarum foeminarum introitus me perdiderunt, quæ mihi loquentes hos persuaserunt sermones. Abstrahite etiam uxores siliasque vestras ab illis hominibus qui inversi spurci, Die scandieren, oder mit der Säwen zu Marckt gehen, Corrumpunt enim bonos mores colloquia prava. unde Romulus legibus cavit, ut quicunque, in præsentia mulierum usus fuisset sermone lascivo, non secus ac homicida pu- nire-
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69. For the students learned from Terence that it is no vice for a young man to consort with prostitutes. Therefore, whenever by chance you see them entering your house, know that they are not saying the Our Father. Bald. in l. natal. ff. de probat. For that they are devoted to Venus is evident, even if they bring a harlot into a rented house; nevertheless they cannot be driven out from it, since the landlord ought first to have considered that the student was not living chastely. Bald. in l. eamem c. locat. Next, flee from the copulators or procurers, Kopterinnen, as from the devil and the serpent. And if you see such women of evil repute entering your houses, think that the end is at hand, and that now our own skin is being played with; for they are accustomed to be the Mercury Postbotten, Postillion of young men, snares for your good name, and, as far as they can, they strive to make others like themselves. Sometimes they are even sent by their own sisters and maidservants to practice infidelity toward good husbands. Therefore drive them out, and take care for yourselves and your wives, lest afterward you be compelled to say with Euripides: the entrance of evil women has ruined me, women who, speaking to me, persuaded me by these words. Also keep your wives and daughters away from those men who are perverted, filthy, Die scandieren, or who go to market with the swine; for evil associations corrupt good morals. Hence Romulus provided by law that whoever, in the presence of women, had used lewd speech should be punished no differently than a murderer.
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70. niretur, & etiamnum die judice nostro L. 15. S. 16. 17. 18 25 ff. de injur. Hinc refer quoque cantiones obscænas. Item picturas, quid illæ efficere possint. Terentianus ille Cherea satis innuit T. dr. Eunuch. Act. 3. Sc. 5. Et Propert. 2. Eleg. Hanreitatis originem obscænis picturis attribuit, quandoque has intuentes in libidinis cogitationes ruant. Quæ manus obscænas depinxit prima tabellas, Et posuit castra turpia visa domo: Illa puellarum ingenuos corripit ocellos. Nequitiaeque suæ noluit esse rudes. Hinc merito Aristoteles publicam poenam, stabilivit pictoribus, qui talia proponunt quibus libido inflammatur, & Hanreitas propagatur. Convivia quoque, & spectacula publica, qualia sunt: Abenddantz, hochzeiten, Comedien, &c. Quodam modo Hanreitatem dilataresolent, arg, l. 2. c. de Repub. Hoc cum suo dedecore expertus Imperator Aurelius, cujus uxor Faustina invito marito spectaculis quotidie intererat, teste Guevara Horol. princ. Hanc ne Imperator offenderet Amasios ipsius ad summa officia, promovit. Huc respexit Ovidius Veneris ille triumvir: --- Ludi quoque semina præbent Nequitiae. Sublatis namque spectaculis choreæ incipiuntur, Da musz der piëcklichte harffen peter auffseijn. Hic cum illis libere loqui licet, palpitare, oscula basia & suavia figere, mordicus detractis caligis & nudato capite delambere, hic
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70. ...is returned, and even now by our judge, L. 15. S. 16. 17. 18 25 ff. de injur. Hence also refer obscene songs. Likewise pictures, what they may be able to do. That Terentian Cherea sufficiently indicates, T. dr. Eunuch. Act. 3. Sc. 5. And Propertius, 2. Eleg., attributes the origin of unchastity to obscene pictures, when those who look at them fall into thoughts of lust. What hand first painted the obscene panels, And placed shameful camps in the sight of the house: That one catches the innocent eyes of girls. Nor did it wish its own wickedness to be crude. Hence Aristotle rightly established public punishment for painters who present such things, by which lust is inflamed, and unchastity is propagated. Feasts too, and public spectacles, such as: Abenddantz, weddings, comedies, &c. in a certain way are wont to spread unchastity, arg, l. 2. c. de Repub. Emperor Aurelius experienced this to his own disgrace, whose wife Faustina, against her husband’s will, attended spectacles every day, as Guevara testifies, Horol. princ. To avoid offending her, the Emperor promoted her lovers to the highest offices. Ovid, that triune of Venus, had this in mind: --- Games also provide the seeds of wickedness. For when spectacles are removed, dances begin, Da musz der piëcklichte harffen peter auffseijn. Here one may speak freely with them, fondle, press kisses and caresses, bite off the stockings and, with the head uncovered, lick them, here
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71. hic divaricatis tibiis artificiose bibitur Arsch- kerebenkter ex bona charitate in fraternitatem & sororitatem. Hic incertarum esse solemus manuum, Hir gibts blinde griff, interdum etiam ein züchtigen Ehrengriff, easquæsursum versum in omnes angulos inserere & immittere in more habemus, & frequenter tanquam oves erramus, præsertim si lumina intercidant ad latebras, ubi liberiuscule omnia sine periculo peragi possunt confugimus, ubi ut Virgil. lib. I Æneid. --- Cythara crinitus Iopas. Personat humana, docuit quæ maximus Atlas. Quod si non saltatur vel bibitur etiam præ- sente marito dicca & inani tussicula Ehum Ehum, oculorum nictu, sculpturitione pe- dum, compressione & tactu manuum, quæ solet esse fallax, propinatione poculi, furtiva oculorum luxuriantium mollitie, vel aliis in- diciis affectum suum declarant (videatur hic, Eleg. 4. amor. lib. I. ad quem omnes amando utpote hisce temporibus admodum utilem & necessariam.) Interdum maritus ab Amatore inebriatur ut neque oculus neque pes suo offi- cio fungi possit, domum deducitur, quem uxor ne forsitan cadat, comitari vult, attamen precibus emollita manet, benedictionemque exspectat, quæ si commode ob præsentiam aliorum impertiri non potest, ad ædes lo- tricum & nutricum (Bey denen die Ehre ge- meiniglich auff höltseren Steltsem gehet) se con- ferunt, ubi actio de communi dividundo in- tenditur per quam corporaliter sit rerum divi- no
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71. Here, with the legs set apart, one drinks artfully: Arsch-kerebenkter, out of good charity, into fraternity & sisterhood. Here we are accustomed to uncertain hands; here there are blind gropings, sometimes also a decent honorable groping, and to insert and introduce them upward in all directions we are in the habit of doing, and frequently we wander like sheep, especially if the lights go out; to hiding places, where all things can be carried out more freely and without danger, we take refuge, where, as Virgil, book I of the Aeneid, --- Cythara crinitus Iopas. Resounds with human voice, whom great Atlas taught. But if neither dancing nor drinking occurs even in the husband’s presence, then with a cough, both brief and vain, Ehum Ehum, with a wink of the eyes, stamping of the feet, clasping and touching of the hands, which is usually deceptive, with the offering of the cup, with the furtive softness of lustful eyes, or by other signs they declare their affection (see here, Elegy 4, Amores , book I, to whom all should love, since in these times he is especially useful and necessary.) Sometimes the husband is made drunk by the Lover so that neither eye nor foot can perform its office; he is led home, whom the wife, lest he should perhaps fall, wishes to accompany, yet remains softened by entreaties and awaits the blessing, which, if it cannot conveniently be bestowed on account of the presence of others, they repair to the houses of laundresses and nurses (Among whom honor usually goes on rather wooden stilts), where proceedings are intended in common for division, by which bodily, of the things divine
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no L. 2. b. 1. Cui adhæret actio de in rem verso. Nonnunquam tubicinibus præeuntibus, uxor ab Amatore domum ducitur, vix crapulam concoxit, surgit de lecto maritus, & uxorem excipit, affert bellaria, poma, pyra, nuces, Castaneæ molles & pressi copia lactis. Ficus, mala punica, persica, cerasa, sacratum panem S. Marci contectum, seu, ut ille vocat, defectum (quæ tantum differunt ut causa & effectus) omnis generis Caseum, & si illibenter uxor videat; quia. Abbreviat socium quem diligit illa. Tamen ne amorem suum prodat, clanculum ipsius esum ipsi desuadet, vel etiam aperte, quod nimium officiat valetudini, propter difficilem concoctionem, sey zu nacht ungefund. Eugebone cornute, ita sunt excipiendi hospites, ita tui rivales; affer vinum, infunde, salta, & talem te gere, qualem volunt. Tandem cum tempus discedendi videtur hospeshospitem ad posticum comitatur, ut maneat rogat, satis adhuc superesse temporis. Ille se excusat, alio tempore reversurum se ait. Hoc facto illius domus arctius obsidetur quam olim Carthago à Scipionibus, tum circumbulant rivales, unius ejusdemque rei consortes, fenestras inspectant, parietes transcendunt, ad fores excubant, per transennam solicitant, tegulas dejiciunt, angulos obsident, dieteria scribunt, conficiunt cantiones amatorias, cithara pulsant heckerling und haberstroh, cantio-
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no L. 2. b. 1. To this is attached the action for what has been used to another’s benefit. Sometimes, with trumpeters going before them, the wife is led home by her Lover; scarcely has the husband digested his drunkenness, when he rises from bed and greets his wife, bringing cakes, apples, pears, nuts, soft chestnuts and a plenty of pressed milk. Figs, pomegranates, peaches, cherries, the sacred bread of St. Mark covered over, or, as he calls it, “defectum” (which differ only as cause and effect), cheese of every kind; and if the wife look on unwillingly, because. She shortens the companion whom she loves. Yet, lest he betray his love, he secretly discourages her from eating it, or even openly, because it is too much to the detriment of health, on account of difficult digestion, sey zu nacht ungefund. Good fellow with horns, such are to be received guests, such your rivals; bring wine, pour it out, dance, and comport yourself as they wish. At last, when the time for departure seems near, the host accompanies the guest to the back door, asking him to stay, saying there is still enough time left. He excuses himself, saying he will return at another time. Once this is done, that house is more closely besieged than once was Carthage by the Scipios; then the rivals go round about, partners in one and the same matter, peer into the windows, climb over the walls, keep watch at the doors, solicit through the lattice, tear down the tiles, occupy the corners, write love poems, compose love songs, play the cithara, heckerling und haberstroh, the song-
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73. cationem Gratiani, & alias innumeras affutias excogitant, quæ omnia in pulchritudinem tuæ uxoris tanquam scopum diriguntur, ad tui vero redundant opprobrium & dedecus. quod si parum majestatem tueri conatur maritus, Fahrt sie auff als ein furz im bad, quam me putas, ego credo te me meretricem esse existimare, amicis & cognatis meis ista dicam, si aliquid in animo haberem te revera spectatorem non apponerem, &c. Quid vero ille, seipsum & horam nativitatis incusat, hospiti nuper suo uxorique omnia dira precata, interim tamen nutrivit murem in pera, serpentem in gremio & ignem in sinu. De puella quadam. Quidam minatus est puellæ, se ad eam noctu clam venturum, illa sub interminatione mortis prohibuit: qua cultrum sub lecto se collocaturum, quo cum interimat, testatur. Ille verò noctu veniens, invenit eam jacentem, quæ altum somnium sinxerat: unde callide se simula verat exiturum. Cui exeunti, puella evigilanti similis, dixit; Mane: quia non habeo cultellum. Factum cujusdam Francigena. Quidam Francigena (ut est genus hominum fallax & versutum) in civitate Ticino à quodam cive centum aureos mutuo accepit, oppignorando ei aureum torquem: atque illius uxorem accedens, dixit: Hoc accipe, centum atque unam noctem voluntati meæ obsequaris. Mulier prædæ dulcedine capta cum sit D num-
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73. They devise the censure of Gratian and countless other tricks, all of which are aimed as if at a target at the beauty of your wife, but recoil to your own disgrace and dishonor. But if the husband makes too little effort to defend his dignity, “Fahrt sie auff als ein furz im bad,” as I think you mean me to say, I believe you think me to be a harlot; I shall say these things to my friends and relatives, if I had anything in mind, you truly would not set me down as a spectator, and so forth. But what of the other man, who accuses himself and the hour of his birth, having lately cursed with every evil both his guest and his wife; meanwhile, however, he has nourished a mouse in his pouch, a serpent in his lap, and a fire in his bosom. Concerning a certain girl. A certain man threatened a girl that he would come secretly to her by night; she forbade it under penalty of death, declaring that she would place a knife under the bed with which to kill him. When he came by night, he found her lying there, and she had feigned a deep sleep; whereupon he cleverly pretended that he was going away. As he was leaving, the girl, as if awakening, said, “Stay: for I do not have a little knife.” The deed of a certain Frenchman. A certain Frenchman (as is the nature of such deceitful and crafty people) borrowed one hundred gold pieces from a certain citizen in the city of Ticino, giving him a gold necklace as security; and, approaching that man’s wife, said: “Take this; for one hundred and one nights comply with my will.” The woman, captivated by the sweetness of the booty, when she had...
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74. nummus optimum expugnandæ pudicitiæ instrumentum) consensit. Francus postridie expleta libidine virum accessit, suum torquem exegit, quoniam aureos omnes uxori illius reddiderit, quæ conventa non potuit negare, frustraque Franco fuit obsequiosa. Do eo qui uxorem in flumino peremptam quærebat. Alter uxorem, quæ in flumine perierat, quærens, adversus aquam proficiscebatur. Tum quidam admiratus, cum deorsum secundum aquæ cursum illam quæri admoneret, nequaquam hoc modo reperiretur, inquit: Ita enim dum vixit difficilis ac morosa fuit, reliquorumque moribus contraria, ut numquam nisi contrario & adverso flumine, etiam post mortem ambulet. Medicina ad tollendos foetores anhelitus provenientes à tibis quibusdam. Scetile ne tetros porrum tibi spiret odores. Protinus à porro fac mihi cape vores. Denuo fatorem si vis depellere capa Hoc facile efficient allia mansa tibi. Spiritus at sit post etiam gravis allia restat Aut nihil, aut tantum pellere merda potest. Quinam sunt nimium audaces? Quilupum in Ianuario non timent, rusticum in carnis privio & sacerdotem in jejunio quando confitendum est. Vir bonus à quibus libris uxorem arcere debet? R. A Lectione Amadisæi, Ovidii de arte amandi, Euryali & Lucretiæ, à Darten societatis,
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74. (nummus, the best instrument for conquering chastity) consented. The Frank, on the following day, when his lust had been satisfied, went to the man and demanded his torc, since he had returned all the gold coins to his wife, who, having been won over, could not refuse, and the Frank’s compliance was in vain. Of the man who was seeking his wife killed in the river. Another man, seeking his wife, who had perished in the river, was going against the current. Then someone, astonished, when he advised that she be sought downstream with the course of the water, since she would in no way be found in this manner, said: For so, while she lived, she was difficult and morose, and contrary to the ways of others, that she will never walk except against a contrary and adverse river, even after death. Medicine for removing the foul odors coming from certain breath. Do not let a nasty leek smell from you. Immediately make me from leek cap your appetites. If you wish to drive away the stench again, caps. This will easily be accomplished for you by eaten garlic. But if the breath remains heavy even after garlic, either nothing, or only dung can drive it away. Who are the exceedingly bold? Those who do not fear the wolf in January, the rustic in the pre-Lenten season, and the priest in Lent, when confession must be made. From which books should a good man keep his wife away? Answer: From reading Amadis, Ovid’s Art of Love , Euryalus and Lucretia , from the company of Darten,
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75. tis, equitis Ponti, Galmi, Baptista de campo fragoso, præsertim vero fugiant Joannis Bo- catii librum, quem Cento Novellarum in- scripsit. Hic enim magno interstitio cæteris post se relictis æternum nomen sibi compara- vit: hoc enim lecto & Theoriæ fundamentis feliciter jactis, quam felicissime praxin exer- cere possunt: nihil enim aliud sunt quam cal- lidissima Hanrificorum stratagemata & stro- phæ, & nulla unquam foemina fuit, quæ non ejusmodi lectionibus, & historiis ad furorem adacta fuerit, quia in illis miscetur utile dulci. Cur posteriora hominis tam turpem habent foetorem? Respondent quidam, quia obstetrix negle- xit eam partem, nec satis abluit. Alii autem huic sententiæ plurimum refragantur: nam aër illius regionis ita pestilens & foetidus est, qui eum locum occupavit, & ventus qui per- flat, non locus ipse. Cujusdam terribile factum. Quidam faber ahenarius Basileæ suspen- sus erat, & alius nescius rei cum ad forum Ba- siliense, intempesta nocte maturaret, & nimia festinatione clausas adhuc portas suspicaretur, cepit sub arbore, non procul à patibulo, quie- tem: non autem multo post tempore vene- runt alii, & ipsi ad forum properantes: qui pa- tibulum intuentes atque suspensum cogno- scentes, illum inclamaverunt, si vellet, ut se- cum ad forum iret. Quibus verbis ille excita- tus (quem dixi, primum quietem cepisse sub D2 arbo-
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75. ... of Pontus, Galmi, Baptista de Campo Fragoso; but especially let them avoid the book of John Bocatius, which he entitled Cento Novellarum . For he, with a great interval, leaving the others behind him, has won for himself an eternal name: for after reading this work and happily laying the foundations of Theory, they can very happily practice medicine; for these are nothing other than the craftiest stratagems and tricks of the Hanrifici, and there never was any woman who was not driven mad by such readings and tales, because in them the useful is mingled with the sweet. Why do a man's hindparts have such a foul stench? Some answer that the midwife neglected that part and did not wash it properly. Others, however, strongly oppose this opinion: for the air of that region is so pestilential and foul that it is the place occupied by it, and the wind that blows through, not the place itself. A terrible deed of a certain man. A certain coppersmith in Basel was hanging, and another, unaware of the matter, when he was hurrying to the Basel market in the dead of night and, because of his great haste, suspected the gates were still closed, took his rest under a tree not far from the gallows. But not long afterward others came along, also hurrying to the market; seeing the gallows and recognizing the man hanging there, they called out to him, if he wished, to go with them to the market. Stirred by these words, he whom I mentioned first having taken his rest under the tree...
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arbore) acclamabat, exspectate; ô boni socii; ego veniam. Unde illi mortuum loqui existimantes, adeò extimuerunt, ut celerrimâ fugâ penè examinarentur. Ille verò semper sequutus; Manete, inquit, rogo, ego vobiscum ibo, & quanto plus clamavit sequutusque est, tantò magis illi festinârunt: adeò ut semanimes tandem ante portas urbis reperirentur, atque non nisi longo demum tempore sanitatem pristinam ex longa consternatione receperunt. De quodam suspenso, qui ante mortem tumulum sibi construxerat. Hunc sibi Belnensis tumulum quem cernis inanem. Struxerat, invidit cui loquens tumulum. Debuerat certe forsi foret omnibus aqua. Tardius hic fieri, vel prius ille mori. An possit uxorem repudiare maritus si forsan Amatorem cum ea Ludentem invenit? quem u sum interpretantur manuum in sinum immissionem (handschuh machen nostrates vocant) aut ad pectus ejus vel ad alium locum unde turpe effe possit? R. Affirmant quidem Borch. cap. 8. de feud. num. 28. Rosenthal. cap. 10. conclus. 54. & Thomas Cant. Oscula quintam viam ad amorem vocat. Nos vero illis contradicimus, omnesque prædictos refutamus: requiritur enim ut in ipso actu & in rebus veneris & in ipso facto deprehendantur, seu ut Plautus ait, corpus corpori incubabit. Act. 4. sce. 4. in Amphit. velut Lucian in Eun. cum reperire habet membra in
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crying out, “Wait; good companions; I am coming.” From this, they, thinking the dead man was speaking, became so terrified that they were nearly driven into headlong flight. But he, following them still, said, “Stay, I beg you, I will go with you,” and the more he shouted and followed after them, the more they hastened: so much so that half-dead at last they were found before the city gates, and it was only after a long time that they recovered their former health from their great consternation. Of a certain hanged man, who before his death had built a tomb for himself. This tomb, which you see empty, Belnensis had built for himself. The speaking inscription envied the tomb. Surely he ought to have been the one to die, or perhaps everyone else. It was more fitting for this man to be made so, or for that other to die sooner. Can a husband repudiate his wife if he should happen to find a lover playing with her? which u sum they interpret as the placing of the hands in the lap (what our people call “making a glove”), or on her breast, or in some other place from which something shameful could occur? R. Indeed, Borch. cap. 8. de feud. no. 28, Rosenthal. cap. 10, conclus. 54, and Thomas Cant. calls kisses the fifth way to love. But we contradict them and refute all the aforesaid: for it is required that they be caught in the very act, both in matters of Venus and in the deed itself, or as Plautus says, “the body will be lying upon the body.” Act 4, scene 4, in Amphit., just as Lucian in Eun. has it when he finds the limbs in
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77. in membris. verum apage illos cum rigido judicio, ablegentur ad Garamantas, Indos, & Æthiopicos fratres, quibus in ferendis carbonibus, usui esse possunt. Quinam optime Viros fallunt? R. Uxores hospitum, Gastgeberin: Hæ enim ex tam variis peregrinantibus unum atque alterum admittunt; habent enim neminem quem timeant, quia in uno loco diu moratur. Quæritur num id facere conveniat? R. Rationem dubitandi movent Politici quia peregrini officium nihil præter quod sui muneris est agere, nihil de alio inquirere, minimeque in alterius messem falcem immittere. Est enim pacis publicæ turbatio, cujus poena est Bannum. Alii aliter suam sententiam probare nituntur exemplo Marii, qui ob stupratam vi hospitam diro mortis genere duos milites affecit, ut Capitolinus refert. Nos distinguimus inter id quod sit licite, & inter id quod sit coacte: Hospita enim si ad concubitum nos invitat, omnino illi obtemperandum, suscipit enim nos, fovet, cibat, & omnia præstat, quæ potest. Nos igitur decebit ut favorem favore compensemus, & duplicemus, fortunamque quæ sese offert non omnino despicamus. Tale diversorium fuit olim Antverpiæ zu Tausendt mittlen, in quo nihil, quod ad voluptatem tum corporis, tum animi fecit, defuit, und da der wirt ein hanrei ist, ziehen die Gäste gerne ein. Deinde si aliquid supererit, si triorches eris, potes paululum ancillæ communicare, ut illa etiam habeat, quo tui re- D 3 mi-
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77. in the members. But away with them, under strict judgment; let them be sent off to the Garamantas, the Indians, and the Ethiopic brothers, where they may be useful in carrying coals. Who most successfully deceive men? R. Wives of guests, hostess: for these admit one and another from so many different travelers; they fear no one, because he stays a long time in one place. It is asked whether it is proper to do this? R. Politicians raise a reason for doubt, because the traveler’s duty is to do nothing except what belongs to his own office, to inquire into nothing of another’s, and least of all to thrust his sickle into another man’s harvest. For it is a disturbance of the public peace, the punishment of which is Bannum. Others try in another way to prove their opinion by the example of Marius, who, because of an abused guestwoman, inflicted a dreadful kind of death on two soldiers, as Capitolinus relates. We distinguish between what is lawful and what is forced: for if the hostess invites us to intercourse, she must by all means be obeyed, since she receives us, cherishes us, feeds us, and provides everything she can. It will therefore be fitting for us to repay favor with favor, and to double it, and not altogether despise the fortune that offers itself. Such a lodging-place once existed in Antwerp, to Tausendt mittlen, in which nothing that served the pleasure of both body and mind was lacking, und da der wirt ein hanrei ist, the guests gladly take up quarters there. Then if anything remains over, if you are triorches, you can share a little with the maidservant, so that she too may have what your re- D 3 mi-
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78. miniscatur. Fontes enim tui deriventur foras. De eo, qui multas cunas emerat. Quidam in Francia Orientali, cui uxor, quam ante quatuor hebdomadas duxerat, cum peperisset filium, mox properavit ad quoddam forum, ubi tot cunas emit, ut quadrigas impleret: atque domum rediens, cum interrogarerur quid sibi vellent tot cunæ, dixit: Opus habeo, si enim uxor mea tam foecunda est futura, ut in brevi tempore sit semper paritura, vix hæ sufficient. De quodam Heluone. Heluo quidam pupillis à magistratu datus tutor: cum patrimonium illorum universum absumpsisset, & jussus tutelæ gestæ rationem reddere, nihil superest, inquit, hanc rationem accipite, aliam nescio: verum magistratu urgente, ut libellos offerret, qui acceptum continerent & expensum, ille os primò ostendit, deinde podicem, illic recepta esse subindicans omnia, hic exposita. Ebrii cujusdam dictum jocosum. Quidam homo facetus, cum diversis vini generibus se ingurgitasset, ita ut diutius continere non posset: dixit astantibus sodalibus ad vina bibita: Inite inter vos concordiam, aut ego vos è fenestra præcipitabo. De caupone et Viatore. Divertebat apud Cauponem Viator, atque dum pro coena mensa non esset laute, atque pro Cauponis voluntate instructa, dejecit ipse Caupo ex fenestris orbem unum, quem no- discum
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78. may be renewed. For your fountains shall be sent abroad. Concerning the man who had bought many cradles. A certain man in Eastern France, whose wife, whom he had married four weeks before, had borne a son, soon hastened to a certain market, where he bought so many cradles that he filled a wagon: and returning home, when he was asked what so many cradles were for, he said: I have need of them, for if my wife is going to be so fruitful that in a short time she is always giving birth, these will scarcely be enough. Concerning a certain glutton. A certain glutton, appointed guardian by the magistrate for some orphans, after he had consumed their whole patrimony, and was ordered to render an account of the trust committed to him, said, Nothing remains; take this account, I know no other. But when the magistrate pressed him to produce his books containing receipts and expenses, he first showed his mouth, then his backside, indicating that everything received had gone in there, and everything expended had been laid out here. A humorous saying of a certain drunkard. A certain witty man, after he had gorged himself with different kinds of wine, so that he could no longer keep it down, said to his drinking companions standing by, regarding the wines he had drunk: Make peace among yourselves, or I shall throw you out of the window. Concerning the innkeeper and the traveler. A traveler was staying with an innkeeper, and since the table for supper was not set out lavishly, and according to the innkeeper’s wishes, the innkeeper himself knocked one dish from the windows, which no-
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79. discum vocamus. Hoc viator conspicatus, pocula omnia, vasaque vinaria, & quicquid in mensa erat, dejecit, Caupo stomachosus, cur hæc faceret interrogabat? Putabam, inquit Viator, nos inferius cænaturos. Hanrei um faciens quo nomine est indigitandus? R. Quidam eum vocant Domesticum inquiunum hansehan, verwalter, hausz genossen, quod frequenter domum tuam adeat. Alii cum vocant Amicum, sed is qui clam & invitus alterius ejus occupat, amicus non est, diverso tamen respectu esse potest. Nonnulli hostem, sed perperam. Hostis enim is est, qui nobis, aut nos illi bellum decrevimus. Privati verò sibi bellum denunciare nequeunt: regale enim est, & summo principi ex natura majestatis in se considerata soli competit. Aliqui Cucurbitam vocant, sed male, siquidem id de vasallo uxorem domini hanreizante dicitur. Vocabuli hujus derivationem vide apud Cala. et Hort. feud. in verbo Cucurbita: miramur valde quod veneranda antiquitas in per- scrutando hoc vocabulo non fuerit curiosior. Latinissimo vocabulo nos vocamus Capellanum, vicarium, seu ut Munstero libet matrimoni coadjutorem, Ehe helffer, unbesoldete substituit, qui cessante marito onera matrimoni supplent. Scorta cur alicubi per convitium pulmones appellantur? R. Quia vilia sunt aut vento quodam turgida, & vere vana. Cum matrona quædam D 4 puel-
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79. We call it a discum . When a traveler noticed this, he threw down all the cups and wine vessels, and whatever was on the table. The surly innkeeper asked why he did this. “I thought,” said the traveler, “that we were going to dine downstairs.” What is one who does this to be called? R. Some call him a domestic lodger, hansehan , verwalter , hausz genossen , because he frequently visits your house. Others call him a friend, but he who secretly and unwillingly takes possession of another’s house is not a friend, though in a different respect he may be. Some call him an enemy, but wrongly. For an enemy is one to whom we, or he to us, have declared war. Private persons cannot declare war on themselves; for this is a royal matter, and by the nature of majesty belongs solely to the supreme prince. Some call him a gourd, but badly, since that term is used of a vassal “gourd-ing” the wife of his lord. See the derivation of this word in Cala. and Hort. feud. under the word Cucurbita : we greatly wonder that venerable antiquity was not more curious in examining this word. In the most proper Latin term we call him a chaplain, a vicar, or, as Münster prefers, a helper in marriage, Ehe helffer , an unpaid substitute who, when the husband is absent, performs the duties of marriage. Why are prostitutes in some places called, in derision, “lungs”? R. Because they are worthless, or puffed up by a certain wind, and truly vain. When a certain matron D 4 puel-
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80. puellam lascivientem hoc verbo criminata maledicentiæ poenas dedisset, gravi insuper adjecta mulcta, si denuò verbo mulierem lacesseret: verum non ita multo post cum excandesceret, quo poenam effugeret, periphrasi quadam usa ejusdem convitii. Et quid inquit, ego te nominabo? Caro es, quæ egreditur ollas, constat enim id genus intestini in decoctione tumescere, & sic plerumque lebetes transcendere, ut vi sua erumpat, ac dejiciat etiam opercula. Uxores hanreizantes quomodo debent appellari? R. Hanrisici certant, & adhuc sub judice lis est. Meretricis nomen (quod genus hominum sine præfatione honoris nominari nequit) illis non competit. Nam hæc à merendo dicta est. Ulpiano dicuntur practicæ seu quæstuariæ Ernehren sich mit der hand, da sie auff sitzen, pecunia suam exercent militiam, multorum libidini servit, & est vidua, ut pote, quæ 23000 virorum absorbuit ictus. Hæc nulla accepta pecunia, sed amoris, qui est furoris species, & benevolentiæ causa hanreizat: E contra meretrix se prostituit in silvis, ut propter Noribergam, im Newen wald, quem locum sæpius inviso. Lipsiæ auff dem Rubeht, da sie das grasz mit den hintern abmaijen. Unde vocantur Nymphæ silvestres, pecora campi wald Gottinnen. Antverpiæ in die Lepelstraet, ubi die nocteque meretricum cochleationes visuntur. Francofurti in foro piscario, &c. Hæc vero est in-
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80. A licentious girl, accused by this word, would have been punished for slander, with a heavy fine added besides, if she should again provoke a woman by word; but not long afterward, when she grew angry, in order to escape the punishment, she used a certain periphrasis of the same insult. And what, says she, shall I call you? You are flesh that comes out of pots; for it is certain that that kind of intestine swells in boiling, and thus for the most part rises above the cauldrons, so that by its own force it bursts forth and even knocks off the lids. How ought married women who flirt to be called? R. Hanrisici contend, and the case is still before the judge. The name of a prostitute (which class of women cannot be named without a prefatory term of honor) does not apply to them. For this word is said to be derived from merendo, “to earn.” According to Ulpian there are practised women, or women of gain, who support themselves by hand, since they sit up, exercise their profession for money, serve the lust of many, and is a widow, as one who has swallowed the blows of 23,000 men. This woman, taking no money, but through love, which is a kind of madness, and for the sake of benevolence, flirts. On the other hand the prostitute prostitutes herself in the woods, as near Nuremberg, in the Newen Wald, a place I visit often. At Leipzig, auf dem Rubeht, where they mow the grass with their hind parts. Hence they are called woodland nymphs, cattle of the field, wood goddesses. At Antwerp, in the Lepelstraat, where day and night the crawlings of prostitutes are seen. At Frankfurt in the fish market, etc. But this is in-
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81. inviolatæ existimationis, quia amoris vi cuncta solis amantibus sui copiam facit. Errat igitur hic Connanus lib. 8. cap. 13. Qui illam meretricis nomine indigitat. Rectissime ab Ovidio & aliis vocatur Amica, cum quibus consentimus & facimus. Hanreitas quid est? R. Est vocabulum mere Germanicum, sed in latinitatem jam olim degeneravit, ex anti- quissimo vocabulo Han qui est Gallus, & voce, Rein, quod chorea, sive dantz, quasi dicas, Galli choreus, nostrates vocant hanreingeschlossenege- sellen. Montecuculos vocat item Cornutos; cor- nua enim gerunt satis manifesta & conspicua, extra pileum sæpe protuberantia, & ne om- nibus appareant, pileum non detrahunt etiamsi aliquem prætereant, & hoc est verum Hanrei- cæ gravitatis signum. Conveniunt in hoc cum Gallis, quia licet gallus proprias uxores habeat, quæ tamen etiam ab aliis visitantur; ita & hi licet proprias uxores alant, ab iis etiam alii ad- mittuntur viri. De cornua ferre, multi multa scripserunt. Niceph. lib. 2. deimper. Andr. Constan- ti. sic inquit: Longe alia fuit Andronici luxu & libidine præditi intentio, qui cornua cervorum, quos venatus erat, insignia & rari aliquid ha- bentia in porticibus fori suspendebat specie quadam ostentandæ magnitudinis ferarum quas cepisset, cum revera civitatis mores & uxo- rum, quas ipse corrumpebat lasciviam notaret. Atque ad multas gentes (opinor) promana- vit, ut qui malitia vel injuria suis conjuges adulterari sinerent, probroso sane convitio D 5 cor-
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81. of unviolated reputation, because by the force of love it grants all things only to lovers, a share of itself. Therefore Connanus here errs, book 8, chapter 13, when he calls her by the name of prostitute. She is most correctly called Amica by Ovid and others, with whom we agree and act accordingly. What is Hanreitas? R. It is a purely German word, but long ago it has already degenerated into Latin, from the very ancient word Han , which is a Gaul, and the word Rein , meaning a dance, or dantz , as if you were to say, “Gaulish dance”; our people call them hanreingeschlossenegesellen . Montecuculi likewise calls them Cornuti; for they bear horns quite manifest and conspicuous, often protruding beyond the hat, and so that they may not appear to everyone, they do not remove the hat even if they pass by someone, and this is the true sign of Hanrei-like gravity. In this they agree with the Gauls, because although a rooster has his own wives, they nevertheless are also visited by others; so too these men, although they support their own wives, other men are also admitted by them. Concerning bearing horns, many have written many things. Niceph. lib. 2. de imper. Andr. Constanti. thus says: “Very different was the intention of Andronicus, who was given to luxury and lust, who hung up the horns of deer, which he had hunted, conspicuous emblems and things of rare character, in the porticoes of the forum under the pretext of displaying the greatness of the beasts he had captured, whereas in truth he was marking the morals of the city and the wantonness of the wives, whom he himself was corrupting.” And this spread, I think, among many nations, so that those who through malice or injury allowed their wives to be adulterated, were certainly subjected to a disgraceful insult D 5 cor-
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82. cornua ferre dicerentur. Germani injurium rei verbo leniori mitigantes vocant. Einen frommen einfältigen mann, der seiner frauen nicht genug thun kann. Cur foemina amant brassicas? R. Propter earum acrimoniam. Nam mi- stæ cum farina lolii provocant earum annos, dies & menses, modo iis utantur per modum suppositorii. Hæc est vera Androgyna com- posita ex duobus culis, & quatuor natibus, Messiores per postami in corbe huc veni, ut hæc nova vobis annuntiarem. Credite vera dicenti, veritas nulli cedit. Caput capiti op- ponam sicuti cerevisiarii exportantes vasa, putatisne me vel fugere? nullo modo, appo- nam potius frontem fronti imo barbam bar- bæ sicuti duo podices, qui bellum gerunt: ô quam libenter surdus talia audiret! An non omnis mutatio bona? R. Mutatio bona est quæ vergit in meum commodum. Si mea bursa inanis esset, vestra plena pistolettis, ego essem asinus, vos do- cti, per me fiat mutatio stante pede, & ero plane novus homo. Item si tu haberes foemi- nam pulcro vultu, ego vero Hecubam aut ali- quod remedium amoris, vellene mutare? Quid est vetula? R. Est antiqua dementia, Harpya, Dia- bolus in veste foeminea, & ut omnia uno ver- bo complectar, est concionatrix loquacula, quæ non Evangelium, sed convitiorum piau- stra evomit. Quid
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82. they would be said to bear horns. The Germans, softening the affront with a gentler word, call it: a pious, simple man, who cannot do enough for his wife. Why do women love cabbages? A. Because of their pungency. For mixed with flour of darnel, they stir up their years, days, and months, provided they are used in the manner of a suppository. This is the true Androgynae, composed of two buttocks and four nates. Messiores, by post in a basket, came here so that I might announce this new thing to you. Believe the one telling the truth: truth yields to no one. I will set head against head, like beer-sellers exporting casks; do you think I am to flee? By no means; rather I will set brow against brow, nay beard against beard, like two fundament-buns engaged in war: oh, how gladly would a deaf man hear such things! Is not every change good? A. A change is good when it turns to my advantage. If my purse were empty and yours full of little pistoles, I would be a donkey and you learned; let the change be made for me on the spot, and I shall be quite a new man. Likewise, if you had a woman with a beautiful face, but I instead had Hecuba or some love-remedy, would you want to exchange? What is an old hag? A. It is an ancient fool, a Harpy, a Devil in female dress, and, to encompass everything in one word, a garrulous preacher-woman who vomits forth not the Gospel, but cartloads of insults. What
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83. Quid est pedagogus? R. Est advocatus Lutosus, collegii pestis, cujus supellex est bibliotheca, qui coenat mane ne de nocte permerdet lectum, qui totius collegii anitergia colligit ut pultem avenarum calefaciat & pugillum unum carbonum lucrifaciat, est alter Euclio. Est miles animosus, qui statim hosti calcanea suorum sandaliorum vertit & se salvat in gymnasio, qui jurat per tabulam rasam Aristotelis, per Bucolica Virgilii, per Veneris nates, per testiculos Saturni, per pecus Melibæi, breviter per omnes autores tam Latinos quam Græcos, rem ita sese habere. Quid est Advocatus? R. Advocatus est, qui amat ducatos, eosque pluris facit ipso sacco mendicorum etiamsi confectus esset ex finissima tela Hollandica. Advocati raro visuntur in hospitiis sed sæpe sunt in domibus suis & alibi consultando, libenter audiunt cantilenam Domini. Hic dator illis adhæret in matrice animi ab æterno. Natura advocatos fecit ex argilla tam pulchre madefacta ut nunquam habeant manus frigidas & ideo idonei sunt conficiendæ glaciei tam in æstate quam in hyeme. Advocati viderunt quoque titulum Veneris sed tribus perspicillis. De quodam Advocato. Quidam advocatus, post multas causas, in quibus victor evasit, Monachus factus est; & cum in negotiis monasterii præpolitus, mul- tis D 6
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83. What is a pedagogue? R. He is a muddy lawyer, the plague of the college, whose furniture is a library, who dines in the morning so as not to shit the bed at night, who gathers up the filth of the whole college so that he may warm oatmeal gruel and gain a single handful of coals; he is another Euclio. He is a brave soldier, who at once turns his heels to the enemy from his sandals and saves himself in the gymnasium, who swears by Aristotle’s erased tablet, by Virgil’s Bucolics, by Venus’s buttocks, by Saturn’s testicles, by Meliboeus’s cattle, in short by all authors, both Latin and Greek, that the matter is indeed so. What is an Advocate? R. An advocate is one who loves ducats, and values them more than the beggar’s sack itself, even if it were made of the finest Holland cloth. Advocates are rarely seen in inns, but are often in their own houses and elsewhere consulting; they gladly listen to the Lord’s song. This gift adheres to them in the matrix of the mind from eternity. Nature made advocates out of clay so beautifully moistened that they never have cold hands, and therefore they are fit for making ice both in summer and in winter. Advocates have also seen Venus’s title, but through three spectacles. Of a certain Advocate. A certain advocate, after many cases in which he came out victorious, became a monk; and when, in the affairs of the monastery, he was preeminent, many D 6
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84. tis in causis succubuissent, interrogatus est ab Abbate. Cur omnino in causis agendis mutatus esset? Respondit ille: Non audeo mentiri ut ante, ideo amitto causas. Musca culinaria quænam? R. Est Dominus parasitus, Germanice Tellerlecker, qui cibum è flamma petit, qui constringitur non funibus, sed farciminibus, cujus uxor pro uno ovo cum matre sua, bursam naturalem seu vulvam venalem habet. Jam incitavi ad risum asinos clamore magno, uti vos estis testes. Historia jucunda de quodam sacerdote. Quidam sacerdos suis rusticis concionaturus dixit; salutat vos Lucas medicus, ut habent sacræ literæ: sed postea præ pudore ita obstupuit ut ne unum quidem verbum ulterius enarrare nequit, illud ipsum subinde repetens: tum ex senioribus unus assurgens, dixit, habeat gratias, atque siquando ad eum reditis, dicio & illi nostro omnium nomine plurimam salutem. Pueri quomodo sapientes efficiendi? R. Podicis cappa illis detrahenda ipseque podex virgis cædendus: ita enim sapientia è podice ad caput evolabit. Supellex padagogi quænam? R. Est ferula sub axilla cum bibliotheca, quæ constat ex Despauterio impresso tempore Laurentii Vallæ, sed siste gradum lector alteratissime, (hem literatissime volebam dicer) Bonum mane, Bonum mane, bonum serum hoc est saluto per totum diem. Vir-
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84. If they had failed in these cases, he was asked by the abbot: Why had he changed altogether in conducting cases? He answered: I do not dare to lie as before, therefore I am losing the cases. What is a kitchen fly? R. It is a lord parasite, in German Tellerlecker, who seeks his food from the flame, who is bound not with ropes but with sausages, whose wife, for one egg with her mother, has her natural purse, or womb, for sale. I have now driven the asses to laughter with a loud cry, as you are witnesses. A pleasant story about a certain priest. A certain priest, about to preach to his country folk, said: Luke the physician greets you, as the sacred writings have it; but afterward, from shame, he was so stupefied that he could not tell even a single word further, repeating that same thing again and again; then one of the elders rising up, said, he gives thanks, and if ever you return to him, tell him also in our name the very best greetings. How are boys to be made wise? R. The cap is to be taken from their rear end, and the rear end itself is to be beaten with rods: for thus wisdom will fly from the rear end to the head. What is a schoolmaster’s equipment? R. It is a ferule under the arm with a library, which consists of Despauterius printed in the time of Laurentius Valla, but stop, step back, most learned reader, (I meant to say most lettered) good morning, good morning, good evening, that is how I greet throughout the whole day. Vir-
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85. Virgines cur libenter nubunt Iurisperitis? R. Ut juris Mystes jus fas rectumque ministrat. Virgo sic rectum semper amare solet. Quonam in loco pluris venditur aqua? R. Ubi caupones vino exoticco aquam admiscent, sic enim aqua vini etiam cari pretium potest contingere. Cerevisia unde dicitur? R. Aliqui dicunt, cerevisia quasi ceteris vinum. Alia sic: Unde sibi ducat quæris cerevisia nomen, Quod cerebrum invisat sæpe Sabelle tuum. De Potatione. Ad primum morsum, si non potavero mort sum. Gaudia sunt nobis maxima dum bibo bis Ad trimum potum latus sum, dum bibo totum Latificat quartus cor, caput, atque latus, In quinto potu, vasto potamus hiatu. Dulcis ex ipse cibus dum bibo sex vicibus, Potu septeno latus sum corpore pleno, O nos felices octo bibendi vices. Nona cherubinum pingit potatio nasum, Si decies bibero cornua fronte gero. Undenaque vice tibi prebibo dulcis amice. Et his post decies est mihi tota quies. Postea dico satis sed cum potavero gratis. Tantillum digitum latus eo cubitum. De scorto. Corpus, opes, animam, consortia, fædera, famam, Debilitat, perdit, necat, odit, destruit, auërt. D 7 Dies
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85. Why do virgins gladly marry lawyers? R. Because the master of law dispenses justice, right, and fairness. So a maiden is always accustomed to love what is right. In what place is water sold at a higher price? R. Where innkeepers mix water with foreign wine, for thus water can even reach the price of costly wine. Where does the word cerevisia come from? R. Some say, cerevisia as though it were the wine of others. Another version: You ask from where beer takes its name for itself, because it often visits your brain, O Sabellus. On Drinking. At the first bite, if I have not drunk, I am dead. Greatest joys are ours while I drink twice. At the third draught I am on my side; when I drink it all, the fourth brings cheer to heart, head, and side. At the fifth draught we drink with a wide yawn. The sixth drink is sweet food itself as I drink six times. With the seventh draught I am on my side, my body full. O how happy we are with eight occasions for drinking! The ninth drink paints the nose of a cherub. If I drink ten times, I wear horns on my forehead. And the eleventh time, dear friend, I drink to you before myself. And after ten times like this, I have complete rest. Then I say, enough, but only when I have drunk freely. I go from a little finger’s breadth to a cubit on my side. On a harlot. Body, wealth, soul, companionship, bonds, fame: It weakens, destroys, kills, hates, ruins, averts. D 7 Days
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86. Dies macilenti quinam? R. Sunt dies jejunii in quibus saturamur pane cælesti, cibo spirituali eoque levi; qui non generat per se in stomacho cruditates sed tantum per accidens. Hymnus in quo omnes nota musicales comprehenduntur. Ut queant laxis Resonare fibris Mira gestorum Famuli tuorum, Solve pollutum Labus reatum, Sancte Joannes. Igniaria et sulphurata quibus odio sunt? R. Amatotibus & furibus. Amatoribus, quia laxato fræno opus suum peragunt sine tympano, candela & candelabro: furibus, quia clandestina eorum furta illuminant & in lucem proferunt. Hercules in quo peccavit? R. In eo quod occiderit scelestum Cacum qui plane imberbis erat, primogenitus ac quasi recens exclusus Wie ein jung hun das erst ausz den Fyer Schalen kompt. Historia jucunda de parocho. Militem puerulum è baptismatis fonte, suscepturum, parochus interrogavit, Domine miles tune idoneus es huic muneri sustinendo? ad quod miles, puto quod sic, tum parochus, nostine præcepta Dei? ad quod miles, quidni: tum parochus, quodnam est primum præceptum? respondit miles, non vorabis, Du solst nicht fressen, erras perverse miles, inquit parochus, primum enim præceptum
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86. What are lean days? R. They are days of fasting in which we are satisfied with heavenly bread, spiritual food, and a light one; which does not of itself produce crudities in the stomach, but only by accident. A hymn in which all the musical notes are contained. Ut queant laxis Resonare fibris Mira gestorum Famuli tuorum, Solve pollutum Labus reatum, Sancte Joannes. To whom are tinder and sulfur things hateful? R. To lovers and thieves. To lovers, because, with the bridle loosened, they carry out their work without drum, candle, or candlestick; to thieves, because they illuminate their clandestine thefts and bring them into the light. In what did Hercules sin? R. In that he killed the wicked Cacus, who was completely beardless, firstborn, and as if newly emerged, like a young hen that has only just come out of the four shells. A pleasant story about a parish priest. When he was to receive a little soldier from the baptismal font, the parish priest asked him, “Sir soldier, are you fit to bear this office?” To which the soldier replied, “I think so,” then the parish priest, “Do you know the commandments of God?” to which the soldier replied, “Why not?” then the parish priest, “What is the first commandment?” The soldier answered, “You shall not vorabis, you must not eat,” you err badly, soldier, said the parish priest, for the first commandment
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87. ceptum est, Non habebis Deos alienos in conspectu meo: Imo regerit miles, Dominatio vestra fallitur; Nonne enim Deus statim à creatione præcepit: de Ligno scientia boni et mali ne comedas Gen.2. Tum parochus, ô miles magna est fides tua, superas me eruditione vel potius astutia. De quibusdam simplicibus Rusticis. Prope patriam meam est vicus agrestis, nomine Mundingia, istic dicuntur inprimis esse simplices Rustici: illorum unus semel ad forum Ehingense profectus, cum domum rediret audivit in confinibus duos cuculos sibi invicem suo cantu respondentes. Erat autem in sylva Mundingensi unus, alter in sylva finitimæ villæ; Et cum cuculus alterius sylvæ suum clamore superare videretur, ille demisso equo cui insidebat, ascendit arborem, atque suum cuculum stridore illo incomposito adjuvabat. Interim lupus equum illius devoravit. Quare Rusticus repetens domum suis compagnis conquestus est; quomodo propter Reipub. honorem & communis emolumenti gratiâ, quod suum cuculum juvisset, accepisset hinc non mediocre damnum. Unde illi consensu communi & impensis, damnum illius sublevaverunt: indignum judicantes, ut qui pro salute & honore publica laborasset, inde jacturam pateretur. De Nobili & monacho. Nobilis quidam patribus nostris notissimus, atque bellator egregius, cum publicus esset
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87. It was commanded, “You shall have no other gods before me.” But the soldier replies, Your Lordship is mistaken; for did not God immediately from creation command: “Of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat” Gen. 2? Then the pastor: O soldier, great is your faith; you surpass me in learning, or rather in cunning. On Some Simple Rustics. Near my homeland there is a rural village called Mundingia; there, above all, they are said to be simple rustics. One of them once set out for the market at Ehingen; as he was returning home, he heard at the borders two cuckoos answering one another with their song. Now there was one in the forest of Mundingen, the other in the forest of a neighboring village; and when the cuckoo of the other wood seemed to outdo his own with its cry, he, dismounting from the horse he was riding, climbed a tree and helped his own cuckoo with that harsh screeching. Meanwhile a wolf devoured his horse. Therefore the rustic, returning home, complained to his companions how, for the honor of the commonwealth and for the sake of the common good, because he had aided his cuckoo, he had received from this no small loss. Whereupon, by common consent and at common expense, they made good his loss, judging it unworthy that one who had labored for the public safety and honor should thereby suffer damage. On a Nobleman and a Monk. A certain nobleman, very well known to our fathers, and an excellent warrior, since he was a public
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88. esset cujusdam Imperialis civitatis hostis; atque Monachum quendam civitatem intrare volentem apprehendisset, portantem pannos pro vestiendis confratribus suis, ille partem panni Monacho abstulit, ut & se vestiret: Monachus indignanter abiens, minatus est in extremo judicio illum pannos redditurum. Quod nobilis audiens, dicens: Quum talem mihi dilationem & tam diuturnum terminum solvendi concedis, ego si possem, tibi etiam monasterium auferrem. Christiani et Iudai disputatio. Matthias quidam Ulmensis, parum prudens, in libris tamen Bibliorum multum exercitatus, disputabat cum Iudæo de fide ejus & Christianorum, utra melior vel verior esset. Tandem dicebat: Vos Iudæi non signati baptismate, in extremo judicio, sicuti canes à carnifice in urbibus non signati, à dominis cædimini: Nos autem signati, impunes erimus. Tum Iudæus interrogavit, Ubi estis signati? Matthias respondit, Charactere baptismatis (ut loquuntur Theologi) qui est impressus animabus nostris. Ad hæc Iudæus dixit: Cum in extremo judicio aderitis cum corpore: nemo poterit videre hoc signum animæ, nos verò Iudæi sumus circumcilione & præputio signati. Cui Matthias, O impudentissimum Iudæum, inquit, velles tu in coetu summi Iudicis atque tot millium hominum ostendere virilia, & pudenda educere? Vade ad patibulum cum tua impudentia. Itaque victor se judice abiit. De
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88. was the enemy of a certain Imperial city; and when he had seized a certain monk who was wishing to enter the city, carrying cloths for clothing his brethren, that man took part of the cloth from the monk so that he himself might be clothed. The monk, departing indignantly, threatened that at the last judgment he would return the cloth. When the nobleman heard this, he said: Since you grant me so long a delay and such a distant term for repayment, I, if I could, would also take your monastery from you. Disputation of Christians and Jews. A certain Matthias of Ulm, not very prudent, but much exercised in the books of the Bible, was disputing with a Jew about his faith and that of the Christians, which was the better or truer. At last he said: You Jews, not marked with baptism, in the last judgment, just as dogs not marked in cities are beaten by their masters at the butcher's, so shall you be punished; but we, being marked, shall go unpunished. Then the Jew asked, Where are you marked? Matthias replied, By the character of baptism (as the theologians speak), which is impressed upon our souls. To this the Jew said: Since you will be present at the last judgment with your body, no one will be able to see this sign of the soul; but we Jews are marked by circumcision and the foreskin. To whom Matthias said, O most shameless Jew, he said, would you wish in the assembly of the supreme Judge and so many thousands of men to display your manhood and expose your private parts? Go to the gallows with your shamelessness. And so the victor departed, having judged for himself. Of
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89. De Martino. Martinus chlamydem pro paupere dimidiavit. Ut faceremus idem nobis exemplificavit. Secreta quinam aperiunt? R. Si secretarum seriem vis noscere rerum. Ebrius, insipiens, pueridicent tibi verum. Epitaphium insigne. Hic in propriâ recubat villâ Pater Aristulphus cum ancillâ: Cui à dextrâ forte Mamillâ Dat Pater oscula, deficit illa. Sed per spatia ævi pauxilla Post hac funera vivit in villâ: Nam dum sapit huic admodum squilla Cum bene sapidâ cocta anguillâ, Dum dat famulo cella sigilla, Ut depromat vina Cyprilla. Vivere desinit Pater in villa, Sitis urgebat quippe pusilla. Incerti autoris. Ex minimis, vitium, coelum modulamina, castra, Venit, alit, penetrat, mitigat, exsuperat. Seditio, requies, oratio, coena, favilla. Maxima, longa, brevis, semibrevis, minima, Quare multi ad magnos honores mundanos perveniunt? R. Hocsæpe fit ob commodatam domino uxorem. Hinc hic fit Secretarius, ille Sena- tor,
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89. De Martino. Martin divided his cloak with the poor man. He set us an example to do the same. Who reveals secrets? R. If you wish to know the series of hidden things. A drunkard, a fool, a child will tell you the truth. An illustrious epitaph. Here in his own villa rests Father Aristulphus with his maidservant: To whom from his right, by chance, Mamilla The Father gives kisses; she fails. But for a little span of life After these funerals he lives in the villa: For while he greatly relishes shrimp With well-seasoned cooked eel, While the storeroom gives the servant its seals, So that he may draw out Cyprian wines. The Father ceases to live in the villa, For a tiny thirst was pressing him. Of uncertain author. From the smallest things, vice, heaven, strains, camps, It comes, nourishes, enters, softens, surpasses. Uprising, rest, prayer, supper, ash. Maxima, longa, breve, semibreve, minima, Why do many attain great worldly honors? R. This often happens because a wife has been lent to her lord. Hence one becomes Secretary, another Sena- tor,
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tor, hic comes, & iisdem artibus à magnatibus multi præpinguia venantur officia, uxores quæ ob id non immerito superbiunt, quarum radiis maritus fulgeat. Item se illas esse, quarum amore princeps gaudeat, dicunt, nullam, ex Domini hanreizatione fieri impudicam, earumque maritos, qui ineptis Hirci videri possent, ita excellere aureis cornibus, ut dignitate cunctos anteeant. Paulus Iovius in vita Galeacii Sfortiæ, & à prudentibus nulla alia compendiosior via ad honores adipiscendos, quam hæc ipsa habetur. Exemplo luculentissimo nobis erit historia Euryali ab Aënea Silvio conscripta. videatur hic ulterius. Nevez. lib. 4. num. 82. De quodam Consule Ulmensi. Quidam Consul Ulmensis, quum venisset in legatione ad Dominam Mechthildam Ducissam Austriæ: atque inter orandum crepitum ventris edidisset, nihil commotus est, sed processit in sermone. Quod cum domina audivisset ac dissimulasset, virgines autem ejus ac pedissequæ se invicem aspicientes, occulte riderent, pepebit & una ex illis. Quod Consul ille audiens, atque ab instituto sermone digrediens: Procedit, inquit, ex ordine, & postquam me ordo rursus tetigerit, ego redincipiam. Unde omnes sunt in risum effusissimè commotæ, dominaque facetâ ejus responsione permota, magnifice eum tractavit. Possuntne mulieres peregrinari illa sa pudicitia? R. Vix quidem: quia viæ teruntur ab om- nis
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tor, this count, and by the same arts many from the magnates hunt very fat offices; wives who for that reason are not unjustly proud, by whose rays their husband may shine. Likewise they say that they themselves are those for whose love the prince rejoices; no one is made shameless by the Lord’s hanreization, and their husbands, who might seem to be inept Hircus, so excel with golden horns that in dignity they surpass all others. Paulus Iovius, in the life of Galeazzo Sforza, and according to the prudent no other path to attaining honors is considered more expedient than this very one. The history of Euryalus, written by Aeneas Sylvius, will be a very clear example for us. See this further. Nevez. lib. 4. num. 82. Of a certain Consul of Ulm. A certain Consul of Ulm, when he had come on an embassy to Lady Mechthild, Duchess of Austria, and while praying had let out a belch from his stomach, was not at all disturbed, but continued with the conversation. When the lady heard this and pretended not to notice, and her maidens and attendants, looking at one another, were secretly laughing, he also farted once. When that Consul heard it, and departing from his intended speech said: It proceeds in due order, and after order has again touched me, I shall begin again. Whereupon they all broke out into laughter most heartily, and the lady, moved by his witty reply, treated him magnificently. Can women travel with that purity? R. Hardly indeed: because the roads are worn by all
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91. nis generis hominibus, qui pretio illecebrisque, nec non vi Hanreitatem expetunt? Sic Dina, Genes. 34. & Angla illa, de qua Sylvepist. peregrinationis fructus uberrimos protulerunt, & Comicis frequenter peregrinatrices sinistræ sunt famæ: nam bene sciunt, absente fele saltare mures; Imo in peregrinationibus adeo fiunt applicabiles, subjectibiles, & tractabiles, ut Theologiæ studiosis pro cathedra quam concendant: Juristis pro pulpitò, cui corpus imponant, & Medicis pro vivæ Anatomiæ subjecto, ac denique nemini non inserviant. Carmina in quibus omnes prima litera incipiunt ab F. Famellas furtim facies formosa fefellit Fortuito faciens ferventi furta furore. Fur foritas fertur fatuens flagroque feritur. Carmen jucundum. Hircum cum pueris, puer unus, sponsa: maritus Cultello, lympha: fune, dolore cadit. De anu per crepitum animam exhalante. Uno animam crepitu Iana pepeidit anus. Gallice sic. Vous qui passez, priex pour cette Dame. Qui en petant par le cul rendit l'ame. Comparatio mulieris & canis. Comparantur à nostris canes & mulieres, illi dum volunt, mingunt, hæ dum volunt flent, ut Iuven. Saty. 6. & Ovid. Ut flerent oculos erudiere suos. De rixosa Muliere. Habebat quidam jurgiosam imprimis Mulierem;
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91. Of this sort of people, who by price and allurements, and also by force, seek wantonness? Thus Dinah, Gen. 34, and that Angla, of whom Sylvepist. produced very abundant fruits of travel, and in comedies women who travel are often of ill repute: for they know well that, when the cat is away, the mice dance; indeed in journeys they become so pliable, submissive, and tractable, that they serve students of Theology as a chair which they may mount: to jurists as a pulpit, on which they may place their body, and to physicians as a subject for living anatomy, and finally to no one not will they fail to serve. Verses in which all begin with the letter F. A handsome face by chance deceived little maids in secret, making thefts by chance with burning fury. The thief is said to carry off folly and is struck with the lash. A pleasant verse. A goat with boys, one boy, bride: the husband with a knife, water: with a rope, he falls in pain. On an old woman exhaling her soul by a fart. With one fart the old woman Iana gave up her soul. Thus in French. You who pass by, pray for this lady. Who, by farting through her backside, gave up her soul. Comparison of woman and dog. Dogs and women are compared by our people: the former, when they wish, urinate; the latter, when they wish, weep, as Juvenal, Sat. 6, and Ovid: “To make them weep, they trained their eyes.” On a quarrelsome woman. There was once a man who had, above all, a quarrelsome woman;
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92. lietem: adeo ut, sive caupona rediret, sive laboraret, aut comederet, maledictis ab ea impeteretur: quicquid tentavit, semper ei Mulier maledixit, atque quanto eam frequentiis verberaverat, tanto contumeliosior reddebatur, magis jurgabatur. Quod cum verbera nihil profecissent, alia via aggrediendum putavit, atque quotiescunque ipsa ei maledicebat nihil movebatur, sed continuo tibia, cuculus erat indoctissimus, canebat. Quod cum fecisset, ipsa acrius maledicere coepit. Ille vero persistente proposito, ipsa præira saltare coepit: quo per gente, ipsa ex manibus ejus tibiam excussit, qui cum nihilominus resumpta tibia sine commotione caneret, mulier indignatissima domum exivit, asserens se posthac non perpessuram nequitiam viri, & temulentiam illam intolerabilem. Et cum postero die cum solita maledictione rediret, vir ad solitum tantum reversus est. Quare mulier se victam ostendens, imprecationibus abstinuit, benevolentissimamque se futuram viro pollicita est, modo tibiam seponeret. Memorabile exemplum, pertinaciam muliebrem variis artibus frangendam esse. FINIS.
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92. Item: so that, whether he returned from the inn, or worked, or ate, he was attacked by her with curses: whatever he attempted, the woman always cursed him, and the more often he had beaten her, the more abusive she became, and the more she quarreled. When blows had accomplished nothing, he thought a different approach must be taken, and whenever she herself cursed him he was not moved, but immediately with the flute, the cuckoo, he was most unlearned, he sang. When he had done this, she began to curse more fiercely. But he, persisting in his purpose, she began to dance in front of him: whereupon she snatched the flute from his hands, and when he, nevertheless, having taken up the flute again, continued to play without being disturbed, the woman, most indignant, went out of the house, declaring that henceforth she would not endure the wickedness of the man, and that intolerable drunkenness. And when the next day he returned with his usual cursing, the man returned only to his usual ways. Wherefore the woman, showing herself defeated, abstained from imprecations, and promised that she would be most benevolent to her husband, provided that he put the flute away. A memorable example, that a woman’s stubbornness must be broken by various arts. THE END.
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THESES DE HASIONE ET HASIBILI QUALITATE, De quibus sub præsidio FABI STENGLECI LEPORINI, Respondente LEPIDO CAPITONE PRO GRADU in eadem Facultate Assumendo. Disputabitur Horis Pomeridianis, vespertinis & nocturnis in magna frequentia om- nium ejusdem facultatis studioso- rum ad Calendas sediles, ludiles, bi- biles in Auditorio majori Phantastarum.
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THESES ON HASIONE AND HASIBILI QUALITATE, on which, under the presidency of FABI STENGLECI LEPORINI, the respondent LEPIDO CAPITONE for the degree in the same Faculty to be assumed. It will be disputed in the afternoon, evening, and night hours, in a large gathering of all the students of the same faculty, on the kalends sediles, ludiles, bibiles, in the main auditorium of the Fantastars.
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Quis vetat Hasoni ridendo dicere Verum. Socratico E leporem fatuum condire lepore.
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Who forbids Hason to speak the truth while laughing, and, with Socratic wit, to season foolish wit with wit.
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95. THESIS I. I Naturam hominis, prout nunc est, moresque & conservationes humanas penitus inspexerimus, videmus occurrere adhuc novam aliquam facultatem, quæ ad nullam quatuor specierum referri possit. Unde prædicamentum illud non satis ab Aristotele explicatum esse manifestum est, sed addendum novum aliquod ens, quod est HASIO & HASIBILIS qualitas. 2. Erit ergo hæc nova & quinta species, ac illi homines, qui hac qualitate ornati sunt, ex quinta essentia constant, quos ob id neque homines, nec per omnia lepores, sed mixtum quid quasi anthropodasypus seu homini lepores, sive lepori homines, aut homines hasios dicere possumus. 3. Nec pueriliter putandum hanc speciem idem esse quod passio & passibilis qualitas. Nam licet plerumque in conviviis Hasiones sint in passibili qualitate, tamen sæpe numero sunt in agibili, nempe tunc cum currunt, ut inferius patebit. 4. Est autem Hasibilis qualitas morbus ortus ex superfluitate & Privatione intelligentiæ albæ in cerebro, in quo spiritus turbati, humores vitiati, & elementis gravitatis & levitatis immixti, confusionem temperamenti faciunt in cerebro, ventremque gravidum faciunt iisdem vitiositatibus, & pedes manusque crebris
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95. THESIS I. I. When we have thoroughly examined the nature of man as it now is, and human customs and preservations, we see that there still occurs some new faculty, which cannot be referred to any of the four species. Whence it is manifest that that category has not been sufficiently explained by Aristotle, but that some new entity must be added, namely HASIO and the quality HASIBILIS. 2. Therefore this will be a new and fifth species, and those men who are adorned with this quality consist of quintessence; on account of which we may call them neither men nor, in every respect, hares, but a mixed thing, as it were anthropodasypus, or hare-men, or men-hare, or men hasii. 3. Nor must it be thought in a childish way that this species is the same as passion and passible quality. For although in banquets the Hasiones are mostly in a passible condition, yet very often they are in an active one, namely then when they run, as will be shown below. 4. But the Hasibilis quality is a disease arising from an excess and privation of white intelligence in the brain, in which the disturbed spirits, corrupted humors, and elements mingled with heaviness and lightness produce confusion of temperament in the brain, and make the belly heavy with the same vices, and the feet and hands by frequent
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96. crebris gesticulationibus. Hoc morbo laborantes hasiones aut lepores vocantur. 5. Ex qua autem terra & regione hic morbus epidemicus primò ortus sit, variæ sunt sententiæ. Quidam enim ex Cæphali, quidam ex Turpeti, quidam ex Franconali, quidam ex Italica regione ad Germanos traductum esse volunt. Cum autem sub judice lis pendeat, animadvertendum, ex qua regione conterranei plurimi hoc morbo laborare videantur. Nam similis simili gaudet. 6. Ex definitione verò supra posita facile intelligi potest non esse tantum simplicem hujus morbi speciem, sed multiplicem. Quædam enim hasibilitas consistit in spiritibus, quædam in humoribus, quædam in elementis, non secus ac febris quædam. 7 Nam hasibilitas in spiritibus consistens omnium maxime conspicua est in viris magnis, spectabilibus & doctis, aut etiam in iis qui cum tales non sint, tales esse volunt: hi enim habent altos & elatos spiritus, qui omnes inferiores præ se contemnunt, sua laudant & prædicant, etiam si aliquando graveriter mentiantur, & nihil nili sententias & versus proferunt, aut jubent à se carmina conscribi, ut fiant candelabra patriæ, & variis linguis loquuntur. 8. Ut exempli gratia, cum quis in conviviis bonorum virorum solus totum colloquium vult habere, & ordinare omnia in mensa pro suo arbitrio: omnia solus dirigere, qui gloriatur de sua doctrina, & tamen stultus
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96. with frequent gestures. Those afflicted with this disease are called hasiones or hares. 5. From what land and region this epidemic disease first arose there are various opinions. For some say that it was brought over from Cæphalus, some from Turpetus, some from Franconia, and some from the Italian region to the Germans. But since the case is still before the judge, it should be noted from what region the greatest number of countrymen seem to labor under this disease. For like delights in like. 6. From the definition set out above it can easily be understood that there is not only a simple form of this disease, but a manifold one. For some hasibility consists in the spirits, some in the humors, some in the elements, just as with some fevers. 7. For hasibility consisting in the spirits is most conspicuous in great, distinguished, and learned men, or even in those who, though they are not such, wish to be such: for these have lofty and exalted spirits, who despise all inferiors before them, praise and proclaim their own merits, even if at times they lie most grievously, and utter nothing but opinions and verses, or order songs to be composed by them, so that they may become candles of the fatherland, and speak in various languages. 8. For example, when someone at the table of good men wishes alone to conduct the whole conversation and to arrange everything at the table according to his own will: to direct everything by himself, he who boasts of his learning, and yet is a fool
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97. tus est: qui semper vult disputare, qui vult canere, qui vult strenuè hibere, & tamen nihil horum potest, qui multa dicit de opibus suis, semper in ore habet centum mille, mille- na millia, & tamen pauper socius est: qui gloriatur de virgine sua, cum vix ac ne vix quidem locum habet apud ancillam, & tandem qui profitetur omnes facultates & semper nova dogmata, novas artes Methodicas invenit: & reliqua omnia vult refutare 9. Ejusdem farinæ sunt qui in platea ansati atque ansati incedunt, caput jactitant, pedes ad æquilibrium movent, nasum erigunt, ac si velint in coelum conscendere, ac observant diligenter ubi quam plurimi homines convenerint, ut illos prætereant, quod digito monstrentur, ac qui nobilem se jactat cum rusticus sit, & pedissequum habet, qui ipse nunquam fuerat factus Dominus: quique aureos annulos gestant cum adhuc non deceat. Omnes enim hæ & similes species, ex elatione spirituum, qui sunt in summo gradu, oriuntur. 10. Hasibilitas ex humoribus est quæ in sobriis nunquam est, sed crescit tunc cum cerebrum aut gula, vino, aut cerevisia immaduit, ut sunt omnes, qui, cum sunt sobrii, optimè se quidem gerere possunt, sed quam primum conjuncti sunt; ibi pessimè hunc morbum contrahunt. Et hæ species iterum variant secundum quatuor humores, sanguinem, bilem atram, bilem flavam & phlegma. 11. Ex humore sanguinis oritur hasibilitas E quæ
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97. is: who always wants to argue, who wants to sing, who wants to drink zealously, and yet can do none of these things; who says many things about his riches, always has a hundred thousand, a thou- sand thousands in his mouth, and yet is a poor fellow; who boasts of his maiden, when he hardly, and not even hardly, has a place with the maidservant; and finally who professes all faculties and always finds new dogmas, new Methodical arts, and the rest he wants to refute. 9. Of the same sort are those who walk in the street with handles attached, and with handles attached as they go, toss their heads, move their feet to keep their balance, raise their noses, as if they wanted to ascend to heaven, and carefully observe wherever the greatest number of people have gathered, so that they may pass them by, be pointed at with the finger; and those who boast themselves noble though they are peasants, and have a footman, though he himself had never been made a lord; and those who wear golden rings when it is not yet fitting. For all these and similar species arise from an elevation of the spirits, which are in the highest degree. 10. Hasibilitas is from the humors, and is never found in the sober, but grows then when the brain or the throat is soaked with wine or beer, as are all those who, when they are sober, can indeed behave themselves very well, but as soon as they are joined together; there they contract this disease most badly. And these species vary again according to the four humors: blood, black bile, yellow bile, and phlegm. 11. From the humor of blood arises hasibilitas E which
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98. quæ in risum exit, quo seipsum quis facit ridiculum, seque aliis sponte deridendum exponit, aut cum vexatur & se ab aliis vexari omnino non intelligit, se alios vexare putat & quidvis patitur sibi persuaderi. 12. Bilis atræ hasibilitas est, cum quis in conviviis exhilarationis gratia institutis sedet ut Mopsus aut Corydon, morosus, nihil loquens aut ridens, sed ac si omnes vellet devorare: quod ideo facit, ut convivæ dicere debeant, eum in profunda melancholia sedere, doctum esse, & rebus gravissimis intentum, vel speculari in divinis. 13. Hasibilitas ex flava bile in illo est, qui audito inter jocos vel unico verbo sinistro statim arma corripit, & vult homines omnes trucidare, & vivos mortuosque mactare, præ nimia virilitate ut caper: quod ideo facit, ut homines dicant eum equestrem hominem esse, nec devorare orbem casei. 14. Phlegmatica hasibilitas est orta ex nimia bibendi fidelitate, qua fideliam nimis sæpe elevans cogitur vel in mensa, vel in lecto, vel in mediis choreis insimo vel supremo ore vomitum edere & realia verba proloqui. Hic humor, illo exonerato & fideliter deposito, desinit statim esse hasio (cum reliqui etiam post factum nomen retineant (& propterea non Hasio & Grobianus & Rulcius dicitur, & cadit sub exemplum gravitatis. 15. Restat hasibilitas quæ est in elemento sita: Sunt autem duo genera elementarium corporum; grave & leve. Unde secundum hanc
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98. which ends in laughter, when someone makes himself ridiculous, and deliberately exposes himself to be mocked by others, or when he is being tormented and altogether does not understand that he is being tormented by others, but thinks he is tormenting them, and lets himself be persuaded of anything. 12. Black-bile hasibilitas is when someone sits at banquets arranged for the sake of merriment like Mopsus or Corydon, morose, saying nothing or laughing, but as if he wanted to devour everyone: he does this for the reason that the guests may have to say that he sits in deep melancholy, is learned, and intent on the most serious matters, or is contemplating divine things. 13. Hasibilitas from yellow bile is in the one who, on hearing, amid jokes, even a single hostile word, immediately snatches up weapons and wants to slaughter all men, and to butcher the living and the dead, through excessive manliness like a he-goat: he does this so that people may say he is a knightly man and does not devour a wheel of cheese. 14. Phlegmatic hasibilitas arises from excessive faithfulness to drinking, by which, raising the cup too often, one is forced, whether at table or in bed, or in the middle of dances, to discharge vomit from the lowest or the highest mouth and to speak truthful words. This humor, once that burden has been emptied out and faithfully set down, ceases at once to be hasio (though the others also keep the name after the fact), and therefore it is not called Hasio and Grobianus and Rulcius, and it falls under the example of seriousness. 15. There remains hasibilitas, which is seated in the element: and there are two kinds of elemental bodies, heavy and light. Hence according to this
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99. hanc dichotomiam hasibilem; dicuntur alii hasiones gravitatis seu probitatis; alii levitatis seu subtilitatis. 16. In hac autem specie multi superiorum concidunt, quod mirum non est, cum omnes sint ex una stirpe orti, & sub uno omnium genere contineantur. Gravitatis autem hasibilitas se maxime exserit in moribus: quo facile videri poterit, an quis etiam suam civilitatem morum studuerit: qui secus fecerit, ad hanc classem referri debet. 17. Ut qui virginibus inservit & vel bonum enposticum, vel bombum prolocutus fuerit; vel alias caput justo tempore non aperuerit, & exspectaverit donec prius salutetur: Et alium salutans per digitos transpiciat, num etiam resalutetur. Summa qui Grobianum egregie callent, Hasiones gravitatis vocantur. 18. Hasibilitas levitatis ultima est, sed omnium frequentissima & omnium latissime patens. Huc enim spectat varietas vestium, gesticulatio, manuum osculatio, pedum varia vibratio in choreis vel cum virginibus, vel cum adolescentibus. 19. Ut exempli gratia, qui nunquam ex patria exierunt, vel brevi tempore à maternis mammis abfuerunt, & redeuntes gladium, plumas, varias formas vestium, magnum ventrem, (in quo gestari pulli dicuntur hasionum) amplissimum pileum, magna collaria, acutascaligas ad formam, Y literæ Pythagoricæ (unde hæ caligæ vocantur Pythagoricæ vel ipsisonicæ) duplices crepidas & simi- E 2
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99. this observable dichotomy; others are called hasions of gravity or probity; others of levity or subtlety. 16. In this species, however, many of the above fall together, which is not surprising, since all are sprung from one stock, and are contained under one common class. The hasibility of gravity shows itself most especially in manners: by this it will easily be seen whether anyone has also cultivated his civility of manners; whoever has done otherwise must be referred to this class. 17. Such as he who serves virgins and, whether he has said a good good evening or a bowing salutation, or otherwise has not opened his head at the proper time, and has waited until he is first greeted: and, when greeting another, looks through his fingers to see whether he too is greeted in return. In short, those who are thoroughly versed in Grobianus are called hasions of gravity. 18. Hasibility of levity is the lowest, but the most frequent of all and by far the most widespread. To this belong variety of clothing, gesticulation, kissing of hands, varied wagging of the feet in dances, either with virgins or with young men. 19. For example, those who have never gone out of their homeland, or who have been away from their mother’s breasts for only a short time, and on returning carry a sword, feathers, various styles of clothing, a large belly, (in which, it is said, the young of the hasions are borne), an enormous hat, large collars, shoes sharply fashioned to the form of the letter Y, the Pythagorean letter (whence these shoes are called Pythagorean or ipsisonic), double slippers, and simi-
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100. similia gerunt: Qui item manus osculantur, frequenter nutant, pedibus verrunt terram, & innumeris utuntur eminentiis, reverentiisque. 10. His cognati sunt qui vestes partim Gallicas, partim Germanicas gestant, & vestes habent variorum colorum rubri, flavi, virides, albi, ex quorum numero niger excipitur. 21. Nec tantum levitatis hasiones in vestibus sunt, sed etiam in choreis & aliis actionibus in quibus saltant, circumcursitant, jam Italicam, jam Polonicam, jam Anglicam, jam Germanicam choream affectant, & se omnibus modis familiare reddere student apud virgines, quo evenit, ut hi hasiones simul amatorii & Venerei hasiones dicantur: & sæpissime viam in gratiam hujus vel istius puellæ iterant, & se omnibus modis applicabiles puellis reddere student. 22. Symptomata harum hasibilitatum sunt omnes his affines qualitates, Cornelius, Ciglio, Eulenspigelius, Paul cave tibi, Papa de calvo monte, Claus stultus, omnis ignorantia, superbia, amor, cochleatio, helluatio, scurrilitas, impudentia, beatitas in alter plus, in altero minus. Summa totus cursus cum arundine longa. 24. Signa sunt risus, cachinnus, vociferatio, circumcurbitatio, gesticulatio, saltatio, oculorum gyratio; capilli longi & muliebris figuræ, vestes, incessus. Quibus addere plura, qui conversationem hanc arte con-
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100. They act similarly: those who likewise kiss hands, nod frequently, sweep the ground with their feet, and make use of countless bows and reverences. 10. Their relatives are those who wear clothes partly French, partly German, and have garments of various colors, red, yellow, green, white, from whose number black is excepted. 21. Nor are these marks of levity found only in clothing, but also in dances and other actions in which they leap about and run hither and thither, now affecting an Italian dance, now a Polish one, now an English one, now a German one, and strive in every way to make themselves familiar with virgins, whence it happens that these signs are at the same time called amorous and Venereal signs; and very often they turn the path back into the favor of this or that girl, and strive in every way to make themselves acceptable to girls. 22. The symptoms of these affections are all qualities akin to them: Cornelius, Ciglio, Eulenspigelius, Paul, beware of yourself, Pope of the bald mountain, Claus the fool, all ignorance, pride, love, gluttony, gourmandizing, buffoonery, impudence, blessedness in one more, in another less. In sum, the whole course with a long reed. 24. The signs are laughter, guffawing, shouting, running about, gesticulation, dancing, rolling of the eyes; long hair and a feminine figure, clothing, gait. To these add more, whoever this conversation by art con-
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considerat, & seipsum in sua cute examinat; facile potest juxta illud: Stultorum plena sunt omnia. Ergo nullibi dantur vacua, & per con- sequens veteres male dixerunt vacuum esse in rerum natura. -------------------------------------------------------- CORONIDES. 1. AN hasibilitas contingat masculis & fa- minis? affirmatur. 2. An hasio sit generis communis secundum regulam: Qua conveniunt, &c. affirmatur. 3. An aliquis tangendo proprium nasum, apprehendat hasiones secundum qualitatem & quantitatem? utrumque affirmatur. 4. An dua vel plures Species hasionum pos- sint esse in uno subjecto? affirmatur. 5. An virgines cochleando hasificent vel ha- sificentur, vexent vel vexentur: & an etiam verum sit de adolescentibus cochleantibus? utrumque affirmatur. E3 DISPU-
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considered, and examines himself in his own skin; he can easily say according to that saying: All things are full of fools. Therefore there are vacuities nowhere, and by con- sequence the ancients wrongly said that a vacuum exists in the nature of things. -------------------------------------------------------- CORONIDES. 1. Whether hasibilitas occurs in males and fe- males? it is affirmed. 2. Whether hasio is of common gender according to the rule: Qua conveniunt, &c.? it is affirmed. 3. Whether anyone, by touching his own nose, apprehends hasiones according to quality and quantity? both are affirmed. 4. Whether two or more species of hasiones may be in one subject? it is affirmed. 5. Whether maidens, by cochleating, do hasify or be- hasified, vex or be vexed; and whether the same is also true of adolescent boys cochleating? both are affirmed. E3 DISPU-
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DISPUTATIONIS DE HASIBILITATE Cursus Secundus. THESIS I. Absoluta superiore disputatione, quæ partim Logica, partim Physica fuit, de Natura, & proprietate Hasionis; Reliquum nuncest, de ipsa Hasibilitate seorsum agere; quatenus in considerationem Medici venit, juxta illud Aristotelis: Ubi Physicus desinit, ibi incipit Medicus. 2. Neque vero supervacaneum est, de hac materia tam prolixe agere, quia veteres dixerunt: Nosce te ipsum. Et cum omnibus hoc seculo nihil magis volupe sit quam disputare; habet hic unusquisque semper quod agat sicuti scabiosus. 3. Breviter igitur rem comprehensuri, à Definitione exordiemur, quæ cum superius prolixe tradita sit, brevioribus eam hic verbis repetemus, pro intentione nostra: Nam quod pulchrum est, bis terve repeti non est absurdum. 4. Est autem Hasibilitas, sive morbus, sive depravatio intelligentiæ in cerebro, depen- dens
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DISPUTATION ON HASIBILITY Second Course. THESIS I. After the foregoing disputation, which was partly Logical, partly Physical, concerning the nature and property of Hasion; there remains now to treat separately of Hasibility itself, insofar as it comes under the consideration of the Physician, according to that saying of Aristotle: Where the Physicist ends, there the Physician begins. 2. Nor indeed is it superfluous to treat of this matter so fully, because the ancients said: Know thyself. And since in this age nothing is more pleasing to all than to dispute; here everyone always has something to do, like a scabby fellow. 3. We shall therefore briefly take up the matter, beginning from the Definition, which, since it was set forth at length above, we shall here repeat in fewer words, for our purpose: for what is beautiful is not absurd to repeat twice or thrice. 4. Hasibility, then, is either a disease or a corruption of the understanding in the brain, depending
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103. dens ex superfluitate spirituum, aut Humorum. 5. Hæc definitio perfecta est, omnibus enim suis partibus constat. 6. Genus seu formam diximus esse morbum: manifeste enim actiones lædit, SED SINE DOLORE: & est hæc Lues magnæ ACTIVITATIS, quia ad SIMILITUDINEM AGIT TRAHITQUE maxime secundum Formam. 7. Ut autem uniuscujusque morbi magna est latitudo, ita & Hasibilitas alia magna est, sive vehemens; alia parva, sive remissa: alia diuturna, alia brevis: alia recens, alia inveterata. 8. Subjectum universale est Cerebrum, statuerunt enim veteres, & sapientiæ & stultitiæ sedem esse cerebrum. Pro varia igitur ejus læsione, variæ emergunt differentiæ: vel enim totum laborat, & tunc febrientibus, aut etiam furentibus interdum similes fiunt HASiones: vel pars tantum affecta est, & sic mediocriter currunt. Præterea pro illius varia constitutione naturali, variæ etiam actiones oriuntur, mediante tamen causa, de qua mox. 9. Causa efficiens est superfluitas spirituum, aut Humorum. Hinc alia hasibilitas humorosa est, alia flatulenta. 10. Si enim ex spiritibus est, aut extrinsecus originem traxit, aut intrinsecus. Extrinsecus quidem, ex conversatione aliorum, qui infecti sunt, quorum contagium facile quif- que E4
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103. from an excess of spirits, or humors. 5. This definition is complete, for it consists of all its parts. 6. We said the genus, or form, is a disease: for it plainly injures actions, but WITHOUT PAIN: and this affection is of GREAT ACTIVITY, because, by SIMILARITY, it ACTS and DRAWS ALONG most especially according to its form. 7. But just as the range of each disease is very great, so too is there another great degree of liability, whether violent, or mild; one long-lasting, another brief; one recent, another inveterate. 8. The universal subject is the brain, for the ancients held that the seat both of wisdom and of folly is the brain. According to the varied injury of it, therefore, various differences arise: for either the whole suffers, and then the affections become like those of fevers, or even sometimes of the insane; or only part is affected, and thus they run moderately. Besides, according to its various natural constitution, various actions also arise, however by means of the cause, of which more presently. 9. The efficient cause is an excess of spirits, or humors. Hence one liability is humoral, another flatulent. 10. For if it is from spirits, it has taken its origin either from without, or from within. From without, indeed, from association with others who are infected, whose contagion easily anyone E4
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104. que contrahit. Vel saltem ex re aliqua lepida, quam sive videt, sive audit, Instrinsecus vero ex parentum hereditate, ex morbo, ex mala educatione, innata libidine, licentia, luxuria: Inde enim sit, ut paulatim Spiritus ex depravatis visceribus ascendentes, capitis domicilium occupent, & hinc inde accrescentes, multis modis id molestent, ut laborantes ad quidvis persuaderi, aut converti possint. Unde tot generum ineptiæ, nugæ & culpæ de quibus supra. 11. Quod si ex Humoribus hic affectus sit, pro varietate intemperiei, variæ erunt differentiæ. Hinc alia Hasibilitas sanguinea est, alia pituitosa, alia cholerica, alia Melancholica. Et cum hæ causæ cum subjecti constitutione, & crasi magnam affinitatem habeant, ejusmodi humores ingluvie nati, ab anni tempore, ætate, regione, & natione adjuti, cerebri substantiæ conjuncti, prout sunt, alia atque alia Symptomata proferunt. 12 In his autem & Quantitas consideranda: si enim exigua copia fuerit, non agit quidem hæc lues, ut quam vis in corpore hæc ipsa sit, non tamen manifesta sit ejus actio, & licet non agat, lædat tamen actiones, sed clanculum, ut homines non animadvertant. Imo experientia sæpe tellatur, quod cum per annos aliquot hoc malum latuisset, tandem magis magisque actum, sese ut sorex prodiderit suo indicio. Sed sunt nonnulli, qui etsi hunc nequam in sinu habeant, tamen aut ver-
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104. which it contracts. Or at least from some pleasant thing, which it either sees or hears. But inwardly, from hereditary disposition, from illness, from bad upbringing, inborn lust, license, luxury. For from this it comes about that gradually the Spirits, rising from depraved viscera, occupy the dwelling of the head, and growing on this side and on that, trouble it in many ways, so that those suffering may be persuaded or turned to anything. Whence so many kinds of foolishness, trifles, and faults, of which above. 11. But if this affection be from the humors, there will be various differences according to the variety of the intemperament. Hence one kind of desultoriness is sanguine, another phlegmatic, another choleric, another melancholic. And since these causes, together with the constitution and crasis of the subject, have a great affinity, such humors, born of gluttony, assisted by the season of the year, age, region, and nation, and joined to the substance of the brain, bring forth, as they are, one kind of symptoms or another. 12. In these matters also the quantity must be considered: for if the amount be small, this pest does not act, because although it is present in the body, yet its action is not manifest, and though it does not act, it nevertheless injures the actions, but secretly, so that men do not notice it. Indeed experience often shows that when this evil had lain hidden for some years, at last, more and more active, it betrayed itself like a mole by its own sign. But there are some who, although they have this evil in their bosom, nevertheless either ver-
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105. verborum subtilitate, & lepore, aut alias Dominatione, & auctoritate sua præcellenti tegere possunt: & tamen infecti sunt, si verum dicere velimus. 13. Modus etiam causæ considerandus: nam quædam materia tempestive movetur, quædam tarde, quædam medio modo se habet. Unde actio & Critica & Symptomatica emergit. Et hoc est, quod in conviviis passim videmus, quod quidam valde cito currunt, alii tanquam balistæ sequuntur, & alii dimidio vento, navigant, juxta versiculum. CURRITE FELICI SIDERE VOS LEPORES. 14. Qui etiam si vehemens erit motus materiæ, vehemens etiam actio. Si continuus, talis quoque actio. Si interpolatus, interpolata actio. SIGNA DIFFERENTIARUM. 15. His ita examinatis, ad differentiarum signa accedendum. 16. Et quantum ad Formalis causæ signa, ea quidem medenti innotescunt ex relatione æstantium, nequaquam vero ægrotantis: nemo enim vult HASIO videri, cum maxime sit. 17. A subjecto sunt: Raro dolor capitis &c is quidem per Sympathiam ventriculi ex bibitione: Præterea ea omnia, quæ constitutionem Sanguineam. Phlegmaticam, Cholericam, Melancholicam sequi dicta sunt disputatione superiori. 18. A causa efficiente quæ sumuntur, cum E 5
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105. by subtlety of words, and charm, or otherwise by their own dominion and authority, can cover themselves as eminent; and yet they are infected, if we wish to speak truly. 13. The mode also of the cause is to be considered: for some matter is moved in good season, some slowly, some is disposed in a middle manner. Whence action and Critical and Symptomatic arise. And this is what we see everywhere at banquets, namely, that some run very quickly, others follow like catapults, and others sail with half a wind, according to the little verse. CURRITE FELICI SIDERE VOS LEPORES. 14. If the motion of the matter shall also be vehement, the action also is vehement. If continuous, such also is the action. If interrupted, the action is interrupted. SIGNS OF DIFFERENCES. 15. These things having thus been examined, we must proceed to the signs of differences. 16. And as to the signs of the formal cause, these indeed become known to the physician from the report of those standing by, but by no means from the sick person: for no one wants to seem HASIO, when he is most so. 17. From the subject are: rarely headache, etc., indeed through sympathy of the stomach from drinking: besides, all those things which are said to follow a Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic constitution in the foregoing discussion. 18. From the efficient cause are taken, when E 5
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106. cum jam nominatis conjungentur, & simili- ter ante disputatum est: nunc ea denuo recensere, supersedemus. Hoc saltem in genere hic annotamus, magnam esse Dyscrasiæ humoralis analogiam ad Nationem, ætatem, anni tempus, aërem, & cæteras nonnaturales. Siquidem enim hæc omnes in uno eodemque gradu simul convenient, habebis utique signa talia, quæ absolutissimo Hasioni debentur. 19. Objectum verò spirituosum, seu vaporosum, denotat status non fixus; sed errans & quidem tensitivus, sine pulsatione, & gravitate, subtilis interdum, interdum crassior, nonnunquam ructos aut crepitus edens: & hæc omnia cum magna latitudine. 20. Qualitatis verò vel magnæ, vel parvæ signa sunt, antecedens vitæ ratio, sive in convivio sive alibi, & vel liberalior, vel parcior tractatio, & quæ incitamenta solent accedere: habitans item corpori, prout is est. 21. Criticam actionem arguunt Crisim futuram monstrantia, ut sunt motiones animi, oculorum, capitis, pectoris, expectorationes, exspuitiones, pedum strepitus, gesticulatio, vertigines, rubedines, multi & magniloquia, &c. 22. Symptomaticam vero, si ab aliquo objecto extrinseco, affectu interno alio oboriatur, Reliqua ex astantibus petuntur: Quia ex ægroto per vehementiam morbi tunc non licet. INDICATIONES. 23. Post hæc signa, dicendum de indica- tioni-
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106. when they are joined with those already named, and similarly has already been discussed above: now we forgo reviewing them again. At least this much we note here in general, that there is a great analogy of humoral dyscrasia to nation, age, season of the year, air, and the other non-natural factors. For if all these concur together in one and the same degree, you will certainly have such signs as are due to the most complete harmony. 19. The spiritual, or vaporous, object denotes a state not fixed, but wandering, and indeed tense, without pulsation or heaviness, sometimes subtle, sometimes thicker, sometimes giving off belches or crackling sounds; and all these with great breadth. 20. Signs of a quality, whether great or small, are the preceding manner of life, whether at table or elsewhere, and either more liberal or more sparing treatment, and the stimuli that are wont to be added: also what dwells in the body, according as it is. 21. A critical action is indicated by things showing that a crisis is to come, such as motions of the mind, eyes, head, chest, expectorations, spittings, stamping of the feet, gesticulation, vertigoes, flushings, much talkativeness and big words, etc. 22. But a symptomatic action, if it arises from some extrinsic object, from another internal affection, the rest are sought from those present: for from the patient, because of the violence of the disease, it is then not permitted. INDICATIONS. 23. After these signs, it should be said concerning the indica-
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107. tionibus, quæ ab definitione petendæ. Forma & causa, vendicant sibi locum rerum præter naturam, ideoque sui ablationem indicant. Subjectum occupat locum rei secundum naturam, & sui conservationem denotat. 24. Quantum ad subjectum conservans, vel alimentum administratur, vel respectu virtutis totius, prout debilis est, vel sortis: vel partis respectu affectæ. Specialis autem constitutio specialem tractationem cupit. Hinc aliter Hasiones sanguinei quam cholerici tractandi, &c. Semper autem indicans prohibentibus cedit. Et notandum præceptum Hippocratis, Impura corpora, quo plus nutries, eò magis lædes. Et hoc esset idem, ac si stulto baculum porrigeres. 25. Forma quidem ratione vehementiæ anodyna, & narcotica indicat, ut sit in crassioribus. 26. Causa etiam indicat contraria. Flatuosa designat discutienta Objectum immateriale. alterum Materiale, Evacuans & penitus eradicans. Quantitas ejusdem postulat remedium majus, vel minus. Motus vero Revulsionem, si vehemens sit, aut derivationem, si lenis. Causæ autem nos omnes externæ si adhuc adsint, removeri postulant. PROGNOSTICA. 27. Post has indicationes, colligendum ex Methodo prognosticandi. In genere quidem prognosticare licet, affectum non esse negligendum, quia nobile membrum labo-
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107. Indications are to be drawn from the definition. Form and cause claim a place among things contrary to nature, and therefore indicate the removal of the same. The subject occupies the place of a thing according to nature, and denotes its preservation. 24. As regards the conserving subject, either nourishment is administered, or, with respect to the whole virtue, according as it is weak or strong; or with respect to the affected part. But a special constitution calls for special treatment. Hence sanguine affections are treated otherwise than choleric ones, etc. Now the indicating always gives way to the prohibiting. And one should note the precept of Hippocrates: Impure bodies, the more you nourish them, the more you harm them. And this would be the same as if you were to hand a stick to a fool. 25. Indeed, form, by reason of its vehemence, indicates anodynes and narcotics, so that they may be used in thicker humors. 26. Cause also indicates contraries. A flatulent cause points to discutients. The immaterial object, the other material, requires evacuation and complete eradication. The quantity of the same demands a greater or lesser remedy. Motion, moreover, if violent, requires revulsion; if mild, derivation. And all external causes, if they still exist, demand removal. PROGNOSTICS. 27. After these indications, one must gather the method of prognosticating. In general, indeed, it may be prognosticated that the affection is not to be neglected, because a noble member is labour-
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108. laborat. Ex adverso vero: curationem esse difficilem, & tardæ operationis: quia est morbus contumax. In specie sic licet: à for- ma, si vehementia adsit, & vigiliæ multæ, & potationes accedant, &c. metuendum ne æger delirio, aut Melancholia corripiatur. Si cum tempore, loco, & quiete ad se redire potest, is non ita est in periculo, quamvis venatione non careat. 28. Forro inveteratus affectus, recenti deterior. Et ratione subjecti, præscimus, si per sympathiam saltem laboret, facile terminari & ratione efficientis, immateriale diutius durare, quam compositum, curatuque esse difficilius: quia spiritus sunt instabiles. Et hoc sit contra communem Regulam. PRAESIDIORUM MATERIAE. 29. Postremo de materiis præsidiorum agendum est, quæ si in vulgaribus rei Her- bariæ scriptoribus non inveniuntur, nemini mirum esse debet: peculiaribus enim & noxiis morbis, peculiaria & nova invenienda sunt remedia: satis est, intentionem nostram, à communis scopo, non abhorrere, & nos eum assequi. 30. Discutientia igitur, & alterantia erunt, hæc leviora: frequentes cachinni, derisiones, punctiones: & hæc fortiora: jocus cibusque serius, vexatio, tribulatio, explosio, Cor- nelizatio. Quæ omnia exacerbanda, vel mi- nuenda pro magnitudine morbi. 31. Purgantia sunt: Vellicatio, Tornatio, verberatio, dispositio, sumicubatio, mul- catio
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108. On the other hand, however: the cure is difficult, and of slow operation, because it is a stubborn disease. In particular, it may be said thus: from the form, if violence is present, and there is much wakefulness, and drinking, etc., it must be feared lest the patient be seized with delirium or melancholia. If, with time, place, and rest, he can return to himself, he is not so much in danger, although he does not lack venatione. 28. Moreover, an inveterate affection is worse than a recent one. And by reason of the subject, we foresee that if it labors at least by sympathy, it is easily brought to an end; and by reason of the efficient cause, the immaterial lasts longer than the composite, and is more difficult to cure, because spirits are unstable. And this be said against the common rule. PRAESIDIORUM MATERIAE. 29. Lastly, we must deal with the materials of remedies, which, if they are not found in the ordinary writers on herbary, ought to seem surprising to no one: for for peculiar and harmful diseases, peculiar and new remedies must be found. It is enough that our intention does not depart from the common scope, and that we attain it. 30. Therefore, the dispersing and altering remedies will be these lighter ones: frequent laughing, mockery, stinging remarks; and these stronger ones: serious jest and food, vexation, tribulation, expulsion, Cornelizatio. All of which are to be intensified or lessened according to the magnitude of the disease. 31. The purgatives are: pinching, twisting, beating, arranging, sumicubatio, and striking.
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109. catio; syncopizatio, Mycterismus, nasi suspendium, ciconisatio, condylismi, apocoracismi & omnis generis ludibria, poenæ atque mulctæ. Tum, si grossicies materiæ ita exigat, aliquot Hellebori, aut Antimonii libræ intrinsecus, & extrinsecus unguentum ex cineribus incombustis, cum magno & frequenti ictu & frictione. Trahantur etiam nares & pili, & digiti fortissima ligatura duplicati stringantur, in extremitatibus sine omni misericordia, (nam hoc faciendum sæpe, ne in syncopen deveniant) & fues habeantur cum porcellis coram facie ejus quotidie in loco secretiori qui cogantur clamare fortiter, ut stypticitas solvatur. Interdum probatur baculatio ad sanguinem loco phlebotomiæ. Sed hæc posteriora Grobianis propriè conveniunt, & Beanis, quorum nominetenus paucissimi sunt, re ipsa vero innumerabiles juxta illud: Narraverunt patres nostri. Et hic notandum non posse semper observari præceptum Hippocratis ubi docet: jucunde esse curandum. Sufficit hanc jucunditatem in medente esse. 32. In corroborantibus numeramus extreme tenuem victus rationem, juxta illum Hipp. aph. 8. 10. 11. lib. 1. Imo ipsam à victu abstinentiam, donec hanc cruditatem concoquat, & ad frugem redeat æger, alias enim facilè in recidivam incidet, In medicamento sis habemus Objurgationem: admonitionum, laborum, & negotiorum variorum ana, aliquot quotidie uncias, ad lubitum. E7 33. At-
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109. cauterization; syncopization, Mycterismus, nasi suspendium, ciconisatio, condylismi, apocoracismi, and all kinds of mockeries, punishments, and fines. Then, if the grossness of the matter should so demand, a few pounds of Hellebore, or Antimony internally, and externally an ointment made from unburned ashes, with much and frequent striking and rubbing. Let the nostrils also and the hairs be pulled, and the fingers, doubled up by the strongest ligature, be tightly bound at the extremities without all mercy, (for this must often be done, lest they fall into syncope) and let there be geese with piglets in front of his face daily in a more secret place, where they are compelled to cry out loudly, so that the stypticity may be loosened. Sometimes beating to blood in place of phlebotomy is approved. But these latter things properly belong to Grobians, and to Beans, of whom, in name only, there are very few, but in reality innumerable, according to that saying: Our fathers have told us. And here it is to be noted that Hippocrates’ precept cannot always be observed, where he teaches: that one must treat pleasantly. It is enough that this pleasantness be in the physician. 32. Among strengthening remedies we count an extremely thin regimen of diet, according to that Hipp. aph. 8. 10. 11. lib. 1. Indeed, even abstinence from food itself, until the sick man digest this crudity and return to his senses; otherwise he will easily fall into a relapse. In medicine there is also the reprimand: of admonitions, labors, and various occupations, ana, a few ounces daily, at will. E7 33. At-
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110. 33. Atque hæc de curatione breviter & rudi Minerva, difficile enim est scriptis hæc auxilia complecti. Multo & facilius, & gratius est, hæc practicare, & ad oculum demonstrare. Est enim Medicus sensatus artifex. Quod qui experiri cupit, in seipso exemplum statui jubeat. PROBLEMATA. 1. Hoc Primum quæritur, an locus Cicer. 2. de Oratore: Ineptus est, qui ante tempus quid postulet, non videt, aut plura loquitur, aut se ostentat, aut eorum, quibuscum est, vel dignitatis, vel commodi rationem non habet, aut denique in aliquo genere aut inconcinnus, aut stultus est, &c. ipsam Hasibilitatem sufficenter explicet? Aff. quod sic. 2. Hinc etiam quæritur, cum Cicero loco citato, nationem Græcam eruditissimam, hoc tamen vitio cumulatam dicat, an non multo magis id de aliis nationibus sit prædicandum? Creditur quod ita. 3. Sic etiam non incommodo quæritur, An qui curationem Hasibilitatis suscipiunt; ipsi sint Hasiones: Resp. Secundum quid, non simpliciter. 4. Præterea etiam; an Hasiones in Paroxysmo habeant sensum communem? Negatur. Omnia probate, quod bonum est, tenete. FINIS.
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110. 33. And these things concerning the treatment briefly and with rough Minerva have been said; for it is difficult to include these remedies in writing. It is much easier, and more pleasing, to practice them and to demonstrate them before the eyes. For the physician is a sensible craftsman. Whoever wishes to test this should have an example set before him in himself. PROBLEMS. 1. First this is asked: whether the passage of Cicero, De Oratore 2: “He is inept who, before the time, either asks for something, does not see, or speaks too much, or shows himself off, or does not have regard either for the dignity or the convenience of those with whom he is, or finally is in some respect either ungraceful or foolish,” etc., sufficiently explains the very idea of Hasibilitas? Affirmative. 2. Hence it is also asked whether, since Cicero in the cited passage says that the Greek nation is most learned, yet burdened with this fault, it should not much more be said of other nations? It is believed that it should. 3. In like manner it is not inappropriately asked whether those who undertake the cure of Hasibilitas are themselves Hasiones. Answer: in a certain respect, but not simply. 4. Moreover, whether Hasiones in a paroxysm have common sense? It is denied. Test all things; hold fast that which is good. END.
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III. FLOIA CORTUM VERSICALE DE FLOIS SWARTIBUS, Illis Deiriculis, quæ omnes fere Minshos Mannos, Weibras, Jungfras, &c. behüppere & spiezibus Schnadis steckere & bitere solent. Autore GRIPHOLDO KNICKKNAKIO ex Floilandia. Cortum Versicale de Flois. Angla floosque, canam, qui waffunt pulverere swarto. Ex Wateroque simul fleitenti, & blaside dicko, Multipedes deiri, qui possunt huppere longè Non aliter, quam si floglos natura dedisset, Illis sunt equidem, sunt, inquam corpora kleina. Sed mille erregunt menschis martrasq, plagasque Cum steckunt snaflum in livum, blauumque rubentem Exsugunt: Homines sic, sic vexeirere possunt, Et quæ tandem illis pro tanta lonia restant, Vexeritate, et quem nemant per vulnera, dodum Sunt variæ plaga, quibus ob sua Sünda, suamq; Ob mutwillitiam strafit Menrosque Frauasque Ipse Deus, coelum et sternas, qui fecit et Erdam. Hunc
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III. FLOIA A VERSE TREATISE ON BLACK FLEAS, Those little beasts that are wont to jump upon almost all men, women, girls, and the like, and to stick and bite with sharp bites. By GRIPHOLD KNICKKNAKIO of Floilandia. A verse treatise on fleas. I sing of the flea, that swarms in black dust, that flies and flutters from the waters, and that sits lightly; these many-legged little beasts, which can leap far not otherwise than if nature had given them wings, are indeed, are, I say, small bodies. Yet they raise a thousand wounds and pains for men, when they stick their snouts in the living flesh, and suck out the blue and the red: thus can they vex human beings, and what, after so great a torment, remains to them, after vexation, and whom no one through wounds can kill, long there are various plagues, by which, for their sins and for their wickedness, men and women are punished by God himself, who made heaven and the stars, and the earth. This
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112. Hunc steckit flangus, lopit Dulhundus in illum, Et bitit in livum, ut cogatur fundere Geistum, Ast alium Wolffus fretit berusque toritit, Hic heffit multos lusos, & tempore nullo Fredam heffit, lopunt per Kleidros, valdeque bitunt. Ast reliquos inter deiros non bostor ulla est, Nec magis anfechtit minchos, illisque molestat Erregit plagas, quam swartia turba floorum Non illis satis est sinistri sub tempore nachti. Steckêre, & seuto meudos upweckere slapo: Sed quoque sub dago perkrupunt undique kleidros, Nunc huc nunc illux huppentes scarpibus atque Bitentes schnaflis, sic ut de liside blautus Sape fluat, pleckique rubri cernantur in huto, Glofite quæso mihi, mihi glofite quæso sodales, Sapius expertus credo hoc, cum Wolkibus altis Deleuchtunt Sternæ, schinit Mane undique lechte, Et vadent slapum volbringere tempora finstra, Solum verhindrunt tardum suvara agmina slapum, Nunc heffunt lustum per Wickum springere Beddum. Nunc vero upstigunt Beinos, Beinisque relictis In medio sittunt vivo propè nablia runda, Nunc quoque per Bordum kripunt, dant custia mundo, Custia quæ smertant, ogos nasosque bekickunt Deinde juvat rursus uarmum sub krupere Beddum. Et schuldros, armosque handosque invisere, quicquid. Sape
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112. He sticks them, and the Dalhound rushes at him, And bites into his face, so that he is forced to shed his Geist; But another Wolffus gnaws and twists him fiercely, Here he raises many jolts, and at no time Has he peace; they rush about through the Kleidros, and bite mightily. But among the rest, no boaster is there against the devils, Nor do they more attack the little ones, nor trouble them, They inflict blows, than the black crowd of flowers; It is not enough for them, under the dark time of night. To stick, and to waken the sleeping dead ones: But also by day the Kleidros creep in from all sides, Now here, now there, hopping over pebbles and biting with snouts, so that blood often flows from the wound, and many red spots are seen in the hat. Pray, my friends, pray tell me, pray tell me, companions, I believe I have often experienced this, when in the high clouds the stars shine, the moon glows everywhere brightly, And the dark hours go about to accomplish sleep, Only the slow lines of shadows hinder it: Now they have the pleasure of springing through the beds of the Wickum. Now indeed the legs rise, and the legs being left sit in the middle, near the round nablia, Now also they creep along the Bordum, giving guard to the world, A guard that pains, and tickles eyes and noses. Then it is pleasant again to creep warm under the beds, and to visit shoulders, arms, and hands, whatever. Often
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113. Sape etiam wandrunt infra, ruckumque besenkunt, Et rundos lendos driventes undique lustum? Sicut quando etiam wandrit Mordorus in Holte, Non tantum wandrit longum verdrivere tempus, Sed schlagit steckit, warpit, donditque subinde, Si qui begegunt Ludi, qui Beutlia plena Geldo hoffunt, Kleidrosque bonos in corpore dragunt Sic quod nigrorum damnanda caterva floorum; Non tantum in Beddo krupit, Kleidrosque bekickit, Ob longam quoniam, sed quando cernit in esse Kleideribus blautum, & schonum quoque merckita thurum Esse nec ob dictum veluti morderus adhuppit, Uthsteckit schnaflum, sub quo sunt anglia scarpa Anglia sanguinem deipe quæ stickit in butum, Ut sugit blautum, nescitque uphorere, donec Livum cum blaso swartum bene fulluit intra, Nec sugit tantum, verwundit & undique livum, Ut schlangus steckit, furiosus bittit ut hundus. Est post se multos plectos, mahlosque relinquit Rotigenos, Sclapens bec quando feulit, in hogum, Cum livuo sese Werpit, Weg stotit & handis Deckbeddum, scurit neglis, schadumque beseudit, Sed quando mortram gledro vertrifit ab uno, Mox flous ex stundo blhendus weghuppet, & altum (est,) Dat wundum, si nec fleddo quoque tutus in illo Rursum alio springit, proque una vulnere steckit Plurima, ut ille semel qui schlapo upwakuit alto, Non
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113. Does he often wander down, and knead the rug, And drive the round, long ones everywhere in the light? Just as when Mordorus also wanders in the wood, Not only does he wander a long time to pass the time, But he strikes, sticks, bursts, and beats from time to time, If any Ludi meet him, who hope for full Beutlia Of money, and drag good clothes on their bodies, So that the black crowd of the condemned floor them; Not only does he creep into bed and kick off the clothes, Because of his length, but when he sees Among the clothes the blue and also the fine, marked thrum To be there, and not because of the saying, as Mordorus at once rushes up, He thrusts out his snout, beneath which are England's shoes; England's blood he drains into the vessel, So that he sucks the blue, and does not know how to stop until He fills within the life with the blackened stain; Nor does he merely suck, but wounds the life all around, As a snake thrusts itself in, raging and biting like a dog. He leaves many pleats and seams behind him, Reddish folds, when the fleece lies there, in a heap, When he throws himself upon the living, pushes away the way and with his hands Covers the deck-bed, cuts nails, and wounds the shadow, But when he drives the little garment away from one Then at once the flower jumps up, dazzling, from the stool, and high (it is), He gives wounds, if he is not safe in that place either, Again he springs to another, and for one wound he sticks Many more, like the one who once woke up after sleeping high up, Not
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114. Non iterum possit meudos thoschlutere ocellos, Se Waltrit misere ruckit, flankitque, Kifitque, Insequiturque floos, soletque in corpore, verum Gripere cum tentat, blotum sibi gripit in butum, Sæpe igitur toto sine schlapo ducere nachtos Cogitur, & multas lidit martrasque Plagasque Nec saltem hæc fiunt beddo cum ligimus alto, Sed quoque cum lesumus, cum scrivimus, & imo, Bedere cum volumus bene plagitur undique cor- pus. Præcipuè beinos intra, tenerisque sub armis Summis in kragiis hic, hic sunt regna floorum, Hic kreslunt, steckunt, bitunt, kitzluntque subinde, ut Patere non possis, cum schuras neglibus butum, Et quod verwundrunt omnes, non ullus in Erda, Lebit deiriculus, nonnullus in aëre schwebit, Qui tam magnanimus, tam sit quoque kenus, ut unus Exiguusque flous non furchtitat ille potentes Kerlos: non Pabstikrona verschrickit ab ipsa, Bokum perkrupit sanctum lopitque hekende: Donec beroret blotum cum schnaslide livum, Cogit ut huic Pabstus slotos crutzumque sacra- tum Werpere de manibus, deirumque fugare biten- tem. Non furchtit Keysros, non Reges, non Patriar- chas Non Cardinales, heudos qui margine breido Dragunt in Koppis, verum nihil achtit hic heu- dos Nec stafos goldo decoratos, steckit in butum Hau-
Transcription: Translated (English)
114. Not again can those tiny eyes of mine be touched, if Walter shakes, flaps, and grips me miserably, and follows the hairs, and is accustomed in the body; but when he tries to seize, he grips the bloody into the mouth, often therefore without a cap I am forced to spend the whole night, and he gives many wounds and blows and sores; nor are these things done only when we lie high in bed, but also when we are in labor, when we write, and even when, when we want to sleep, the body is beaten well from every side. Especially within the legs, and beneath the tender arms, in the highest parts of the neck; here, here are the kingdoms of the flies, here they crawl, stick, bite, and tickle again and again, so that you cannot be still, when the shavings are in the mouth of the nails, and what everyone marvels at: no one on earth lives so little, none floats in the air, who is so magnanimous, so also is so weak, that one small fly does not frighten those powerful men: nor does it itself terrify the papal crown, it creeps through the holy book and praises the pilgrim, until, when the blood is touched with the sharp blade of life, the Pope is forced by this to cast away the holy crosses and sacred things from his hands, and to drive away the fleeing ones. It does not fear Caesars, nor kings, nor patriarchs, nor cardinals, who with broad margins carry the headdresses in their heads; rather this little one cares nothing for even the staffs adorned with gold, it pushes into the mouth of the
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115. Haudus ut ex koppo, fallatque ex bandile stafus, Nec flous an Doctor sit fragit sitve Magister, Ille vel ad backum vel se bene settit ad balsum Adque anglum scarpum, per dunnum drucitat hutum, Ut fedrum dextra leva smitatque papyrum Ipse Ego dum schribo bat, possum non heffere fredam. Pumphosios nunc upmako & sento undique floos, Nunc hosenbendros uploso, & nadia circum Kiko, & non findo, mox quando rursus ad ipsos Me seddo beutros, proh quam tunc plagere primum Incipiunt: sæpe upspringo, propterque dolores In stuba circumdantzo, tifoque sed illi (O bösi deiri) nihil hæc scheltwordia curant, Sed quia libendum est aliquid, libido illa sed absque Murmure non lido, nec eos u'egspringere lato, Cum krigo, mestum nemo wegschnidoque Koppum Anne floo quisquam est in toto audacior orbe, Non lopit quando drosceri steglide Korum Uthschlagunt, plagunt, ut vix arbeitere possint. O kleinum deirum, tu non armensia spornis, Agmina, Schweinherdos, Scapios, Wechtrosque tudentes. Betlerosque armos misere per strata schreientes Visere non dubitas, Schelmos Deifosque besokis, Cumque illis vitam latis cruce, ac farlicte rado O te felicem floe si vortelia nosses, Inque rauchis beltzis tantum stoltisque woneres Kleidris, in warmis hosis, sic tutior esses, Quam si bedleros miseros miserasque besokis. Nunc ut ad Wifras veniam Jungfrasque hebendas. Qua-
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115. Dressed like a clodhopper from the country, and speaking like a boor, Whether he is not a Doctor or is a Master, He either sits himself well at the back, or at a ball, And, like a sharp angle, he drags the hoop Through the lane, So that he himself may smear the paper with his right and left hands. As I am writing this, I cannot help the froth. Now I raise puffs and feel the flower everywhere, Now I blow up the hose, and around me the noise Echoes, and I do not find it; soon when I sit back Among them again, oh how then the blows first Begin: often I jump up, and because of the pains I run around in the room, and yet those fellows (O evil creatures) care nothing for these reproaches, But because something must be done, that desire, though without Murmuring I do not contend, nor can I get them to spring away from the place, When I fight, no one cuts off the sad head And who is bolder than the flower in all the world? He does not loiter when the drunken fellows violently strike the corns, They strike and beat so that scarcely can the laborers work. O little creature, you do not pity the weak, The troops, the hog-herds, the scabby ones, and the keepers. And you do not hesitate to visit the poor beggars miserably crying through the streets, You seek out villains and devils, and with them you lead your life broadly on the cross, and with dangerous advantage. O how fortunate you would be, flower, if you knew how to keep in the rough huts and in the proud little houses, in the warm hose, then you would be safer, Than if you visited miserable beggars and wretched poor women. Now, as I come to the wives and the young maidens. Qua-
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116. Quadam bereuramt quando non omnia possum. Flogia turba hominum generi non syndior ulla est Quam Wifris: Wifra stridunt noctesque diesque, Deiros cum swartis, teinunt in krigia dira Ut sape blauto sittant: schrekibile visu, Sed multæ reliquas vincunt schelmstuckibus argis Amplius & didicere olim quam fretere brotum, Hæc quando ex doro lepunt sub tempore fasti, Atque coxantes peddenu horunt ex fontibus iitzos. (dextra,) Quos non audivere prius, tunc se, se Crutzere Incipiunt, swartosque floos beschwerere mortis Ut nito lopere, springere trupere turba nigella Cogatur Stubis Kamris Bedisque salisque. Qui tantum wortis vinci potuere sed ita, Dum fiunt Deflo Dustus wegtrisit, & omnem, Ex huso pulicem. Sunt deinde ex jungfride turba Quæ bittrum kakunt dranckum de flore lupini Perque omnes Kamra wincklos non spargere cessant, Donec mane flous pereat qui liggit in Erdæ Ast reliquilo punt per agros, haluntque virentem Herbam, qua pulicem cepit pulicaria nomen. Quam quando Sonus nondum de wolckibus altis Schinit, per Kamras spargunt, tunc nigra catervæ Insittit gruno solio, atque exugit acerbum Saffum, ut non valeat rursus verlatere blatum. Tunc nemit besnum virgo wegkerit & herbam Atque floum simul uthkerit, dreckoque bedeckit. Quid memorem? Cordus doctissimus ille poëta Nos
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116. At certain times, when I cannot do everything. Among the crowd of people, there is no greater or better thing Than to be wise: for the wise endure the nights and days, With the dark ones, they go into dreadful strife, So that often they sit in idleness: a terrible sight, Yet many others surpass them with cunning tricks; Long ago they learned more than to rage in a noisy way, When from the door they slip away at the appointed time, And, roasting, they draw the little feet from the springs far away. (right side,) Those whom they had not heard before, then themselves, yes, the sluggards Begin, and the dark breezes of death to complain of, So that no one may easily leap, spring, or hurry; the dark crowd Must be driven into the stables, chambers, beds, and salts. Those who could be conquered only by words, yet thus, While the Deflo Dustus are being driven away, and every louse from the house. Then from the young maidens comes the crowd That brews bitter drink from the flower of lupine And does not cease to scatter it through all the corners of the rooms, Until morning destroys the blossom that lies in the earth. But they run through the fields and gather the green herb, from which the flea-herb has taken its name. When the sound has not yet shone from the high clouds, they scatter it through the rooms; then the black host sits upon the green chair, and sucks in the bitter sap, so that it may not again be able to hide the blossom. Then the virgin removes the besnum, and takes away the herb and the flower together, and covers the dirt. Why should I mention it? That most learned poet Cordus us
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117. Nos exorcisare docet nigra agmina versu? Hic etenim schrifit septeno carmina libro: Nec te nocturni pulicesque fatigent, Hunc exorcismum candide lector habe: Mansula, corrios budiogosma tarantula calpe, Rhymula dinari galba caduna trepunt Hos novies lectum scansurus concine versus Tresque mori calices ebibo quaque vice. Quis dubitet verum nobis cecinisse Poëtam? O vos felices Wifras si talia vobis Nota essent cunctis, non vel flous unus in Huso Bliferet: wordis, aut drancko, aut frutice bittro Schwartes deiriculos stundo doderet is in uno. Sed quid de rickis dicam, splendente potentes Auro, sæpe floum vidi sibi krustere grotum Et seu captivum helben si in schludere goldo, Ut tantum upgefet tenebroso in carcere geistum. Quid vero Wifra que non didicere volantes Arte floos kleidris, ipsisque uthdrifere beddis, Hæ sæpe erregunt cum deiris, krigia grota, Nunc kragitum uplosunt, & evehunt titia cir- cum Nunc angunt magis & wisunt sua ruckia blo- ta Ut fengant schlagantque floos, nunc scurere lendos Incipiunt, handos subflectunt scortisque bei- nisque, Quid seggam? sæpe & soccos detrectere sutis Vidi illas rokumque updeckere & undique soccos Nunc huc nunc illuc bescukere, strickere seutos, Namque sciunt Wifra, quod gerne in foceine wonant Nec
Transcription: Translated (English)
117. Does he teach us to exorcise the black bands by verse? For indeed he wrote songs in seven books: “Neither let the nocturnal fleas trouble you; Kind reader, take this exorcism: Mansula, corrios, budiogosma, tarantula, calpe, Rhymula, dinari, galba, caduna, trepunt, Chant these verses nine times over, and I shall drink Three cups of death each time. Who would doubt that the Poet has sung truth to us? O happy Wifras, if such things were known to you all, Not even a single flous in Huso would Bliferet: with wordis, or drancko, or frutice bittro Schwartes deiriculos stundo doderet is in uno. But what shall I say of the rickis, powerful in shining Gold, I often saw a floum for them krustere grotum, And even a captive helben, if in schludere goldo, So that only upgefet in the gloomy prison geistum. But what of the Wifra, who have not learned by flying The art of floos kleidris, and of driving out the beds themselves? They often stir up with deiris, krigia grota, Now they raise kragitum uplosunt, and carry off titia cir- cum Now they press more and watch their ruckia blo- ta So that they may catch and strike the floos, now they begin To sweep away the legs, They bend their hands and the scortis and bei- nis, What shall I say? Often, too, I saw them Pull off the socks and uncover the rokum, and everywhere the socks, Now here, now there, they bescukere, strickere the seutos, For the Wifra know that they gladly dwell in the foceine. Nor
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118. Nec quando in Wullam semel incessere rugosam Hinc possunt sæcili rursus wegspringere, jam cum Affertur foccus, Deus o bone quanta floorum Agmina mitbrengit, veluti si semine swarto Eisset conspersus totus. Tunc bella videres, Tunc angstum magnum drisit captiva floorum Turba, atque arbeitet toto cum corpore, snaflum, Utreckit, beinos ad saltos settit adholtit Wulla vel eludit, tunc sengunt ordine Wifra Nigrantes schelmos, & tollunt hanckio in harde In discumve, hic hi mordunt, handisque tremendis Invahiunt settunt niglos in corpora swarta, Et gnisk gnack spelunt, ut circum blautus in Elda Fleitat, nec prius uphorunt, nisi tota caterva Tradita sit Dodo. Tunc leggunt agmina tanta, Vitam quilatueresuam, ut Wegrapere posses Handis, sed besmo wegkerunt, sæpeque fullunt Ingentem moldum, schudeluntve & flumine mergunt, Quid memorem jungfras, megdasque, scho- nuntne vigillis Deiriculis? schenkunt vitam? non schenkere fas est, Ajunt, Nam quando debent hæ spinnere Woc- kum, Vel quando Holnadium scarpis uthnehere nadlis Sittunt, nulla illis Freda est. sit swartus in huto, Huto molliculo flous & se sanguine mekæ Fullit repletus per kleidros springit & huppit, Vexeritque adeo, aut Lung fra seque absque pu- dore U-
Transcription: Translated (English)
118. Nor when once they have entered Wullam and the wrinkled thing is stirred up can the sæcili then spring back again, now when the hearth is brought in, O good God, what great hordes of flowers it brings with it, as if the whole had been sprinkled with black seed. Then you would see battles, then the captive crowd of flowers laughed a great fear, and labored with its whole body, snaflum, stretched out, set its legs to the leaps, held on fast, or mocked Wulla; then the black schelmos line up in order and raise hanckio on the hard in the dish; here they bite, and with dreadful hands they rush in, set dark things into black bodies, and gnisk gnack they dig, so that around blautus in Elda it flies about, nor do they cease before the whole band has been handed over to Dodo. Then such large troops lay down their life, as though you could Wegrapere hands, but they often turned back, and often filled a huge mold, shook it, and plunged it into the river. Why should I mention maidens, and megdas, do they spare by night little deiriculis? do they give life? it is not lawful to give, they say. For when these must spin Wockum, or when Holnadium with scrapes must draw out nadlis, they sit there, there is no Freda for them. Let the black one be in the hut, the little soft hut, full of flowers and its own blood, filled, it springs and jumps through the kleidros, and so tormented, or Lung fra seque without pu- dore U-
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119. Uprapunt sese & Beinos, Bauchumque bekickant, Et scurant, donec paulum Wehtagia cedant, Sæpe etiam Cragium upmakunt & Titia runda Defendunt, arcentque floos ne snaflide ladant, Et blutum uthsugant. Namque hoc embehrere multum Non possunt. Eadem Megdæ faciunt, & ad unum Si fieri posset, vermos ad tartara nigros Projicerent. Vidi quasdam, non lego Gasellas, Si quando vaccas herdo nachdrifere vellent, Solo himbdo indutæ poterant non heffere fredam Nunc bando in ruckum sulebant nunc sua neglis Tittia crantzebant, nunc lendos, nunc Kni- giosque. Nec scio quid reliquum schurebant torve tuen- tes. Hæc ideo vobis ô fratres scicko fideles Sæpe ut denckatis, gutumque lefhatis amicum, Et quoties bitunt vos nigri schnaslide deiri, Et quoties handis vestris ingripitis hosos, Fengere nempe floos, tales effundite wortos: Iam flous, Hamburga quem schickunt urbe po- litus Oldus Bekandus, blodum me steckit in hudum, Scilicet ut denckamque sui, denckamque joco- rum Pussorumque simul. Denckam ergo, cedito rursus Parve floe & nostrum misere quoque plage Be- kantum Frundum; ut sit memor & nullis vergetiat annis Nostri, sie durat Frundschoppia. Num is & uthe. Dis-
Transcription: Translated (English)
119. They drive up the sese and Beinos, and beat the Bauchum, And scour them until the Wehtagia give way a little, Often too they push up the Cragium and defend the round Titia, And ward off the floos lest the snaflide harm them, And suck out the blutum. For this they cannot bear much. The same the Megdæ do, and if only one thing were possible, they would cast the black worms into Tartarus. I have seen some, not the Gasellas I read of, if at times they wished to drive the cows after the herdo, clothed only in a himbdo they could not hold back the fredam. Now they would swish in the back, now their own neglis they would beat, now the lendos, now the Kni- gios too. Nor do I know what else they would roughly do, staring hard. Therefore, O brothers, I send these faithful things to you, so that you may often remember, and cherish the good friend, and whenever the black schnaslide deiri bite you, and whenever you seize the hosos with your hands, when, indeed, the floos are to be caught, utter such words: “Now the floous, polished by the city of Hamburg, Oldus Bekandus, the blood sticks me in the hudum, namely, so that I may think of myself, and of the jokes and of the Pussorum together. Therefore I will think; beat again, little floe, and our poor plague, Bekantum, friend; so that he may be remembered and not fade through any years; our Frundschoppia endures so. Do you and uthe. Dis-
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Disputatio Physiologistica, DE JURE ET NATURA PENNALIUM, Per multas quotidianas decisorias conclusiones, cum valentiis & fallentiis, ex generali Universitatum Studenticarum styli observantia collecta. Ad bonum omnium modernorum practicantium in foro vexatili tam Activè quam Passivè versantium. Quam Præsidente. ONUPARIO PALLÆOTTO, Pennalium Cardinalis ordinis Crucigerorum & & miserabilium personarum in curte Regali advocato famosissimo. Executiendam proponit D.D. LUCAS DE PENNA, Utriusque Grobianitatis Candidatus, studens pro tempore in studio juristico apud Formalistas in Academia Actuarisensi. -------------------------------------------------------- THESIS I. Pro declaratione rubricellæ facio vobis notum, quod duplici modo conducat hæc doctrinalis materia. Uno modo studioso, ad quod faciendum obligetur, quia turpe
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Physiological Disputation, ON THE RIGHT AND NATURE OF PENNALIA, Collected through many daily decisive conclusions, with valences and failings, from the general observance of the style of Student Universities. For the good of all modern practitioners engaged in the vexatious forum, both actively and passively. To be conducted under the presidency of ONUPARIUS PALLÆOTTO, Cardinal of the order of the Pennalia of the Cross-bearers and very famous advocate of miserable persons in the Royal court. Proposes to carry it out D.D. LUCAS DE PENNA, Candidate of both Grobianities, for the time being a student in the juridical faculty among the Formalists in the Academy of Actuarsia. -------------------------------------------------------- THESIS I. By way of declaration of the little heading, I make known to you that this doctrinal matter is useful in a twofold way. In one way, for the student, for whom it is obligatory to do this, because it is shameful
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121. turpe est homini studioso jus & naturam pen- naliu ignorare cum quibus versatur. Altero modo pennali ad quod patiendum teneatur. Quia etiam si illud nesciat, hoc tamen sibi non esset prospicuum. Nam respondetur ei; quod hæc est ignorantia juris quæ neminem excusat: & quod paria sunt, scire & scire de- bere, hinc allegans propriam turpitudinem in tali casu non esset audiendus. 2. Ideo decrevi in præsentia quasi in brevi- culo comprehendere, omnes intrinsecas, & extrinsecas qualitates & astutias pennalium, & ad quid studiosi obligentur: Item actiones inde competentes tam directas quam contra- rias, tam civiles quam pennales, quas possi- tis sequi in fiducia in practicando. Quia ma- gnus est error circa hos modernorum tam quo ad excessum, quam defectum. 3. Et quia in omni materia scibili debet in principio declarari quidditas entitativa ejus rei, quæ venit in scriptionem; Ideo ponam vobis ob oculos formalem definitionem pen- nalis secundum longitudinem, latitudinem & profunditatem suam. 4. Definitur autem quod sit animal brutum habens neque modum neque mensuram rustici- tatum suarum. 5. Et dicitur Pennalis ad adjuncto proprio, qui assuetus est gestare pennas in theca sub cin- gulo suo ad excipiendum omne verbum, quod cadit ex ore præceptoris sui. 6. Et notate, quod nomen hoc fuit valde bonum & honorabile; quia & idem cum Scho- lari
Transcription: Translated (English)
121. It is disgraceful for a learned man to be ignorant of the law and nature of the pennalii with whom he associates. In another way, the pennalis is one to whom it is fitting to endure suffering. For even if he does not know that, this nevertheless would not be prudent for him. For answer is made to him that this is ignorance of the law, which excuses no one; and that to know and to be bound to know are the same. Hence, if he alleges his own baseness in such a case, he would not be heard. 2. Therefore I have decided at present to set forth, as in a brief compendium, all the intrinsic and extrinsic qualities and artifices of the pennalii , and what learned men are bound to do; likewise the actions arising from this, both direct and contrary, both civil and penal, which you may follow with confidence in practice. For there is a great error among moderns concerning these matters, both by excess and by defect. 3. And because in every knowable matter the entitative essence of the thing that comes into writing ought to be declared at the beginning, therefore I shall place before your eyes the formal definition of the pennalis , according to its length, breadth, and depth. 4. It is defined, then, as a brute animal having neither measure nor moderation in its rusticities. 5. And it is called pennalis from the added proper mark, because he is accustomed to carry pens in a case under his belt, to receive every word that falls from the mouth of his teacher. 6. And note that this name was very good and honorable; because it was the same as scholari
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122. lari, & nemo dicitur erubescere ob id quod est sui officii, quod est adeò necessarium, ut quod militi est in bello hasta, hoc est clerico in scho- la penna: Sed hodie propter quosdam magnos Monseuros, qui non sunt multum studentes; sed tantum sunt ambulantes basilicè in stratis cum gladio tanquam ad guerram, & ideo de- cipiunt scholares qui non sunt sibi similes; Unde factum est id nomen odiosum, nimi- rum facetum ut poenè habeatur pro infami. Verùm plus obtinere dicitur in rei veritate quam quod est in opinione. 7. Humanistæ juvenalem vocant, vocabu- lo leniori tristitiam rei mitigantes, & hoc du- pliciter; Uno modo univoce; quia recens venit ab ubere matris suæ, & non est diu, quod depositor dedolavit eum, & labra sua sunt glabra, nimirum ut appareat quasi modo genitus, vulgò Neovistus, Ein Rapschnabel Germanicè. 8. Altero modo æquivoce, quia est Ju- venis quoad vitam Academicam; licet non quoad vitam scholasticam, quia diu sedit in primo scamno primæ classis, & solitus est proxime ire ante præceptorem, quando de- duxerunt funus; Et quia est veteranus gerens barbam tres ulnas longam sicut caper. 9. Sed pro majori intelligentia deducam vobis aliquot pulchra collectaria & apostillas definitionis præmissæ: quia utile est hoc, & facit ad multa singularia. 10. Et primo advertite, quod dico in de- finitione animal brutum: quia scriptum est: pen-
Transcription: Translated (English)
122. to run away, and it is said that one should not blush on account of that which belongs to his office, which is so necessary that what a spear is to a soldier in war, that is a pen to a cleric in school. But today, because of certain great Monseurs, who are not very studious, but only walk about in the streets in a stately manner with a sword as if for war, and therefore deceive scholars who are not like themselves; whence that name has become hateful, namely, so witty that it is almost held to be infamous. Yet it is said to have more true substance than what there is in opinion. 7. The humanists call him Juvenal, softening the harshness of the matter with a gentler term, and this in two ways: in one way univocally; because he has only recently come from his mother's breast, and it is not long since the nurse wiped him clean, and his lips are smooth, so that he appears as one just now born, commonly a Neovistus, in German, Ein Rapschnabel. 8. In another way equivocally, because he is young with respect to academic life, though not with respect to school life, because he sat for a long time on the first bench of the first class, and was accustomed to go nearest before the teacher when they led out the funeral; and because he is a veteran, wearing a beard three ells long, like a goat. 9. But for a fuller understanding I will set forth for you a few fine collected notes and apostilles on the foregoing definition, because this is useful and contributes to many singular points. 10. And first note that I say in the definition, brute animal: because it is written: pen-
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123. pennalis indomitus est veluti lascivus vitulus. Non enim possunt se accommodare ad mores bursaticos, quia de istis subtilitatibus non quilibet gustavit asinus. Et animalis homo non percipit ea quæ sunt studiosorum. Et est ei stultitia, & non potest id in grosso suo cerebro concoquere. 11. Et licet aliqui quoad hoc teneant contrarium dicentes secundum viam Thomisticam & Scholasticam, quod animal in quantum animal possit esse tam bene fundamentum in scientiis, neque tam experimentatum in poëtica, neque tam zelosum in concionando, sicut est Pennalis, tamen eo non obstante dicite, quod hoc non est absurdum in terminis logisticis, quia factione juris habetur pro bruto, quoad insultitatem suam. 12. Qua occasione quæro: an Pennalis possit ire ad virginem, & respondetur, quod multa permittuntur quæ ignorantur, quæ tamen non conceduntur si essent obvia. 13. Igitur quæro; si de facto pennalis sedeat apud Virginem, an teneatur surgere, & eam studioso cedere? Videtur quod non, quia qui prior est tempore potior est jure. Sed vos contrarium determinate; Quia Pennalis non habet legitimam personam standi in conspectu studiosorum, & hoc est tutius propter periculum tumultus. 14. Sed si Pennalis peritior est cochleando ita ut virgines malint apud ipsum sedere, quam apud studiosum? Licet præsumptio stat pro Pennali quod ex diuturna actione contra- xit F 2
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123. the pennal is untamed, like a wanton calf. For they are not able to accommodate themselves to burse-like manners, because not every ass has tasted these subtilties. And the natural man does not perceive the things that belong to scholars. And for him it is foolishness, and he cannot digest it in his coarse brain. 11. And although some, as to this point, hold the contrary, saying according to the Thomistic and Scholastic way, that an animal, insofar as it is an animal, may be just as well a foundation in the sciences, nor so experienced in poetry, nor so zealous in preaching, as the Pennal is, nevertheless, notwithstanding that, say that this is not absurd in logical terms, because by legal faction he is held to be a brute, in respect of his rudeness. 12. On this occasion I ask: whether a Pennal may go to a virgin, and it is answered that many things are permitted which are unknown, which however are not granted if they were obvious. 13. Therefore I ask: if in fact the pennal sit beside the Virgin, whether he be obliged to rise, and yield the place to the scholar? It seems that not, because he who is first in time is stronger in right. But you determine the contrary; because the Pennal does not have a lawful standing in the sight of scholars, and this is safer because of the danger of uproar. 14. But if the Pennal is more skilled in creeping about, so that the virgins would rather sit with him than with the scholar? Although presumption stands for the Pennal, because from long practice he has acquired F 2
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124. xit habitum, tamen nolite hoc virginibus indulgere propter lubricum consilii: Quia præsumuntur laborare contra propria commoda. Tum quia est res mali exempli. 15. Ulterius quæro: An Pennalis possit gestare aureos annulos in digitis suis, aut plumas in vertice, aut gladium ad latus: Quia Pennalis est incapax omnium dignitatum studenticarum, & non habet jus aureorum annulorum, sed debet pro gladio virgas, ut cuique suum tribuatur, & omnia fiant decenter, & ordine in republica. 16. Et licet id facto quidam facere præsumat; tamen hoc non dicitur vobis præbere scandalum; quia tempus degradationis suæ nondum venit. Nam ad extremum cadit omne malum super proprium caput suum, & tunc coguntur deslere, ordinamenta sua in sacco & cinere 17. Ideo dabo vobis bonum consilium, qui estis adhud in statu innocentiæ, ne præsumatis affectare, quod vobis non debetur, aut videri quod non estis. Quia mendaces sunt filii Diaboli; & melius est alienum nomen non assumere quam assumptum cum infamia deponere. 18. Et pro hoc suggeram vobis sententiam definitivam, quæ fuit lata in causa magni cujusdam stutzeri, qui gerebat se publicè pro studioso & ibat per plateas plumatus & gladiatus & habebat magnum adspicere, & virgines urbis pendebant ab ore ejus: quia postea innotuit, quod adhuc esset bacchans, passus
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124. ...having the habit, nevertheless do not permit this to virgins, because of the slipperiness of the plan: for they are presumed to be laboring against their own advantage. Then too, because it is a matter of bad example. 15. Furthermore I ask: Whether a Pennalis may wear golden rings on his fingers, or feathers on his head, or a sword at his side: for a Pennalis is incapable of all academic dignities, and has no right to golden rings, but ought to have rods for a sword, so that to each may be given his due, and all things may be done decently, and in order in the commonwealth. 16. And although some one may presume to do this in fact; nevertheless this is not said to give you scandal; because the time of his degradation has not yet come. For in the end all evil falls upon its own head, and then they are compelled to bewail their regulations in sackcloth and ashes 17. Therefore I will give you good counsel, you who are still in the state of innocence, not to presume to affect what is not owed to you, or to seem what you are not. For liars are the children of the Devil; and it is better not to assume another's name than, having assumed it, to lay it down with infamy. 18. And for this I shall suggest to you a definitive sentence, which was given in the case of a certain great fop, who carried himself publicly as a student and went about the streets feathered and sworded and made a great show, and the maidens of the city hung upon his words: because it later became known that he was still a bacchanalian, suffered
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125. passus est status quæstionum, & degradatus est, & fuit ruina ejus ingens valde, & tradi- tus est in manus depositoris, donec persolve- ret extremum quadrantem. Quod tenete mente quia posset adhuc de facto contingere. 19. Sed revertendo ad definitionem dico ulterius; Habens neque modum neque mensuram rusticitatum suarum, ut distinguatur à bac- chante. Quia hic cogitur habere suas scurrili- tates in freno propter ferulam; quia delictum suam habet paratam executionem sine ulla appellatione. 20. In simili debetis annotare, quod dicit quidam antiquus glossator, quod Pennalis est fæx studiosorum, videns sibi multum, pectus gerens stultum, caput sine fronte, mucro sine acie, multos adhuc in crinibus gerens ramos de cornubus. Et hoc bene perpendite, quia est profundum nimis & habet in se multa do- ctrinalia. 21. Ultimò volo vos advertere, quod Pen- nalis quoque dicitur monstrum, quia natura quando voluit eum facere studiosum aberra- vit, & fecit eum pennalem; & ideo dicitur studiosus occasionatus. Sed ob hoc nolite tri- stari vos juniores, quia natura, nihilominus possunt ad finem suum pervenire, remoto ob- staculo; Quia eodem modo dissolvitur, quo quid colligatum est. 22. Nunc ex prædicta lectura vos obser- vate quasdam notas physicas, quibus possitis pennales à studiosis discernere. Quia Rei- publ. interest publice tales homines à quoli- bet F 3
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125. the status of the questions suffered, and he was degraded, and his ruin was very great indeed, and he was handed over to the hands of the bailiff until he should pay the last farthing. Keep this in mind, because it could still in fact happen. 19. But returning further to the definition, I say: having neither measure nor moderation in his rusticities, so that he is distinguished from the boaster. For here he is compelled to keep his clownish tricks in check because of the rod; for his offense has its ready execution without any appeal. 20. In like manner you should note what a certain ancient glossator says, that a Pennalis is the dregs of students: seeing much of himself, bearing a foolish breast, a head without a brow, a blade without an edge, still wearing many branches of horns in his hair. And consider this well, because it is very profound and contains many points of doctrine in itself. 21. Lastly I want you to observe that a Pennalis is also called a monster, because when nature wished to make him a student she went astray and made him a pennalis; and therefore he is called an accidental student. But for this reason you younger ones should not be sad, because nature, nonetheless, can reach her end once the obstacle is removed; for the same way it is untied as that by which something has been bound together. 22. Now from the foregoing reading note certain physical signs, by which you may distinguish pennales from students. For it is in the interest of the Republic to have such men publicly separated from everyone
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126. bet agnosci, & hoc non erit vobis admodum difficile, si adferatis attentionem. Quia aures Midæ possunt quidem tegi ad tempus, sed non in totum abscondi in cappa. 23. Pro primo notabilis, quod Pennalis est natura tenax & avarus, in tantum ut citius digitos suos è manu sua amittat, quam unum nummum è bursa. Quia didicit ex sua Grammatica quod est magnum vectigal parsimonia. Et tenete mente: quia est unum necessarium requisitum & proprium in quarto modo. 24. Et pro hoc referam vobis unum pulchrum exemplum de quodam Eremita, cui cum privataret popularis suus superveniens partem farciminis abscidit, ipse ivit ad Rectorem plorabundus postulans ut hoc pertriduum jejunaret in carcere. 25. Ideo rationabile est statutum quo talis depositori juramentum præstaret, quod non velit pecuniam ex Academiis secum domum ferre: quia si non hoc eslet, ipse fieret unus mercans, aut Iudæus foenoraretur super pecunia sua, & congereret grandes divitias, & ita in totum non intraret in regnum cælorum. 26. Sed ego audivi quendam fundamentaliter contra arguere: quod hoc argumentum non est servandum; Quia vi & metu esse extorrem, & esset contra bonos mores, & invitaret juvenes ad profusionem: quod remitto ad Theologos, quia est res spiritualis, quæ concernit animæ salutem. 27. Pro secundo notabitis, quod Pennalis est
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126. must be recognized, and this will not be very difficult for you, if you pay attention. For the ears of Midas may indeed be covered for a time, but not wholly hidden in a hood. 23. First, it is notable that the nature of a Pennal is tenacious and avaricious, to such an extent that he will sooner lose the fingers from his hand than a single coin from his purse. For he has learned from his Grammar that thrift is a great revenue. And keep in mind: because this is one necessary requirement and proper thing in the fourth mode. 24. And for this I shall tell you one fine example of a certain Hermit, who, when a passer-by cut off a piece of sausage from what he was eating, went to the Rector, weeping and asking that for this he be fasted in prison for three days. 25. Therefore it is reasonable that such a rule be established, by which a depositary would swear that he does not wish to take money from the Academies home with him: because if this were not so, he would become a merchant, or a Jew would lend money at interest on his money, and would accumulate great riches, and thus would in no way enter into the kingdom of heaven. 26. But I heard someone argue fundamentally against this: that this argument is not to be kept; because to be driven out by force and fear, and it would be against good morals, and would invite the young to extravagance: which I refer to the Theologians, because it is a spiritual matter, which concerns the salvation of the soul. 27. For the second, you will note that the Pennal is
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127. est valde attentus ad rem, advertens graviter quæ non sentias: Et ideo abscondit argentum sub stramine culcitræ suæ, & unus obulus est ei totus mundus. Et in symposio numerat omnes haustus canthari, & nemo possunt sibi ad curiam facere: quia filii scholæ sunt prudentiores filiis Academiæ. 28. Et circa hoc volo vos admonitos, ne cum illis eatis in cauponam, aut vobis imputetis, si quid metunt, ubi non seminarunt, & bibunt quod non solvunt. Nam tolerabilior est ejus prudentia & crumena, quam impudentia in cute. Nec enim quicquam faciunt propter naturam suam, quia Pennalis turpiter facit, quia est Pennalis: non verò turpiter gerit, quia est Pennalis. 29. Pro tertio notabitis, quod Pennalis amat occupare primas sessiones in mensa, & non vult videri ultimus: quia est adsuetus disputare propter primum locum ex regulis Syntaxes, vel syllogismis Dialecticæ, ubi dedecus est & plagabile esse ultimum. Et talis consuetudo est sibi altera natura. Nec possunt facilè ab ea recedere, quia omnis subita mutatio est periculosa, ut dicunt Medici. 30. Ideo vidi quendam, qui postulabat à Magnifico certum sibi locum in Collegio & apud mensam assignari: quia dicebat omne bonum consistit in ordine, & quod est magna confusio, ita doctos inter indoctos sedere sine aliqua prærogativa. 31. Pro quarto notabitis, quod in conviviis solet carpere lautissimos bolos è patinis, &
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127. He is very attentive to the matter, observing carefully what you do not notice. And therefore he hides his money under the straw of his mattress, and one obol is the whole world to him. And at a symposium he counts all the draughts of the cup, and no one can make anything for himself at court: because the schoolboys are wiser than the sons of the Academy. 28. And concerning this I wish you to be warned, not to go with them into the tavern, or to blame yourselves if they reap where they have not sown, and drink what they do not pay for. For more tolerable is his prudence and purse than impudence in the skin. Nor do they do anything by nature, because the pennalis acts basely because he is a pennalis: but he does not behave basely because he is a pennalis. 29. In the third place you will note that the pennalis likes to take the first seats at table, and does not wish to be seen last: because he is accustomed to dispute for the first place on the rules of Syntax, or the syllogisms of Dialectic, where it is a disgrace and punishable to be last. And such custom is to him a second nature. Nor can they easily recede from it, because every sudden change is dangerous, as the Physicians say. 30. Therefore I saw a certain man, who was asking from the Magnifico that a certain place for himself in the College and at table should be assigned: because, he said, all good consists in order, and that it is great confusion for the learned to sit among the unlearned without any prerogative. 31. In the fourth place you will note that at banquets he is accustomed to snatch the daintiest morsels from the dishes, and
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128. & est valdè discretivus in eligendo cibo, & renes cum adipe sunt ei deliciæ suæ, quia est adhuc delicatus puer, & non est diu quod venit à mammillis matris suæ, & mater sic docuit eum & renes dant sibi vires apud Cortisanas suas. 32. Pro quinto notabitis, quod semper vult haberi primus apud virgines, & puellæ diligunt eum; nec alius quisquam audet eas comitari ad secretum, & anitergia præbere, & matulam effundere præ illo in tantum ut Heroes suos elegant solos Pennales, quia possunt decenter cochleari, profunde basiare, & viriliter manum movere, & pulchras galliardas saltare, & sibi facere bonas currasias, cum citharis cantilenis suis. 33. Et declarabo hoc per exemplum, quod meo tempore contigit in Virgine; quæ multos & veteranos studiosos habuerat pro amasiis, & postea tamen elegit Pennalem in maritum, quia iste erat vir secundum voluntatem suam, & spiritus singularis erat in eo, & poterat fortia prælia præliari, & studiosus à multis annis non erat ei similis in gratia & virtute. 34. Pro sexto notabitis, quod Pennalis est audaculus & rixosus valdè, & provocat ad campionem unumquemque, & vult se cum omnibus pallistare, & putat quod nemo est fortior se. Est enim benè experimentatus in schola super summo, quia poterat virgam præceptoris sui comprehendere, & caligas è manibus calefactoris subtrahere, asserendo se in libertatem, & nemo audebat dicere: Quid facis? 35.
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128. and he is very particular in choosing food, and kidneys with fat are his delicacies, for he is still a delicate boy, and it is not long since he came from his mother’s breasts, and his mother thus taught him, and kidneys give him strength among his courtesans of his own. 32. For the fifth, you will note that he always wants to be held first among virgins, and the girls love him; nor does anyone else dare to accompany them to the privy, and provide an arse-wiping cloth, and empty the chamber-pot before him, so much so that the Heroes choose their elegant Pennales alone, because they can decently spoon, kiss deeply, and move the hand manfully, and dance lovely galliards, and make good courtesies for themselves, with citherns and their songs. 33. And I shall explain this by an example, which in my time happened in a Virgin; who had had many learned and veteran scholars as lovers, and afterward nevertheless chose a Pennal as husband, because he was a man according to her desire, and there was a singular spirit in him, and he could fight stout battles, and for many years a scholar like him had not been equal to him in grace and virtue. 34. For the sixth, you will note that the Pennal is very bold and quarrelsome, and challenges everyone to a duel, and wants to wrestle with them all, and thinks that no one is stronger than himself. For he is well experienced in the school above, because he could seize his master’s rod, and snatch the boots from the heater’s hands, claiming liberty for himself, and no one dared say: What are you doing? 35.
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129. 35. Pro septimo notabitis, quod Pennalis est meticulosum animalculum quoad statum suum. Quia putat quod quilibet scriptas habet in fronte omnes iniquitates, unde Poëta ait. Pennales animos timor arguit. Et ideo si fiat mentio status sui, sedet tacitus, & non audet attollere oculos suos, quia est peccator magnus: sed percutit pugno pectus suum, dicens: O Domine, sine hunc annum abire in pace & festinatione. 36. Pro octavo notabitis, quod est bonus latinisator valde doctus & sapiens, & eruditio pendet ei ex naribus & ore sicut vermes, quia per multos annos fuit primanus, & dudum contrivit Grammaticam totam sub calceis suis, & omnes potest Metaphysicos terminos recitare ad unguem, tanquam Pater noster, & scribere commentaria super Euclidem, disputare pro & contra in summâ Philosophantium corona, & multa paradoxa statuere contra B. Priscianum & Aëlium Donatum. Et nemo est qui possit spiritui suo resistere, & ideo possunt Magistrum sumere quando libet. 37. Nono notabitis, quod Pennalis est valde superbus & insolens, & nemo potest sibi comparari quoad auctoritatem suam; Quia scientia parit cristas & producit grandes Spiritus; ideo comparete eum pavoni, quia turgescit quando doctrinam suam adspicit, tristatur cum statum suum recognoscit; Quia res færox & res submissa est pennalis. F 5 38.
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129. 35. For the seventh, you will note that the Pennalis is a timid little creature with regard to his standing. Because he thinks that everyone has written on his forehead all iniquities, whence the poet says: Fear accuses Pennalis minds. And therefore, if mention is made of his rank, he sits silent and does not dare to lift his eyes, because he is a great sinner; but he strikes his breast with his fist, saying: O Lord, let this year pass away in peace and haste. 36. For the eighth, you will note that he is a good Latinist, very learned and wise, and learning hangs from his nostrils and mouth like worms, because for many years he was a first-year student, and long ago he ground all Grammar beneath his shoes, and he can recite all the terms of Metaphysics to a nicety, as if the Our Father, and write commentaries on Euclid, dispute for and against in the very summit of the crown of philosophers, and establish many paradoxes against Blessed Priscian and Aelius Donatus. And there is no one who can resist his spirit, and therefore they can take him for a Master whenever they like. 37. For the ninth, you will note that the Pennalis is very proud and insolent, and no one can be compared to him with regard to his authority; because knowledge breeds crests and produces great spirits; therefore compare him to a peacock, because he swells when he looks at his learning, and grows sad when he recognizes his condition; for the Pennalis is a fierce thing and a humble thing.
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130. 38. Decimo notabitis, quod Pennalis est valde disputax, & in conversando vult ad omnia respondere, interrogatus & non interrogatus, & unumquemque confundere in sermone suo, & nemini cedere, ne quidem Diabolo. Quia pulchrum est digitis monstrari & dicier hic est. Et scientiæ non visæ & thesauri absconditi nulla est utilitas. Ideo scriptum est: Luceat ars vestra coram studiosis, ut videant bonum intellectum & manifestetur gloria vestra & nomen vestrum. 39. Ultimo notabitis finaliter, quod Pennalis est homo loquax, dicax, mordax, vorax bibax, rapax, tenax, scapax, in tantum ut nomina in Ax sint generis Pennalis, qui in scholâ cum TAX, TAX, sonaret in tergo suo inde impressa sunt sibi monstrosa vocabula. 40. Et hoc tenete fideliter menti, quia unum ex his est vobis sufficiens commonstrare quem quæritis, & tunc signate vos sancta cruce & dicite. A tali Pennali libera nos DOMINE. 41. Pro cautione tamen volo vos scire, quod Pennales quidam sunt multo astuti circa hoc ut nævos suos occultent. Quia quilibet præsumitur honori suo consultum velle: Ideo ex circumstantiis multa actori relinquo, sunt enim hæc facti, quæ cum infinita sint, non possent in unam regulam generalem includi. 42. Sed quia inter pennales & ingenia eorum varia est differentia ideo debetis meminisse quod secundum Magistralem distinctionem
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130. 38. In the tenth place you will note that the Pennal is very disputatious, and in conversation wants to answer everything, whether questioned or not questioned, and to confuse everyone in his speech, and to yield to no one, not even to the Devil. For it is a fine thing to be pointed at with the finger and said, “Here he is.” And of knowledge not seen and hidden treasures there is no usefulness. Therefore it is written: Let your art shine before the students, so that they may see good understanding and your glory and your name may be made manifest. 39. Lastly you will finally note that the Pennal is a talkative, witty, biting, voracious, drinking, grasping, tenacious, and snatching man, to such an extent that names ending in -ax are of the kind of the Pennal, who, when in the school with TAX, TAX sounding on his back, thereupon monstrous words are branded upon him. 40. And hold this faithfully in mind, because one of these is enough for you to show whom you seek, and then sign yourselves with the holy cross and say: From such a Pennal deliver us, O Lord. 41. Yet for caution I want you to know that some Pennals are much more crafty in this so as to hide their marks. For everyone is presumed to wish to consult his own honor: therefore from the circumstances I leave much to the actor, for these are matters of fact, which, since they are infinite, could not be included in one general rule. 42. But because there is a different distinction among Pennals and their various talents, therefore you ought to remember that according to the Magistral distinction
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131. nem gl. vulgaris. Pennalis est vel animorum vel morum, vel temporum & morum simul. Ex quibus posteriores, omnium deterioris sunt conditionis, quia ex illorum statu nulla est redemptio, in tantum ut ad extremum in eo possint promoveri in porcum. Quia senex Pennalis bis Pennalis: Et veterana mancipia non facile est reformare ad meliores mores. 43. Pro his est bonum remedium quod dicit Scriptura: Indica fratri t[ame]no errores suos. & reduc eum ad sanitatem ut desinat à malo. & faciat bonum. Et si tu hoc solus non possis facere, assume alios ad TE, qui sunt fortioreste. Qui si nihilominus noluerit vos audire, tunc fustigate eum: Quia sua interest, ne moriarur in delictis suis. 44. Et tunc cum eo nulla est compassio habenda: Quia præsumitur potius consuetudine peccare, quam ex imbecillitate labi, immo ipse vobis habebit aliquando multam gratiam, & dicet, Bonum est, quod humilia- tis me, quia, postquam vexatus sum, egi poenitentiam. 45. Nec enim dicitur propter id irasci, quia amicus ex mente debet perpendere voluntatem amici, & nemo præsumitur eum vexare, ex quo diligit amicum suum, reprehendit eum. 46. Immo ne cui officium suum sit damnosum, tenetur ei quandoque vocationem dare, & facere sibi amicos cum Mamone injusto, ut se recipiant aliquando in ordinem suum. F 6 /47. Et
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131. common vulgarity. Pennalis is either of dispositions, or of morals, or of times and morals together. Of these, the latter are in the worst condition of all, because from their state there is no redemption, to such an extent that in the end they may be advanced into a pig. For an old Pennalis is twice a Pennalis: and veteran servants are not easily reformed to better morals. 43. For these there is a good remedy, which Scripture says: Show your brother his errors, and bring him back to health, so that he may cease from evil and do good. And if you alone cannot do this, take others with you, who are stronger. If nevertheless he is unwilling to hear you, then beat him with rods: for it is in his interest not to die in his offenses. 44. And then no compassion is to be shown toward him: because he is presumed rather to sin out of habit than to fall through weakness; indeed he himself will one day have much gratitude toward you, and will say, It is good that you have humiliated me, because after I was afflicted, I repented. 45. Nor is it said that one should be angry for that reason, because a friend ought in his mind to consider the will of a friend, and no one is presumed to vex him, since he loves his friend, and reproves him. 46. Indeed, lest anyone’s office be harmful to him, he is sometimes obliged to give him his calling, and to make friends for himself with unrighteous Mammon, so that they may one day receive him into their order. F 6 /47. And
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132. 47. Et hoc faciam cum bona gratia: Quia hilarem datorem diligit Deus. Et scriptum est, Pennales estote subditi studiosis, & nolite murmurare contra eos, quia modici tempo- ris afflictio transfert vos in diuturnam re- quiem. Et tunc quod quisque juris in se aliis concessit, idem ab aliis vicissim postulabit. 48. Sed quæro: Si Pennalis nolit hæc pa- ti, an tunc possit se actori opponere? & con- cludite quod non: Quia injusta est defensio, ubi justa est offensio. Est enim Pennalis in prædicamento passionis, & ideo patibilis qualitas debet esse in eo, & de eo prædicari multiformiter. 49. Quod si Pennalis est duræ cervicis, & incrassatum est cor ejus, & frons exuit omnem pudorem, ut non intelligat subtiles terminos? Tunc quia nemo tenetur divinare alterius ser- monem debet sibi dici per directum, quod per indirectum non potest capere. 50. Sed quid si multa quidem messis sed pauci operarii? & dicendum quod nemo debet se ad hoc excusare, quia qui patitur pennalisare pennalisantem, is vires administrat audaciæ, & talis censetur pennalisare cum eo. 51. Immo qui hoc facit, habebit aliquando mercedem suam, quia qui reducit errantem in viam facit opus misericordiæ & charitatis. 52. Sed quæro: Si studiosus fuit olim suus optimus frater, & iverunt simul ad unum amicum, & fuerunt collegæ in una classe; an tunc possit illum transjuyare ne ve- xetur
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132. 47. And this I will do with good grace: for God loves a cheerful giver. And it is written, let the Pennales be subject to the studious, and do not murmur against them, because a brief affliction transfers you into everlasting rest. And then what each one has conceded to others in his own right, the same he will in turn demand from others. 48. But I ask: If the Pennalis does not wish to endure these things, can he then oppose himself to the actor? And conclude that he cannot: for a defense is unjust where the offense is just. For the Pennalis is in the category of passion, and therefore a passible quality ought to be in him, and predicated of him in many ways. 49. But if the Pennalis is of a hard neck, and his heart has grown fat, and his brow has cast off all shame, so that he does not understand subtle distinctions? Then, since no one is bound to divine another’s speech, it ought to be said to him directly what he cannot grasp indirectly. 50. But what if the harvest is indeed plentiful, but the laborers are few? It must be said that no one ought to excuse himself on this account, because he who allows a Pennalis to be Pennalized gives strength to boldness, and such a one is reckoned as Pennalizing with him. 51. Indeed, whoever does this will one day receive his reward, because he who brings back one who is wandering into the way performs a work of mercy and charity. 52. But I ask: If the studious man was once his best brother, and they went together to one friend, and were companions in one class; can he then help him so that he is not troubled?
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133. xetur? Quod negate in totum, quia hoc pu- blicam caussam continet, & Reipublicæ in- terest, ne delicta maneant incorrecta. Immò talis fieret prævaricator, & incideret in poe- nam ICti Turpiliani. 53. Circa hoc tamen suggeram vobis uti- le consilium, ne acerbe nimis eam potestatem exerceatis, quia modica tantum correctio vobis concessa est, & nimia sævitia culpæ annumeratur. 54. Nam quandoque miseris venit in præ- cordia virtus, & tunc habes pugnos & mal- leos, & bajulant ut rustici, neque possunt dare plagas ad mensuram, quia sunt agrestes nimis; & hoc vult vos annotare, ne cum de- trimento & post facto sapiatis, sicut id sæ- pe in fore nostro vidi practicatum cum do- lore. 55. Prædicta observat etiam quoad se- cundum genus, quia isti debent ejus naturæ æstimari, quæ magis in eis prævalet. 65. Quoad temporales vero major occur- rit dubietas, an debeant immunes esse ab omnibus operibus vexaticis. Quod videtur, quia tempus non est modus inducendi deli- ctum, ideo non dicitur graviorem esse poe- nam, quam fuit culpa. 57. Sed vos contrarium determinate, quia præscriptionis tempora præcise servanda sunt, nec sufficit unum adimpletum ubi duo conjunctim requiruntur. 58. Unde pro declaratione prædictorum resolvam vobis aliquot pulchra notabilia, & quæro-
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133. Is it denied altogether? Because this concerns the public cause, and it is in the interest of the Republic that offenses should not remain uncorrected. Indeed, he would become a colluder, and would incur the punishment of the jurist Turpilius. 53. In this matter, however, I will suggest to you a useful counsel: do not exercise that power too harshly, because only a moderate correction has been granted to you, and excessive severity is counted as fault. 54. For sometimes virtue comes into the hearts of the miserable, and then you have fists and hammers, and they carry burdens like rustics, nor can they give blows to measure, because they are too rough; and this is what he wants you to note, lest you become wise too late and after the fact, as I have often seen practiced with sorrow in our court. 55. The foregoing is also observed with regard to the second kind, because these must be estimated according to the nature that prevails more in them. 65. As for temporal matters, however, a greater doubt arises, whether they ought to be exempt from all vexatious works. It seems so, because time is not a means of introducing a delict; therefore the punishment is not said to be heavier than the fault. 57. But you determine the contrary, because the times of prescription must be strictly observed, and one fulfilled requirement is not enough where two are required together. 58. Hence, for the explanation of the foregoing, I will resolve for you some fine points, and ask-
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134. quæro primum: An quoad hoc vexatio fit justa? Videtur quod non. Quia est injuria verbalis, quæ ejus existimationem apud bo- nos viros & pulcras puellas gravat. At nemo debet alterius pacto prægravari. 56. Contrarium tamen sequimini: Quia est utilis & dat intellectum, ut habet vulgaris Theoria, & est quasi purgatorium munda- num per quod absterguntur omnes maculæ pennalitatis, donec completo tempore per- veniat ad studiositatem. 60. Præmissa conclusio ampliatur, & ex- tenditur, ut etiam procedat in eo, qui est ultra vulgarem modum doctus in tantum, ut possit unam septimanam magistrare, & post duos menses doctorare, quia doctrina non mutat statum. 61. Immo licet præsumatur talis habe- re omnes regulas Ramisticas in sernio pe- ctoris sui, adeo ut de ejus eruditione du- bitare sit instar sacrilegii: non tamen præsu- mitur scire notiones primas & secundas, quia ista sunt Arcana Academiarum, quæ non ca- dunt in Scholares. 62. Secundo ampliatur & concludit in eo, qui est Nobilista vel Cortisanus, licet enim talis habeat aliquam præeminentiam quoad jus civile, non tamen etiam quoad naturale: quia natura omnes æquales fecit, & communi vitio commune est remedium: immo Nobi- lista, qui peccat, duplici poena punire de- bet propter exemplum. 63. Tertio ampliatur, ut etiam valeat in co,
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134. I ask first: Whether, as regards this matter, the vexation is just? It seems that it is not. Because it is a verbal injury, which burdens his reputation among good men and pretty girls. But no one ought to be burdened by another’s compact. 56. However, you follow the contrary: Because it is useful and gives understanding, as the common Theory has it, and is as it were a worldly purgatory through which all stains of penality are wiped away, until, the time having been completed, he arrives at studiousness. 60. The foregoing conclusion is broadened and extended so that it also proceeds in the case of one who is beyond the common measure learned, to such an extent that he can lecture in one week and doctor in two months, because learning does not change status. 61. Indeed, although such a one is presumed to have all the Ramist rules in the script of his heart, so that to doubt his erudition would be like sacrilege, nevertheless he is not presumed to know the first and second notions, because these are the secrets of the Academies, which do not fall to scholars. 62. Second, it is broadened and concludes in the case of one who is a Nobilist or Courtier; for although such a one has some preeminence as regards civil law, not so also as regards natural law: because nature made all men equal, and the common remedy is for a common fault. Indeed, a Nobilist who sins ought to be punished with double penalty for the sake of example. 63. Third, it is broadened so that it is also valid in one,
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135. eo, qui est admodum civilis, & possunt facere virginibus pulcras credentias & subtiles basimanus, & nudat caput suum pro omnibus: quia licet sciat ea quæ sunt communis civilitatis ex gesto suo, non tamen etiam ea quæ sunt conluetudinariæ localis: quia quilibet præsumitur ignorare stylum alieni fori. 64. Sed quod si etiam æmulari affectet? dicite quod Jura constituantur ex eo, quod ut plurimum accidit: non ex eo quod raro; & quod semel aut bis accidit, non attendunt actores. 65. Quarto ampliatur & deciditur in eo, qui solet dare vocationes, & vult videri magnificus, & ostendit se præter naturam liberalem: quia nemo in necessitatibus liberalis existit, & talis se potius quam alium respicit: ideo dolus dolo vindicandus est. 66. Sed quid? si fuit Bassista, aut Tenorista, & potuit graviter insimas voces murmurare, velut unus frater cappatus in choro, vel leniter discantum fistulare, ut virgo 10 annorum: vel si in totum fuit præfectus in cantoria, vel carenda? Ad hoc idem dicite, quia tales præsumuntur imperiosi, eo quod multos habuerunt sub baculo, & quando dixerunt uni, cane, cecinit; & alteri solmiza, solmizavit. 67, Sed si sit magnus Signior apud Damascellas ut periculum sit, quod taliter vexatus cadat per corbem, & perdat omnem amabilitatem suam. Tunc initiorem sententiam amplectimini, & quia talis præsumitur multa sibi ab iis acquisivisse clenodia, non debet
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135. He who is very courteous, and can make pretty and subtle credences to virgins, and kisses the hand, and uncovers his head before everyone: because although he knows by his bearing those things that are of common civility, yet not also those that are customary locally; for everyone is presumed to be ignorant of the style of another court. 64. But what if he should also seek to rival it? Say that laws are established from what happens for the most part, not from what happens rarely; and what happens once or twice the practitioners do not regard. 65. Fourthly, it is extended and decided in the case of one who is accustomed to give invitations, and wishes to seem magnificent, and shows himself liberal beyond nature: because no one is liberal in necessities, and such a man looks rather to himself than to another; therefore fraud must be met with fraud. 66. But what if he was a Bassista or a Tenorista, and could gravely murmur the lowest voices, like one cloistered brother in choir, or softly pipe the discant, like a ten-year-old maiden; or if he was altogether prefect in the choir, or choirmaster? Concerning this, say the same thing, because such men are presumed to be imperious, since they have had many under the rod, and when they said to one, sing, he sang; and to another, solmize, he solmized. 67. But if he be a great Signior among the Damascelles, so that there is danger that, being thus vexed, he may fall through the basket and lose all his amiability. Then embrace the first opinion, and because such a one is presumed to have acquired many jewels for himself from them, he ought not to
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136. bet multum torqueri, quoad vexationes, sed magis visitari quoad vocationes. 68. Supradicta conclusio limitatur & restringitur, ut melius procedatur cum eo, qui poene tempora sua adimplevit. Quia cingendus habetur pro cincto, & desinit esse miles vitiorum, quia factus est miles virtutum. 69. Adhuc limitatur, ut non procedat quoad extraneos; quia quoad hos pennalis censetur legitimus, ideo contra hos debet honorem suum defendere usque ad cutem & sanguinem, quia vita & fama pari passu ambulant. 70. Unde incidenter quæro: An Pennalis sit honoratior Schmutzone? Omninò dicite quod sit: Quia quod studiosus est inter pennales, hoc est pennalis inter pices & amplius, 71. Facit quod pices illi sunt infames quibus non patent portæ dignitatum; quia in malitia sua devorant sanguinem studiosorum, unde dictum est: O quo vadit anima picis! Sed quæstio hæc est minus dubitabilis, ideo supersedeo eam latius declarare. 62. Nunc revertendo ad priores terminos: an Pennalis pro tali vexatione possit studiosum ad gueram vocare? Quod videtur, quis crudelis est, qui famam suam negligit. Sed hoc nolite sequi, quia pennalis præsumitur inhabilis ad pugnandum, & virgas magis quàm arma tractare posse. 73. Et licet videatur habilis de facto propter robustitatem, tamen est inhabilis, & de jure debet gladio privari & virgis onerari: Quia
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136. rather to be tormented, as regards vexations, but more to be visited, as regards calls. 68. The aforesaid conclusion is limited and restricted, so that one may proceed better with him who has nearly fulfilled his time. For he is to be regarded as girded who is girded, and he ceases to be a soldier of vices, because he has become a soldier of virtues. 69. It is further limited, so that it does not apply to outsiders; because in regard to these the pennal is deemed legitimate, therefore against them he ought to defend his honor to skin and blood, because life and reputation walk side by side. 70. Whence incidentally I ask: Is the Pennal more honorable than the Schmutzone? By all means say that he is: For what the student is among the pennals, that is the pennal among the pikes and more besides, 71. This is because those pikes are infamous for whom the doors of dignities are not open; for in their wickedness they devour the blood of students, whence it has been said: O where does the soul of the pike go! But this question is less doubtful, therefore I refrain from explaining it further. 62. Now returning to the earlier terms: can the Pennal, for such vexation, call the student out to war? It seems so; who is cruel, who neglects his reputation. But do not follow this, because the pennal is presumed to be incapable of fighting, and able to handle rods rather than weapons. 73. And although he may seem capable in fact on account of his robustness, nevertheless he is incapable, and by law ought to be deprived of the sword and burdened with rods: Because
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137. Quia qui gladium sumit, peribit cum eo. Etc. hoc observat totus mundus. 74. Quæro ulterius: an possit agere de injuria verbali, puta quando sibi dictum est Pennalis? Dicite quod non, tum quia est animal, in quod nec jus, nec injuria cadit, tum quia veritas convitii satis excusat conviciantem. 75. Sed quid si sibi facta est injuria realis, puta, quod est fustigatus in foro, aut bajulatus in plateis, aut inundatus in aqua? Et videtur negativa amplectenda: Quia pennalis est servus, & ideo capite, non minuitur, qui nullum caput habuit. 76. Sed vos amplectimini distinctionem legalem: quia si id fiat in eo loco, in quo ei nullum jus fuit versandi, aut ambulandi, maximè si alter proclamavit, ut abiret, neque ille abivit, sed reclamavit: Tunc damnum quod ipse accersivit, ipse mussitabit, & sibi imputabit. 77. Quid si id fiat in sua domo, ubi dedit vocationem? illud dicendum est, quia cuique domus turissimum refugium est: Et nemodicitur duplici damno onerari; nisi fortè ibi fuit valdè importunus & inutilis, & voluit habere magna verba solus, nec dare Cæsari, quæ sunt Cæsaris. 78. Quæro iterum: An possit se pennalis vocatione liberare à vexatione; Licet de subtilitate juris rigorosi id non videatur concedendum; tamen vos utilitatem æquitatis sequimini: qua ignoscendum est ei, qui sanguinem suum taliter qualiter redemptum voluit, 79. Sed
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137. For he who takes up the sword shall perish by the sword, etc. The whole world observes this. 74. I ask further: can he bring an action for verbal injury, for example when he has been called a Pennalis? Say that he cannot, both because he is an animal in regard to which neither right nor injury applies, and because the truth of the insult is sufficient excuse for the insulter. 75. But what if a real injury has been done to him, for example, that he has been beaten in the market-place, or carried about in the streets, or drenched with water? And the negative answer seems to be the one to accept: because a pennalis is a servant, and therefore is not diminished in head who had no head at all. 76. But you accept the legal distinction: for if this is done in that place in which he had no right to remain or walk about, especially if the other declared that he should go away, and he did not go away but shouted back: then the harm which he himself incurred he must bear in silence, and impute to himself. 77. What if this is done in his own house, where he has given invitation? It must be said that to everyone’s house is the safest refuge; and no one is said to be burdened with a double harm, unless perhaps he was there very troublesome and useless, and wanted to make loud speeches alone, and would not render unto Caesar the things that are Caesar’s. 78. I ask again: can he free himself, by the title of pennalis, from vexation? Although from the subtlety of rigorous law this does not seem to be allowed, yet you follow the usefulness of equity: by which pardon is to be given to him who wished his blood to be redeemed in one way or another, 79. But
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138. 79. Sed quid si sit valdè obæratus, & non habeat multos obulos in bursa? Tunc adhibete cautelam, ne vos decipiant: quia sunt astuti valde in occultando thesauro suo, ideo non debet talis excusatio facile admitti, nisi præstito juramento paupertatis, quia nemo præsumitur vacuus ad peregrinas regiones migrare; maxime si sit charus filius, vel cecinit in cantoria. 80. Si tamen hoc de facto contingat: tunc quod non habet in ære, luat in corpore; & sic vexetur bene, quia non persolvit plenè. Quia licet prædictus puniatur mitius quoad pœnam pecuniariam, quàm alius bene numma- tus, debet tamen puniri gravius quoad pœnam corporalem, & ita servatur in praxi. 81. Pro cautione tamen notate, quod tales interdum habeant privilegia miserabilium personarum, si sunt valde lamentabiles; quia tunc satis ipsa paupertate premuntur, afflicto non est addenda afflicctio. 82. Sed quid si sit valde simplex, ut non possit unum puerum offendere; & habeat magnam devotionem, & eat precabundus per civitatem? A talibus cavete vobis, quia veniunt ad vos in vestitu ovium, sed intus sunt lupi rapaces, & habent Diabolum sub cappa sicut frater aliquis poenitentiarius. 83. Sed quid si Pennalis lateat & non faciat sui copiam? Tunc si non potest haberi de die, solet visitari de nocte, & interdum cum Musica instrumentali cantari sibi unum bonum carnem, ut exeat sonus in universum Museum
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138. 79. But what if he is very heavily in debt, and does not have many obols in his purse? Then use caution, lest they deceive you: for they are very cunning in hiding their treasure; therefore such an excuse ought not easily to be admitted, unless the oath of poverty has been taken, because no one is presumed to migrate to foreign regions empty-handed; especially if he be a dear son, or has sung in the choir. 80. If, however, this should in fact happen: then let him pay in his body what he does not have in money; and thus let him be well punished, because he has not paid in full. For although the aforesaid person is punished more mildly as regards pecuniary penalty than another well supplied with coin, he ought nevertheless to be punished more severely as regards corporal punishment, and so it is observed in practice. 81. Yet for caution note that such persons sometimes have the privileges of miserable persons, if they are very pitiable; for then they are sufficiently oppressed by poverty itself: to one already afflicted, affliction must not be added. 82. But what if he is very simple, so that he could not offend even one boy; and has great devotion, and goes about the city praying? Beware of such persons, for they come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves, and they have the Devil under the cowl, like some penitentiary friar. 83. But what if the Pennalis is hiding and does not make himself available? Then, if he cannot be had by day, he is usually visited by night, and sometimes, with instrumental music, one good song is sung to him, so that the sound may go out into the whole Museum.
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139. Museum; Resonet in laudibus, cum jucundis plausibus. Vitrum nostrum gloriosum Per omnia kling klang klangerum. Et hoc de consuetudine loci, licet jure destituamur. 84. Circa tamen hoc estote providi, ut faciatis cum moderamine, & in occulto ne habeatis mercedem vestram in propatulo; quia posset hic allegari pacis publicæ turbatio, cujus poena est Bannum, quod parit multos & miserabiles Cornelios in cerebello. 85. Nunc ad extremum tradam vobis modos; per quos dissolvitur pennalismus, quorum primus est: Præscriptio, quia de jure Saxonico, si pennalis vivat in studio Academico per annum & mensem unicum; talis præsumitur didicisse mores civiles & bursaticos, & ideo habetur pro studioso, nisi mores forte contrarium suadeant. 86. Dico utilem, ut supputetis tempora climactericè, ex quo stetit in Academia animo studendi, non vero commorandi tantum: ne alioquin is fiat studiosus, qui per naturam studiosus esse non potest. 87. Item ut intelligatis ad tantum valere in præsentes. Quia quoad absentes non valet præscriptio, etiam si tempus interveniat, cujus initii non exstat memoria. 88. Circa hoc quæro: An Pennalis discedens ante completum spatium ex Academia, postea reversus nihilominus habendus sit pro studioso? Et decidite distincte: Quia si in con-
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139. Museum; “Resonet in laudibus, cum jucundis plausibus. Our glorious glass, Through and through kling klang klangerum. And this by the custom of the place, although we are destitute of right. 84. Yet in this matter be prudent, that you do it with moderation, and in secret; let not your reward be in the open; for the disturbance of the public peace could here be alleged, whose punishment is the Bannum, which brings forth many and miserable Cornelii in the cerebellum. 85. Now at last I shall hand over to you the methods by which pennalism is dissolved, the first of which is: Prescription; because according to Saxon law, if a pennalis lives in the academic study for a year and a single month, such a one is presumed to have learned civil and bursatic manners, and is therefore regarded as a student, unless his manners perhaps suggest the contrary. 86. I say it is useful that you reckon the times climacterically, from the time he stood in the Academy with the mind of studying, not merely of staying there: otherwise he may become a student who by nature cannot be a student. 87. Likewise, so that you may understand that it is valid only in the present. For with regard to absentees prescription does not apply, even if time intervenes, the beginning of which no memory survives. 88. Concerning this I ask: whether a Pennalis departing from the Academy before the full period has been completed, and afterward returning, should nevertheless be regarded as a student? And decide distinctly: because if in the con-
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140. Contimenti, redeat, tunc habet jus post-limini, & dicitur tempus, quod absuit suppleri alio tempore ad duplum, ut ita procedat præscriptio. 89. Si verò ex intervallo, tunc quia cense- tur interrupta præscriptio debet tempus suum de novo inchoare, & ita ad studiositatem per- venire: quia res devenit in eum casum, à quo incipere non poterat. 90. Quod si totum domi remaneat, & fiat ibi Magistellus, aut Baptizans, vel Uxoratus: tum per fictionem Leg: Cornelii censetur nunquam in Universitate fuisse, & ita in statu suo mortuus. 91. Iterum quæro: An Pennalis possit de- ponere pennalismum in Patria? Sed hanc quæ- stionem superseuco determinare, quia est sa- lebrosa nimis. 92. Secundus modus est emancipatio, pu- ta si Pennalis sit valde acceptabilis apud Vir- gines, & sciat gravitatem Academicam tene- re, potest talis vocationem dare aliis studio- sis, ut absolvetur à peccatis suis, & emanci- petur à pennalismo. 93. Et ad hanc requiruntur certæ solen- nitates, quia debet Virgo aliqua primaria, quæ ejus rei scientiam habet, in judicem eligi, & debet præter alia cognitio causæ intervenire, an persona supplicans sit habilis ad hanc di- gnitatem. Quo examinato debet Pennalis ante virginem super genua procumbere præstando ipsi juramenrum, quod velit Pennalem exue- re, & induere studiosum. Sed hic modus est val-
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140. Meanwhile, if he returns, then he has the right of postliminy, and there is said to be a period by which the time absent is made up by another time to double, so that prescription may thus proceed. 89. But if it be after an interval, then because the prescription is deemed interrupted, he must begin his own time anew, and thus proceed to studies; because the matter has fallen into that condition from which it could not begin. 90. But if he remain altogether at home, and become there a Magistellus, or a Baptizans, or a Married Man: then by the fiction of the Cornelian Law he is deemed never to have been in the University, and thus to have died in his own condition. 91. Again I ask: can a Pennalis lay aside pennalism in his native place? But I set myself above determining this question, because it is too salacious. 92. The second way is emancipation, namely if a Pennalis be very acceptable among the Virgines, and know how to maintain academic seriousness, such a one can give a vocation to other students, so that he may be absolved from his sins, and emancipated from pennalism. 93. And for this certain solemnities are required, because some primary Virgo, who has knowledge of the matter, must be chosen as judge, and besides other things an inquiry into the cause must intervene, whether the person petitioning is fit for this dignity. When this has been examined, the Pennalis must before the virgin kneel upon his knees, offering her an oath, that he wishes to put off the Pennalis, and to put on the student. But this method is val-
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141. valde periculosus, quia una solemnitate omisà totus actus annullatur. 94. Quæro tamen, an talis bullatus studiosus censeatur quoque legitimus, quoad alios qui non fuerunt in vocatione & abso- lutione; & dicite quod, quia privatorum pactis jus publicum inverti non potest. 65. Tertius modus est, Legitimatio per subsequens Magisterium, puta si Pennalis intra annum fiat promotus Magister aut Baccalaureus, tunc enim habetur pro studioso; quia cum infamibus portæ dignitatum non pateant, censetur per istum honorem abolita omnis macula pennalitatis, & per Magisterium purgata omnia antecedentia. 96. Sed tamen quia talis fecit contra juramentum suum, quod dedit Depositori, ideo debet super eo gratiam facere dando ei vocationem, ut anceps periculum perjurii evitetur. 97. Ultimus modus est legitimatio per Rescriptum principis, puta: si princeps aut alius qui famæ habet restitutionem, det alicui hoc privilegium, quod non debeat esse pennalis, & hoc publico diplomate testatum faciat, debet hæc voluntas principis pro lege servari; quia videtur respexisse ad doctrinam & merita personæ Et ideo qui vocat eum pennalem, committit crimen læsæ majestatis. 98. Sed quia tale privilegium non præsumitur violari, ideo debet Bulla sibi data præsenter inspici an expresse scriptum sit, quod talis non debeat vexari, & tunc tenor ejus circa hoc servandus est. Si verò hoc non scriptum sit,
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141. very dangerous, because with one solemnity omitted, the whole act is annulled. 94. I ask, however, whether such a bullated student is to be counted as legitimate also with respect to others who were not present at the vocation and absolution; and you should say that the public law cannot be overturned by private agreements. 65. The third mode is legitimation by subsequent magistracy, namely if a Pennal within a year is promoted to be Master or Bachelor; for then he is held to be a student, because, since the gates of dignities are not open to the infamous, by this honor every stain of pennality is considered abolished, and through the magistracy all former things are cleansed. 96. But nevertheless, because such a one acted against his oath, which he gave to the Depositor, therefore grace must be granted to him by giving him a vocation, so that the uncertain danger of perjury may be avoided. 97. The last mode is legitimation by the prince’s rescript, for example: if a prince or another who has authority to restore reputation grants to someone this privilege, that he ought not to be a pennal, and causes this to be attested by public diploma, this will of the prince must be observed as law; because it seems to have regard to the person’s learning and merits. And therefore whoever calls him a pennal commits the crime of lèse majesté. 98. But because such a privilege is not presumed to be violated, therefore the Bull given to him must be inspected at once to see whether it is expressly written that such a one ought not to be vexed, and then its tenor in this respect must be observed. But if this is not written,
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142. sit, sed tantum simpliciter indultum, quod non debeat esse pennalis, Tunc possunt nihilominus vexari. Quia censetur Princeps se conformasse ad juris communis dispositionem & non voluisse uti plena potestate. 99. Pro additamento debetis scire, quod hodie per Nov. Constit. omne jus vetus circa pennalem abrogatum est, per quas omnes Beani naturalibus restituuntur, ita ut statim à primis depositionis incunabulis una atque simplex studiositas illis competat, id est eadem quam habent studiosi à multis annis. 100. Dura quidem lex est, verum ita scriptum est, non tamen credo, quod practicatur ab omnibus quia stylus curiæ in viridi observantia positus, ipsa lege quandoque potentior est, unde sit ut Novella Leonis hodie in foro non attendatur. Circa prædicta haberem quidem aliquot adhuc pulcra notabilia, sed quia odiosa sunt restringenda, ideo remitto vos ad praxin, ut ista omnia aptius ex ipsis rerum documentis in usu quotidiano cognoscatis. Ad Mandatum regium cum Privilegio. Procancellarius manu prop. Explicit, explicuit, catera praxis habet. F I N I S. DISPU-
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142. if it is so, but only simply granted that it should not be penal, then nevertheless they may be vexed. Because the Prince is deemed to have conformed himself to the disposition of the common law and not to have wished to use full power. 99. As an addition you ought to know that today, by the New Constitution, all the old law concerning the penal matter has been abrogated, by which all Beani are restored to their natural condition, so that from the very first beginnings of deposition there belongs to them a single and simple studiousness, that is, the same as students have had for many years. 100. The law is indeed harsh, yet so it is written; nevertheless I do not believe that it is practised by all, because the custom of the court, placed in strict observance, is at times more powerful than the law itself, whence it is that the Novella of Leo is today not observed in court. Concerning the aforesaid things I certainly would still have some other fine noteworthy points, but because such matters are odious and must be restricted, therefore I refer you to practice, so that you may learn all these things more suitably from the documents themselves in daily use. By royal command with privilege. The Vice-Chancellor, by his own hand. Explicit, it is finished; practice has the rest. THE END. DISPU-
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DISPUTATIO DE CORNELIO, ET EJUSDEM NATURA, AC PROPRIETATE Cujus Positiones SUB PRÆSIDIO Ampliss. Famosiss. Clariss. Spectatiss. & Celeberrimi Viri, Dn. VESPASIANI CURIDEMI omnium facultatum Doct. in Illustri Gaudecapensium Academia, Publicè proponit ZACHÆUS PERTINAX Hierosolymitanus. Habebitur disputatio in Collegio Medio ad fontem Arethusa, quoties lubet.
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Disputation on Cornelius, and His Nature and Property Whose Theses Under the Patronage of the Most Excellent, Most Renowned, Most Distinguished, Most Eminent, and Most Celebrated Man, Mr. Vespasianus Curidemus, Doctor of all the Faculties in the Illustrious Academy of Gaudecape, publicly proposes Zachaeus Pertinax of Jerusalem. The disputation will be held in the Middle College, by the fountain Arethusa, whenever it pleases.
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144. THESIS I. Uamquam scriptitandi cacoëthes nostri sæculi homines supra modum intoxicavit, adeo ut omnes mercatorum, clericorumque Bibliothecæ voluminibus farciantur; nemo tamen inventus huc usque mortalium est, qui utilissimam de Cornelio materiam in apricum eruerit. 2. Cujus rei causam nos contra Telaugen, quisterilitatem pro causa adfert, in ejus difficultate sitam defendemus. 3. Est enim nodosa, cerebrosa, & rugosæ frontis materia, ut rectè dixisse videantur Ultramontani, non esse eam bonæ fidei, sed stricti juris. 4. Nos igitur de re litteraria bene mereri operam dantes practicabilem hanc materiam proponemus, ut huic labori addictis fenestram aperiamus penitius introspiciendi & meditandi. 5. Id quod nulla ratione aptius fieri censemus, quam si quis egregie pictus, hoc est ut Zonaras interpretatur, probè fustigatus, variisque coloribus à lictoribus omatus, secum solus ambulet, in locis, quæ hominum frequentiam non facile admittunt, ibique crumenam suam ære vacuam assidue inspiciat. 6. Quid autem sit Cornelius, & unde dictus, variæ sunt literatorum sententiæ, nulla- que
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144. THESIS I. Although the mania for writing has intoxicated the men of our age beyond measure, so that the bookshelves of merchants and clerics are crammed with volumes; nevertheless, up to this point no mortal has been found who has brought to light the very useful material on Cornelius. 2. Against this, and against Telauges, who alleges barrenness as the cause, we shall defend our view that the reason lies in its difficulty. 3. For it is a knotty, brain-racking, and wrinkled-brow sort of subject, so that the Ultramontanes seem to have spoken rightly in saying that it is not a matter of good faith, but of strict law. 4. We shall therefore, in aiming to do good service to literature, propose this practicable subject, so that we may open a window for those devoted to this labor, to look more deeply and to meditate. 5. And we think that this can be done in no more suitable way than if someone, splendidly painted, that is, as Zonaras interprets it, thoroughly flogged, and adorned by the lictors with various colors, should walk alone, in places that do not easily admit a crowd of people, and there continually inspect his purse, empty of money. 6. But what Cornelius is, and whence the name is derived, scholars hold various opinions, and none...
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145. que adeo facultas est, quam non strenue Cornelius hic exerceat. 7. Theologi quidem in sacris Bibliishane quæstionem non attingi affirmant, nec esse de talibus admodum inquirendum, cum plus satis sit, si rem ipsam habeamus. Qui enim Cornelium habet, non multum solicitus est de substantia aut nomine ejus, quin retro ad causam ejus ut plurimum oculos flectit. 8. Jurisperitis Cornelius est defectus pecuniæ, qui ei, qui multum debet, facultatem satis faciendi eripit, & eundem subterfugere facit, sicut & fugitivus indidem nuncupatur, in l. 5. C. de recept. arbit. Verum hæc definitio cum nimis sit angusta, recte exploditur à Don Anton. de Crampaignis tract. de sum. et flam. c. 6. n. 194. 9. Neque vero cum Medicis facimus afferentibus Cornelium esse passionem animi, quæ contraria causa reprimitur: nec enim semper contrario repellitur Cornelius, quod videre est in irato verberato rustico adversarium suum demulcente pugnis, quem certe Cornelium habere nemo ibit inficias: hic si pulsari deberet ab eo quem illetam castigat, in tantum per hos contrarium Cornelius ejus non tolletur, ut etiam augeretur. 10. Philosophi exstimant illi Cornelium esse nomen inane sine re, ortum ex festivitate quapiam: Cum enim in comico loco quidam Cornelii nomine, Conscientiæ personam sustinuisset, isque ex scenis prodiens, chorum semper lætum inventum, subinde G di-
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145. and so great is the faculty, which Cornelius here does not exercise vigorously. 7. The theologians indeed in the sacred Biblesane affirm that the question is not touched upon, nor ought such matters to be very much inquired into, since it is more than enough if we have the thing itself. For he who has Cornelius is not much concerned with its substance or its name, but rather turns his eyes back most often to its cause. 8. In the view of jurists, Cornelius is a deficiency of money, which deprives the man who owes much of the ability to satisfy his debts, and makes him evade payment; and for the same reason he is also called a fugitive, as in l. 5. C. de recept. arbit. But this definition, since it is too narrow, is rightly rejected by Don Anton. de Crampaignis, tract. de sum. et flam. c. 6. n. 194. 9. Nor do we agree with the physicians who assert that Cornelius is an affection of the mind, which is restrained by an opposing cause; for Cornelius is not always driven away by its opposite, as may be seen in the case of an angry peasant, beaten, who softens his opponent with blows, whom certainly no one will deny to have Cornelius: if he were to be struck by the very man whom he angrily chastises, the Cornelius of that man would not be removed by this opposition to such an extent that it would not rather be increased. 10. The philosophers think that Cornelius is a vain name without a thing, arising from some jest: for when in a comic scene a certain man, under the name of Cornelius, had assumed the role of Conscience, and upon coming out from the stage had always been found by the chorus delighted, from time to time G di-
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146. digrediens tristem ac mœrore plenum reliquisset, abiisso has affectuum vices in proverbium, ut quoties quis solito mæstior esset, diceretur Cornelium habere. At hæc sententia communiter improbatur, cum aliter in praxi edoceamur. 11. Nos igitur, utpote qui nulli facultati nos mancipamus (simile enim sumus Achilli illi Perseo, qui de omnibus materiis æque feliciter dissertabat) censemus Cornelium nec hominem simpliciter esse, nec spiritum. Omnino enim cum Lactantio statuimus duo Daemonum genera, cœlestes & terrestres: & putamus Cornelium esse spiritum corporeum ex atræ bilis copia conflatum, qui certis exacerbatus causis hominem inquietat. Unde Germanicum illud ariolâmur esse, quoties Corneliosum quem contuentur, ut dicant, Er schlägt sich mit dem Teuffel. 12. Derivato nomine à Græco coreo, id est, satio seu saturo, & neleos, id est, immisericors, seu crudelis, dicaturque Cornelius quasi corcon neleos, id est, crudeliter satians. Testatum enim experientia fecit, eos qui hac peste onerantur, ita inhumaniter excipi, ut per unicum modo diem laborantes jam tum ceperit Cornelii satietas. 13. Causam efficientem si quærimus, non unam reperimus, idque hac in materia mirum esse monet Hyprocras Guidone de sect. venar. c. 7. Cum enim alias unus filius uno saltem patre possit gigni, hictamen unus filius, id est Cornelius, pluribus ex causis: iisque separatis nascitur. 14.
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146. having departed, he would have left them sad and full of sorrow; after his departure, these alternations of feeling became a proverb, so that whenever anyone was unusually sad, it was said that he had “Cornelius.” But this opinion is generally rejected, since we are taught otherwise in practice. 11. We therefore, since we devote ourselves to no single branch of learning (for we are like that Achilles, or Perseus, who discoursed with equal success on all subjects), judge that Cornelius is neither a human being simply, nor a spirit. For with Lactantius we firmly hold that there are two kinds of demons, celestial and terrestrial; and we think Cornelius to be a corporeal spirit, formed from an abundance of black bile, who, when provoked by certain causes, disturbs a person. Whence we conjecture that the German saying applies whenever they see a Cornelious man, that they say, “Er schlägt sich mit dem Teuffel.” 12. Let the name be derived from the Greek coreo, that is, I fill or satisfy, and neleos, that is, merciless or cruel, and let Cornelius be called, as it were, corcon neleos, that is, cruelly satiating. For experience has made it clear that those burdened with this plague are received so inhumanely that, after only a single day of suffering, one already has enough of Cornelius. 13. If we seek the efficient cause, we find not one, and in this matter, as Hyprocras notes in Guido de sect. venar. c. 7, this is surprising. For whereas in other cases one son can be begotten by at least one father, here one son, that is Cornelius, is born from several causes, and those separate causes. 14.
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147. 14. Pro varietate autem temporum & locorum, personarum item & circumstantiarum aliam atque aliam matrem agnoscit Cornelius. In his enim est ex defectu pecuniæ: in aliis ex amore, in aliis ex crapula: in aliis ex verberibus, in aliis ex chartis lusoriis: in aliis ex melancholici humoris ebullitione, &c. Sic nonnullos Cornelius invadit tempore matutino cum surgendum est, quo tempore etiam meditationes suscipi consueverunt de solæcismo pridie per vinum commisso; quosdam vespertino tempore cum caupo se diutius potum daturum renuit: alios post meridiem quando amica in horto relicta ad urbem redeundum: alios media nocte cum ad caveam, seu ut Romani loquuntur, ad carcerem migrandum. 16. Pari ratione quidam in conclavi suo Cornelium sentiunt, dum labores, libros, præceptores, & id genus aliud nugarum inveniunt, nonnullos autem compotores aut confabulantes; quidam in templo, dum concio nimium protrahitur; quidam in area nuptiali, dum amicam abesse suam compériuntur: quidam in lecto, cum lectus denuo bibit, quæ ipsi sub vespere biberunt: quidam in foro dum amasiam suam præterituram præstolantur, quæ tamen alii juncta patrono ægrotum hunc parum curat, hinc illæ lachrymæ, dolor, fletus & stridor dentium. 17. Quidam juxta alios incedentes, Cornelium inde concipiunt, si alteri superiorem locum relinquere debeant, qui tamen longe &
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147. 14. But according to the variety of times and places, and likewise of persons and circumstances, Cornelius recognizes one mother and then another. For in some cases it is from lack of money; in others from love, in others from drunkenness; in others from blows, in others from playing cards; in others from an ebullition of the melancholic humor, etc. Thus Cornelius attacks some in the morning, when it is time to get up, at which time meditations are also usually undertaken about the solecism committed the day before over wine; some in the evening, when the innkeeper refuses to keep serving drink longer; others after midday, when the mistress has been left in the garden and one must return to the city; others at midnight, when one must move to the cage, or, as the Romans say, to prison. 16. In like manner, some feel Cornelius in their own room, while they find labors, books, teachers, and the like other trifles; others while drinking companions or conversing; some in church, while the sermon is drawn out too long; some in the wedding courtyard, when they discover that their sweetheart is absent; some in bed, when the bed drinks again what they themselves drank in the evening; some in the forum, while they wait for their mistress to pass by, who, however, joined to another’s patron, cares little for this sick man; hence those tears, pain, weeping, and gnashing of teeth. 17. Some, walking beside others, conceive Cornelius from this, if they must yield the higher place to another, who nevertheless is far and
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148. & dignior & honestior est. Hi tam possunt Corneliosi vocari, quam asini & Cnolli, qui sibi vel Fabiorum prosapiam vel Solonis sapientiam imaginantur, cum tamen, ut Poëta inquit: Non est in toto corpore mica salis. 18. Præterea has omnes nonnulli passim jugibus Cornelii speculis, tanquam Furiis agitantur, eumque sicut ædes testudo, assiduè secum portant, quales sunt ii, quibus fumus est in domo, id est, quibus mala herba, seu, ut vulgus ait, mala mulier est. Item, qui ad scientiæ & doctrinarum mercaturam in Aca- demiis ablegati, omisis literis alias sibi mer- ces, ut sunt vinum, meretrices, alea, fol- les, equi, & id genus aliæ, comparant: & postmodo domum revocati à parentibus, tabernam suam aperire erubescunt: mer- cium enim emptarum pudet & nummo- rum consumptorum tædet, jamque sunt & manent miseri socii, cogunturque vel agri- culturam, vel cauponariam, vel cerevisiæ coctionem, vel tale quid arripere, suntque ministri, cum esse domini potuissent, in quos cadit illud Poëtæ: Consumptis tandem facunda in pocula nummis Hoc veri invenio: nil scio, nil habeo. 19. His accedunt & illi quos avaritia, omnium malorum radix, obsedit. Hic enim si judices sunt, partem nullam læta expediunt fronte, nisi sciant: Quod possit gravis are domum sibi dextra redire. Si mercatores sunt, nunquam satis nequi- ter
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148. and is more worthy and honorable. These can be called Cornelii just as well as donkeys and Cnolli, who imagine for themselves either the ancestry of the Fabii or the wisdom of Solon, when yet, as the Poet says: There is not a grain of salt in the whole body. 18. Moreover, all these are here and there driven by the twin mirrors of Cornelius, as though by Furies, and, like a tortoise with a house, carry him constantly about with them, such as are those who have smoke in their house, that is, those who have a bad herb, or, as the common saying goes, a bad woman. Likewise, those who, sent away to Academies for the trade of learning and the sciences, abandon letters and acquire for themselves other merchandise, such as wine, prostitutes, gambling, dice, horses, and other things of that kind: and afterwards, when recalled home by their parents, are ashamed to open their own shop: for they are ashamed of the goods bought and weary of the money spent, and now they are and remain wretched companions, and are compelled either to take up farming, or tavern-keeping, or brewing beer, or something of the sort; and they become servants when they might have been masters, in whom that saying of the Poet applies: At last, when their money has been spent, into eloquent cups This is what I find to be true: I know nothing, I have nothing. 19. To these are added those whom avarice, the root of all evils, has seized. For if these are judges, they discharge no part of their duty with a cheerful face unless they know: That with heavy money in hand he may return home. If they are merchants, never enough wickedly
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149. ter aliis imposuisse se credunt, his scilicet enim aliquando audiverunt, licere se mutuô in emotionibus circumvenire, idque dicunt Jurisconsultos concedere, l. in causa 16. ß. 4. ß. de minor. Si alterius generis sunt homines, quales Aristot. 4. ethic. 7. baucopanurgous indigitat, quales sunt monachi, & id genus homines alii, nihil humanitatis à se faciunt proficisci, nisi videant brachia Græca & manus dativas, summa omnia faciunt gratis sed dativo casu. 20 Materia Cornelii ex definitione colligitur: cum enim humidum radicale sit tenue, & calor nativus imbecillior, oritur spiritus quidam siccus & frigidus, ater, tristis, rarò subridens, sui impos, qualitercunque condensatus & incorporatus, & breviter tale monstrum, cui nec Homericus Polyphemus, nec Virgiliana Fama, nec Ovidiani gigantes, nec Horatiana pictura, nec ullum vel à Wigolesa, vel à Seufrido, vel ab Amadiso, vel à quopiam necessariorum ejus, debellatum portentum comparari queat. 21. Formam Cornelii intuentibus, pro diversis subjectis in quibus dominatur, variè se instar Protei manifestat. Quidam enim hominum confortia fugientes ad loca solitaria properant: alii versantur quidem cum mortalibus, sed taciturni, cernui, morosi, quibus dici solet, eos Calendaria componere, aut speculari in divinis, aut claves quærere, aut Cornelium habere, quorum postremum prioribus tribus verius nos existimamus: non- nulli G 3
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149. They believe that they have laid something on others, namely because they have at some time heard that they may mutually deceive one another in affections, and they say that the jurists permit this, l. in causa 16. § 4. § de minor. If there are men of another sort, such as Aristotle, Ethic. 4. 7. calls baucopanurgous, such as monks and others of that kind, they bring forth no humanity from themselves unless they see Greek arms and dative hands; they do everything for nothing, but in the dative case. 20. The matter of Cornelius is gathered from the definition: for since the radical moisture is thin, and the native heat weaker, there arises a certain spirit dry and cold, black, sad, rarely smiling, not master of itself, however condensed and incorporated; and in short such a monster that neither Homeric Polyphemus, nor Virgilian Fame, nor Ovidian giants, nor Horatian painting, nor any portent subdued either by Wigolesa, or by Seufrid, or by Amadis, or by any of his necessary companions, can be compared with it. 21. Those who contemplate the form of Cornelius, according to the various subjects in which it dominates, see it manifest itself in different ways, like Proteus. For some men, fleeing company, hasten to solitary places; others indeed live among mortals, but silent, downcast, morose, of whom it is customary to say that they are making Calendars, or peering into divine matters, or looking for keys, or have Cornelius; the last of these we think more truly than the former three: some G 3
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nulli, præsentibus aliis, ubicunque recursis spatiis deambulant. Spectantes terram, manibus post terga rejectis. & succinentes sibi melancholico murmure, cujus harmoniam nec ipsi, nec alii, sed solus qui eos vexat, Cornelius intelligere potest. 22. Finis est, ut agnoscant mortales omnes, verum esse quod scriptura dicit: Omnis stultus est fatuus, & omnis fatuus est stultus. 23. Objectum Cornelii sunt res, actiones & verba. Res ut calcei, vestes, uxor, ligna candelæ, sanitas, morbus, vinum, virgines, cerevisia, compotores, corrivales, pulices, pediculi: quamque primo decuislet loco poni, pecunia, & similes. Actiones, ut si cochleatorem impediat mariti præsentia, quo minus osculari ex voto possit Venerem suam: si quis concurbitari se norit, quod tamen mutari nequit; si patientiam Socratis addiscere quis tenetur: si quem pulices infeftant, ubi capere dedecet: si puella superciliosa, quæ se Dianam aut Junonem esse persuadet, ne nimis demissa, aut humilis videatur, procurum suum asperius repudiavit, quem tamen perdite amat, & reverti iterum ac instare, tacite exoptat: ille vero nihil de ea sollicitus aliam, quod ajunt, quercum excutit, similis cordato illi Canonico Herbipolensi, qui concubinæ suæ electionem dabat, utrum appellari mallet Ein Ertzhure, an vero ein Landhure. Verba, ut si cochleator amasiæ suæ verba duriuscula extimescit, & reconciliationem redimit annulo, armillis, serica
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nulli, in the presence of others, wherever they walk about in their roaming spaces. Looking at the ground, with their hands thrown behind their backs. And humming to themselves with a melancholy murmur, whose harmony neither they themselves nor others, but only he who torments them, Cornelius, can understand. 22. The aim is that all mortals may acknowledge to be true what Scripture says: Every fool is a dolt, and every dolt is a fool. 23. Cornelius’s objects are things, actions, and words. Things, such as shoes, clothes, wife, wood, candles, health, illness, wine, virgins, beer, drinking companions, rivals, fleas, lice: and, which should have been placed first in order, money, and the like. Actions, such as if the presence of a husband prevents a little go-between from kissing his Venus to his heart’s content; if someone knows himself to be cuckolded, though this cannot be changed; if someone is bound to learn the patience of Socrates; if someone is tormented by fleas, when it is unseemly to catch them; if a proud girl, who persuades herself that she is Diana or Juno, lest she appear too humble or lowly, has more harshly repelled her suitor, whom nevertheless she loves desperately, and secretly hopes will come back and keep pressing his suit: while he, caring nothing for her, shakes another oak, as they say, like that sensible Canon of Würzburg, who gave his concubine the choice of whether she preferred to be called Ein Ertzhure, or indeed ein Landhure. Words, such as if a go-between, fearing the somewhat sharp words of his beloved,
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151. ferica tunica, molli thorace, aut ejus generis pretioso Xenio, aut si lepus quidam, cui cor in caligis, Thrasonis alicujus minis perterrefactus, pacem & requiem emit aliquot Joachimicis, aut ducatis, aut florenis, in convivium commune exhibitis, memor illius Maronis Æneid. II. Nulla salus bello, pacem te poscimus omnes. 24. Effectus Cornelii interdum bonus est, interdum tolerabilis, interdum vero pessimus. 25. Bonus est cum resipiscit morio, seque peccasse intelligens, mores abinde corrigit: ut si puer mechanicus aut mercatorius, alaparum impatiens, à magistro, dominove suo ausugit, sed postea miseriarum impatientior, revertitur & pati consuevit. Item si adolescens cum loculo turgente ad Academias accedens, inque omnibus conviviis primas obtinere cupiens, magnificus, munificus, pugil, eques, miles, dimicator, venator, aleator, clamator, scortator, potator, viridis, gilvus, ruber, cæruleus, flavus, fulvus, ravus, Italus, Gallus, Iberus, Anglus, nunquam Germanus, nec verbis, nec re, nec veste, & paucis loquendo, Dollerhundt oder Stutzer, tandem dilapidatis nummis, absumptotempore, ætate provecta, deceptis offensisque parentibus, eum vidit se stolide egisse, agnoscens barbam crescere, patrimonium evanescere, pallium vilescere, & caput nihil discere, ad meliorem frugem rediens, vitam emendat, & in virum magnæ dignitatis evadit, id quod G 4
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151. a dyed tunic, a soft breastpiece, or some costly Xenius of that sort, or if some hare, with a heart in his boots, frightened by the threats of some Thraso, buys peace and rest for a few Joachimics, or ducats, or florins, offered at a common banquet, mindful of that line of Maro’s Aeneid II: No safety in war; we all beseech you for peace. 24. The effect of Cornelius is sometimes good, sometimes tolerable, sometimes indeed very bad. 25. It is good when the fool comes to himself, and, understanding that he has sinned, afterward corrects his ways: as if a mechanic’s or merchant’s boy, impatient of blows, runs away from his master or lord, but later, more impatient of miseries, returns and learns to endure. Likewise if a youth, coming to the universities with a bulging purse, and wanting to have the first place in all banquets, magnificent, generous, a fighter, horseman, soldier, duelist, hunter, gambler, shouter, whoremonger, drinker, green, yellow, red, blue, tawny, dun, Italian, French, Spanish, English, never German, neither in words, nor in deed, nor in dress, and, to speak briefly, a Dollerhundt or Stutzer, when at last the money has been squandered, time consumed, age advanced, parents deceived and offended, he sees that he has acted foolishly, recognizing that his beard is growing, his estate vanishing, his cloak growing shabby, and his head learning nothing; returning to a better way of life, he reforms his conduct, and turns into a man of great dignity, which is G 4
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152. quod tamen rarius practicari in foro testatur, Gail. 3. observ. 40. n. 34. 26. Medius effectus est, quod impediat orexin, inducat pallorem, rugas, taciturnitatem, extinguat sales & omnes delicias, &c. 27. Pessimus est cum invalescentes spiritus impuri vires hominem adigunt: Ut nidum informis lethi trabe nectat ab alta. alius, non poëtaster, sic effaretur, ut se suspendat. Verum cum hoc Cornelii genere nihil nobis est negotii, sed Theologis & Juri- speritis hoc elaborandum relinquimus, qui id existimant, & læsæ conscientiæ vulnere pul- lulare. & Iuvenal. Sat. 1. vocat mentem criminibus frigidatam, nec medici ullum repe- rerunt antidotum præter laqueum stupeum, quem adeo dicunt infrigidare, ut hanc frigiditatem prorsus exstinguat. 28. Nunc in gratiam valetudinariorum hac peste corruptorum, pauca subjiciemus contraria seu remedia, quibus hic semispiritus fugari plerunque soleat; quorum in numero primo rectè collocamus somnum; qui enim dormit, non peccat. Et hanc vera ratio, non ea quam adstruit Virg. Æneid. 6. quod sopor sit lethi consanguineus. Quanquam minus hoc in Virgilio miramur, cum sit poëta, id est, nugiven- dulus, ut rectè objicitur poëtæ in bello grammaticali. Quod si Corneliosus dormire nequit, aptissimum est ut vigilet, sed res non caret dif- ficultate, teste Hippocrates Sect. 2. aphoris. 1. 29. Quod si somno non vinceretur, recipe res congios vini Malvatici, tertio purificati, cum
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152. which, however, he testifies is more rarely practiced in the forum, Gail. 3. observ. 40. n. 34. 26. The middle effect is that it impedes appetite, brings on paleness, wrinkles, taciturnity, extinguishes mirth and all delights, &c. 27. The worst is when the strengthening spirits of the impure force the man into action: As if an ugly nest of death he might weave with a beam from on high. another, no mere poetaster, would thus speak, that he might hang himself. But since we have nothing to do with this kind of Cornelius, we leave it to theologians and jurists to work this out, who think it and make it fester with the wound of an injured conscience. & Juvenal Sat. 1. calls the mind chilled by crimes; nor have the physicians found any antidote except the hempen noose, which they say so greatly chills that it utterly extinguishes this chill. 28. Now, in favor of the sickly afflicted by this pest, we shall add a few contrary things, or remedies, by which this half-spirit is usually driven away; among which we place first and rightly sleep; for he who sleeps, sins not. And this is true reason, not that which Virg. Æneid. 6. asserts, that sleep is the kinsman of death. Although we marvel less at this in Virgil, since he is a poet, that is, a trifler, as is rightly objected to the poet in the grammatical battle. If, however, the Cornelian man cannot sleep, it is most fitting that he stay awake, but the matter is not without difficulty, as Hippocrates bears witness, Sect. 2. aphoris. 1. 29. But if he should not be overcome by sleep, take two congii of Malvasia wine, purified a third time, with
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153. cum pane bis cocto, & misce ut fiat cibus: si parum id juverit, adde sextantem spiritus vini mixti aqua nota: si necdum incalueris, accede ad ignem Terentii calefces plus satis. 30. Nonnulli suadenti recipiendos esse no- vem sacculos, mediæ magnitudinis Joachi- micorum, cum totidem sacculis aureorum, qui misceantur, & fiat permutatio in taber- nis cum rebus quibus indiges. Hic modus fa- nandi tam à Theophrasto, quam à Galeno & Averroë præteritus est, sed nec Dioscorides, nec Vesalius ejus meminerunt, quod mirum est, cum alias viri fuerint doctissimi. 31. Nos verò non tædebit arcanum quippiam communicare, quod à nemine morta- lium literis proditum est, & tamen præsentis- simum juvamen (cupimus enim de omnibus benè mereri) recipe igitur tonnam electri, auri puri, addito complexu virginis, vividi coloris & succi plenæ (sunt enim & aliæ virginum species & utere quoties lubet, non ultra quin- quies in singulas 24. horas, ne nimio suo calo- re laborantem exficcet & languefaciat. 32. Hæc de medela satis, ne quis nos em- piricos aut seplasiarios credat. Nunc dubia quædam de Cornelio subnectemus, à paucis hucusque prodita. 33. Quæstio elegans est, an perpetua mo- rositate laborantes, sicut Areopagitæ illi, qui in Trophoni antro somniasse videntur, quos vulgus Mopsos appellat, Corneliosi nuncupa- ri queant. Nos à negantium partibus stabimus quia rectius murroli vocantur. G 5 34.
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153. with twice-baked bread, and mix so that it becomes food: if that helps little, add a sixth part of wine spirits mixed with water, as noted: if you are still not warmed, go to the fire of Terentius; it will warm you more than enough. 30. Some advise that nine little bags of medium size, of Joachim coins, with as many bags of gold pieces, should be taken and mixed, and an exchange made in the shops for the things you need. This way of divining has been passed over both by Theophrastus and by Galen and Averroes, but neither Dioscorides nor Vesalius made mention of it, which is surprising, since otherwise they were most learned men. 31. But we shall not be unwilling to communicate some secret thing, which has been brought to light in writing by no mortal man, and yet is a most present help (for we wish to deserve well of all): take therefore a ton of electrum, pure gold, adding the embrace of a virgin, of lively color and full of juice (for there are also other kinds of virgins), and use it as often as you wish, no more than five times in each 24 hours, lest by its too great heat it dry up and weaken the sufferer. 32. That is enough about the remedy, lest anyone think us empirics or quack-sellers. Now we shall append certain doubtful points about Cornelius, hitherto reported by few. 33. An elegant question is whether those who suffer from perpetual moroseness, like those Areopagites who seem to have dreamed in the cave of Trophonius, whom the common people call Mopsi, can be called Corneliosi. We shall take the side of those who deny it, because they are more correctly called murroli. G 5 34.
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154. 34. Corneliosum non posse bona conscientia ridere multi adfirmant, quod falsum est, nam conscientia in risu non consistit, sed in corde & animo. 35. Invidum recte dicimus Corneliosum cum omnibus ethicis: toties enim paroxysmus effervescit, quoties cum alio benè agi cernit. Verum qui perpetuo livore turgidus, alios opprimere sedulo conatur, potius virum malum nominari censemus qui una cum Cornelio in Insulam deportetur, ut vocant Jurisconsulti. 36. Qui Cornelio tribulatur, testis esse in judicio utique non cupit, quia non est mentis compos, ac testes tamen habere potest, nec enim propter Cornelium civis esse desinit. 37. Suspendendus an possit Cornelium habere nonnulli ambigunt: Communiter tamen affirmant, id quod & nos credimus contra Palæmonem. 38. Corneliosum posse bonum virum nuncupari probabimus: idque vel eo solo, quod Cornutus. Id est, ejus uxor est communicativa, possit Cornelium habere, cum tamen ipse bonus vir sit, quia patitur, quod multi non paterentur. 39. Cornelium esse spiritum ex humorem natum diximus: sed de sexu quæritur: an Cornelius sit etiam mulier. Nos putamus Cornelium esse generis masculini, sed in foeminis tamen potenter quoque dominari, præsertim in virginibus annosis; in quibus tam alte suas extendit radices, ut etiam in fronte & facie passim promineant. 40. Qui
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154. 34. Many assert that a Corneliosus cannot laugh with a good conscience, which is false, for conscience does not consist in laughter, but in the heart and mind. 35. We rightly call a Corneliosus envious, in agreement with all the ethicists: for his paroxysm boils up as often as he sees another treated well. But one who, swollen with perpetual envy, diligently tries to oppress others, we judge should rather be called a bad man, one who should be deported together with Cornelius to the island, as the Jurisconsults say. 36. He who is afflicted by Cornelius certainly does not wish to be a witness in court, because he is not in his right mind; and yet he may still have witnesses, for he does not cease to be a citizen on account of Cornelius. 37. Some are doubtful whether a hanged man can have Cornelius; nevertheless they commonly affirm it, which we also believe, against Palæmon. 38. We shall prove that a Corneliosus can be called a good man: and this for the very reason that Cornutus. That is, his wife is communicative, he may have Cornelius, and yet he himself is a good man, because he endures what many would not endure. 39. We said that Cornelius is a spirit born from moisture: but the question is of sex, whether Cornelius is also a woman. We think Cornelius is of the masculine gender, yet he also powerfully dominates in women, especially in elderly virgins; in whom he spreads his roots so deeply that they even show forth everywhere upon the forehead and face. 40. Who
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155. 40. Qui insano amore compullus matrimonium promittit, uxorem ducit, & postea nihil habet, quo sibi victum quærat, posse cum Cornelio tactum dici, putamus, sed tamen beneficium impune esuriendi non est ipsi denegandum. 41. Quoties Corneliosus inebriatur, pulchrè dubitatur, an ipse Cornelius ebrietatem sentiat, quod omnino asserendum arbitramur. Videmus enim ebrios Cornelio plerumque non vexari, quod utique non contingeret, nisi Cornelius quoque inebriaretur, ille verè vino delectatus, malitiæque suæ oblitus, hominem tunc lætari sinit usque in crastinum. -------------------------------------------------------- COROLLARIA. I. Grammaticum. AN Cornelius possit declinari? Affirmamus, præterquam in genitivo casu, quem non putamus declinabilem. II. Dialecticum. An Cornelius in homine habeat respectum subjecti occupantis, an subjecti occupati? posterius affirmamus: nam falsum est, quod vulgo dicitur nos habere Cornelium. Nos enim Cornelium non habemus, sed Cornelius nos habet. III. Rhetoricum. Dictum est, suspendendum, posse Corneliosum esse; quaritur, quo tropo hoc dicatur, Respon- G 6 demus
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155. 40. He who, driven by insane love, promises marriage, takes a wife, and afterwards has nothing by which to seek his livelihood, we think can be said to be touched by Cornelius, but nevertheless the benefit of starving with impunity must not be denied even to him. 41. Whenever a Cornelious man gets drunk, it is nicely doubted whether Cornelius himself feels the drunkenness, which we judge must be affirmed absolutely. For we see that drunk men are for the most part not troubled by Cornelius, which certainly would not happen unless Cornelius too were getting drunk, he indeed delighted by wine and forgetful of his own malice, then allows the man to rejoice until the morrow. -------------------------------------------------------- COROLLARIES. I. Grammatical. Whether Cornelius can be declined? We affirm it, except in the genitive case, which we do not think can be declined. II. Dialectical. Whether in man Cornelius has regard to the subject occupying, or to the subject occupied? We affirm the latter: for it is false what is commonly said, that we have Cornelius. For we do not have Cornelius, but Cornelius has us. III. Rhetorical. It was said that it must be suspended, that one could be Cornelious; the question is, by what trope this is said. We answer
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156. deimus per tapinosin seu meiosin, est enim non mediocris extenuatio. IV. Musicum. Cornelius licet per omnes declinabiles casus possit cani, suavissimum tamen in ablativo statuimus, ibi namque vim suam exserit Lydius, teste Cassiodoro 2. variar. 40. V. Arithmeticum. An cadat numerus in Cornelium? negamus, Continetur enim monade: at monas non est numerus, sed numerorum origo, teste Macrobi[us] somn. lib. 2. c. VI. Geometricum. Potesinè Cornelio applicari quod Geometris celebratur bis bina his esse solidum? adfirmamus, quia Cornelius est quadratus, hoc est, rusticus et impudens qui etiam non vocatus et ad invitos venit. VII. Astronomicum. Cui signo conveniat Cornelius, in Zodiaco respondemus, Capricorno per omnia. VIII. Theologicum. An Cornelius in aëre degat inter alios male conciliatos nebulones, respondemus negativè, semper enim cum hominibus versatur. IX. Iuridicum. An Cornelius possit contra Corneliosum agere interdicto uti possidetis. Negamus, quia Cornelius vi possidet, cui non datur hoc interdictum. 1. 1. ß. ult. ff. X. Medicum. An Corneliosus, quatenus Corneliosus est, possit dici Cacochymia laborare: atque sic phle- bore-
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156. we diminish by tapinosis or meiosis, for it is indeed no slight lessening. IV. Musical. Cornelius, although he can be declaimed in all the oblique cases, is nevertheless most pleasing in the ablative; for there the Lydian mode displays its force, as Cassiodorus testifies, 2. Var. 40. V. Arithmetic. Does number fall upon Cornelius? We deny it, for he is contained in the monad; but the monad is not a number, but the source of numbers, as Macrobius testifies, Somn. lib. 2. c. VI. Geometrical. Can that which is celebrated among geometers, that twice two is a solid, be applied to Cornelius? We affirm it, because Cornelius is square, that is, a rustic and shameless man who even when not invited comes to those who do not want him. VII. Astronomical. To which sign Cornelius belongs in the Zodiac we answer: Capricorn in every respect. VIII. Theological. Does Cornelius dwell in the air among other ill- disposed rascals? We answer no; for he always associates with human beings. IX. Legal. Can Cornelius proceed against Corneliosus by the interdict uti possidetis? We deny it, because Cornelius possesses by force, and to him this interdict is not granted. 1. 1. ß. ult. ff. X. Medical. Whether Corneliosus, insofar as he is Corneliosus, can be said to suffer from Cacochymy; and thus phle- boto-
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157. botomiam utiliter adhiberi Negamus, nisi per accidentiam, si nimirum Cornelius tenacior sit. XI. Physicum. Cornelium augmenti et decrementi esse ca- pacem, atque ita subjacere alterationi, arbi- tramur, contra Arist. de generat. et corrupt. lib. 3. c. 33. XII. Metaphysicum. Cornelium esse Ens, putamus, et propterea est in loco, nimirum intra capitisterritorium, ubi etiam jus dicit et accipit. XIII. Philologicum. Dubitatum meminimus, uter sit naturæ prior, ipsene Cornelius, an vero Corneliosus. Hunc esse priorem statuimus, tanquam subje- ctum adjuncto suo. XIV. Politicum. An deceat in benè constituta repub. Cornelio- sos habere, negamus: tunc enim, teste Platone, beata est respub. cum cives sunt beatissimi. At beatus nemo dicitur propriè qui Cornelio affici- tur. Ergo, etc. Si qui igitur cives Cornelium habent, id de facto fieri apparet. XV. Historicum: An Cajus casar cum acceptis vulneribus ve- ste faciem tegeret jam moriturus, sub illa veste Cornelium habuerit, negamus. Est enim hoc Cornelii genus irregulare rectiusque dicitur agrotus esse, qui vulneribus, confectus animam agit. G 7 THE-
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157. We deny that bottomia can be used profitably, except by accident, if Cornelius is indeed more tenacious. XI. Physical. We think that Cornelius is capable of increase and decrease, and thus subject to alteration, contrary to Aristotle, On Generation and Corruption, book 3, ch. 33. XII. Metaphysical. We think that Cornelius is a Being, and therefore he is in a place, namely within the capitis territory, where he also gives and receives law. XIII. Philological. We recall that it was doubted which is prior in nature, Cornelius himself, or Corneliosus. We determine that the former is prior, as the subject is prior to its adjunct. XIV. Political. Whether it is fitting in a well-ordered commonwealth to have Cornelioses, we deny: for then, according to Plato, the commonwealth is blessed when the citizens are most blessed. But no one is properly called blessed who is affected by Cornelius. Therefore, etc. If, then, some citizens have Cornelius, it is evident that this occurs in fact. XV. Historical. Whether Gaius Caesar, when already about to die, covered his face with a garment after receiving wounds, and had Cornelius beneath that garment, we deny. For this kind of Cornelius is irregular, and it is more rightly said that he is sick, who, worn out by wounds, is breathing his last. G 7 THE-
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THEMATA MEDICA, DE BEANORUM, Archibeanorum, Beanulorum & Cornutorum quorumque affectibus & curatione. Ad quæ Præsidente ADMODUM PRÆCELLENTI, Et Exquisito Cornelio Cerasto Cornano Medico & Chirurgo Regio Beanorum, Respondebit CARIOLINUS TEVETIO CRUPENAS.
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MEDICAL TOPICS, ON BEANS, Archibeans, Beanules & Horned Beans, and their afflictions & treatment. To which, under the presidency of THE MOST EXCELLENT, And learned Cornelius Cerastus Cornanus, Royal Physician & Surgeon of the Beans, will respond CARIOLINUS TEVETIO CRUPENAS.
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159. DEPOSITORIBUS ET BEANORUM CHIRURGIS S. I. Um hoc symptoma priscis sæculis ferme ignotum jam in dies magis divulgetur, pluribus etiam adhuc Medicis ignotum male curetur, ita ut ægri sæpe succumbant, aut pejores recidivas patiantur: Operæ præcium duximus, ob publicam utilitatem, ea quæ in praxi jam aliquot annis observavimus, hoc loco proponere, ut tam foedæ luis accuratione pateat natura & curatio. 2. A nomine ideoque rem auspicabimur: Vocantur hi patientes Latinis, ut Ciceroni & Quintiliano Beani, Beanuli, & Archibeani &c è primario symptomate Cornuti, licet distincturi simus in progressu sermonis. Germanis Bacchanten, Pennal, Lanip, Gebörnte, Wilde, quod vix cicurari possint, Geschossene geseln. Græcis Asen licet hoc nimis sit generale. Hebreis cubtacha. Nos autem Grammaticis vocabula linquentes, ad pugnam tam sævi hostis properamus. 3. Beanismus hic definiri potest quod sit symptoma actionis depravatæ facultatis à parentum semine & mala educatione, vel utriusque
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159. DEPOSITORIBUS AND THE SURGEONS OF THE BEANS S. I. Since this symptom, formerly almost unknown in ancient times, is now becoming more widely spread day by day, and is nevertheless badly treated by many physicians who still do not know it, so that the sick often succumb, or suffer worse relapses: we have thought it worthwhile, for the public benefit, to set forth here the things we have observed in practice over the course of some years now, so that by a careful examination of so foul a disease its nature and treatment may become clear. 2. We shall therefore begin with the name: These patients are called, in Latin, as in Cicero and Quintilian, Beani, Beanuli, and Archibeani, etc., from the principal symptom of the Cornuti, though we shall distinguish them as the discussion progresses. By the Germans: Bacchanten, Pennal, Lanip, Gebörnte, Wilde, because they can hardly be tamed, Geschossene geseln. By the Greeks: Asen, although this is too general. By the Hebrews: cubtacha. But we, leaving grammatical terms aside, hasten to the battle against so savage an enemy. 3. Beanism can be defined as a symptom of a perverted action of the faculty arising from the parents’ seed and bad education, or from both
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160. que ortum ducens, & cornibus extra cranium excuntibus, se prodens. 4. Et licet multiplex sit hoc symptoma & varie dividi possit, optima tamen divisio est, in ARCHIBEANOS, BEANOS, & BEANULOS. 5. Archibeani sunt in quibus malum planè inveteratum, & cornua habent plurima, maxima, foedi coloris, emedullata, tertum odo- rem exhalantia, inæqualia, ramosa, dura aspera, quadrata, nigricantia, liventia, longa, curva, & dicuntur POLYCORNES. 6. Beani mitiora quodammodo habent accidentia, cornua ut plurimum bina, eaque media inter utrosque liventia aut flaventia, aliquid habentia medullæ, & dicuntur B I- CORNES. 7. Beanuli cornu unicum saltem habent satis acutum, in medio plerumque frontis, duorum aut trium cubitorum, idque mole, glabrum, rotundum, simplex, recta sursum tendens, subflavi coloris, parum foetens, co- piosæ medullæ, &c. & hi appellantur MO- NOCEROTES. 8. De loco affecto imprimis sollicitos nos esse oportet, nam frustra alias in curatione sudabimus: est autem is cerebrum potissimum, & quidem membrana ipsius dura mater, quæ inde nomen habet, ubi etiam plerumque de- sinit, licet ad radices oculorum quandoque pertigisse referat Doctiss. D. Cajus Caruarius in sua praxi nondum edita fol. 20. 36. 51. 66. Qui quoque suspicatur corneæ tunicæ inde nomen migrasse. 9. Caullæ
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160. which, deriving its origin, and betraying itself by horns emerging outside the cranium. 4. And although this symptom is manifold and can be divided in various ways, the best division nevertheless is into ARCHIBEANS, BEANS, and BEANULES. 5. Archibeans are those in whom the evil is plainly of long standing, and they have many horns, very large, of a foul color, without medulla, exhaling a putrid odor, unequal, branched, hard, rough, quadrangular, blackish, leaden, long, curved, and they are called POLYCORNES. 6. Beans have somewhat milder accidents; most commonly they have two horns, and these midway between the others are leaden or yellowish, having some medulla, and they are called BICORNES. 7. Beanules have at least a single horn, sufficiently sharp, usually in the middle of the forehead, of two or three cubits, and that in size, smooth, round, simple, tending straight upward, of a somewhat yellow color, little offensive, with abundant medulla, &c.; and these are called MONOCEROTES. 8. We ought to be especially concerned about the affected place, for otherwise we shall labor in vain in the treatment: but it is chiefly the brain, and indeed its membrane, the dura mater, which has its name from this, where the matter also usually ends, although Dr. Cajus Caruarius in his unpublished practice, fol. 20, 36, 51, 66, reports that it has sometimes extended to the roots of the eyes. He also suspects that from this the name of the corneal tunic has migrated. 9. Caullæ
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161. 9. Caussæ hujus affectus multiplices, Aër sylvestris & obscurus qualis est in scholis particularibus, ut sunt Lavingana, Lyncensis &c. Item, Dolpelhusensis, Bubendorfensis, Stockfischhusensis. Pickelhæringensis, aliquibus in locis Bataviæ, Sueviæ, & adhuc Misniæ, Grimæ & Portæ. Item, Halæ, Magdeburgæ, Brunsvigæ, Hildesiæ, Amstelodami, Stetini, Lubecæ, Bremæ, Paderbornæ, Sauwfurti, Scierfurti, Hasfurti, Servedæ, Breslaviæ, Ambergæ, Nabburgi, Dusseldorpi, Ultrajecti. 10. Apud varios varii cibi in causa sunt, & quidem ii qui crassum imo crassissimum generant succum, ut carnes animalium cornutorum, asinorum, asellorum marinorum: panis item scholasticus, caseus putri fus præsertim der Hasenkasz den die alten Weiber verkauffen, fabæ & legumina reliqua, unde perspectus Pythagoras suos discipulos arcebat à fabis, cerevilia, &c. 11. Motus etiam hic recensendus. Nam videmus eos qui vagantes, cantantes, cursitantes, vociferantes, balantes, bacchantes clamitantes, vorantes, potantes, ingurgitanes, mendicantes, hiantes, boantes, in curta tunica saltantes, nullum angulum intactum relinquunt, hoc malo potissimum detineri, urgeri, torqueri. Sive contra, quia in claustris, carceribus, cellis, ergastulis, angulis, cameris scholasticis tanquam pistrinis, mille repagulis, compedibus, vincti, catenati, serrati, ligati, servati, ob inopiam aëris purioris in hunc
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161. 9. The causes of this ailment are many: a forest-like and gloomy air, such as is found in certain schools, as at Lavinga, Lyncensis, etc. Likewise at Dolpelhusen, Bubendorf, Stockfischhusen, Pickelhäringen, in some places of Batavia, Swabia, and also in Misnia, Grimma, and Porta. Also at Halle, Magdeburg, Brunswick, Hildesheim, Amsterdam, Stettin, Lübeck, Bremen, Paderborn, Schweinfurt, Schärfurt, Haßfurt, Serveda, Breslau, Amberg, Nabburg, Düsseldorf, Utrecht. 10. With various people various foods are to blame, namely those which produce thick, indeed very thick, humors, such as the flesh of horned animals, of donkeys, of sea-asses; also scholastic bread, cheese of rotten whey, especially the Hasenkasz which the old women sell, beans and the rest of the legumes, from which, as was well known, Pythagoras kept his disciples away from beans, cereals, etc. 11. Motion must also be counted here. For we see that those who are wandering, singing, running about, shouting, bleating, rioting, crying out, devouring, drinking, guzzling, begging, gaping, bawling, dancing in a short tunic, leaving no corner untouched, are especially held fast, pressed, and tormented by this illness. Or, on the other hand, because they are shut up in cloisters, prisons, cells, workhouses, corners, schoolrooms, as in mills, with a thousand barriers, fetters, chains, bolts, bonds, kept and secured, owing to the lack of purer air, into this
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162. hunc affectum prolabuntur, aut prolapsi confirmantur. 12. Somnus & hoc loco aliquid potest. Qui enim ex iis glires agunt, magis divexantur, ut noctu hiantes, ronchantes, sternutantes, furzantes, cachantes, schnarchantes, &c. Hiantibus præsertim magis periculi subest, noctu enim animalcula, ut cimices, pulices, culices, tineæ, vespertiliones os intrantes, irreptantes, permerdantes, & mentem perturbantes, divexantes, subtile serum exsiccantes, & mala alia excientes, misellos hosce asellos misellè excruciant, & dilaniant. Idem quoque de vigilia esto judicium. 13. Excreta & retenta suum quoque in hoc affectu locum habent. Dum enim pulverem scholasticum absorbent, deglutiunt, imbibunt, attrahunt, retinent, coquunt, assimilant, apponunt, magnum cornibus fulcrum addunt: ita etiam bono quoque alimento excluso & excreto fæces sibi reservant, & sui infortunii auctores exsistunt. Ex pathematis sunt ira beanina, timor fur den wilden Grosz vätren und für den schlüsseln ut & virgis & alapis des grossen Schulfuchses, qui Archibeanorum omnium est pater, avus, abavus, atavus, proavus, uhr, uhr, uhr, grosz Altvatter und Rabbi, Khimmel. Pavor, moestitia, horror, rigor, perturbatio mentis; frustrati amores, quos sequitur Desperatio asinina. 14. Proxima causa est lac maternum, mala educatio: Undecrassi exhalantes fumi mentis sedem occupant, quos dum frustra natura ex- pel-
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162. into this condition they slip, or having slipped, they are confirmed in it. 12. Sleep also has some effect in this place. For those from among them who act as dormice are more troubled, as when at night they yawn, snore, sneeze, fart, laugh, schnarch, etc. Those who yawn are especially in greater danger, for at night little animals, such as bugs, fleas, mosquitoes, moths, bats, entering the mouth, creeping in, befouling it, and disturbing the mind, harassing it, drying up the subtle serum, and bringing forth other evils, miserably torment and tear in pieces these poor little donkeys. The same judgment applies also to waking. 13. Excretions and retentions also have their place in this affection. For while they absorb the scholastic dust, swallow it, imbibe it, draw it in, retain it, cook it, assimilate it, add it on, and add a great support to the horns: so also, excluding and discharging good nourishment, they keep feces reserved for themselves, and become the authors of their own misfortune. From the passions are rage beanina, fear fur den wilden Grosz vätren und für den schlüsseln ut & virgis & alapis des grossen Schulfuchses, who is the father, grandfather, great-grandfather, great-great-grandfather, ancestor, uhr, uhr, uhr, the great old father and Rabbi, Khimmel, of all the Archbeanæ. Fear, sadness, horror, rigidity, disturbance of the mind; frustrated loves, which are followed by asinine Despair. 14. The proximate cause is mother’s milk, bad upbringing: whence thick exhaled fumes occupy the seat of the mind, which while nature in vain drives out
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163. pellere conatur tandem in duram & corneam substantiam convertens eam extra cerebrum foras protrudit. 15. Signa. Primo prodit se intuitu Beanus, cornua enim gerit satis manifesta & conspicua extra pileum protuberantium, pulsus ipsi magnus, vehemens, celer, durus, plenus, frequens, inæqualis inæqualiter, bis vel sæpius feriens, ferratus, caprisans omnium frequentissimus apparet. Urina crassa, turbida, cruenta, foeculenta instar jumentorum cornutorum plurima, foetida & grave olens, rubra, imo etiam nigricans, vel viridis, spumans in qua volitant ranæ, cantharides, lacertæ, vespertiliones, scorpiones, subsident spectra, capripedes, capræ saltantes, draco volans, grandines, &c. Inveniuntur etiam ramenta cornuum, capita leporina, flatus retenti sursum tendentes, nolæ quæ pugni magnitudinem ferme æquant, & id genus alia tonitruatorvis tuetur oculis, juxta illud torva tuentibus hircis, frons ipsi simiæ aut asini, capilli recti, rigidi, crassi, wie ein Pfenning stricke, impexi, qui findi possunt in 4. 3. 6. 7. & plures partes: caput quadrangulare, nigricans exustum, calidissimum, durissimum, distortum, acutum, os lividum, instar proboscidis elephanti, dentes aprini, prominentes, prælongi, crassi, oculi cyclopici, aures leporinæ, surdæ, collum picis instar niveum, barba aut nulla aut schustralis, inculta, squalens, horrentibus aspera dumis, nares curvæ aquilinæ kumpffig wie die schafnasen, spirantes avernum, ex halan- tes
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163. it finally tries to drive it out, converting it into a hard and horn-like substance and thrusting it outside the brain. 15. Signs. At first he reveals himself at a glance as a Beanus, for he bears horns quite manifest and conspicuous, protruding beyond the cap; the pulse itself is large, violent, quick, hard, full, frequent, irregularly irregular, striking twice or even more often, ferruginous, caprisant, and appears most frequent of all. The urine is thick, turbid, bloody, feculent like that of horned beasts, very abundant, foul and strong-smelling, red, indeed even blackish or green, foaming, in which frogs, cantharides, lizards, bats, scorpions fly about, phantoms settle down, goat-feet, jumping goats, a flying dragon, hailstones, etc. There are also found filings of horns, rabbit heads, retained winds tending upward, bells which nearly equal the size of a fist, and other such things are borne before the eyes by thunderous force, according to the saying, "with goat-staring eyes"; his forehead is like that of an ape or a donkey, the hair straight, stiff, thick, like a penny cord, matted, which may be parted into 4, 3, 6, 7, or more sections; the head quadrangular, blackened as if burned, very hot, very hard, distorted, sharp; the mouth livid, like an elephant's trunk; the teeth of a boar, prominent, very long, thick; the eyes cyclopic; the ears like a hare's, deaf; the neck, white like that of a magpie; the beard either none at all or a schustralis one, unkempt, filthy, bristling with rough thistles; the nostrils curved, aquiline, kumpffig, like sheep's noses, breathing out hell, exhaling
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164. tes Mephytim, facies plane Æsopica, Thersitica, Marcolphica: corpus denique totum, Monstrum horrendum, informe, ingens, cui lumen ademptum. 16. Signa alia moralia maxime hîc notari debent: incessus ciconialis secundum tabulaturam Belgicam, hinc inde nutans, gradus grallatorius, interdum testudineus vel formicinus, interdum velocissimus. Pallium etiam habent ægri ab uno latere dependens, quando domo exeunt pallium non statim applicant, sed postquam jam aliquot stadia vel jugera fuerunt emensi, de brachio, in quo instar virginis puerum recens natum baptismo deportantis, ante gestarunt, deponunt; & scapulas suas latas, ventrem sesquipede exstantem, abdomen insaturabilem, turgidum, inexplebile tegunt. Palliis se quandoque involvunt, seu subcingunt inprimis cum ex Galliis veniunt, vel in nundinis Francofurtensibus Gallum viderunt. Ligulas circa collum pendentes aëri exponunt. Oculos habent Vranoscopi, manus gesticulationes histrionicas exercentes wie andere Fabelhansen und cornuti Vettern, vociferationibus, coaxationibus, mugitu, rugitu, grunnitu, gannitu, boatu, balatu, latratu, ceu rustici temulenti implent omnia templa, plateas, ædes, hospitia, cubicula, popinas, latrinas, fana, fora, quatuor mundi Elementa, imo coelum infernum & purgatorium, Limbum Sanctorum Patrum, summa quasi Iovi & Plutoni insultantes. Canum etiam instar ipso meridie quemvis murum per- min-
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164. the Mephitic ones, faces plainly Aesopic, Thersitic, Marcolphic; the whole body, in short, a monstrous horror, shapeless, huge, with its light taken away. 16. Other moral signs must especially be noted here: a stork-like gait, according to the Belgian table, swaying this way and that, a strutting step, sometimes tortoise-like or ant-like, sometimes exceedingly swift. The sick also have a cloak hanging down from one side; when they go out from the house they do not immediately put on the cloak, but after they have already covered several stadia or jugera, they take it off the arm on which, like a virgin carrying a newborn child for baptism, they had first borne it, and they cover their broad shoulders, their foot-and-a-half-protruding belly, their abdomen insatiable, swollen, inexhaustible. At times they wrap themselves in cloaks, or gird themselves with them, especially when they come from France, or have seen a Frenchman at the Frankfurt fairs. They expose the laces hanging around their neck to the air. They have eyes like Vranoscopi, hands performing theatrical gesticulations, like other fable-mongers and horned cousins, they fill everything with outcries, croakings, lowings, roarings, grunting, yelping, shouting, bleating, barking, like drunken peasants: all churches, streets, houses, lodgings, rooms, taverns, latrines, shrines, marketplaces, the four elements of the world, indeed heaven, hell, and purgatory, the Limbo of the Holy Fathers, as if insulting Jupiter and Pluto themselves. Like dogs also at high noon, any wall they urinate upon...
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165. mingunt, præclari Diogenis Cynici imitato- res, O MORES! O RES! 27. Nimis adhuc parum diximus, ipsorum modestia plane est immodesta, gregatim volant ut grues: catervatim discurrunt ut sues: mores ipsorum in mensa horrores aliorum, canini, vola utraque illota (nam certis anni temporibus pro sua devotione & superstitiosa religione lavant) manibus pro cochleari utuntur: os cibis & bollis infractum & gravatum clamitationibus dissendunt, quasi essent in balneo, muscas carnibus, caseis panibus & patinis insidentes, veluti Iustitiæ cultores singulari dexteritate ipsis solummodo propria Cyclopice, miserabiliter, horribiliter, immaniter jugulant, decollant, excruciant, exenterant, exossant, trucidant, dissecant, discindunt, diffundunt, diffingunt. Utroque cubito tanquam firmis fulcris, aut Herculeanis (plus ultra) columnis innituntur, perforant orbes, quadras, cochlearia, boream naribus spirant, diductis hinc inde labiis resonando vorantes sues Bavaricos & Bohemicos imitantur. Et ad summam, deglutiendo tantam molem adsumunt, ut si nova comparemus antiquis, ipsum Milonem Crotoniatem oporteret manere domi. 28. Doctrina pollent tam excellenti & multiloqua, ut in minimo ne cedant antiquis, veteres Philosophos licet nunquam viderint tam exacte tenent ut quamvis tyrones cum emeritis tamen pugnare ausint. Idem de reliquis esto judicium. Tot compendia, tot me- tho-
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165. pissing, worthy imitators of the celebrated Diogenes the Cynic, O MANNERS! O THINGS! 27. We have said still too little; their very modesty is plainly immodest. They fly in flocks like cranes; they run about in hordes like swine. Their behavior at table is a horror to others: dog-like, both hands unwashed (for at certain seasons, out of devotion and superstitious religion, they wash them), they use their hands instead of spoons. With mouths broken and burdened with food and drink they split the air with shouts, as though they were in a bath. Flies settling on meats, cheeses, breads, and dishes, they, as though champions of Justice, with a singular dexterity proper to themselves alone, in Cyclopean fashion, miserably, horribly, savagely slaughter, behead, torture, disembowel, unbone, butcher, cut to pieces, tear apart, scatter, and destroy. Leaning on both elbows as on firm supports, or rather on Herculean pillars, they pierce platters, squares, and spoons; breathing north wind through their nostrils, with lips drawn apart on either side they imitate Bavarian and Bohemian swine, swallowing with a resounding noise. And, in a word, by swallowing they take in such a mass that, if we were to compare the moderns with the ancients, Milo of Croton himself would have to stay at home. 28. They excel in learning so outstanding and so verbose that in the least they do not yield to the ancients; though they have never seen the old philosophers, they hold them so exactly that even as novices they dare to fight with veterans. Let the same judgment be made of the rest. So many expedients, so many metho-
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166. thodos, tot denique inveniunt nova, inauditæ, inusitata, mirabunda, ut antiquitatem obscurare videantur, Sed interim tamen perpetuas lites agunt cum Prisciano & Ælio, proh DEUM: Non mihi si lingua centum sint oraque centum, Ferrea vox, omnes Bacchantum scribere formas Sufficerent. 19. Amant quin etiam, quod mirum: an amentur, dubitamus satis: Interim tamen acquirunt aut quærunt potius amorem variis modis, inter quos: Chytara schustralis, est omni tempore talis; Qualis Bacchantum, magna cum voce balantium. Insuper canunt ad numeros & saltant per plateas, tantummodo cum Beanis conversantur, similis enim gaudet simili secundum versum. Cornua fer tecum, si vis colludere mecum. 20. Ne cornua omnibus appareant, pileum, tametsi honestum virum prætereant non detrahunt, si ab aliis detrahatur, illi modicè extrema tangunt, cornibus suis parcunt & gravitatis Beanicæ specimina edunt. Imò magis fugiunt honoratum virum quam Diabolus, quod ajunt, crucem, & aquam lustralem, aut annosam vetulam. 21. Cum diutius hæseriums in signis, prognostica breviora facimus. Sciendum itaque Archibeanos esse incurabiles. De Beania rem esse iubricam. Beanulos autem bene curari posse. Incipiunt autem cornua foras exire circa tempus pubertatis & post vigesimum primum vix eradicari possunt. 22. Et
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166. in every case they find new things, unheard of, unusual, marvelous, so that they seem to obscure antiquity. But in the meantime they still wage perpetual quarrels with Priscian and Aelius, by God: If I had a hundred tongues and a hundred mouths, a voice of iron, not all the forms of the Bacchantes would suffice for me to write them. 19. They even love, which is strange: whether they are loved, we doubt enough; meanwhile, however, they acquire or rather seek love in various ways, among which: Chytara schustralis is at all times such; like the Bacchantes, with a great bleating voice. Moreover they sing to rhythm and dance through the streets, and associate only with Beanis, for like rejoices in like, according to the verse: Cornua fer tecum, si vis colludere mecum. 20. So that the horns may not appear to everyone, they wear a cap, although they do not remove it from an honest man who passes by; if it is removed by others, they touch only the edges lightly, spare their own horns, and give examples of Beanic gravity. Indeed they flee an honorable man more than the Devil, as they say, the cross, and holy water, or an old, ancient hag. 21. Since we have lingered longer in the signs, we make shorter prognostications. It must therefore be known that Archibeans are incurable. The matter of Beania is slippery. But Beanules can be treated well. Their horns begin, however, to come out around the time of puberty, and after the twenty-first year can scarcely be uprooted. 22. And
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167. 22. Et ne quis ridiculum existimet symptoma hoc incurabile esse, afferamus aliquot historias, quæ exstant apud supra citatum ornatiss. doctiss. & fide dignum Cajum Cornarium Centuria curationum 28. lib. 99, fol. 2. 16 3. 8. 9. 5. 1. 29. 23. Primus patrum nostrorum memoria vixit Lobedæ, ibidem scholæ minister, laborans hoc affectu, qui à Medicis omnibus pro desperato relictus misere obiit, cujus hoc exstat Epitahium. Heus tu qui præteris, gradum Siste, considera fatum, Nefandum, miserabile, Durum, inexorabile Iohannes ins musz, genus Qui natus est in Hornerlandt Hic dum vellet deponere Cornua, præ magno onere. Propter ingentes moeores, Et maximos dolores. Mortuus est, et jacet in pace, Iam abi domum mox, et Tace. B. ANNOS. XL. M. II. D. V. V III. O. ANNO. M. D. C LI. VI. IUL. II. 24. Exstat & aliud Lavingæ cujusdam, qui post mille dolores miserè obiit ob putrescentia cornua & vermium in cavitate ipsorum multitudinem enatorum, hoc modo: Hier ligt begraben Kasz und Brodt, Den hat ermordt der bitter Todt, Dieweil er gelitten grosse Noht, An
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167. 22. And lest anyone should think this bizarre symptom incurable, let us bring forward a few histories, which are found in the above-cited most distinguished, most learned, and trustworthy Cajus Cornarius, Centuria Curationum 28, lib. 99, fol. 2. 16 3. 8. 9. 5. 1. 29. 23. The first, in the memory of our fathers, lived at Lobedæ, there a schoolmaster, suffering from this affection, who, abandoned as hopeless by all the physicians, died miserably, of whom this epitaph remains. Heus tu qui præteris, gradum Siste, considera fatum, Nefandum, miserabile, Durum, inexorabile Iohannes ins musz, genus Qui natus est in Hornerlandt Hic dum vellet deponere Cornua, præ magno onere. Propter ingentes moeores, Et maximos dolores. Mortuus est, et jacet in pace, Iam abi domum mox, et Tace. B. ANNOS. XL. M. II. D. V. V III. O. ANNO. M. D. C LI. VI. IUL. II. 24. There is also another, a certain Lavingæ, who after a thousand pains died miserably because of rotting horns and the multitude of worms bred in the cavity of them, in this manner: Hier ligt begraben Kasz und Brodt, Den hat ermordt der bitter Todt, Dieweil er gelitten grosse Noht, An
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168. An seinen Hörneren ohne Spott, Sie seind gewesen gantz Blutroht, Und haben gestuncken wie ein Koht, Darzu gewogen wol tausendt Loht, Den wolt beklagen, er ist Todt, 25. Hoc nuper cuidam positum est. BEANE. QUI PRÆTERIS. LEGE. ET. FRATRIS. FACTUM. DOLE. ARCHIBEANIS. S. Natura quæ donaverat Cornua, non volui Deponere, sed renui Opem juvantis Medici: O miser et me perdidi Post Putrefactis cornibus Et intus natis vernibus Summo dolore perii. Cave Lector, cave tibi Nunc mortuus hic jaceo Exemplum, quamvis taceo Rogo, velis deponere. Ut releveris onere. 26. Meminimus quoque nos legisse hoc Epitaphium Cerasti Archibeani, Herbornæ in coemiterio Cornutorum. Si non fuissem arrogans Et Cornuum non peramans Non essem esca vermibus Et mortuus cum cornibus, Quare quicunque præteris si
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168. On his horns, without mockery, they had become entirely blood-red, and had stunk like dung, besides weighing well a thousand Lot, him one would lament, he is dead, 25. This was recently set for someone. BEANE. YOU WHO PASS BY. READ. AND. OF THE. BROTHER'S. DEED. GRIEVE. OF THE ARCHIBEAN. Nature, which had given horns, I would not lay them down, but refused the aid of the assisting physician: O wretch, and I destroyed myself after the horns had rotted and worms had grown within them, I perished in the greatest pain. Beware, reader, beware for yourself. Now I lie here dead. An example, though I am silent, I ask that you, if you will, lay them down, so that you may be relieved of the burden. 26. We also remember having read this epitaph of Cerastus Archibeanus, at Herborn in the cemetery of the horned. If I had not been arrogant and not overly fond of horns, I would not be food for worms and dead with horns; therefore, whoever passes by,
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169. Si istum hominem sequeris Ne cornu rogo teneas Et sicut ego pereas. 27. Hoc præterita septimana mihi missum ab amico, positum est cuidam vere mortuo gymnasio Stetinensi, Bremensi. Hic conditur Tremellius Cum grossiculo nasiculo Superbus decem cornibus Quadrato conditorio Nam qui quadratis cornibus Quadrata fronte & pedibus Quadrata lingua & auribus. Et qui quadrato ore Et qui quadrata voce Quadratis adest vermibus. Abi homo vidisti mirabunda Si te manes quadrati audiant Quadratis cornibus te projiciant. 28. Ut igitur his omisus ad curam nos convertamus, tres hosti phalanges objiciemus, Diatam, Pharmaciam & Chirurgiam. Aër eligendus purus, subtilis, lucidus, à Beanorum sylvis, collegis, latibulis, antris, casis, turguriis valde remotus. Imprimus laudatur ille qui est Ingolstadii, Helmstadii, Jenæ, Lipsiæ, Marpurgi, Heidelbergæ, Francofurti, Coloniæ, Wittebergæ & similibus in locis, Huicaëri, modo consultum sibi velint, aliquot annis assuescant, necessum est. Cibus sit tenuis, concoctu facilis imprimis medicamentosus ut inferius in Pharmacia dicetur, poterunt etiam singulis diebus ter pro- H pi-
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169. If you follow this man, do not hold by the horn, I pray, and perish as I do. 27. This, sent to me last week by a friend, has been placed upon a certain truly dead gymnasium of Stettin, Bremen. Here Tremellius is buried With a little broad nose Proud with ten horns In a square tomb For those who have square horns Square in forehead and feet Square in tongue and ears. And who has a square mouth And who has a square voice Square worms attend him. Away, man, you have seen marvels If the square shades hear you May they cast you out with square horns. 28. Since therefore, these omitted, we turn to care, we shall set three battalions against the enemy: Diet, Pharmacy, and Surgery. Let the air be chosen pure, subtle, clear, far from bean woods, colleges, hiding places, caves, huts, and small cottages. Above all that air is praised which is at Ingolstadt, Helmstedt, Jena, Leipzig, Marburg, Heidelberg, Frankfurt, Cologne, Wittenberg, and similar places; as to this air, provided they wish it to be consulted for them, it is necessary that they become accustomed to it for some years. Let the food be light, easy of digestion, above all medicinal, as shall be said below in Pharmacy; they may also every day thrice pro- H pi-
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170. pinari ursæ item canes villosi, morosi, rabiosi, ut molossus, Hylax, lycisca, atrocreati ex fa- rina fuliginosa subacto inclusa. Oder den Eu- lenspiegel in einem gälben Bruhe. Potus parcus vinum aquosum, lautum, conventum, ra- strum, Junker, Guckguck, Klappit, Glatsch, Notetur hic versiculus Lipsii. Eijn Topff scherpentum, Zwem rastrum spanque conventum. Aqua in qua caudæ murinæ, aures lepo- rinæ, podex atque ungues asini sunt decocta. Vino primo anno curæ omnino abstineant, sub finem primi & ineunte secundo confortatio- nis loco in prandio parum concedatur. Tertio mediocriter admittatur. Nam non convenit ipsis antequam corpus à cruditatibus scholasti- cis sit bene purificatum, Beanos enim: Vina parant asinos faciuntque hos fustibus aptos. 31. Somnus, vigilia, motus & quies me- diocria omnia. 32. In excretis & retentis maxime studeant Retentioni, taceant scilicet, audiant studiosos, silentium Pythagoricum observent, nec quic- quam nisi bene noverint, effutiant & excernant. 33. Pathemata animi fugiant supradicta. Conceduntur ipsis humilitas, humanitas observantiæ erga Studiosos, dicendi studium, & diligentia, obtrectationes & objurgationes aliorum modeste audiant, & secundum has vitia sua paulatim emendent. 34. Tria proposita nobis habemus, sub- tractionem humoris morbifici, ablationem cor-
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170. pine-cone bear, also shaggy, peevish, rabid dogs, such as the molossus, Hylax, lycisca, black-bred from soot-colored flour kneaded in and enclosed. Or the Eulenspiegel in a yellow broth. A sparing drink: watery wine, washed, conventum, ra- strum, Junker, Guckguck, Klappit, Glatsch, Let here be noted a little verse of Lipsius. A pot sharpentum, Zwem rastrum spanque conventum. Water in which mouse tails, rabbit ears, the anus, and the hooves of a donkey have been boiled. Let them abstain entirely from wine in the first year of care; toward the end of the first and the beginning of the second year, as a strengthening measure, a little may be allowed at dinner. In the third year it may be admitted in moderation. For it is not fitting for them before the body has been well purified from scholastic crudities; for bean-eaters: Wines make asses and make these fit for cudgels. 31. Sleep, wakefulness, motion, and rest in all things moderate. 32. In excretions and retentions let them chiefly attend to retention; that is, let them keep silent, listen to the studious, observe Pythagorean silence, and utter and excrete nothing except what they know well. 33. Let them avoid the aforementioned passions of the mind. Humility, humanity, respect toward the studious, zeal for speaking, and diligence are allowed to them; let them modestly hear the slanders and rebukes of others, and according to these gradually correct their own faults. 34. We have three goals proposed to us: the removal of the morbific humor, the removal of the cor-
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cornuum & denique confortationem cerebri. Quod ut melius assequamur, crassos primum attenuabimus & præparabimus humores ut syr. de axungia rotæ, syr. de specillis, syr. de sagittis, syr. de falce messoria, syr. de nova- cula, qui omnes in nostris officinis præparati habentur. Imprimis autem convenit syrupus de multiplici infusione fustium simplex, vel qui melior est compositus, qui aromatisetur claviculis ferreis. q. s. Exhibeantur cum deco- cto ferularum, Brusci, paliuri. Herbæ post coctionem, vel quod melius, recentes capiti arctissimè applicentur & alligentur, habent enim singularem vim in digerenda materia crassa & emolliendis cornibus. Dosis syrupo- rum pro Medici judicio ad ægri tolerantiam augeri minuive possunt. 35. Purgabitur optime materia præparata pilulis de baccis ovinis, asininis, globis equi- nis, suillis, quadris vaccinis, de dumis, fu- stibus, rastris, vomere, bidente, tridente. Pi- lulæ quæ ore saltem retentæ vehementer & mire purgant ex præsegminibus ungularum equinarum, corii, stercore columbino, anse- rino, felino, canino, &c. Veteramenta & cor- rigia calceamenti trochiscata. Commendan- tur præ reliquis pil. de ligno buxi, pinastris, ilicis, abietis, tormentur ad magnitudinem ju- glandis, deglutiantur singulis mane nume- ro x x x v. plus minusve. Si æger aversetur, conchyliis involvat, aut visco obducat, asper- so pulvere nostro cordiali, de quo alibi ci- ximus. H 2 36.
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of the horns and, finally, strengthening of the brain. To achieve this better, we shall first attenuate and prepare the thick humors with syrups such as syrup of axle-grease, syrup of specilli, syrup of arrows, syrup of the reaping-sickle, syrup of the razor, all of which are prepared in our workshops. Above all, however, the syrup of simple multiple infusion of sticks is suitable, or, better still, the compound one, which is to be aromatized with iron little-claws, q.s. Let them be given with a decoction of ferula, butcher’s broom, and paliurus. The herbs, after boiling, or, better still, when fresh, should be applied very tightly to the head and bound on; for they have a singular power in digesting thick matter and softening horns. The dose of the syrups may, at the physician’s judgment, be increased or reduced according to the patient’s tolerance. 35. The prepared matter will be purged best with pills made from sheep berries, ass berries, horse balls, pig’s, cow squares, of brambles, sticks, rakes, plowshare, two-pronged fork, three-pronged fork. Pills which, if merely held in the mouth, purge violently and wonderfully, are made from the cuttings of horse hooves, leather, pigeon dung, goose dung, cat dung, dog dung, etc. Old rags and shoe-straps made into troches. Above all others are recommended pills made from boxwood, pine shoots, holly, fir; they are to be made the size of a walnut and swallowed each morning, thirty-five in number, more or less. If the patient shuns them, wrap them in shells, or coat them with wax, sprinkled with our cordial powder, of which we have spoken elsewhere. H 2 36.
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172. 36. Generalibus præmissis, speciales succedunt evacuationes, quæ fiant Errhinis, sternutatoriis, nasaliis, Apophlegmatismis, masticatoriis ex sicubus equinis, radice liripipii, radicibus a, b, c, d, cranium, caudis murinis, glirinis, bovinis, vaccinis, leporinis, ovinis, relinis, cervinis, caprinis, cancrinis, mustellinis, leoninis, camelinis, elephantinis, talpinis, agninis, aprinis, arietinis, caballinis, hircinis, hædinis, lupinis, vulpinis, porcinis, taurinis, vervecinis, ursinis, vitulinis. Imo & rostris avinis, accipitrinis, aquilinis, anatinis, anserinis, columbinis, corvinis, cuculinis, sicedulinis, gracculinis, grumis, gryphinis, merulinis, milvinis, palumbinis, pardalinis, passerinis, sturninis, vulturinis. 37. Nec parum laudantur gargarismata ex decoctione albi græci, medullæ intestini recti animalium ruminantium, ut vaccarum, boum, &c. Decoquantur ad tertias, dulcerentur felle lucii piscis, murenæ, canis marini hippotami Indici. 38. His ita peractis in revulsionibus magna spes posita est, quæ fiunt compedibus, verberibus, virgis, alapis, pene bovis exsiccato & subula bene longa condito, Mit einen Ochsenfiesel, flagellis, fustibus, laqueis nauticis, clavis Herculeanis, rastris, venabulis & similibus ingeniis, quæ prudenti Medico committimus. 39. Cornua jam antequam eradicantur emollienda erunt, quantum fieri potest, medicamentis emollientibus, quorum quædam supra
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172. 36. General evacuations having been premised, the special ones follow, which are made by errhines, sternutatories, nasal remedies, apophlegmatisms, masticatories from dried horse dung, the root of the liripipe, roots a, b, c, d, the skull, tails of mice, dormice, oxen, cows, hares, sheep, rheas, deer, goats, crabs, weasels, lions, camels, elephants, moles, lambs, boars, rams, horses, he-goats, kids, wolves, foxes, pigs, bulls, wethers, bears, calves. Nay, even with the beaks of fowls, hawks, eagles, ducks, geese, pigeons, crows, cuckoos, sciedules, jackdaws, cranes, griffins, blackbirds, kites, wood pigeons, leopards, sparrows, starlings, vultures. 37. Gargles are also highly praised, made from a decoction of white Greek, the marrow of the rectum of ruminant animals, such as cows, oxen, etc. Boil down to one-third; let them be sweetened with the bile of the pike fish, of the muraena, of the sea dog, of the Indian hippopotamus. 38. These things being thus performed, great hope is placed in revulsions, which are made with fetters, scourges, rods, slaps, with the dried penis of an ox and inserted with a very long awl, with an ox-fizzle, whips, clubs, nooses for sailors, Herculean nails, rakes, hunting-spears, and similar devices, which we commit to the prudent physician. 39. The horns, even before they are eradicated, should be softened as much as possible with softening medicines, some of which above
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173. supra recensuimus, præsertim commendatur penis bovinus supradicto modo præparatus, & ante cibum, vel etiam sæpius applicatus summa vi & industria, vicem quoque ejus supplere possunt mallei majores fabrorum, ligna decem pedes longa, quatuor crassa, singula ferro aromatizata, libræ tres qua- tuorve plumbi si o crasso adpensæ & applicatæ, &c. poterit etiam caput incudi submitti aut prælo includi ad horas 5. aut 6. Pileo- lum seu cucupham si adhiberi opus sit, fiat ex 90. aut 100. libris plumbi, intus obducatur pelle histricis aut erinacei, applicetur singulis mane per horas 3. aut 4. æger abstineat à somno, laboribus, & domi maneat nec sedens, nec jacens, sed stans potius, vel cubito innitens. 40. Et jam tempus accerrimum aggrediendi hostem. Ægro manibus post terga revinctis ut & pedibus, caput inter binas antenas tam arctè collocetur, ne id movere possit, cui genibus nitenti debita ratione chirurgus terra primo majores ramos, dein dolabra & lima si opus sit, reliquias aufert. 41. Si vero possit, quod melius erit, ablata pelle & nudato cranio forcipe radices funditus extrahat, vel aqua forti absumat, ne quid reliquum maneat, quod vicissim expullulare possit. 32. His peractis ferramento candente, si malum inveteratum sit radices perurat, ne recrescant, salem sapientiæ ori imponat, habet enim hic mirabilem virtutem & prohibet, H 3 ne
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173. especially recommended above all the others is bullock’s penis prepared in the aforesaid manner, and applied before meals, or even more frequently; with the greatest force and diligence, larger smiths’ hammers may also serve in its place, or pieces of wood ten feet long, four inches thick, each ironed over, with three or four pounds of lead hung and applied to the thick end, etc.; the head may also be subjected to the anvil or enclosed in a press for 5 or 6 hours. If a little cap or skullcap should need to be used, let it be made from 90 or 100 pounds of lead, lined inside with the skin of a porcupine or hedgehog, and applied daily for 3 or 4 hours in the morning; let the patient refrain from sleep, from labor, and stay at home, neither sitting nor lying down, but rather standing, or leaning on the elbow. 40. And now it is time to attack the enemy most vigorously. With the patient’s hands bound behind his back, and likewise his feet, the head should be placed so tightly between two bars, that he cannot move it; while he strains with his knees, the surgeon shall duly remove the larger branches first with earth, then with a mattock and file if need be, the remnants. 41. But if it can be done, which will be better, after the skin has been removed and the skull exposed, let him pull out the roots completely with forceps, or consume them with aqua fortis, so that nothing may remain, which in turn could sprout up again. 32. When these things have been done, let him burn the roots with a heated iron if the evil be long-standing, so that they may not grow again; let him place the salt of wisdom on the mouth, for it has a marvelous power and prevents, H 3 ne
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174. ne radices putrescentes cerebro noceant, putrefactas quin etiam fortiter expellit & naturam pristinæ restituit integritati: cui adjungi quoque debet vinum capiti infusum, quod eadem facit. 43. Hoc loco annotandum est, quibusdam etiam maximum dentem, Beaninum dictum, molestum esse, qui easdem habet causas & naturam ut cornua, quem simili modo dexter curabit Chirurgus. 44. Post ablationem in lecto collocetur æger, urtica Romana strato in quo jejunus quiescat per 46. dies, & singulis diebus quater lectus mutetur, pelle asinina diligenter tegatur, capite leporinis exuviis insuto, sudor ipsi provocetur loris, hasta regia, &c. Amuleti vici ad collare nolit refertum maxillæ asini, equi, cameli, Rhinocerotis, oder ein par Last-stein appendantur. Hæc enim singulari antipathia hoc symptoma longe propellunt. 45. Cum vero rarò, imo nunquam planè auferri possit, præservativis opus erit ne revertatur affectus. Miris modis prodest theriaca Beanorum, quam descripsimus in nostra practica majori, quæ singulariter pugnat cum affectione, quam hortamur ut omnes pharmacopoei in suis officinis ob maximam necessitatem paratam habeant. Proderit quoque album Græcum trochiscatum, confectiones ferularum & roboris quercini, condita cotis & silicibus, morselli ex aloë, colocynthide, diagridio, assa fætida in tabulis, &c. 46. Conclusionis loco Empiricum hoc ad-
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174. That the roots, when putrefying, may not harm the brain, it even vigorously expels the putrid ones and restores nature to its former integrity; to this also should be added wine infused into the head, which does the same. 43. At this point it should be noted that, for some, even the largest tooth, called the Bean tooth, is troublesome; it has the same causes and nature as horns, and the surgeon will treat it in like manner on the right side. 44. After removal, let the patient be placed in bed, on Roman nettle bedding, on which, fasting, he may rest for 46 days, and let the bed be changed four times each day; let him be carefully covered with ass skin, with a hare’s skin sewn on the head, let sweat be induced by straps, a royal spear, &c. Let amulets be attached to the collar, not stuffed with the jawbone of an ass, horse, camel, rhinoceros, or a pair of weight-stones. For these, by a singular antipathy, drive this symptom far away. 45. But since it can rarely, indeed never quite, be removed, preservatives will be needed lest the affection return. A bean theriac, which we described in our major practice, is wonderfully useful; it fights in a singular way against the affection, and we urge that all apothecaries should have it prepared in their shops because of its great necessity. Likewise useful will be trochiscated white Greek medicine, confections of ferula and oak galls, preserved pebbles and flints, morsels made of aloe, colocynth, diagridium, asa foetida in tablets, &c. 46. In conclusion, this empirical treatment will-
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175. adjiciemus, quod celeberrimus Rabbi Moi- ses Chaldæus & Caballista, in Asia, Africa, Europa & America in multis hominum mil- libus probavit, quod medicamentum facit ut nunquam recrecant cornua, quod gratis communicamus misellis hisce Asellis, est an- tem tale. R. Saburræ [uncia]b 12. Mercurii Sublimati [uncia]b 10. Squamæ aëris. Fuliginis Camini ana [uncia]b 8. Balsami Beanorum [uncia]b 6. Scharabeorum, Locustarum, Cantharidum, Cimicum ana [uncia]b 4. Vitri Veneti pulv. [uncia]b 2. Fungorum [uncia]b 1. Diagridii Z. ii. & G. ii. Opii. Cicutæ ana [uncia]b. 1. Gypi, Auripigmenti ana C. 1. f. Comminutis comminuendis. Recip. Foeturæ Ranarum. Axungiæ rotæ. Visci ana q. f. Misce F. Electuarium. Signetur Bachanten Latwerg. Dosis cochl. 27. Singulis mane ventriculo jejuno decem horis ante pastum sumatur. H 4 C O-
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175. we shall add that the most famous Rabbi Moses, a Chaldean and Cabalist, in Asia, Africa, Europe, and America, has proved in many thousands of people that the medicine causes the horns never to grow again, which we freely communicate to these poor little donkeys, and it is as follows. R. Saburræ [uncia]b 12. Mercurii Sublimati [uncia]b 10. Squamæ aëris. Fuliginis Camini ana [uncia]b 8. Balsami Beanorum [uncia]b 6. Scharabeorum, Locustarum, Cantharidum, Cimicum ana [uncia]b 4. Vitri Veneti pulv. [uncia]b 2. Fungorum [uncia]b 1. Diagridii Z. ii. & G. ii. Opii. Cicutæ ana [uncia]b. 1. Gypi, Auripigmenti ana C. 1. f. Being reduced to powder, to be further reduced. Take of frog spawn. Wheel grease. Mistletoe ana q. f. Mix. Make an electuary. Label: Bachanten Latwerg. Dose: 27 spoonfuls. Let it be taken every morning on an empty stomach, ten hours before meals. H 4 C O-
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176. COROLLARIA. I. AN hic affectus etiam cadat in sexum foemininum? A licet rarius eveniat, teste Hipp: Aph. 26. sec. 1. Cal. 15. Meth. c. 2. Taliacotio lib. 6 quæst. Chirurg. quæst. 17. Ratio in promptu est, quia cum hic sexus sit habitus mollioris, & calorem habeat mitiorem, materia non potest in tantum indurescere, nec calor eum per durissimum Cranii os expellere: faciliori igitur via onus hoc ad mammas ablegat, & reliquias per menses expellit. De qua re latius in praxi nostra egimus, quo lectorem ablegamus. II. An in hoc malo sit vena tundenda. N. ob summam cacochymiam. Si tamen adsit plethora in phlebotomia locum succedent, hirudinum more, Basilisci, viperæ, scorpii, colubri, hydra, lacerta, dracones, bufones, cacilia, salamandra, & similia applicata. fiant autem hæc † existente in Sphara octava ad præsepe aselli cum oppositione aut quadrato Martis. III. An cornua resecta usum habeant. A. Primo in Medicina. Præparata enim ad modum Granii humani, pulverisata, & Beanis paroxysmi tempore ad † b j administrata, sudores egregie promovent. In Archibeanis, ubi res est desperata singuli mane sumpta cura palliativæ vicem gerunt: Beannulis condimenti instar præscribuntur: Si quoque mater tempore gestationis & lactationis frequenter hisce cornibus utatur, fæ- tum
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176. COROLLARIES. I. Does this affection also fall upon the female sex? Although it may happen more rarely, as testified by Hipp: Aph. 26. sec. 1. Cal. 15. Meth. c. 2. Taliacotio lib. 6 quest. Chirurg. quest. 17. The reason is at hand, because since this sex is of a softer habit, and has a milder heat, the material cannot harden so much, nor can the heat expel it through the very hard bone of the skull: therefore by a more easy route it sends this burden to the breasts, and expels the remnants through the monthly courses. On this matter we have spoken at greater length in our practice, to which we refer the reader. II. Whether the vein should be opened in this malady. No, on account of the utmost cacochymy. If, however, plethora be present, then in phlebotomy recourse will be had, after the manner of leeches, with basilisk, viper, scorpion, coluber, hydra, lizard, dragons, toads, cacilia, salamander, and the like applied. Let these things, however, be done while † exists in the eighth Sphere at the manger of the ass, with opposition or a square of Mars. III. Whether cut horns have any use. Yes, first in Medicine. For prepared in the manner of human grain, powdered, and administered to Beanis at the time of paroxysm with † b j, they wonderfully promote sweats. In Archibeans, where the case is desperate, one taken each morning serves in place of palliative care: with Beanules they are prescribed as a seasoning: If also the mother during the time of gestation and lactation frequently uses these horns, the fo- tus
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177. tum ab hisce plane immunem enitetur? ut enim scorpius sua plagæ est remedium, ita etiam singulari antipathia cum affectibus Cornutis pugnare hæc creduntur, teste Alberto magno in secretis. Deinde habent alium quoque usum, fiunt ex hisce, dentium, aurium, & linguarum scalpella, manubria, cultraria, amuleta, pocula, annuli, arcus, siphones, globuli, lagena, inductoria. Tintenfasser, Pinal, Standbüxen, &c. Omnia Beanorum utilitati accommodatissima, quæ judicio industrii artificis relinquenda ducimus. IV. An definitio hæc sit perfecta, Barnus est Animal Nesciens Vitam Studiosorum? Aff. V. In quo prædicamento reperiatur Beanus? R. in omnibus, quia est super omnia & transcendens. VI. Cornua Beani, & alia cornua Animalis an differant specie? N. Coll. Canimb. c.6. quæst.7. art.8. ß. Beanus. VII. Possuntne etiam homines dici? Responder posse, sed improprie & late sumpta significatione, eodem modo quo phrenetici & stulti, homines, dicuntur, in quibus tamen ratio, quæ homo à bruto differt, planè occulta imo sepulta delitescit. VIII. Utrum debeant admitti ad conversationes studiosorum, & hic utiliter quæritur. Resp. distinguendo: Qui enim curabiles sunt, & jam sub Chi- H 5
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177. Will he then appear altogether immune from these? For just as the scorpion has its own remedy against its sting, so also these things are believed to fight against the affections of the Horned Ones by a singular antipathy, as Albertus Magnus testifies in Secretis . Then they also have another use: from these are made tooth-scrapers, ear-picks, and tongue-scrapers, handles, knife-sheaths, amulets, cups, rings, bows, siphons, globules, bottles, ink-horns, Tintenfasser , Pinal , Standbüxen , etc. All things most suited to the utility of the Beani, which we judge should be left to the judgment of the industrious artisan. IV. Whether this definition is perfect: “Is Barnus an Animal Ignorant of the Life of Scholars?” Affirmative. V. In what category is the Beanus found? Answer: in all, because he is above all and transcendent. VI. Do the horns of the Beanus, and the other horns of an animal, differ in species? No. Coll. Canimb. c.6. quæst.7. art.8. ß. Beanus. VII. Can they also be called men? It is answered that they can, but only improperly and in a broad sense, in the same way that frenetics and fools are called men, in whom, however, reason, by which man differs from the brute, lies plainly hidden, indeed buried and concealed. VIII. Whether they ought to be admitted to the company of scholars, this too is usefully asked here. Answer: by distinguishing: for those who are curable, and are already under Chi- H 5
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178. Chirurgi fuere manu: cur non admittantur? Imo cum magna ipsorum fiet hoc utilitate; Incurabiles autem ablegentur ultra Garamantas & Indos aut Æthnaos fratres: quibus in ferendis carbonibus usui esse possunt. Nihil etiam in his tentandum auxilii, nec præsidia diffamentur, quæ multis fuere saluti. TANDEM. VOS. QUI. FELICI. MANV. HUMANO. CONSVLITIS. GENERI. ET. PRÆCLARA. METAMORPHOSI. EX. VRSO. APRO. TIGRIDE. LEONE. ASINO. IMO. QVAVIS. FERA. HOMINEM. EFFORMATIS. IMPENSI. ROGAMVS. VT. CANICULARES. HOSCE. SALES. BENIGNE. ACCIPIATIS. BEANVM. TE. AVTEM. HORTAMVR. QVI. HÆC. LEGIS. VT. E. IOCIS. SERIA. ADDISCENS. MENDAS, EMENDES. VITÆ. ET. BEANINIS. DEPOSITIS. EXVVIIS. STVDIOSO. INDVARIS. SIC. TIBI. DEMUM. NOSTRA. HÆC. VERE. PLACEBVNT. SIN. MAVIS. TVO. PERICVLO. BEANVS. SENEASCAS. LICET. ET. AD. GRÆCORVM. ACTÆON. ABEAS. Zum Sawrbrunnen. V A L E.
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178. Surgeons have been made by hand: why should they not be admitted? Indeed, this will be to their great advantage; but the incurable ones shall be sent off beyond the Garamantes and the Indians or the Aetnaean brothers, to whom they may be useful in carrying coals. Nor should any aid be attempted in these cases, nor should remedies be dispensed, which have been a help to many. FINALLY, YOU WHO WITH HAPPY HAND PROVIDE FOR THE HUMAN RACE, AND BY A SPLENDID METAMORPHOSIS OUT OF BEAR, BOAR, TIGER, LION, ASS, YEA, OUT OF ANY WILD BEAST, SHAPE A MAN, WE EARNESTLY BEG YOU, THAT YOU WILL KINDLY RECEIVE THESE DOG-DAY JESTS. WE ALSO ADMONISH YOU, BEANUS, WHO READS THESE THINGS, THAT, LEARNING SERIOUS THINGS FROM JESTS, YOU CORRECT THE ERRORS OF LIFE, AND, CASTING OFF THE BEEANIAN HIDE, CLOTHE YOURSELF IN STUDY. THUS AT LAST THESE OF OURS WILL TRULY PLEASE YOU. IF YOU PREFER OTHERWISE, BEANUS WILL AGE AT YOUR OWN RISK. AND TO THE GREEK ACTAEON, BE OFF WITH YOU. To the Sulphur Spring. FAREWELL.
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THESES INAUGURALES, QUAS, EX SENATUS PARTHENICI, SOCIETATISQUE Amasiorum Maximæ Decreto in Alma Halecophagorum universitate, Auspice CANDELA ET CANDELABRO, PROPUGNABAT Ingenua et erudita D. Cornelia Carnivora, dicta Inquieta, Philosophia naturalis Baccalaurea. SUB PRÆSIDIO, Clarissimi, Nobilissimi, Expertissimi, Consultissimique D. D. Kuckelbrionis, Morolog. Doctoris, Medicinæ Licentiati, et Pandectarum Decretaliumque in F. Iur. Professoris publici, Poëtæ Laur. Cæsar. Comitis Palatini, Equitis et civis Romani et adhuc sexagenarum rerum si vellet.
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Inaugural theses, which, by decree of the Senate of the Parthenic Society, and of the Amasiorum Maxima, in the Alma University of the Halecophagi, under the auspices of Candela and Candelabrum, were defended by the ingenuous and learned Miss Cornelia Carnivora, called Inquieta, Bachelor of Natural Philosophy. Under the presidency of the most illustrious, noblest, most experienced, and most learned Mr. Kuckelbrionis, Doctor of Morology, Licentiate in Medicine, and Professor publicus of the Pandects and Decretals in F. Iur., laureate poet of Caesar, Count Palatine, Knight, and Roman citizen, and still of sixty things if he wished.
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180. TRACTATUS PRIMUS, DE VIRGINIBUS. QUÆSTIO PRIMA. Quid sit virgo? STATIUS Speckschwardus ait, virgo est nomen mirabile deduciturque à viro quia viro apta est, quia gamma per incuriam interjectum est; contra Paulus Fanticulus, nomen barbarum esse dicit, virgo est ein verheiter Nam, derivatur. Sed omissa Etymologia sit. CONCLUS. 1. Virgo est prævaricatio sive error naturæ, qui nonnisi subsidio viritolletur. Partem priorem defendit Aristoteles, & Galenus. Posteriorem sic concludo: Imperfectum aut vitium naturale non possunt corrigi, nisi à perfecto (quoniam cæcus cæcum absque ruina ducere non potest.) Sed vir est perfectum quid, & virgo imperfectum. Ergo manus manum fricet Eins musz dem andern beyspringen, und nicht im stich lassen. CONCLUS. 2. Virgo est ens refartibile, omnia non integra sunt refartibilia; Sed tale quid est virgo, Ergo musz man das beste bey ihr thun. Major verissima est, minor potius demonstrationis eget, quam syllogisticæ conclu-
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180. FIRST TREATISE, ON VIRGINS. FIRST QUESTION. What is a virgin? Statius Speckschwardus says, a virgin is a remarkable name and is derived from vir, because she is fit for a man, since gamma has been inserted through negligence; contrary to this, Paulus Fanticulus says that it is a barbarous name: virgo is ein verheiter Nam, derived. But let etymology be omitted. CONCLUSION 1. A virgin is a transgression, or error of nature, which can be removed only with the aid of a man. The former part is defended by Aristotle and Galen. I infer the latter thus: An imperfect thing, or a natural defect, cannot be corrected except by what is perfect (for a blind man cannot lead a blind man without a fall.) But a man is something perfect, and a virgin imperfect. Therefore let one hand rub the other; Eins musz dem andern beyspringen, und nicht im stich lassen. CONCLUSION 2. A virgin is a refittable being; all things that are not whole are not refittable; but such a thing is a virgin; therefore musz man das beste bey ihr thun. The major is most true; the minor rather needs demonstration than syllogistic conclu-
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181. clusionis: experto crede Roberto, quod in quibusdam summopere perfectificatio necessaria sit, aut Conveniens refartibilitas. -------------------------------------------------------- QUÆSTIO II Quid sit officium virginis. OFFICIUM est actio, qua vel aliquid exsequimur, aut aliquid nobis faciendum ferimus, ex quo elucet officium duplex esse, activum & passivum. CONCLUS. 1. Officium Virginis est exsequi, aut sibi permittere fieri. Ad utrumque parati sumus, wie es jetz schmeckt, seind wir darzu ghestreckt. Probatur prior pars, quia Domino intranti ostium aperire, vestem pelliceam applicare, sed tamen prius eam purgare debet, Wann der Herr ins Hausz wil, so musz sie ihme den Pelsz anlegen, doch zuvorn ausz stauben: quod aliqui putaverunt, specifice convenire ancillis, sit ut sit, nos præsupponimus, ancillas esse virgines, & virgines per terminum convertibilem ancillas, ut deinde ostendemus. Posterior pars probatur; Quod per se fieri nequit, hoc, si debeat, aliena vi fiet. Sed quædam sunt, quæ virgo ipsa facere nequit, ut calceamenta consuere, tibialia consarcire, Schuhe flicken, hosen stricken, ergo necessaria sibi fieri permittet. Similiter si virgo ad alteram Rheni ripam trajicere averet, id per se fieri nequit: experto igitur naturæ eam provinciam demandare debet. H 7 CON-
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181. Conclusion: trust experienced Robert, that in certain things perfectification is greatly necessary, or suitable refatibility. -------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION II What the office of a virgin is. OFFICE is an action by which we either carry something out, or allow something to be done to us, from which it is clear that office is twofold: active and passive. CONCLUSION 1. The office of a Virgin is to carry out, or to allow herself to be made so. For both we are prepared; wie es jetz schmeckt, seind wir darzu ghestreckt. The former part is proved, because to open the door when the Lord enters, and to put on the fur coat, but first she should clean it, Wann der Herr ins Hausz wil, so musz sie ihme den Pelsz anlegen, doch zuvorn ausz stauben: which some have thought especially applies to maidservants; be that as it may, we presuppose that maidservants are virgins, and virgins, by a convertible term, maidservants, as we shall show afterwards. The latter part is proved: what cannot be done by itself, if it must be done, will be done by external force. But there are certain things which a virgin herself cannot do, such as sewing shoes, mending stockings, Schuhe flicken, hosen stricken; therefore she will permit the necessary things to be done to her. Likewise, if a virgin desires to cross to the other bank of the Rhine, that cannot be done by herself: therefore, by experience, she must assign that province to nature. H 7 CON-
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182. CONCLUS. 2. Virginis officium est se subjicere das ist unterthänig machen: & præsertim respectu virorum. Probatur quod non potest quin, hujus officium est se subjicere, sed virgo non potest quin. Ergo: Et quoniam hoc luce meridiana clarius est, non indiget probatione. Dices primò: Nulla materia sive causa secunda, est altera causa nobilior, in suo sexu. Ergo cum virgo æquè sit causa secunda quam vir, aliud alio non erit nobilius, & sic seque- retur, quod virginis officium non sit se supponere, vel subjicere, Respon. Antecedens est falsum, & consequentia Kahlgnug, id est, utrumque negatur. Quia qui in agendo sunt fortes, illi sunt etiam magis mobiles, quia nusquam in Annalibus legimus mulieres Capitolia celsa Quirini extruxisse, aut palmam ante Pragam in Bohemia retulisse. Dices 2. Quod non potest quin illum terminum te intelligere non posse, Ergo probationem præmissæ conclusionis non esse ratam. Negamus consequentiam, quia etiam nescis qualem barbam Lutherus nutriverit, quando America ædificata sit, qualis caseus ibi conficiatur. Ergo quod mentiris, ejusmodi non sunt icilicet ex tuo captu, Reverendus Doctor Martinus non habuit barbam. COROLLARIUM. Cum dicimus, non potest quin, subaudi se subjiciat. Et quæ debent se subjicere, earum eatenus est objectum & officium. Præterea à largisluo naturæ instinctu humilius incedere, se submittere, quædam creata oportet: Ergo, &c. QUÆ-
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182. CONCLUSION 2. It is the office of a virgin to subject herself; that is, to humble herself; especially in respect of men. It is proved that it cannot but be so, for this is her office, namely to subject herself, but a virgin cannot but do so. Therefore: And since this is clearer than the midday sun, it needs no proof. You will say first: No matter, or second cause, is nobler than another in its own sex. Therefore, since a virgin is equally a second cause as a man, one would not be nobler than the other, and thus it would follow that it is not the office of a virgin to put herself under or subject herself. Answer: The antecedent is false, and the consequence Kahlgnug, that is, both are denied. For those who are strong in acting are also more mobile, because nowhere in the Annals do we read that women built the lofty Capitoline of Quirinus, or carried off the palm before Prague in Bohemia. You will say 2. That one cannot but understand that term, therefore the proof of the foregoing conclusion is not valid. We deny the consequence, because you also do not know what kind of beard Luther nourished, when America was built, what kind of cheese is made there. Therefore what you lie about, things of that sort are not, namely according to your capacity; the Reverend Doctor Martinus did not have a beard. COROLLARY. When we say, “one cannot but,” we must understand, “he subjects himself.” And those who ought to subject themselves, for them that is both the object and the office. Moreover, from nature’s most abundant instinct, some created things must walk more humbly and submit themselves. Therefore, etc. QUÆ-
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183. QUÆSTIO III. Virgo cujus sit generis. NOTA quæstionem hic non desiderare genus Logicum, quod prædicetur in Quid, sed Grammaticum, quod vim verbi enunciet. CONCLUS. Virgo est generis dubii, aliqui tamen volunt, quod sit communis, & est regula eorum: Est commune duum, sexum quod claudit utrumque. Sed ridiculum videtur, quod Virgo virginem incluserit, de viro tamen intelleximus. si vero urgeant actum generativum, concedimus. Quia olim virgo (ein gewesene Jungfrauw) masculum & fæmellam edere potest. Nostram verò conclusionem rejiciendam non censeo, quia certò dicere non possumus propter repugnantiam, illa talis & talis, & sic revocatur objectum in dubium. Adverte, quod sub nomine virginis intelligamus non vitiatam solum, sed etiam desloratam, hem, intactam dicere volui. -------------------------------------------------------- QUÆSTIO IV. Virginem amabat, quis pes? P[er] Es hic non sonat pedem quo nitimur, sed quo in construendis meretricibus utimur, inquam artibus metricis. CON-
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183. QUESTION III. A virgin: of what kind she is. NOTE that the question here does not ask for a logical genus, which is predicated in the Quid, but the grammatical one, which expresses the force of the word. CONCLUSION. A virgin is of doubtful gender; some however wish that it be common, and this is their rule: It is common of two, that which encloses both sexes. But it seems ridiculous that Virgo should have included a virgin; yet we understood it of a man. if, however, they press the generative act, we grant it. Because once a virgin (ein gewesene Jungfrauw) can bear male and female. But I do not think our conclusion should be rejected, because we certainly cannot say, on account of the contradiction, that such and such a one is so and so, and thus the object is brought back into doubt. Note that under the name of virgin we understand not only one who is uncorrupted, but also one who has been deflowered; well, I meant to say intact. -------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION IV. He loved a virgin, what foot? P[er] Es here does not sound like the foot by which we walk, but that which we use in constructing prostitutes, I mean in metrical arts. CON-
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184. CONCL. Virginem amabat, dactylus & spondeus. Prob. Dactylus, ut in Prosodia patet, constat syllaba longa & duabus brevibus, Choræus, longa & brevi. Sed Virginem amabat taliter se habet. Ergo, quia est Adonicum carmen. Sic rem acu tetigimus. -------------------------------------------------------- QUÆSTIO V. Virgo in quo prædicamento ponatur? RESPON. In passionis prædicamento Virgo recte ponitur. Quia passio est, a qua forma quippiam dicitur pati. Ergo; Quia miseræ virgunculæ omni fortunæ se expone- re coguntur, miferet me vicem illarum; unusquisque eas pro ephippio usurpat. Non est equus, sed est amabile pignus amoris. Sunt qui virginem esse cotem (Schleiffstein) garriunt, quod hodierno tempore & apud fugaces Posthommos, revera sic se habet. Sed bono animo estote virgines, omnium rerum vicissitudo est, vester luctus tandem convertetur in gaudium. Nam sicuti in Talmud legitur: Vestri persecutores tandem turpiter se dabunt animoque deficient. Si werden sehen als weren sie im Wasser, wie ein Katz gewalckert, so seyt ihr noch frisch in sempiternæ sæcula, Amen. QUÆ-
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184. CONCL. "A virgin he loved" is a dactyl and a spondee. Prob. A dactyl, as is evident in Prosody, consists of one long syllable and two short ones; a choraeus, of one long and one short. But "A virgin he loved" is thus constituted. Therefore, since it is an Adonic verse. Thus we have hit the nail on the head. -------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION V. In what category should a virgin be placed? ANSWER. A virgin is rightly placed in the category of passion. For passion is that from which a thing is said to suffer. Therefore; because poor little maidens are compelled to expose themselves to every fortune, I pity their lot; everyone uses them as a saddle. She is not a horse, but a lovable pledge of love. There are those who prattle that a virgin is a whetstone (Schleiffstein), which in our day, and among the fugitive Posthomms, is indeed so. But be of good cheer, virgins, the vicissitudes of all things exist; your mourning will at last be turned into joy. For just as it is read in the Talmud: Your persecutors will at last disgracefully give in and fail in spirit. Si werden sehen als weren sie im Wasser, wie ein Katz gewalckert, so seyt ihr noch frisch in sempiternæ sæcula, Amen. QUE-
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185. QUÆSTIO VI Num virgo distinguatur à Studioso? ANNIS abhinc aliquot, quibus philo- sophiam, tam completam tractare ince- pimus, clare cognovimus, nullam aut exiguam differentiam esse inter studiosum & virginem. Quandoquidem studiosorum ma- nipulus mallet decem lectiones in consistorio neglectui habere quam levissima cum vir- guncula conversationem, alio vultum ver- tunt, abeunt & me in suggestu blaterare pa- rietibus relinquunt. Nec est pusionum pusio tam exiguus, stupidus, ignavus, qui non (ut Coloniæ moris est) filiam incucullatam, dum spatiantur, à dextris (ecce honorem adhuc deferunt) currentem, & affabiliter jocantem, subredientem & garrientem habe- at. Non curant meam inspectoris animad- versionem, Sie achten mich nicht ein Heller, & si illis aliquid dixero, ad superfluum produnt mihi narrum. Quos ego, si sophisticum cupiant penetrare lycaum, Discrimenque minus, nec verbera dura verentur, Ante fores occultus, habent à tergore virgas Et baculos magnos crassa de stipite quercus, Taliter excipiam, ut Divos miserescat in astris. Quod si vero meis se non submittere flagris. Instituant aliqui, hos ego delumbabo severe. Cavere vobis, ex capite laboro, ich hab Quin-
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185. QUESTION VI Whether a virgin is distinguished from a student? Some years ago, when we began to treat philosophy in full, we clearly learned that there is no, or only a slight, difference between a student and a virgin. For whenever a band of students would rather have ten lectures neglected in the consistorial court than conversation with the least young maiden, they turn away, go off, and leave me to blather from the platform to the walls. Nor is there any little fellow so small, stupid, idle, who does not, as is the custom at Cologne, have a daughter hooded, while they are strolling, running at his right side (see, they still show her honor), and chatting pleasantly, laughing, and prattling. They do not care for my inspector’s rebuke, Sie achten mich nicht ein Heller, and if I say anything to them, they answer me with some superfluous tale. Those whom I, if they wish to penetrate the sophistic grove, And care little for the difference, nor fear harsh blows, Secretly, before the doors, shall have rods behind their backs And great staffs of rough oak stock; I shall receive them in such a way that even the gods in heaven would pity them. But if some should try not to submit to my lashes, I shall cripple these severely. Take care, I say, from my heart, ich hab Quin-
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387. Medicis petendum plerique existimant. D. Varandæus dicit pallorem in quibusdam mu- lieribus & virginibus esse fallibilem: Quo- niam Hippocrates chlorosin (luteum colo- rem) speciem cachexiæ esse putavit. Alii pallidos colores icterum album, das weisse Fieber febrem amatoriam, die buhlerische Sucht, & morbum virgineum appellarunt. Unde & nos morbum illum ex mala opinione profe- ctum, & mala libidinis cupiditate exortum censemus. Adde, quod virgines & uxores juvenculæ se fuco imbuere solent, quo pul- chriores appareant. Quandoque malus ille & pallidus color internum morbum denotat, pulmonis, splenis, &c. Deinde puellæ quæ rubræ complexionis sunt in his sanguis abundat, & vocatur sanguinea temperies. Quocirca quæ per se sunt rubedini obnoxiæ, eædem sunt maxime venereæ, & consequenter amabiles. Interdum tamen aliquæ etiam sunt rufulæ ex phlegmone, ex initio febricationis, quod cor non usque duret, minus periculosum esse auguror. Quid igitur faciendum, ne alicui injuria fiat: ne inficiatur una; ab utriusque stabimus: sed tamen callide. CONCLUSIO. 1, Puellula pallida sunt amabiles, ut sex. Prob. Quia cum essent amabiles ut quatuor, ulteriorem amabilitatem, ne superentur, arte quadam & industria sibi conciliaverunt, amabiles ideo quis esse negabit? CONCLUS. 2. Puellæ rubicundæ adeo dulcescunt, ut nihil supra, nisi illa rubedo ex affecto
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387. Most people think that a medicis should be sought. D. Varandæus says that pallor in certain women and maidens is deceptive: since Hippocrates thought chlorosis (a yellow color) to be a kind of cachexia. Others have called pale complexions “white jaundice,” das weisse Fieber, “love fever,” the buhlerische Sucht, and “virginal disease.” Hence we also judge that illness to arise from a bad opinion and from an evil desire of lust. Add to this that maidens and young wives are accustomed to tint themselves with rouge, in order to appear more beautiful. Sometimes that evil and pallid color indicates an internal disease of the lungs, spleen, etc. Then again, girls who are of a ruddy complexion have an abundance of blood in them, and this is called a sanguine temperament. Wherefore those who are by nature liable to redness are likewise especially venereal, and consequently lovable. Yet sometimes some are also reddish from phlegmon, or from the beginning of a fever, in which case, since the heart is not yet fully hardened, I suppose it to be less dangerous. What then is to be done, lest anyone suffer injury? Let no one be deceived; we shall stand with either side: but nevertheless, prudently. CONCLUSION 1. Pale girls are lovable, as sex. Proof. Since they were lovable as four, having secured additional lovableness by some art and industry, so as not to be surpassed, who will deny that they are therefore lovable? CONCLUS. 2. Ruddy girls become so sweet that nothing can be above it, unless that redness from affection
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188. affecto sanguine proveniat. Prob. Omnia venerea sunt amabilia, sed rubedo virginalis est Venerea. Ergo. NOTA. Mallem puellam fuscam modicæ proportionis quam pallidam. Nam etsi in utrisque color ex destructo supposito oriatur, tamen minus periculi in fuscis est. NOTA. 2. Mulieres pallidæ potius sunt Hermaphroditi, quam fuscæ. Quia calor utrique sexui subvenire volens, propter exiguitatem, nihil efficit; & hæc est ratio palloris adæquata. Exempli gratia: Bonus quidam vir Rhenum ingressus fuerat ab urbe Moguntina, talemque virgunculam in Hollandiam navi transportare volebat, paratis omnibus ad navigationem, foramen in fundo ad erigendum malum non inveniebat. Quid consilii? frustra iter susceperat, ejusmodi damnum in tali virgine fecerat. Si non credis, ego tibi non jurabo, quod illud Non vidi, ast usu posse venire scio. -------------------------------------------------------- QUÆSTIO VIII. Utrum uno nixu perdatur virginitas. TOT sunt sententia, quot capitolia inquit Flitnerus. Nam quidam asseverant, virginitatem non perdi, quidam contrarium tuentur ita ut quis excoquendo verum, sapientia exuatur. Negantium hæc est ratio potissima: Perdere est contento privari. Sed virgines virginitate non privantur. Ergo non perdunt. Mino- rem
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188. If it should arise from blood. Prob. All venereal things are lovable, but virginal redness is venereal. Therefore. NOTE. I would rather have a dark-complexioned girl of moderate proportions than a pale one. For although in both cases the color arises from the destroyed substrate, yet there is less danger in the dark ones. NOTE 2. Pale women are rather Hermaphrodites than dark-complexioned women. Because the heat, wishing to help each sex, accomplishes nothing because of its smallness; and this is the proper reason for pallor. By way of example: a certain good man, having entered the Rhine from the city of Mainz, wished to transport such a little maiden to Holland by ship; all things being prepared for the voyage, he could not find the hole in the bottom for raising the mast. What was to be done? He had undertaken the journey in vain; he had made such a loss in such a virgin. If you do not believe it, I shall not swear to you that the thing I have not seen, but by experience I know it can happen. -------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION VIII. Whether virginity is lost by a single effort. There are as many opinions as there are chapters, says Flitnerus. For some assert that virginity is not lost, others uphold the contrary, so that one, by seeking the truth, is stripped of wisdom. This is the strongest argument of those who deny it: To lose is to be deprived of what is possessed. But virgins are not deprived of virginity. Therefore they do not lose it. The minor premise
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189. rem probant sic: Si privarentur, illa privatio esset quid reale: sed nullibi auditum est virginem membro aliquo mutilatam aut corruptam intrinsece aut extrinsece fuisse, sed experientiam docere, quod post nixum, ante nixum, tambene virgines sint, quam in cunabulis primis, etiam mulieres vetulas eodem privilegio gaudere. Imo virgines, quibus non mens recta sed diminutiva placet (die auff dem Hundtsruck gewesen da man mit Schwebelspen umb sich wirfft) pulchriores, amabiliores & teneriores evadunt. Et sic concludunt; Ergo virginitas nixu non labefactatur, sed fortificatur, purificatur, consolidatur, & in vigorem restituitur amplissimum. Quod argumentum maximi momenti est, neque solutu facile. Quid ergo consilii? quo nos præsidio muniemur? dicemus mulieres non amplius esse virgines? Nobis continuo tunc ligna in vertice stabunt, Laniger æque colus, foemina et æque manus. Si dicamus, mulieres & vetulas esse virgines, cum puellæ in majori pretio habeantur, dicent. Cum sunt puellularum Et matrimonitata Obscuriores uni Flores, adusque quare Libentius decorum Lacessitis puellæ Vos limen atriorum Quam conjugis vetustæ? Tunc sane actum est de nobis, Dan haben wir
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189. The arguments prove this in the following way: If they were deprived of it, that privation would be something real. But nowhere has it been heard that a virgin, mutilated in any member or corrupted intrinsically or extrinsically, has been so; rather, experience teaches that after childbirth, before childbirth, they are just as much virgins as in the first cradles, and even old women enjoy the same privilege. Indeed, virgins who prefer not a sound mind but a diminished one (die auff dem Hundtsruck gewesen da man mit Schwebelspen umb sich wirfft) become more beautiful, more lovable, and more tender. And so they conclude: Therefore virginity is not weakened by childbirth, but strengthened, purified, consolidated, and restored to its fullest vigor. Which argument is of the greatest importance, and not easy to refute. What then is to be done? with what defense shall we arm ourselves? Shall we say that women are no longer virgins? Then at once logs will stand on our heads, the woolly distaff will be equally for man, and equally the hand for woman. If we say that women and old women are virgins, when maidens are held in higher esteem, they will say: When the flowers of girls and of married women are more obscure to one, why then, even up to now, do you more willingly challenge the grace of the girls at the threshold of the door than that of the aged wife? Then truly it is all over with us, then have we
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190. wir erst ein lange Nas bekommen, tunc philosop- phia nostra, quanta, quanta est, merda con- signabitur. Verum ita jejuni in determinatione non sumus: faciemus periculum. CONCLUS. Non deperdenter perditur virginitas, cum deperdentia subjecti. Prob. Quod perditur sic, ut non perdatur, hoc non deperdenter deperditur, sed taliter perditur virginitas. Ergo, &c. Sine hisce terminis leviter & nugatoriè ad propositam quæstionem respondissemus, wir weren kahl dar von gekommen. Nam præcise sumendo nihil certi hac de re statui potest. Speramus tamen hanc nostram conclusionem Virginibus & vetulis gratam fore. TRACTATUS SECUNDUS. DE STUDIOSIS QUÆSTIO PRIMA. Quid sit studiosus? DUBITAVERUNT hac de re Academici Westerwaldenses, hi sunt rustici Westerwaldt, ut etiam Hercinii das seind die Hertzwalder. Hi esse vitulum marinum habentem cornua tria in fronte, illi monstrum peculiare, & effectum à recta hominum dispositione degenerantem putave- runt
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190. we shall first get a long nose, then our philosophy, as great as it is, will be signed with shit. But in this we are not so meager in the determination: we will make the experiment. CONCLUSION. Virginity is lost without being irretrievably lost, when there is a loss of the subject. Proof. That which is lost in such a way that it is not lost, is not lost irretrievably, but virginity is lost in this manner. Therefore, &c. Without these terms we should have answered the proposed question lightly and frivolously; we should have come away empty-handed from it. For, taking it precisely, nothing certain can be established on this matter. Yet we hope that this our conclusion will be pleasing to virgins and old women. TREATISE SECOND. ON STUDENTS QUESTION FIRST. What is a student? The Academics of the Westerwald debated this matter; these are the peasants of the Westerwald, as well as those of the Hercynian Forest—these are the people of the Hartz Mountains. They thought he is a sea-calf having three horns on his forehead, and they took the other as a peculiar monster and an effect degenerating from the proper disposition of men.
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191. -runt, itaque Westerwaldenses quendam miserunt Coloniam, quæsitum qui & quales essent studiosi. Is summo mane stetit ante Bursam Laurentii, avide exspectans studiosos; tandem Juristæ gladiati incesserunt in auditorium, ait ille, hicene studiosi, de quibus fama usque ad nos pervenit? talis quisque nostrum foret, si pallia (scilicet) & gladiolos circum latera gereremus. Sed, Non faciunt spadi studiosum aut longa, Ribalde Pallia, non alte glomerans vestigia fastus. Sed virtus studiique vigor cum Palladis arte. CONCLUS. Studiosus est homo mirabilis à natura, cujus finis est rixari. Prob. Aut enim finis est Theologia, aut Medicina, aut Jurisprudentia; Sed hæc facultates non sunt sine rixis. Ergo. &c. Quod verò sit mirabilis patebit. Nam ille est mirabilis, cui aliquid ex instituto non succedit, atque hoc sæpe accidit studiosis, cum plurimi desiderent fieri doctores, & fiant agasones: Schulteri, fiunt stulti: Decani & gaudent haberi campanatores, editui. Deinde propter admirabilitatem & subtilitatem ingenii merito mirabiles dicuntur, cum pene decies aliquid legant antequam intelligant, & quædam scribant, quæ ipsi legere nequeant Sunt ergo mirabiles. -------------------------------------------------------- QUÆSTIO II. Opusne sit studiosis? AD hoc Everhardus lignifaber respondet; Atam opus esse studiosis quam ferre no- ctuas
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191. - run, and so the Westerwalders sent someone to Cologne to inquire who and what the students were. He stood very early in front of the Bursa of Laurentius, eagerly waiting for students; at last the sword-girt jurists came walking into the hall, he says, Are these the students, of whom fame has reached even us? Each one of us would be like that, if we wore cloaks, that is, and swords around our sides. But, A long cloak does not make a student, nor one that is shaggy, nor does a thickly clustered tread of pride. But virtue and the vigor of study, together with Palladian skill. CONCLUSION. A student is a wondrous man by nature, whose end is to quarrel. Proof. Either the end is Theology, or Medicine, or Jurisprudence; but these faculties are not without quarrels. Therefore, etc. But that he is wondrous will be evident. For wondrous is he to whom something does not succeed according to plan, and this often happens to students, since many desire to become doctors, and become grooms; Schulters, they become fools; Deans and are glad to be regarded as bell-ringers, beadle-like men. Then, because of the marvel and subtlety of their talent they are rightly called wondrous, since they almost ten times read something before they understand it, and write certain things which they themselves cannot read. Therefore they are wondrous. -------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION II. Is it necessary for students? TO this Everhard the woodcutter replies; as necessary for students as to carry owls
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192. tuas Athenas, Es seye den studenten so nötig, als dem Wagen das fünffte Radt, bona verba, charissime, lupus est in fabula: si studiosos, redundantes & superfluentes insimulaveris, male audies. CONCLUS. Opus est studiosis, sed non necessario. Digna res est, ubi nervos intendas tunc, quia ultima primis, tanquam ex diametro respondent. Et si studiosus hac de re interrogetur, hac ratione ei respondere potest, -------------------------------------------------------- QUÆSTIO III. In quo prædicamento ponantur studiosi? DICTUM est superius virgines commode poni in prædicamento passionis, superest denique, ut studiosi, qui nullam cum puellis discrepantiam habent prædicamentum seu seriem terminorum magis & minus communium adscribamus. Secundum Stoicos habent relationis prædicamentum, cui referuntur mediante institutione ad præceptores suos, alii qualitatem, alii alia adscribunt. CONCLUSIO 1. Non eversoriè studiosus comprehenditur sub actione: Prob. Actio est quæ aliquid agit, aut rectius, qua aliquid agitur. Sed studiosi plurimum agunt, aut mediantibus studiosis multa fiunt? Ergo. Major est Aristotelis. Minorem deplorant multi hospites cum eorum fructus seu debita sustinere cogantur, & cum hospita mensam & scamna purgare vult, & reperit fermentum vetus,
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192. your Athens, it is as necessary to the students as the fifth wheel to a wagon, bona verba, charissime, lupus est in fabula: if you accuse the students of being redundant and superfluous, you will hear badly of it. CONCLUSION. It is useful for students, but not necessary. It is a worthy matter, where you must apply yourself then, because the last things correspond to the first, as if from diametrically opposite points. And if the student is questioned about this matter, he can answer him for this reason, -------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION III. In what predicament are students placed? It was said above that virgins are conveniently placed in the predicament of passion; it remains finally that we assign students, who have no difference from girls, to the predicament or series of more and less common terms. According to the Stoics, they have the predicament of relation, to which they are referred through instruction to their teachers; others ascribe quality, others something else. CONCLUSION 1. The student is not comprehended under action in a destructive way: Proof. Action is that which does something, or more properly, by which something is done. But students do very much, or are many things done through students? Therefore. The major premise is Aristotle's. Many guests lament the minor premise when they are forced to bear their fruits or debts, and when the hostess wants to clean the table and benches, and finds the old leaven,
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193. vetus, quod debet succinctorio (mit dem Schurtz) coacervare. Et centena reliqua. CONCLUS. 2. Passionem studiosis assignamus. Probatur ille qui terribilia quoque patitur, & infracto animo subit, illi apta est passionis series. Sed tales sunt studiosi. Ergo. Prob. minor, quia nulla vita sub sole calamitosior est vita studiosorum. Ab insima usque ad Philosophiam sunt scabiosi, & nescio quibus commilitonibus stipati deambulant; simulac ad Logicam pervenerint, è patria missam pecuniam dilapidant, hospiti servandam tradunt, cauponibus mendicantibus und Bettern, die für dem zapffen stehen, ac postea lupinam famem patiuntur, donec mittatur iterum quippiam. Immensa pecunia sine refectione fruuntur, omnibus ludibrio sunt qui contrariam sententiam tueantur, dicuntque nullam vitam vita studiosorum esse meliorem & minus laboriosam. Sed ô quam bene quic- tis dentibus comedunt! -------------------------------------------------------- QUÆSTIO IV. Quare studioso licet ferre gladium? POLITIANUS, Quod si bella forent, quid ad aspera promptius arma? Præterea in aperto hoste aperta sunt arma ferenda. Neque aliquem fugere reor, quæ insidiæ clam &c aperte parentur studiosis ab indoctis sylvarum truncis, & Satyrorum fratribus. Notum est si studiosus parumper in plateis grassatus fue- I rit,
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193. old, which he must heap up with a girdle, (with the apron). And the remaining hundred. CONCLUSION 2. We assign passion to students. It is proved by the fact that one who also suffers terrible things, and endures them with unbroken spirit, for him a series of passions is fitting. But such are students. Therefore. The minor premise is proved because no life under the sun is more miserable than the life of students. From the lowest ranks up to Philosophy they are covered with mange, and they wander about accompanied by I know not what fellow-students; as soon as they have reached Logic, they squander the money sent from home, hand it over to the host to be kept safe, beg from innkeepers and beggars, and from those standing at the taps, and afterward suffer wolfish hunger until something is sent again. They enjoy immense wealth without any refreshment, are a mockery to all who defend the contrary opinion, and say that no life is better than the life of students and less laborious. But oh, how well they eat with quiet teeth! -------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION IV. Why is it permitted for a student to carry a sword? POLITIANUS, If there were wars, what is readier for hardships than arms? Moreover, in the face of an open enemy, open weapons must be borne. Nor do I think anyone should flee those ambushes which are secretly and &c openly prepared for students by the unlearned trunks of the woods, and brothers of the Satyrs. It is well known that if a student has for a short time been roaming in the streets, he
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194. rit, quomodo excipiatur, (wie mann einem solchen die Haub rucket die Gerf wassert) tunc necessaria se defendere debet, & hæc est mo- ralis ratio. Deinde generalis est, quia digni- tate cæteros antecedunt propter ipsorum jura, privilegia & dignitates. Particularis ratio est Iurista, scilicet gerunt, gladios, degos, plantos, & pugiones, ut quod legum de- monstratione convincere, rabulosa garrulita- te inflectere, codicillorum aperitione, Decre- talium expositione non possunt superare, san- guine etiam fuso victoriam obtinere non ex- pavescant. Medici gladiati visuntur ut cum patientem accedunt, suisque malleatoriis & sternutato- riis nihil efficiant, morbus qualiscumque sit à tam armato hoste (von einem armirten Ca- valier) sibi magnopere timeat. Loco vero gladiorum conviciantur Theolo- gi, libros edunt, aliosque fædissime perstrin- gunt, in concionibus quorundam sepulchrum apertum. -------------------------------------------------------- QUÆSTIO V. Cur studiosorum cohors majorem gratiam apud puellas invenit quam Ribaldorum, Cori- donum & Menalcarum? ADVERTE, ad intelligentiam, illi stu- diosi, duo. Primo est studiosus omnis is, qui studiis operam navat. Secundo, de qui- bus posterius loquimur, studiosi perfecti sunt, quibus per depositionem grobianitas excussa est,
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194. rit, how one receives him, (how a man pulls the head off such a one and waters the Gerf) then he must defend himself by necessity, and this is the moral reason. Then it is general, because in dignity they precede the others by reason of their rights, privileges, and dignities. The particular reason is that jurists, namely, carry swords, daggers, and poignards, so that what they cannot overcome by demonstration of laws, by the twisting chatter of rabulists, by the opening of codicils, by the exposition of decretals, they may not shrink from obtaining victory even by the shedding of blood. Armed physicians are seen, so that when they approach a patient and with their hammers and sneezing-remedies accomplish nothing, any disease whatsoever may greatly fear such an armed enemy (from an armed cavalier). In place of swords, however, theologians exchange insults, publish books, and most foully attack others, and in the sermons of some there is an open grave. -------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION V. Why does the company of scholars find greater favor with girls than that of ruffians, Corydons, and Menalcases? NOTE, for understanding, that there are two kinds of scholars. First, every scholar is one who applies himself to studies. Second, those of whom we shall speak later are perfect scholars, from whom grobianity has been shaken off by deposition,
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195. est, quam beneficentiam priores nondum gustaverunt. Sit similis, sensumque trahat, dignoscat & ancepts, Hoc petit in socio Virgo venusta viro. Ait Poëta: Ex quo educimus, non unum- quemque Knebulorum illi cælesti muneri pro- pter defectum præesse posse. Præsertim cum temperamentum peculiare inesse foeminis Varandeus insinuet propter quod paratiores sunt vel ad hunc vel ad illum actum suscipiendum concurrentibus causis aptis, similibus, re ipsaque ex desiderio natis. Quod bipedes bubulci corticesque sylvestres prostare ne- queunt, propter grossitatem & insitam lignei- tatem indolatam, ut philosophicè loquamur. Si quis autem affectus puellarum est, non ob identitatem humorum, ab istis ribaldis re- stringui potest. Medemur ergo contrariis re- ceptis in unoquoque morbo: exempli gratia, in calido, damus frigida, & è contrario. Proinde quis refutabit commune Medicorum axio- ma: Mulierum esse naturam humidam & frigidam. Quapropter eam curare volens, alte- rare diætam, ad sicca & calida quantum suf- ficit, debet. Sed tales sunt studiosi depositi sen- suales, illi sunt sicci & calidi, adeo ut vel mi- nimum humidis nisi nativi, ex ipsis extorque- ri possit: & hoc adepti sunt per depositionem. Quis nescit saltus, cursus, verbera, quæ hu- midi & frigidi copiam in siccum & calidum transferunt? nam cum fustibus male mulctantur statim sudant, etiam si in media hyeme foret, I 2
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195. this, than which the earlier ones have not yet tasted any beneficence. Let her be similar, and draw the sense, let her discern and seize both, This the beautiful Virgin seeks in a companion, a man. The Poet says: From this we infer that not every one of the Knebulorum can preside over that heavenly office because of a defect. Especially since Varandeus hints that a peculiar temperament is inherent in women, by reason of which they are readier for undertaking either this act or that, when suitable, similar concurrent causes are present, and when in truth they spring from desire itself. For ox-drivers and forest bark cannot be offered up, because of their coarseness and inborn woody stubbornness, if we speak philosophically. But if there is any affection in girls, it cannot be restrained by those ribalds, not because of the sameness of humors. We therefore cure with contrary remedies in each disease: for example, in the hot, we give cold things, and vice versa. Accordingly, who will refute the common axiom of physicians: that the nature of women is moist and cold. Wherefore, one who wishes to treat it ought to alter the diet, to as much dry and hot as suffices. But such are sensual students of the deposit; they are dry and hot, so much so that even the least moisture can be wrung out of them, unless native, from themselves: and this they have achieved by deposition. Who does not know jumps, runs, and beatings, which transfer the abundance of moisture and cold into dryness and heat? for when they are badly punished with sticks, they immediately sweat, even if it were in midwinter, I 2
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196. foret, sicut de leporibus scribitur, qui (ut credibile est) antequam vexatione agitentur, sunt calidi & humidi, sed capti à canibus & mordicitus apprehensi, confestim luce clarius mutantur, adeo ut propter siccitatem adeptam non comedantur, nisi adipsis vel pinguedinis quid admistum sit. Hinc infero quod studio- sus talis commode in medicinam laborantis puellæ propter vim contrarie agentem adhiberi possit. Contra aselli (Stockfisch) knebeliones, aut potius Cornipedes Fauni, qui adhuc à primis unguiculis istam crassitudinem præ se ferunt, gratiæ nihil aut summopere parum à virginibus ineunt. Siquidem retro pecora, in caulis, stabulis pernoctarunt, & nativi humidi & frigiditatis Grobianicæ nondum expertes sunt. Atqui ut gravissime docuimus, eodem nihil sit; id est, quod ejusdem temperiei est. Ergo pecora pascant, aggregenturque in numerum caprorum, caprarum, capellarum & hircorum. Certe Poëtæ verba, sensumque trahat dignoscat et anceps, in solos studiosos quadrat: cum ille sensum trahere, sentire non possit qui cum per depositionem nondum assecutus est. Sed tales sunt Hengstii campestres, palustres, cum mihi facile persuadeatur, quod caput decies trabi allidant, quam eandem sentiant. Ergo exoptato accidunt studiosi præ cæteris puellis, virginibus & reliquis matronis, quibus exvadavit natura, & non nisi opposito repelli valet. QUÆ-
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196. for, as is written about hares, which (as is credible) before they are pursued with harrying, are warm and moist, but once caught by dogs and seized with bites, they are at once changed, clear as day, so that because of the dryness acquired they are not eaten unless something of suet or fat be mixed in. Hence I infer that such a studious man may suitably be applied to the medicine of a sick girl, because of the contrary acting force. On the other hand, dried stockfish, that is, knebeliones, or rather Fauns with cloven feet, who still from their first little hoofs display that coarseness, win no favor at all, or at the very most only very little, from virgins. For as the cattle that have lain overnight in the back sheds, stalls, and are not yet free from their native moisture and Grobianic coldness. But as we have most gravely taught, with the same there be nothing; that is, that which is of the same temperament. Therefore let cattle graze, and let them be gathered into the number of he-goats, she-goats, nanny-goats, and billy-goats. Certainly the poet’s words, and sense, which one draws, discerns, and takes in doubtfully, apply only to the studious man: since he who cannot yet attain sense by means of deposition cannot draw it forth, cannot feel it. But such are Hengstius’s field creatures, marsh creatures, since I am easily persuaded that they dash their heads against a beam ten times sooner than they feel the same. Therefore the studious man comes to the desired end before the rest, especially with girls, virgins, and the remaining matrons, from whom nature has escaped, and who can be driven back only by the opposite. QUÆ-
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197. QUÆSTIO VI. An sit opus deponere studiosam? NOTA. Nomine studiosæ inrelligimus virgunculas, quæ ob munificentiam ingenii in studium artium incumbere, & partim cum studiosis conversari consueverunt, nam pares cum paribus facile congregantur Dieweil es ein Ey ist, ists auch ein Küchen. Restat nunc quæstio, an eam, quæ nominatur studiosa, ex jure studiosorum depone- re, & verberibus depositoriis, das seind gutte Kropstösz, affligere conveniat; aliqui ne- gant, ut sunt Conimbricenses, Suarez ta- men concedere dicit, sed in confuso: Quidam Cujacium, Bortholum & alios Jurisconsultos explicantes dicunt, qui admittitur in hæ- reditatem, admittitur in privilegia & simili- ter in onera, debita, æs alienum. Uti qui renunciatur comes, jam habet parili ratione jus comitum &c. Nec per vulgarem substitutionem exstinguitur leg. 4 de vul. subst. Coras. lib. 4. miscell. Donell. 6. comm. Fachin. lib. 4. controv. Vas. quiùs libr. de successi creat. Suarez putat non insulse & rustice tractandas, man sol sie nicht zu grob handlen, item Har- tedo & Toletus disp. 4. lib. 11. phys. quæ opi- nio non quidem mala, attamen non satis solida est. Pinell. & Wesenbec. in Paratit. Apro hæredum. nu. 2. dicunt, habendam esse rationem pudoris. Catharina Ignifera lib. 3. de de- I 3 pos.
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197. QUESTION VI. Whether it is necessary to depose a female student? NOTE. By the name of female student we understand young maidens who, because of the liberality of their talents, are accustomed to devote themselves to the study of the arts, and in part to associate with students; for those who are alike are easily gathered with their like. Since it is one egg, it is also one kitchen. Now the question remains whether it is fitting to depose her who is called a student, by the right of students, and to afflict her with depositional beatings, das seind gutte Kropstösz; some deny it, as the Conimbricenses do; Suarez, however, says that it may be granted, but in a confused way. Certain writers, explaining Cujacius, Bortholus, and other jurists, say that whoever is admitted to an inheritance is admitted also to the privileges, and likewise to the burdens, debts, and public liabilities. Likewise he who is declared a count already has, by a similar reasoning, the right of counts, etc. Nor is it extinguished by a vulgar substitution. Leg. 4 de vul. subst. Coras. lib. 4. miscell. Donell. 6. comm. Fachin. lib. 4. controv. Vas. quiùs libr. de successi creat. Suarez thinks that they are not to be treated foolishly and rudely; man sol sie nicht zu grob handlen. Likewise Har- tedo and Toletus, disp. 4, lib. 11, phys., whose opin- ion is not indeed bad, yet is not solid enough. Pinell. and Wesenbec. in Paratit. Apro hæredum, no. 2, say that regard must be had to modesty. Catharina Ignifera, lib. 3, de de- pos.
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198. pos. foeminali ait quod mihi factum est, etiam aliis fiet, quoniam ex eo mortua non sum. Adstipulatur Elsa de Kamber, Tractat. de suppositione Logica & Physica, qui libri lectu digni sunt; inter cætera sic ait, semel deposita sum, & si semper tam benigne mecum ageretur, singulis diebus me submitterem, sed in quibuidam locis habent depositores tam ingentes causas & baculos ut primo intuitu quis terrefiat, & foeminalis imago non perhorresceret. Concludo. Si studiosorum privilegiis, bullis & annexis uti puella velit, debet se submittere depositioni, pro qualitate personæ, Prob. Jura sibi mancipans sibi debita, sed studiosorum jura sibi mancipans puella, si qua inveniatur, etiam obibit in partem debitorum; qui una vult furari, una quoque debet pendere, attamen, inquit Suarez, clementer tractandæ sunt, ne animi deliquium patiantur. Cautelis. Ubi studiosa deponenda, honestatis ergo secedendum à publico, ne rubore afficiatur, & præsertim vesperi cum exiguus concursus. In inferiore parte eam tamen plus flagellent, quam in superiori, quia teneritudo capitis id non potest quod crassitudo vestimentorum sustinet. QUÆ-
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198. A woman said that what was done to me will also be done to others, since I did not die from it. Elsa de Kamber agrees, in her Treatise on Logical and Physical Supposition, books well worth reading; among other things she says thus: once I have been laid down, and if I were always treated so kindly, I would submit myself every day; but in certain places the women who lay one down have such huge causes and sticks that at first sight one is terrified, and the feminine image would not be appalled. I conclude. If a girl wishes to make use of the privileges of students, the bulls and annexes, she ought to submit to deposition, according to the quality of the person. Proof: claiming for herself the rights that are her due, but a girl, if she be found one who claims for herself the rights of students, will also bear a share of the debts; he who wishes to steal together must also pay together; nevertheless, says Suarez, they are to be treated gently, lest they suffer a fainting fit of the mind. With precautions. Where a student is to be laid down, for the sake of decency she should be withdrawn from public view, lest she be affected by blushes, and especially in the evening when the crowd is small. In the lower part, however, she should be flogged more than in the upper, because the tenderness of the head cannot bear what the thickness of the clothing withstands. QUÆ-
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199. QUÆSTIO VII. Utrum abrogari conversatio inter studiosos & puellas possit de jure, nec ne? ANTE tres annos, ut memini, eadem in publicis thesibus mota est quæstio, sed nihil præcise determinatum. Quidam doctores hic nimis rigidi sunt, dicuntque conversationem cum studiosis puellis periculosam esse, quia auguis latet in herbis, & quia proximus ardet Ucalegon, & sic adolescentibus & puellis aqua & igni interdictum volunt. Quid juvenes fecere mali, cultroque puellæ? Tanta sævitia, tantaque tyrannide pessum Ut deceit mores, & cognita foedera longo Usu, & fraterne magnalia sternere dotis? Turca non ita sævit in sanguinem juvenculum ut illum fame perire patiatur, & nos quibus cælica illa clementia inculcata esse debet in plantulas juventutis tenerrimas sæviemus? A page: Nos studiosi iis contenti non sumus, & procul dubio taliter virgines loquuntur, cum audiunt tam sinistram in se legem ab Eunuchis doctoribus & cæcutientibus magistris esse latam. Scriptura longe aliter judicat & facit cum confratribus, sie helt ihnen die stang. CONCLUSIO Abrogari usus conversationis & cohabitationis inter studiosos & studiosas nequaquam potest. Probat. Quia ubi est thesaurus tuus, ibi est cor tuum, imò debet esse. Sed majorem stu- diosus 14
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199. QUESTION VII. Whether the association between students and girls can be abolished by law or not? Three years ago, as I remember, the same question was raised in the public theses, but nothing was precisely determined. Some doctors here are too strict, and say that conversation with female students is dangerous, because the snake lies hidden in the grass, and because one’s neighbor is on fire, and thus they want to forbid young men and girls both water and fire. What evil have young men done, and what have girls done with the knife? So great a cruelty, and so great a tyranny, should it overthrow good morals, and long-established bonds known through long use, and the brotherly greatness of dowry? The Turk does not rage against youthful blood so much as to let him perish of hunger; and shall we, on whom that heavenly clemency ought to be impressed, rage against the tender little plants of youth? A page: We students are not content with these things, and no doubt virgins speak likewise when they hear so sinister a law against them to have been passed by eunuch doctors and blind magistrates. Scripture judges much otherwise and deals with fellow brethren; sie helt ihnen die stang. CONCLUSION: The practice of association and cohabitation between students and female students cannot in any way be abolished. Proof: Because where your treasure is, there is your heart; indeed, it ought to be there. But the greater part of the student...
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100. dios fus acquirere thesaurum non valet, quam pulchram & ornatam puellam: unde apud Germanos dicitur, meum corculum, meus thesaurus, mein Hertz, mein Schatz. Ergo non potest nec debet. Major est Theologorum, quam si quis oppugnare velit, statim hæreticæ pravitatis, & novæ sectæ arguetur: propter id cavete vobis Zoili, antiquam obtinemus, religiose secundum receptam religionem vivimus, Vetus & recens testamentum legimus, nec est sententia, quæ non à nobis magna cruce notata sit. Exin expertum est, quod in segregatione duorum continuatorum utrumque pereat, quia non venimus per accidens, sed vere & substantialiter. Nihil etiam est tam triste sub coelo, quod quis aliquem nimis accurate observet. Cum filia domo egreditur, fortasse ad repetitionem jam adest ancilla, jam mater, mox soror & frater sicut mihi & amasiæ meæ accidit, cum illam ante ædes opperirer, egrediebatur, nos autem citato cursu progrediebamur, ac si quis stimulis nos pungeret, als wen es hinder unsbrent, ad hæc Mater. Quò; quo scelesti ruitis, aut cur corbula. Aptata sub ligaculo est? Id est, quo curritis homines nequam, & tu cur corbem abscondis, forsan de Diabolo somniavit, quod filia scilicet, haberet cantharum in corbe plenum vino. QUÆ-
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100. God cannot acquire a treasure, nor a beautiful and ornamented girl: hence among the Germans it is said, my little heart, my treasure, mein Hertz, mein Schatz. Therefore he cannot and ought not. The statement of the theologians is greater, than if anyone should wish to attack it, he would at once be accused of heretical depravity and of a new sect: for that reason beware, you Zoilus, we hold to the old, we live devoutly according to the accepted religion, we read the Old and New Testament, and there is no opinion which has not by us been marked with a great cross. Further, it has been experienced that in the separation of two continuations both perish, because we do not come by accident, but truly and substantially. Nor is there anything so sad under heaven as that someone should observe another too closely. When a daughter goes out of the house, perhaps then the maid is already at hand for the repetition, then the mother, soon sister and brother, as happened to me and my beloved, when I was waiting for her before the house, she was coming out, but we were advancing at a quick pace, as if someone were stabbing us with spurs, als wen es hinder unsbrent, to this the mother. Where to? where are you rushing, wicked one, or why is the little basket fitted under the strap? That is, where are you running, evil people, and why do you hide the basket; perhaps he dreamed of the Devil, namely that the daughter would have a mug full of wine in the basket. QUÆ-
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201. QUÆSTIO VIII. Qua summa quisve finis studiosi et studiosa? NON mediocris disceptatio, sub hac quæstione occultata est, & multi do- ctores Theologi & Jurisæ venerunt in contro- versiam haud vulgarem. Illi enim dicunt si- nem esse, ut Deus & proximus sincere dili- gantur: cujus rei symbolum fuit in duas tabu- las ab uno calamo facta distinctio. Hi asserunt studiosorum finem esse studere & disputare. Elsa vero de Camber ait, studiosus & puella ideo conveniunt, ut aliquid discant non spe- culative sed practice, quæ opinio improbanda non est si quis eam rite examinare velit. CONCLUSIO. Finis proximus studiosi & studiosæ est, librum generationis & corruptionis, causæ efficientis, an Idea causet efficien- ter, enucleare, Probat. Finis est quod dat influentiam, & primam propositionem con- cludendi; sed propterea simul literis operam navant ut sciant; an verum sit, quod veteres de generatione docuerint utrum definitiones conveniant definito. Ergo finis est, &c. CONCLUSIO 2. Finis secundario est; ut alter alteri, ubi difficultas fuerit, explicet textum. PROBAT. Quia plurima in libris occur- runt, quæ quis primo intuitu comprehende- re non potest, & sine ipsis res substinere non potest: Ergo. Exempli gratia, puella in Aristotele legit, quod quinque in agente & I 5 pa-
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201. QUESTION VIII. What is the highest end of students, male and female? NOT a mediocre dispute lies hidden under this question, and many theological and legal doctors have come into no small controversy. For some say the end is that God and one’s neighbor be sincerely loved: of which a symbol was the distinction made into two tab- lets by one pen. Others assert that the end of students is to study and to dispute. But Elsa of Camber says that a student and a girl come together for this reason: that they may learn something, not spe- culatively but practically; which opinion is not to be disapproved if one wishes to examine it properly. CONCLUSION. The proximate end of the student and the female student is to unfold the book of generation and corruption, of the efficient cause, whether an Idea causes effi- ciently. Proof. The end is that which gives influence, and the first proposition for concluding; but for that reason they also apply themselves to letters so that they may know whether it is true what the ancients have taught about generation, whether the definitions agree with the thing defined. Therefore the end is, etc. CONCLUSION 2. The secondary end is that one explain to the other, whenever there is difficulty, the text. PROOF. Because very many things occur in books, which one cannot comprehend at first glance, and without them the matter cannot stand. Therefore. For example, a girl reads in Aristotle that five in the agent and 15 pa-
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202. patiente requirantur, existentia, id est quod uterque debeat exsistere, inæqualitas, hoc est personæ debent esse inæquales, vir & foemina: similitudo, hoc est, uterque debet esse homo, vicinitas, hoc est, non debent distare, aptitudo, hoc est, pro ratione temporis, ætatis & personæ convenire debent. Iam verò studiosa hos terminos intelligere nequit, accedit aliquem condiscipulorum, inquiens, Domine, quid hoc sensus, expone: mox ille exponit, donec satis est. Itaque secundarius finis est terminos explicare, qui etiamsi aliquo modo duri & asperi sunt, cavendum tamen ne omnino iisdem intricemur, confusionis gratia, etsi detur regressus, qui si negaretur, nemo hanc telam ordiretur; ipse non tentarem, neque tantum modestiæ subirem, ne mihi diceretur, Medice cura te ipsum. -------------------------------------------------------- QUÆSTIO IX. Licetne studiosum incarcerare? RESPONDEMUS, quod non. PROBAT. à Decoro, quis tam nobilem sapientiæ gemmam, perlucidam margaritam in foedissimas custodias includere vellet? non sumus fragmenta ollarum. PROBAT. ab impossibili, Continens debet majus esse contento. Sed talis carcer non datur. Ergo, &c. Minor Prob. Nam communiter loquendo studiosus ubivis est, Romæ, Neapoli, Bruxellis, Coloniæ, &c. particulariter, tamen interdum periclitatur. Sed illi
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202. the things required are: existence, that is, that both must exist; inequality, that is, the persons must be unequal, man and woman; similarity, that is, both must be human; nearness, that is, they must not be far apart; suitability, that is, according to the time, age, and person, they ought to agree. But now the student cannot understand these terms; he goes up to one of his fellow students, saying, “Sir, what is the meaning of this? explain it:” soon he explains it, until it is enough. Therefore the secondary end is to explain the terms, which, although in some measure harsh and rough, one must nevertheless be careful not to become altogether entangled in them, for the sake of confusion, though a return is granted, which, if it were denied, no one would begin this web; I myself would not attempt it, nor would I undertake so much modesty, lest it be said to me, “Physician, heal thyself.” -------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION IX. Is it permitted to imprison a student? WE ANSWER, no. PROOF. from decorum: who would wish to confine such a noble gem of wisdom, a most clear pearl, in the foulest prisons? we are not fragments of pots. PROOF. from the impossible: the container must be greater than what is contained. But such a prison does not exist. Therefore, etc. The minor premise is proved. For in common speech the student is everywhere, at Rome, Naples, Brussels, Cologne, etc.; in particular, however, he is sometimes in danger. But those
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203. illi maxima sit injuria, si ibidem essem non paterer: non enim porci sunt ut includantur itabulis Wir seind kein Sew, sondern das aller edleste Blut, als je war, und wierdt sein. Nisi aliquis similitudine Moschi diceretur: nam dicitur, si quis Moschum qui odor bonus defecit, includat labrino, quod confestim propter fætoris duellum, antiquum odorem recipiat. Sed non est cura de perdito vigore nobis. -------------------------------------------------------- QUÆSTIO X. Beanusne in depositum agere potest? CONCLUSIO Minime gentium; sit cujuscunque professionis velit, Doctor, Magister, Baccalaureus, Ecclesiasticus, secularis. Nam quid Sus cum Minerva? quid Beanus interrogaret, cum ipse nihil sciat, injuriam illi faceret, quia sensuum expers est, & quid loquatur, nescit, quod videt, cæcè videt; quod audit, surde audit: quod olfacit non sentit; quod tangit, tanquam de querno robo- re frustum saxo allisum non advertit, uno verbo sunt Rustici quadrati, Es seindt rechte Flegel, Bengel, und Klöppel: Et si quis talium aliquem Dominum deponendo pileum salutaverit ejusdem farinæ esse apparet, eo honore digni non sunt, in Canis ades eos abdere oporte, zum Hundtstall, & postquam mortui fuerint, asininis crepitibus sepeliendi. 16 quippe
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203. this would be the greatest wrong, if I were there; I would not endure it: for they are not pigs to be shut up in sties. We are no swine, but of the noblest blood that ever was, and ever will be. Unless someone were called a Moschus by way of comparison: for it is said that if anyone should put a Moschus, whose good smell has gone, into a cask, that immediately, because of the struggle of the bad odor, he recovers his former scent. But there is no concern for lost strength with us. -------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION X. Can a boor bring an action for a deposit? CONCLUSION: By no means; let him be of whatever profession he wishes, Doctor, Master, Bachelor, ecclesiastic, or layman. For what has a hog to do with Minerva? what would a boor inquire about, since he himself knows nothing? He would do her an injury, because he is devoid of the senses, and what he speaks he does not know; what he sees, he sees blindly; what he hears, he hears deafly; what he smells he does not perceive; what he touches, like a piece of oak timber struck against a stone, he does not notice. In one word, they are square rustics, they are right clods, louts, and bumpkins: and if anyone should greet one of them by doffing his hat, it is clear that he is of the same sort; such people are not worthy of that honor, they should be shut up in the dog-kennel, and after they have died, buried with ass-like brays. 16 indeed
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204. quippe Beani Fossorum similes, Caprimulgorumque ferorum Sensibus humanis expertia pectora vivunt. TRACTATUS TERTIUS. DE HOSPITIIS. QUÆSTIO PRIMA. Quid sit hospitium? HIC sedulo investigandum censeo, quid auctores antiqui & recentes, de ho- spitio senferint. Cicero diversorium appellat, hospitalitatem alii, sed hoc est valde quadragesimale definitum. Nam studiosi li- benter apud omnis generis homines habitant, peculiari cellula gaudent, præsertim antea vermibus obnoxii fuerunt, & se ad recentio- rem cumulum dimittent. Non facit in pala- tum nostrum, jus hoc non satis conditum est. CONCLUS. Hospitium est oeconomicum receptaculum constans ex hospite, uxore, & ancillis meliusculis, ubi advenis studiosis ne- cessaria corporis pro pecunia non iniqua admi- nistrantur. Hoc quoniam satis notum, non indiget probatione. Hospitium vero, quod prioribus requisitis caret, hospitium vocare non ausim, hoc ideo dico, ne quis pecuniam suam consumat in sordido loco, in einem gar- stigen Winckel, ubi scilicet hospes solus ad men-
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204. like beani similar to pits, and to wild nightjars, hearts devoid of human sense live. TREATISE THIRD. ON INNS. QUESTION THE FIRST. What is an inn? HERE I think it should be carefully investigated what the ancient and recent authors have thought about an inn. Cicero calls it a lodging-house; others, hospitality, but this is defined in a very quadragesimal way. For scholars gladly live with people of every kind, they enjoy a private little cell, especially if they had formerly been subject to worms, and they will let themselves off to a newer heap. This does not suit our palate; this fare is not seasoned enough. CONCLUSION. An inn is an economic receptacle consisting of a host, wife, and better little maidservants, where necessary bodily needs are supplied to traveling scholars for a not unjust price. Since this is sufficiently known, it does not need proof. But an inn that lacks the earlier requirements I would not dare call an inn; I say this for that reason, lest anyone consume his money in a filthy place, in a gar- stigen Winckel, where, to be sure, the host alone at the men-
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205. mensam à poculis est, hospita in culina sola in cibis coquendis versatur. Ornatior vero ordo est, cum cursitant mistæ puellis puellæ observantes, an in mensa quid desit. E contra posito ubi tales observantes non sunt, ibi recta methodo non proceditur, nam raptis à prandio patellis infunditur coena, ita ut dubites, utrum scutellæ lotæ sint nec ne. His scopis purgationis gratia opus foret. Hospitia optima sunt Moguntiæ in speculo, Coloniæ in sydere, aureo porcello, cygno, Francofurti in Corona, sub signo Aquilæ, Poppardiæ sub Ense, Lugduni Batavorum in aureo cornu. Pessim subinde ob tædium ne quoque confundantur, non significabo. -------------------------------------------------------- QUÆSTIO II. An jure hospitii liceat uti studioso? IUS gentium & civile inhibit, quod qui venit in locum, venit etiam in jus, & qui venit in loco, veniat è jure ut Concl. lib. 3. Pancrat. ff. 6. lib. 8. Cornel. tract. 10. ff. 5. & unicuique ibi vis prostat sua patria pro pecunia, nec ulli denegatur jus. CONCLUS. Jure hospitii licet uti studioso. PROB. superiori axiomate Juridico. Deinde ratione: usus fructus est jus aliena re utendi, fruendi, salva rei substantia, sed tale quid hic sit, cum divertuntur studiosi apud hospites: Ergo, &c. Nam neminem occidere volunt, propterea non venerunt il- I 7 luc,
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205. The table for drinks is there; the hostess alone is occupied in the kitchen with cooking the food. But the arrangement is more orderly when the girls, mixed among the other girls, run about observing whether anything is lacking on the table. On the other hand, where such observers are not present, the method does not proceed properly, for, after the luncheon dishes have been snatched away, supper is poured in, so that you may doubt whether the plates have been washed or not. For these purposes, brooms for cleaning would be needed. The best inns are in Mainz, at the Sign of the Mirror; in Cologne, at the Sign of the Star, the Golden Pig, and the Swan; in Frankfurt, at the Crown, under the sign of the Eagle; in Popperdorf, at the Sign of the Sword; in Leiden, at the Golden Horn. The worst, because of tedium, I shall not mention, lest they too be confused. QUESTION II. Whether a student may lawfully make use of the right of hospitality? The law of nations and civil law prohibit it, for he who comes into a place also comes into the law, and he who comes into the place should come from the law, as in Concl. lib. 3. Pancrat. ff. 6. lib. 8. Cornel. tract. 10. ff. 5. And to each person there, violence stands forth as his native land for money, and no one is denied the right. CONCLUSION. By the right of hospitality it is lawful for a student to make use of it. PROOF. From the foregoing legal axiom. Then by reason: usufruct is the right of using and enjoying another's property, while preserving the substance of the thing; but such a thing is present here when students stay with hosts: therefore, etc. For they do not wish to kill anyone, therefore they did not come there.
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206. luc, sunt pauperes Diaboli incarnati subsidium quærunt: non semper sub gelido Jove tutum est dormire, at ut eis clarius intelligentiam præbeamus, hac inductione probabo. Quare emis pomum, nunquid ut eo fruaris? quare intras templum, nunquid ut in eo omnia Christiana exercitia usurpes? Quare iter facis Romam, nunquid videndi Papæ gratia? Quare à Iudæo accipimus vestes mutuas pro reservato debito, nunquid ut eis utemur. Ergo studiosi non intrant popinas jocandi gratia, sed ut semel cum necessariis jure utantur. Hæc est egregia probatio quæ nititur grallis sie gehet auff steltzen. Nam manifectum est, neminem ingredi tabernam diversoriam, ut pila ludat. Ambigis adhuc; Nunquid si vicinæ ædes incendio absumerentur, si hospitium peteres, eatenus quatenus tale sustentaculum est, tu te ipsum ab incendio salvares si vero te salvas in alieno, Ergo alieno jure uteris. Fibula Scias, quod quicquid sit in hospitio pertineat ad jus ipsius, ut sunt servi, ancilla, Domina, filia, & cæt. quibus aliquando in necessitate uti potes. Servi scilicet equum curare debent: Ancillarum est, lectum tuum sternere. Uxor pro stomacho tuo, quando placuerit, ex præcedenti potatione, Iulepum conficere debet, quo paulatim recreeris, circa cor & umbilicum: Filia, dum is cubitum lucerna tibi præire potest & similia. Nota, cum hospes nimis suspiciosus est, non est bonum ibi manere, egredere & excu- te
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206. Look, the poor seek help from incarnate devils: it is not always safe to sleep under the cold sky; but in order that we may make the matter clearer to them, I will prove it by this induction. Why do you buy an apple, is it so that you may enjoy it? why do you enter a temple, is it so that you may practice all Christian exercises in it? Why do you travel to Rome, is it for the sake of seeing the Pope? Why do we receive clothes from a Jew as a pledge for a reserved debt, is it so that we may use them? Therefore scholars do not enter taverns for the sake of playing, but so that once they may lawfully make use of the necessities. This is an excellent proof, which depends on the crutches, as they say, so geht auff steltzen. For it is manifest that no one enters an inn in order to play at ball. Do you still hesitate? If your neighboring house were consumed by fire, if you were to seek lodging there, insofar as it is such a support, you would save yourself from the fire; but if you save yourself in another's house, then you are using another's right. Fibula: Know that whatever is in the lodging belongs to its right, such as the servants, maidservant, mistress, daughter, and the rest, whom you may sometimes use in necessity. The servants, namely, ought to take care of the horse: it is the maidservants' duty to make your bed. Your wife, for the sake of your stomach, when it pleases her, from the preceding drinking, ought to prepare a julep, by which you may be gradually refreshed, around the heart and navel: the daughter, while you go to bed, may go before you with a lamp, and the like. Note: when a guest is too suspicious, it is not good to remain there; depart and shake off
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207. te pulverem è calceis tuis. Non enim bonum est vesperi suspicari cum juvenes Studiosi cubitum se conferunt, tunc enim aliquando lucerna exstinguitur & fit maximus tumultus. -------------------------------------------------------- QUÆSTIO III. Cur rara inter hospites & uxores præsenti- bus studiosis est concordia? QUIDAM dicunt quod de nocte, dum studiosi aridas & siccas sauces habent hospes cogatur surgere, & siccis fratribus promere, sed interim hospita lectum circumvolvit, ut hospes cum redierit, in sponda dormire teneatur, quod illum male urit. Si gravetur ipse surgere mittatque uxorem suam allatum vinum, tunc ipsa honestatis ergo, proficiat dicere debet, & ultra necessitatem bibere Sie musz eins über Nacht annehmen. Quod si redeat ad hospitem, anima ipsius tam graviter fætet, ut sustinere non possit: Quia jejuno stomacho facta concoctione graveolentia vix perferre possumus. Galenus Aphor. Alii ferunt, quod studiosi optimo vesci petunt, quod negante hospite uxor illis largissime propinat. CONCLUS, Hospites raro intelligunt latine, meliuscule uxores. PROB. Nascitur zelotypia, cum id, quod ignoramus, ab inferioribus fieri cernimus, sed hospes cum non intelligit latine, uxor statim ad nutum attendit, Ergo. Majorem præ- sup-
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207. the dust from your shoes. For it is not good to suspect in the evening, when young students go to bed, for then sometimes the lamp is extinguished and there is a great uproar. -------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION III. Why is there rarely concord between hosts and wives in the presence of students? SOME say that at night, while students have dry and thirsty throats, the host is compelled to get up and pour for the dry brothers, but in the meantime the hostess wraps up the bed, so that when the host returns, he must lie in the bedstead, which badly burns him. If he is burdened with getting up and sends his wife with the brought wine, then she, for the sake of decency, ought to say that she is getting ahead, and drink more than necessary. Sie musz eins über Nacht annehmen. But if he returns to the host, his breath so grievously stinks that he cannot endure it: because with an empty stomach, after digestion is done, foul odors can scarcely be borne. Galen, Aphor. Others say that students seek to eat the best, because, when the host refuses, the wife pours them out most abundantly. CONCLUSION: Hosts rarely understand Latin, wives somewhat better. PROOF: Jealousy arises when we see what we do not know being done by inferiors, but when the host does not understand Latin, the wife at once pays attention to his nod, therefore. The major proposition pre- sup-
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supponimus certam. Minorem experientiæ probo. Nuper Argentorati cum quibusdam magistris doctoribusque Basiliensibus divertimus ad insigne galeæ im Helm, è prostitulo salutabat nos hospes & hospita tanquam honoratos viros. Cui ego: Hospes dignetur nobis accipere amphoram Rhenensis, ut lassitudinem corporis paulisper reficiamus, hospes me aspiciebat nesciebatque quid vellem: mulier intelligens prosiliebat: nescis mi hospes, quid hi boni viri desiderant, vinum Rhenense, das ist, Rheinischer Wein, corpus significat ventrem, der Bauch. Itaque volunt corpus reficere, ad nutum animadvertebam vinum album beneficio Albis. Succensus Hospes, Mulier, mulier, inquit, quem exitum? ait illa, ut introitum. Noli mihi hospes istud in malam partem interpretari, sæpe oportuit me humiliare ante studiosos antequam tantum dicerim, sæpe illis humillima officia præstiti. Heus si vesperi studiosis quoque calceos detraheres, sic etiam aliquid disceres. Nos autem credimus eam, antequam nuberet hospiti, fuisse studiosam. -------------------------------------------------------- QUÆSTIO IV. Si hospita riserit cum studioso culpabiturne? RESPONDEMUS nullo modo, Hony soit, qui mal y pense. Nam omnis homo est risibilis, & potest fieri, ut Studiosus aliquid novi afferat aut fabulam aliquam narret, quam
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we assume it is certain. I prove the lesser point by experience. Recently at Strasbourg, together with some magistri and doctors from Basel, we stopped at the inn called “At the Sign of the Helmet,” and from the public street the host and hostess greeted us as honored men. I said to them: let the host be so kind as to bring us a flagon of Rhine wine, so that we may refresh ourselves a little from bodily weariness. The host looked at me and did not know what I meant; the woman, understanding, sprang forward: “Do you not know, my host, what these good men desire? Rhine wine, das ist, Rhine wine; corpus means the belly, der Bauch. Thus they want to refresh the body.” I noticed from his nod that he understood white wine by virtue of the Albis. The host, now stirred up, said, “Woman, woman, what is this leading to?” She replied, “to the entrance.” “Do not, host, interpret that in a bad sense for me; I have often had to humble myself before students before I said so much; many times I have rendered them the humblest services. Hey, if in the evening you would also pull off the shoes of students, then you too would learn something.” We, however, believe that before she married the host she had been a student herself. -------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION IV. If the hostess laugh with a student, is she to be blamed? WE ANSWER: by no means, Hony soit, qui mal y pense. For every person is capable of laughter, and it may happen that the student brings forward something new or tells some story, which
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209. quam hospita nunquam audivit aut vidit, ex quo probabiliter sequitur eam ad risum concitari. Deinde me æque bene excipit quispiam risu, quam torvo vultu quum ex eodem proveniat subjecto. Quid vobis videtur? aliquando res præter opinionem accidit, unter wilen wiert de Kart versälscht, imprimis cum studiosus sciat Hispanicum Pater noster, quod milites ante triennium in Palatinatu confecerunt. Sed quoniam inde nihil dependenter cognoscitur: Ergo, non culpabitur. -------------------------------------------------------- QUÆSTIO V. Detrahatne auctoritati studiosi, si hospitis prolem juniorem scilicet, ulnis in hospitio gestat & deosculetur. TOLETUS dicit quod detrahat, dicitque studiosum invigilare debere libris. Negat Petrus Molina, Vasquius & nonnulli alii, dicunque esse signum humanitatis. CONCLUS. Non detrahit auctoritati studiosi gestare puerum juniorem natu hospitis & deosculari. PROBAT. Lex naturalis dictat, quod frater fratri servire debeat in decentioribus. Sed studiosi sunt fratres, & incertum, cujus opere puellus (respectu hospitis) editus sit. Ergo, licet & nihil detrahit. Nam nullus hospes dicere potest, hic est meus puer, non minus ac Paterfamilias qui Gallum unum & gallinas tres alit, interim Gallinæ aliò vagantur,
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209. which the host has never heard or seen, from which it probably follows that he is moved to laughter. Then someone else receives me just as well with laughter as with a grim countenance when it arises from the same subject. What do you think? Sometimes a thing happens contrary to expectation, unter wilen wiert de Kart versälscht, especially when the student knows the Spanish Pater noster, which the soldiers completed three years ago in the Palatinate. But since nothing can be known from this dependently: Therefore, he will not be blamed. -------------------------------------------------------- QUÆSTIO V. Whether the authority of a student is diminished, if he carries in his arms at the inn and kisses the younger child of the host. TOLETUS says that it is diminished, and says that the student ought to keep watch over his books. Peter Molina, Vasquius, and several others deny it, saying that it is a sign of humanity. CONCLUSION. It does not detract from the authority of the student to carry and kiss the host’s younger child. PROOF. Natural law dictates that a brother ought to serve a brother in more decent matters. But students are brothers, and it is uncertain by whose work the little boy (with respect to the host) was brought forth. Therefore, it is allowed and detracts nothing. For no host can say, “this is my boy,” no less than the head of a household who keeps one rooster and three hens, while in the meantime the hens wander elsewhere,
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210. tur, ubi alterius ordinis galli sunt, quibus se gallinæ propter novitatem subjiciunt, cum crebritas ejusdem odium gignat, & sic pater familias non potest dicere, hæc gallina hoc ovum peperit mediante meo gallo. Ergo, quod volebamus. -------------------------------------------------------- QUÆSTIO VI. Quod si hospes nimis importunus sit, licet ne verbera admiscere? RESPONDEMUS. Licet: non ad eum quidem modum, quo jubentur milites in campis congredi & se ad sanguinem usque verberare, tamquam hostes, inimici, & raptores bonorum omnium: at longe inferiori gradu nimirum veluti obmurmurantes inspectores hospites verberamus. Non licet ex suspicione judicare, & si quis ei adversum aliquid fecerit, statim habet poenas. Nam studiosos nemo potest cogere, ipsum Diabolum parvi faciunt: quocirca si bene tecum actum velis, noli cum illis rem habere, ita omnia salva erunt, juxta illud. Non frenos, non vincla subit studiosus, at effrons. Ira petit, liberque agili jactatur habena, Altior ingreditur, cui si commoveris iras, Va tibi! non impune feres, memor iste suarum Virium, in arumnas te præcipitabit atroces. Modum vero omnia mala vitandi hospes ex præscripto intelligunt: nimirum hospes in men-
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210. there, where there are cocks of another flock, to whom the hens subject themselves because of their novelty, since repeated familiarity breeds dislike, and thus the father of the household cannot say, “This hen laid this egg by means of my cock.” Therefore, what we wanted. -------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION VI. But if a guest is too troublesome, is it permissible to add blows? WE ANSWER. It is permissible: not indeed in the manner in which soldiers are ordered in the field to engage and beat one another to blood, as though enemies, foes, and plunderers of all goods; but on a far lower level, namely, as if muttering inspectors, we beat guests. It is not allowed to judge from suspicion, and if anyone has done something against him, he is immediately punished. For the studious no one can compel; they make little of even the Devil himself: wherefore if you wish to fare well with yourself, do not have dealings with them, and so all things will be safe, according to that saying. The studious man submits to no bridles, no bonds, but the impudent one. Anger seeks him, and free with agile rein he is tossed about, He advances more boldly; if you stir up his anger, Woe to you! you will not bear it unpunished; mindful of his own strength, he will hurl you into cruel miseries. But the guest understands the measure of avoiding all evils from the prescription: namely, the guest in the me-
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211. mensa monebit, & quicquid in mensa appositum erit, boni consulet, uxor vero & filia in culina relinquantur. -------------------------------------------------------- QUÆSTIO VII. Segregabitne hospes merito filias a studiosis? CERTUM est, quod ex conversatione duorum oppositorum nihil boni profiscatur; quo circa separare tutissimum erit. Secundo si pater familias habet pueros infantes illis exhibeant: certe Studiosi eo modo non illos à consortio studiosorum excludere potest, ne vagiendo & foetendo molestias delectantur. Eatenus igitur Paterfamilias pueros à studiosis abscondat, ne forsan aliqui sint, qui illos virgis acriter cædant. CONCLUS. In filiabus debitam ætatem (decimum sextum, 17. 18. 19. 20. & cet.) attingentibus, propter augmentum prudentiæ non est rara segregatio. PROBAT. Illud ratum non est quod studiosorum confidentiæ oppugnat: sed segregare virginem puberem à studioso oppugnat confidentiæ studiosorum: Ergo non est ratum. Major est certissima: Minorem probo. Nam si quis leporem assatum è conspectu meo eripit, illi mihi amplius non fidit, alias relinquueretur, si perinde foret. Ex hoc stultescere apparet, & parum sapere talis videtur, dum duo fallibilia insulse sibi præsumit, in fidelitatem nempe studiosorum & im- pru-
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211. the table will warn, and whatever is set on the table he will think well of; but the wife and daughter are to be left in the kitchen. -------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION VII. Will the host rightly separate his daughters from the students? It is certain that from the association of two opposites no good comes forth; wherefore to separate them will be the safest course. Secondly, if the head of the household has infant boys, let them be presented to them: certainly the students in that way cannot exclude them from the company of the students, lest they be annoyed by crying and stinking. So far, then, let the head of the household hide the boys from the students, lest perhaps there be some, who might beat them soundly with rods. CONCLUSION. In daughters reaching the proper age (the 16th, 17th, 18th, 19th, 20th, etc.) because of the increase of prudence separation is not uncommon. PROOF. That is not approved which opposes the confidence of students: but to separate a mature virgin from a student opposes the confidence of the students: therefore it is not approved. The major premise is most certain: I prove the minor. For if someone snatches a roasted hare from my sight, he no longer trusts me; otherwise it would be left behind, if it were the same. From this it appears that such a one becomes foolish, and seems to know little, while he presumptuously assumes two fallible things in an absurd way, namely the fidelity of the students and the im-
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prudentiam virginum. Nam metuit insidias à studiosis: quasi officium eorum esset insidiari, putat præterea studiosos non esse fideles, metque ne obsignatum cubile refringant. At- qui hoc absurdum est, imo inauditum, studio- sum ut sic futurum fecisse. Ergo. Secundo præ- supponit filiam ipsius non satis sapere. Stulte tuam ipsius familiam ignominia afficies? cum annis provenit sapientia: Ergo, quod petimus, non segregabis filias tuas à studiosis, à quibus multa bona omniaque decentia discere possunt; siquidem arbor bona malum affectum præstare nequit. OBJICIES. Filias meas nere, & texere te- las faciam, sed hoc à studiosis discere non possunt: Ergo. Minorem probo, quia ipsi tan- quam muliebrium artium experti circa libros versantur. RESPONDEO. Data majore; Ne- gamus minorem. Nam novi quosdam stu- diosos, qui tam bene nere & texere possunt flicken und placken, ac si per decennium didicissent, non quadrat. Noli ergo segrega- re filias. TRA-
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the modesty of virgins. For he fears the designs of the scholars, as though it were their office to lie in wait; besides, he thinks that scholars are not faithful, and fears lest they break open the sealed chamber. But this is absurd, indeed unheard of, that a scholar should have done such a thing. Therefore. Second, he assumes that his daughter does not know enough. Would you bring disgrace upon your own family so foolishly? Wisdom comes with years. Therefore, what we ask, you should not keep your daughters apart from scholars, from whom they can learn many good things and all that is proper; for a good tree cannot produce bad fruit. YOU OBJECT. I will make my daughters spin and weave cloth, but they cannot learn this from scholars. Therefore. I prove the minor premise, because they themselves, being practiced in women’s arts, spend their time among books. I REPLY. Grant the major premise; we deny the minor. For I know some scholars who can spin and weave just as well, mend and patch, as if they had learned it for ten years, though that does not fit. Therefore do not keep your daughters apart.
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213. TRACTATUS QUARTUS. DE POTATIONE. QUÆSTIO PRIMA. Quid est Potatio? DUPLICEM esse potationem patet; unam civium opificum & rusticorum; alteram studiosorum studiosarumque, & ambæ tamen inter se distinguuntur realiter. Prima est, copiosa vini in ventrem fine modo per guttur ad nauseam usque infusio, ex hac ut plurimum sequitur vomitus ein Kalb . Posterior est humida trium, quatuor, vel quinque confessio, quibus vinum moram gerit: & hi angelis, hem Angils dice-revolui, non impares feruntur, omnia ridicula hic agitantur: disputationes jucundæ, blandæ, concinnæ, amabiles, hinc inde oriuntur: Cur Venus pingatur nuda & cæca? quid significant tela Veneris, & similia egregia proverbia. Ibi quoque aliquando disseritur de constitutione Microcosmi, generatione & corruptione, de materia, forma secundum Physicam Aristotelis. Hic modus arridet nobis, hac gaudia tantum, Appetimus, non hinc retrahet nos atra No-verca, Mancipium corvi Cacodæmonis, unica mens Vivere cum tali, cum tali occumbere turba. QUÆ-
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213. TRACTATUS FOURTH. ON DRINKING. QUESTION ONE. What is Drinking? It is evident that there are two kinds of drinking; one of citizens, craftsmen, and country folk; the other of scholars and learned women, and both are truly distinguished from one another. The first is the copious pouring of wine into the belly, through the throat, without measure, until nausea; from this, for the most part, follows vomiting ein Kalb . The latter is the humid confession of three, four, or five, in which wine takes its time; and these are reckoned not unlike angels, hem, I said and turned back, angels; all manner of amusing things are stirred up here: pleasant, gentle, elegant, amiable disputations arise here and there: Why is Venus painted naked and blind? what do the arrows of Venus signify, and similar excellent proverbs. There, too, one sometimes discusses the constitution of the Microcosm, generation and corruption, matter, form according to the Physics of Aristotle. This manner pleases us; only this joys we seek, nor from here shall the dark stepmother draw us away, bond-servant of the raven, of Cacodaemon; the only mind to live with such a one, to fall with such a crowd. QUÆ-
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214. QUÆSTIO II. Utrum ultra Rausserum, ut vocant, bibere liceat? Hæc quæstio plurimos, traxit in contro- versiam, attamen dicant quidquid velint, Medici corporis naturalis, tutores aversantur, nihil faciunt, nominantque plenitudinem ad vasa, cum quis ita madet, corpus illius, pluris vini capax non sit; deinde plenitudinem ad vires dicunt, cum quis ita ebrius fuerit, ut corpus plus vini perferret. CONCLUS. Ultra Rausserum bibere non licet. PROBAT. ea quæ sua malitia sic gratiam gratis datam excludant, ut neque in hoc sæculo, nisi ægrè admodum, neque in futuro remittentur per se vehementer abomi- nandæ sunt, & non licet. Sed talis est potatio ultra Rauserum: Ergo, non licet. Major est Theologorum: Minorem probo. Quæ hu- manæ, fraternæ charitatis jura violant: ip- so facto gratiam excludunt: Ergo. Et hoc experimur in nuptiis, conviviis, nundinis, encæniis & aliis congregationibus, ubi homi- nes mira metamorphosi transformantur in bestias, asinos, porcos, tigres, ex iis quoque actibus, oriuntur homicidia, stupra, &c. -------------------------------------------------------- QUÆSTIO III. An liceat in potatione adhibere abveolum alea cum tesseris ex orbiculis? RESP. Sunt qui affirment, adducti hac ratione; quia animi nostri ludo aleato- rio
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214. QUESTION II. Is it lawful to drink beyond Rausserum, as they call it? This question has drawn many into controversy; nevertheless, say what they will, the physicians of natural bodies, the guardians, reject it, making nothing of it and naming a fullness in the vessels, when someone is so wetted that his body is capable of no more wine; then they speak of a fullness in respect of the powers, when someone has become so drunk that the body could endure more wine. CONCLUSION. It is not lawful to drink beyond Rausserum. PROOF. Those things which by their own malice so exclude the grace freely given, that neither in this age, except with great difficulty, nor in the future, are they remitted, are by themselves vehemently to be abhorred, and are not lawful. But such is drinking beyond Rauserum: therefore, it is not lawful. The major premise is that of the theologians. I prove the minor. Things which violate the rights of human, fraternal charity exclude grace by the very fact: therefore. And this we experience at weddings, banquets, fairs, inaugurations, and other gatherings, where men are transformed by a marvelous metamorphosis into beasts, asses, swine, tigers; from these acts too arise murders, rapes, etc. -------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION III. Is it lawful, in drinking, to use a small tray with dice marked by little circles? RESPONSE. There are those who affirm it, being led by this reason: because our minds, by the game of chance
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215. rio recreantur, & ingenia stupida exacuuntur. Sunt, quorum cerebrum ad mentionem tabulæ aleatoriæ finditur, & quorum cor gutta- tim tabescit, quasi in aquam indideris salem. CONCLUS. 1. Animi causa alea uti licet. Hoc totus mundus fatetur. CONCLUS. 2. Pro lucrandis pecuniis tabula aleatoria ludere non licet. PROBAT. Quodcunque hominem ad summam paupertatem redigit, eo ludere non licet. Sed tale quid efficit ludus aleatorius. Ergo. Majorem nemo sanus negabit. Mino- rem probo. Exemplo Sidonii, cujus res hac via ad restim redierat. Verba Sindonii sunt. Ludus aleatorius (dum adolescens eram) exuit me miserum in quadam cauponula primo omnibus nummis meis præsentariis, tum mutuatiis, deinde villis, agris & possessiunculis, ut ne hara quidem fuilla mihi superes- set, aut tantillum loci ubi catellus cubitare posset. Postremò verò omnibus tunicis cum amiculo & crepidulis: ut ne intima quidem tunica superesset, ut te non homunculum denudatum, sed cuculum hybernum deplumatum spectare putasses, verum est quod commemoro. Imo Diogene illo cynico longe pauperior eram, nam illi reliquum erat dolium versatile quod ad faciem solis diurni (instar solstitialis herbæ obversabatur, mihi vero præ nimia paupertate, ne cavea quidem viminea, sub quam gallina cum pullis suis succubare posset) erat; erat illi tunica inte- rula,
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215. by which spirits are revived, and dull minds sharpened. There are some whose brains split at the mention of a gaming board, and whose heart drip by drip withers, as if you had put salt into water. CONCLUSION 1. It is lawful to use gambling for the sake of recreation. The whole world admits this. CONCLUSION 2. It is not lawful to play at a gaming board for the sake of gaining money. PROOF. Whatever brings a man down to the utmost poverty, it is not lawful to play at. But such is what gambling does. Therefore. No sane person will deny the major premise. I prove the minor by the example of Sidonius, whose affairs by this means had come to the rope. The words of Sidonius are these. Gambling (when I was a young man) stripped me miserably in a certain tavern, first of all my ready cash, then borrowed money, then vines, fields, and little possessions, so that not even a swine’s trough remained to me, nor so much as a little place where a little dog could lie down. Finally too it took away all my tunics, with my little cloak and slippers, so that not even my inner tunic remained, and you would have thought you were looking not at a naked little man, but at a winter cuckoo plucked bare; and it is true what I relate. Indeed I was far poorer than that Cynic Diogenes, for he had left a barrel that could be turned toward the face of the daytime sun, like summer grass facing it; but I, through excessive poverty, had not even a wicker cage, beneath which a hen with her chicks could crouch; he had an under tunic,
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216. rula, palliolum, quod supremè circumjecerat, mendicorum suppellex baculus & pera pana- ria, mihi vero, proh dolor, nihil horum erat, non modo videbar Diogene, ve- rum & quovis mendico circumforaneo pau- perior. Quod cum (licet sero) animadver- tissem, nec ullum verbum ac ne tacitum qui- dem gemitum quivi emittere, post aliquan- tulum temporis occipi meam fortunam meos- que casus graviter ingemiscere, & vacuas manus sæpiusculè complodere, pedesque in- certis alternationibus commovere, modo hanc modo illam capitis partem (quæ mihi non pruriebat) adscalpere & ore semiclauso balbutiens nescio quas querimonia effutire. Tandem dolore ingravescente subitò velut lymphaticus incepi victorem meum imo her- culè, exspoliatorem omnibus maledictis (quæ quivi comminiscier) onerare, compellans eum trifurem, latrunculum, sicarium, veneficum, patriæ proditorem, parricidam, sacrilegum, perjurum, legirupam, perniciem adolescen- tum, & cum dictum libratum pugnum in ora ejus impegi, ut gingivas ejus edentarem. Ipse vero extemplo mihi caput correpto de men- sa alveolo excerebrasset, nisi unus ex collu- soribus nostris Mysargyrus nomine (qui assi- debat) altrinsecus intercedisset, & rixas no- stras intercellu diremisset. In ipso ferme tem- poris puncto accurrit minister cauponis, qui me miserum affatim plagis castigatum forin- secus adjecit, & tres canes villaticos feras at- que immanes è cavea sua (in qua per tempus diur-
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216. I pulled around me the little cloak which I had wrapped about me, the beggar’s equipment, the staff and the bread-basket wallet; but I, alas, had none of these things. I seemed not merely like Diogenes, but poorer than any street-beggar whatever. When I had perceived this, though late, and could utter no word, nor even a silent groan, after a little while I began to lament bitterly my fortune and my misadventures, and to clap my empty hands together more than once, and to move my feet in uncertain turns, now scratching this, now that part of my head, which did not itch at all, and, with half-closed mouth, to mutter some or other complaints. At last, as the pain grew worse, I suddenly began, like a madman, to load my conqueror, by Hercules, my plunderer, with all the curses I could devise, calling him thief, cutpurse, murderer, poisoner, traitor to his country, parricide, sacrilegious wretch, perjurer, breaker of law, ruin of youth; and, as the word was spoken, I dealt him a measured fist in the face, so as to knock out his teeth. He himself would instantly have dashed my head from the table and brains me, had not one of our fellow-players named Mysargyrus, who was sitting beside him, intervened from the other side and put an end to our quarrel. At almost that very moment the tavern-keeper’s servant came running up, and after I, poor wretch, had been thoroughly punished with blows, he added further injury from outside, and three country dogs, savage and fierce, from their cage, in which for the time they had been kept...
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diurnum concatenati cubant, emisit, & in exitium meum inhortatos immisit: qui signo solito ministri cauponis incensi furiosaque rabie conciti & allatratibus horrendi eunt in miserum. Quod cum vidissem illico silicem quendam de via tremundus corripui, correptum in caput propinquioris canis accurrentis magno nisu contorsi, sed impetu casso per extremum dorsum transcurrens lapis contra opinionem meam deciderat in terram innoxius: quo lapidis jactu canis alioquin exasperatus, furiolus me miserum rabido rictu aggreditur, aggressum terræ guttur applosit, applosum ipse (cæteris canibus coadjutoribus) membratim discerpere tentavit. Sed in eodem pene momento, accurrerunt viri rusticani (qui meum miserabilem ululatum cognoverunt) allaturi suppetias, hi cum fustibus, isti cum furcis bicornibus, illi vero cum perticis quibus segetes demessæ in area flagellantur: qui ubi appropinquavere non modo armis suis rusticis, verum etiam sublatis clamoribus canes abs me abegerunt. Abactis igitur canibus, me miserum humistratum in pedes statuerunt, & corpore meo sanguinem laciniis & quibuscibet aliis panniculis deterfo, igitur sanguinis profluvio: accessit quidam ex amicis meis, cui nomen erat Eleus, qui me miserum apprehensum, ad ædes fratris majoris natu perduxit, qui ubi cognovit me à canibus admorsum & variis vulneribus distractum, statim medicum vulnerarium cum pyxiculis unguentariis acciri flagitavit K
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They lay there joined together day and night; he let them out, and sent those who had been egged on to my destruction. At the customary signal the innkeeper’s servants, inflamed and driven by a furious rage and frightful with barking, rushed upon the unhappy man. When I saw this, I immediately snatched up a certain stone from the road, trembling, and with great effort hurled it at the head of the nearest dog that was running up; but the stone, missing its mark and glancing over the dog’s back, contrary to my expectation fell harmlessly to the ground. Exasperated by the stone’s blow, the mad dog attacked me with rabid jaws, seized me by the throat, and, having brought me down to the ground, tried, with the other dogs joining in as helpers, to tear me limb from limb. But at almost the same moment some countrymen ran up, having recognized my miserable howling, to bring help—some with staves, others with two-pronged forks, and still others with poles such as are used to thresh the reaped grain on the threshing floor. When they came near, they drove the dogs away from me not only with their rustic weapons, but also with loud shouts. With the dogs driven off, they set me, poor wretch, upright from the ground, and wiped the blood from my body with rags and whatever other scraps of cloth they had; and then, because of the loss of blood, a certain friend of mine named Eleus came up, took hold of me in my misery, and led me to the house of my elder brother, who, when he learned that I had been bitten by dogs and mangled by various wounds, immediately insisted that a wound-doctor be summoned, together with his little medicine boxes.
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tavit. Hic fuit infelix eventus istius Sidonii. Felix quem faciunt aliena pericula cautum. Ergo habemus intentum. TRACTATUS QUINTUS. DE MECOENATE. QUÆSTIO UNICA. Quid sit Mecænas? NON diu hærebimus in hoc tractatu, si modo nucleus ad quem tendimus, subito proffet. In hac autem quæstione solummodo dicendum erit, quid sit Mecænas, hoc est, amator studiosorum: communis est sententia, quod inter viros nulli aut pauci reperiantur. Quo permota Veronica Spierlitzna in tract. de mec. et stud. cap. 10. dict. 3. aperte dicit: Horatium et Virgilium non fuisse amatos propter doctrinam à Romano quodam nobili, qui fuit intimus Augusti Imperatoris, sed à diversis virginibus, quas propter benevolentiam Mecænates appellant. Et si quis Georgica Virgilii cum Eclogis diligenter inspexerit, facile animadvertet: quod sub masculino semper foemineum putaverit, & amores sub obscuri nomine prodiderit. Ejusmodi Mecænatem quoque Naso habuit, ob quam potius, quam ob scripta de arte amandi
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tavit. This was the unfortunate outcome of that Sidonius. Fortunate is he whom others' dangers make cautious. Therefore we have what was intended. TRACTATE FIFTH. ON MECOENAS. SINGLE QUESTION. What is a Maecenas? WE shall not linger long in this tractate, if only the kernel at which we aim should soon appear. In this question, therefore, it will only be said what a Maecenas is, that is, a lover of scholars: the common opinion is that among men none or few are to be found. Moved by this, Veronica Spierlitzna, in tract. de mec. et stud. cap. 10. dict. 3. openly says: that Horace and Virgil were not loved for their learning by a certain Roman nobleman, who was the intimate of Emperor Augustus, but by various maidens, whom they call Maecenates on account of their benevolence. And if anyone has diligently examined Virgil's Georgics together with the Eclogues, he will easily notice that he always considered the feminine under the masculine, and revealed his loves under an obscure name. Naso also had such a Maecenas, on account of whom rather than on account of the writings on the art of loving
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amandi relegatus fuit. Etiam ratio dictat vi- ros non esse Meccænates studiosorum, nam aut sunt docti aut indocti; ipso facto contra morem suum agerent, quia docti ne separentur, oderunt doctos, indocti susque deque habent doctos, quare ergo amarent? CONCLUS. Mecænas est homo habens, nasum, oris superficiem, mentum, propter rem unam à viris distinctus, qui singulariter est propensus erga studiosos. Ex quo patescit esse foeminam: quia inter foeminas, ut eruditum est plures reperiuntur, quæ in studiosos bene animatæ sunt, ob rationem physicam. TRACTATUS SEXTUS. DE OPIFICIBUS. QUÆSTIO PRIMA. Quid fit opifex? OPIFEX non plane à doctis rejicitur, quia vix eo carere possumus; nunc ad definitionem. Quidam putaverunt Opificem esse cujusvis servum. Sed hi nimis abjecte de illis loquantur; alii dicunt opificem esse hominem laboriosum, cujus finis est, nunquam ditescere. Sed hæc definitio nimis angusta est; sit rationalis. CONCLUS. Opifex est lucrator pa- nis
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was banished from loving. Reason also dictates that men are not Maecenases of scholars, for they are either learned or unlearned; they would in fact act against their own custom, because the learned, lest they be separated, hate the learned; the unlearned care not a straw for the learned, so why would they love them? CONCLUSION. A Maecenas is a man having nose, surface of the face, chin, distinguished from man for one thing, who is singularly inclined toward scholars. From which it is clear that it is a woman: because among women, as is learned, there are more found who are well disposed toward scholars, for a physical reason. TREATISE SIXTH. ON CRAFTSMEN. QUESTION ONE. What is a craftsman? A CRAFTSMAN is not entirely rejected by the learned, because we can scarcely do without him; now to the definition. Some have thought a craftsman to be anyone's servant. But these speak too contemptuously of them; others say a craftsman is a hardworking man, whose end is never to grow rich. But this definition is too narrow; let it be rational. CONCLUSION. A craftsman is a procurer of bread
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220. nis sudore faciei, re aliqua, quam aut usus aut necessitas postulat. PROBAT. Finis est, quod rei ita consequenter esse statuit, aut quod rei influxum suppeditat, sed tale est opificium, cum nimirum propterea extrema & fortissima quævis exantlet, ut panem & æs conflare possit. Ergo, Rectius in terminis. Nam nemo S. Sepulchrum custodit gratis, quilibet suum petit. Ex quo intelligitur nos minus posse carere opificibus quam doctis. -------------------------------------------------------- QUÆSTIO II. Quodnam sit sordidissimum opificium? SUDOR mihi præanxietate erumpit, tot enim sunt sordida opificia, ut quo me ver- tam nesciam, quædam versantur circa mate- riam puram, quædam puram materiam impuram reddunt. Nulli laudem suam detraho, hoc unum dico alutarios intrinsece foetere. Prætereo jam Piscatores, sartores, laniones, pel- liones, carbonarios, latrinarum purgatores, quorum sordes & odores si quis non sentiat, is homo obesa naris merito dicendus est. CONCLUS. In sordibus opificium limarii prærogativam obtinet. PROB. Illud est sordidissimum opificium, quod nusquam sordibus caret. Sed tale quid habent limarii die Lei- mentretter. Ergo, Major est vera, Minorem probo, nam simulac limarii dixerint, quod felix faustumque sit, manus eorum permer- datæ sunt, soo haben sie schon ihr Hembt be- schissen und besudlet. TRA-
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220. by the sweat of his brow, to obtain some thing which either use or necessity requires. PROOF. The end is that which is so consequent in the thing that it is established to be, or that which supplies the influx of the thing; but such is the workman’s craft, since indeed for that reason he endures all manner of extremes and the most violent hardships, so that he may be able to smelt bread and money. Therefore, more rightly in terms. For no one guards the Holy Sepulchre for nothing; everyone seeks his own profit. From this it is understood that we can less do without artisans than without scholars. -------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION II. Which is the filthiest craft? SWEAT bursts from me in anxious foreboding; for there are so many filthy crafts that I do not know where to turn. Some deal with pure matter; some make pure matter impure. I detract from no one’s praise; this one thing I say: tanners stink inwardly. I now pass over fishermen, tailors, butchers, furriers, coalmen, cleaners of privies, whose filth and odors, if a man does not perceive them, he must rightly be called a man with a fat nose. CONCLUSION. Among filthy trades, the trade of the file-keeper holds the prerogative. PROOF. That is the filthiest trade which nowhere lacks filth. But such a thing is found among the file-keepers on the day of Lei-mentretter. Therefore, the major premise is true. I prove the minor, for as soon as the file-keepers have said, “May it be fortunate and prosperous,” their hands are already soiled, so haben sie schon ihr Hembt beschissen und besudlet. TRA-
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221. TRACTATUS SEPTIMUS. DE MEDICINIS ET MEDICINA. QUÆSTIO PRIMA. Quid sit Medicus? ANTE aliquot annos medicina tam vilis fuit, ut homines indocti & agrestes; (die schlimme ungelehrte Flohbirden medicos urinæ inspectores nominaverint, quasi urina objectum eorum foret, unde quidam illos cum juristis hoc versu risit: Stercus et urina Medicorum fercula prima, Sunt medicis signa, Iuristis fercula digna. Ex quo factum est, ut agyrtæ circulatores, viris sylvestres, (Walthansen) Rottorum captores, radicum effossores in majori precio habiti fuerint quam Medici. Dixerunt illi quicquid in buccam venerit: Nulla scientia, meo animo, tam excellens est quo auctoritati medicorum aliquid detrahat, quia revera sunt nobilissimi corporis humani inspectores. CONCLUS. Medicina est scientia practica & speculativa, versans circa corpus sanabile inclusive. PROBAT. Quia medicus, dum ægrotum accedit, perscrutari debet quo morbo laboret, quatenus est speculativa. Deinde per an- te K 3
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221. TREATISE SEVENTH. ON MEDICINES AND MEDICINE. QUESTION FIRST. What is a Physician? Some years ago medicine was held in such low esteem that unlearned and rustic men; (die schlimme ungelehrte Flohbirden) called physicians “inspectors of urine,” as though urine were their only object, whereupon some mocked them with the jurists in this verse: Dung and urine are the physicians’ first dishes, To physicians they are signs, to jurists dishes fit. From this it came about that quacks, itinerant mountebanks, woodland men, (Walthansen) rat-catchers from Rott, and diggers-up of roots were held in greater esteem than physicians. They said whatever came into their mouths: no science, in my judgment, is so excellent that it should detract anything from the authority of physicians, because in truth they are the noblest examiners of the human body. CONCLUSION. Medicine is a practical and speculative science, dealing with the curable body inclusively. PROOF. Because the physician, when he approaches the patient, must investigate by what disease he is afflicted, insofar as it is speculative. Then by means of the an- te K 3
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222. te cognitam curandi regulam eundem curare. Ergo, est practica & speculativa scientia. Inclusive vero, cur annexerimus, ex sequentibus videre licet. -------------------------------------------------------- QUÆSTIO II. Quare hæc disputatio in antepenultimo loco posita, cum nobilissima sit? RESPOND. Quia medicus est tanquam pædagogus corporis humani. Sed pædagogi clientes suos præcedere sinunt, præterea honestum est ut servi præcedant. Dominus autem sequatur, Hysteron proteron wie butgen mit den Schollen. Etiam si hic mos apud Germanos exolevit: (Nam Domini equitant, eunt præ, servi autem sequuntur) attamen nos ab Italorum partibus stamus, qui optimi medici sunt, & quia alii omnem suam scientiam ex illis hauserint, eorum quoque mores imitari debent. Ergo. -------------------------------------------------------- QUÆSTIO III. Utrum medicus juvenis salva conscientia puel- lam denudatam videre possit? DIFFICILIS sane quæstio, sed an respondeat arbitrio paucis docebimus. Quidam dicunt esse impuritatem & curiositatem, ex hoc non leve peccatum provenire posset. Et hæc est sententia communis doctorum, alii innuunt quod ex aspectu nudæ puellæ rigor febrilis & alia gravissima symptomota orientur. CON-
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222. the known rule of curing: to cure the same. Therefore, it is a practical and speculative science. As to why we have added it, this can be seen from what follows. -------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION II. Why is this disputation placed in the penultimate but one place, when it is the most noble? ANSWER. Because the physician is as it were a pedagogue of the human body. But pedagogues allow their clients to go before them; besides, it is honorable that servants should go before, while the master follows. Hysteron proteron, wie butgen mit den Schollen. Even though this custom among the Germans has fallen into disuse: (For masters ride, go ahead, but servants follow) nevertheless we stand on the side of the Italians, who are the best physicians, and because others have drawn all their knowledge from them, they ought also to imitate their customs. Therefore. -------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION III. Whether a young physician may, with a clear conscience, see a naked girl? A difficult question indeed, but whether he should answer, we shall briefly explain by our judgment. Some say that it is impurity and curiosity, from which no slight sin could arise. And this is the common opinion of the doctors; others indicate that from the sight of a naked girl, a febrile rigor and other gravest symptoms will arise. CON-
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223. CONCLUS. Propter anatomiam medicus salva conscientia potest puellam denudatam videre. PROB. Quæ medico adeo necessaria Tunt, ut sine eis medicina sua sit irrita & fallibilis, ea salva conscientia perlustrare potest. Sed puella ratione anatomiae talis est. Ergo. Nam nemo unquam somniavit, quomodo viscera fese habeant, quo in loco sita sint, nisi ipsemet aspexerit; verbi causa. Puella quædam laboret stranguria; si medicus nescit ejus constitutionem, potius exhibebit styptica quam electiva, quæ urinam magis remorantur, quam prolectant, vel puella laboret febre quæ qualitate sua est calida & sicca, si jam parentes tam morosi essent, ut medico ejus videndi copiam non facerent, sed illum adirent peterentque ab eo medicamentum pro tali morbo: interim medicus non potest dicere quæ morbi species, an febris sit tertiana vel quarta. na. Si dicant esse tertianam, nescit, an sit tertiana spuria an pura, si pura, quæ egeret humido & frigido medicamine, dat ei pro digestione R. Syrup. acetos. unc. 1. Mellis rotati collati unc. 1. Buglos. unc. 1. quod tamen tertianæ spuriæ. Ergo, Medicus de puellæ cognitione diligenter inquirere debet. NOTA. Medicus necesse habet puellam (de patiente loquor) diligenter inspicere: imprimis in purgatione noscere debet substantiam subjecti quid perferre possit, an sit masculosa & enervationem nondum experta. Nam si illud nescitur in materia purgante, facilè incideremus in Hypercatharsin, de quo multa dicenda forent. K 4 No-
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223. CONCLUSION. Because of anatomy, a physician may with a clear conscience see a girl undressed. PROOF. Things that are so necessary to a physician that without them his medicine is useless and fallible, he may examine with a clear conscience. But a girl, in respect of anatomy, is such a case. Therefore. For no one ever has dreamed how the viscera are situated, in what place they lie, unless he has seen them himself; for example: a certain girl suffers from strangury; if the physician does not know her constitution, he will rather prescribe styptics than aperients, which rather restrain the urine than promote it; or the girl may suffer from a fever which by its quality is hot and dry, if now the parents were so fussy that they would not allow the physician to see her, but would come to him and ask him for a medicine for such an illness: meanwhile the physician cannot say what kind of disease it is, whether it is a tertian or quartan fever. If they say it is tertian, he does not know whether it is a tertian spurious or true; if true, it would need a moist and cold remedy, but he gives her, for digestion, R. Syrup. acetos. 1 oz. Mellis rotati collati 1 oz. Buglos. 1 oz., which, however, is for a spurious tertian. Therefore, the physician must inquire carefully into the girl's condition. NOTE. The physician must necessarily inspect the girl (I speak of the patient): above all, in purgation he must know the substance of the subject, what it can bear, whether it is mannish and has not yet experienced weakening. For if this is not known in a purgative matter, we would easily fall into hypercatharsis, about which much would have to be said. K 4 No-
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NOTA. Si virgini Syrupum præscribere velis, utere sequenti, R. Radicem phys. calam. an III. Rosar. circa natalitia Christi natarum lib. III. Julep. rosar. mellis violat. an. 3. I. misceantur donec satis sit: ita puellam ægram facile in pristinum sanitatis gradum restitues: quia impense dulcibus gaudent. Aliqua traduntur Hemistilionis man. I. Dactyl. datnez Kern. lib. II. Aquæ vivæ seu Elixir an. 3. I. Si qua probatiora sint, quæ vix puto, secure probare poteris; sed meum probatum est. QUÆSTIO IV. Quid sit medicina Culinaris? Nihil ceri hac de re statui potest, quia trahit sua quemque voluptas, ut ait Poëta: tamen generalem modum culinariter cibandi cum suo ornatu præscribemus, qui famelico stomacho satisfacit, ex quo de cæteris conjecturam facere poteris. Primo mensam mappa conterne, deinde mappulas manuarias per extremam oram ejus circumducens superimpone, quibus stanneos orbiculos per certa intervalla injice: & ne quid ad mensæ apparatum deesse videatur, duc circulos æreos, (quibus paropsides sustentantur) in mediam mensam conjice: salinum non neglige, mox panibus ex canistro depromptis mensam per certa intervalla onerare stude. In eodem temporis puncto, affer ampheram cerevisiæ communis & pocula fictilia, quæ juxta panes in mensa rite collocato. Tum i allatum edulia
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NOTE. If you wish to prescribe syrup for a maiden, use the following: R. Root of phys. calam. an III. Roses born around the nativity of Christ, lib. III. Rose julep, honey of violets, an. 3. I. Let them be mixed until enough: in this way you will easily restore the sick girl to her former state of health: because they greatly delight in sweets. Some things are given Hemistilionis man. I. Dactyl. datnez Kern. lib. II. Living water, or Elixir, an. 3. I. If there are any more approved remedies, which I hardly think there are, you may safely try them; but mine has been proven. QUESTION IV. What is Culinary medicine? Nothing certain can be established on this matter, because each one is drawn by his own pleasure, as the Poet says: nevertheless we shall prescribe the general manner of feeding culinarily, with its proper adornment, which satisfies a hungry stomach, from which you will be able to make conjecture about the rest. First spread the table with a cloth, then, carrying the small hand-napkins around the outer edge of it, lay them on top, into which insert pewter little plates at certain intervals; and lest anything should seem lacking in the table’s setting, draw in the brass rings, (by which dishes are supported), throw them into the middle of the table: do not neglect the saltcellar; soon, with the loaves taken from the basket, endeavor to load the table at certain intervals. At the same point in time, bring a jug of ordinary beer and clay cups, which place duly beside the loaves on the table. Then the brought edibles
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225. edulia (loquor de iis quæ æstivis duntaxat diebus sunt salubria) & appone ex una parte edulium confusaneum ex crudis herbulis, lactuca scilicet & nasturtio acetosaque confectum, aceto perfusum, & olivo inunctum: ex alia parte sorbitiunculam ex ovis gallinaceis vinoque & pulvere aromatico confectam. Tum patinam cum reliquiis herbarum tolle, & aliud edulium appone, ex una parte; patinam cum ovis longa elixatione duratis, testa exutis, bipertitis, ac petroselino minutatim conscisso respersis, & in acri aceto natantibus; ex altera parte patellam cum binis ovis testa adhuc inclusis, & in calido cinere ad ignem leviter versatis ac percoctis. Jam ito in cellam vinariam allatum cantharum vini vetuli, & deinde in discubitorium allatum duos vitreos calices multinodos, vinoque impleto. Iterum tolle patinas & pone ex una parte mensæ pulmentarium ex bubulis carnibus tessellatim concisis & uvarum passarum acinis interjectis confectum, ac pulvere aromatico affatim conditum: ex altera parte appone pisces fluviatiles (quos lucios vocant) aromatico liquore innatantes & suavi sapore percoctos. Rursus illas dapes amove & ante hospites bulimiâ laborantes appone ex una parte capos illacardatos & ad ignem crebro volumine versatos ac percoctos, cui adjice stannea quædam patella cum olivis ex vase condimentario recenter depromptis: ex altera parte pone opiparum ferculum ex sturione assum & piperis gin-
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225. Foodstuffs, I speak of those which are wholesome only on summer days, and set on one side a mixed dish of raw herbs, namely lettuce, nasturtium, and sorrel, seasoned with vinegar and anointed with oil; on the other side a little drink made from eggs, wine, and aromatic powder. Then remove the dish with the remaining herbs, and set down another food on one side; a dish with eggs hardened by long boiling, freed from the shell, cut in two, and sprinkled with chopped parsley, floating in sharp vinegar; on the other side a small dish with two eggs still enclosed in the shell, and in hot ashes by the fire lightly turned and thoroughly cooked. Then go to the wine cellar and bring in a cantharus of old wine, and then into the dining room bring two glass cups with many nodules, and fill them with wine. Again take away the dishes and set on one side of the table a meat dish made of beef cut into dice and prepared with raisins mixed in, and liberally seasoned with aromatic powder; on the other side set fish from the river, which they call pike, floating in an aromatic sauce and thoroughly cooked to a pleasing flavor. Again remove those dishes and, before the guests suffering from bulimia, set on one side capons, larded and turned over the fire repeatedly and thoroughly cooked, to which add a certain tin plate with olives freshly taken from the condiment vessel; on the other side place an opulent dish of roast sturgeon and pepper, gin-
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226. gingiberisque polline & saccharo affatim con- ditum. Tum interjecto tempore paropsides tolle & lancem cum butyro flamenti, nec non & canistrum cum caseis bubulis & ovillis men- sæ superimponito; Interim calices mero im- pleto. Tandem bellaria apponito videlicet duas patinas cum pomis quarum altera semi- plena sit cerasis aqua perlutis, & altera plena flavis & lividis prunis, itemque calathum cum malis acidis amiculi & præcocibus hornis. Hæc est medicina culinaris, quæ optime latranti stomacho medetur, qua qui non sa- natur is incurabilis. -------------------------------------------------------- QUÆSTIO V. De Diæta. Qua ratione quis vitam quam longissimè pro- rogare potest? RESPOND. Observando sequentes re- gulas salutares. 1. Regul. Sanitatis studium est, non satia- ri cibis, impigrum esse ad Labores. 2. Motus, cibus, potus, somnus, ve- nus, omnia mediocria. 3. Cibus novus ne unquam sumatur, nisi priore probe concocto. 4. Mensæ ne sint æquales, sed semper coe- na levior. 5. Prioris mensæ error, sequentis parsi- monia corrigatur. 6. Cibus ne prius ingeratur, quam in ore fuerit exacte masticatus, 7. Po-
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226. ginger and pepper, and abundantly seasoned with sugar. Then, after some time has passed, remove the dishes and place on the table the tray with butter for the landowner, as well as the basket with cow’s milk cheeses and sheep’s milk cheeses; meanwhile fill the cups with wine. Finally, set out the desserts, namely two dishes with fruit, one of them half full of cherries washed in water, and the other full of yellow and purple plums, and also a basket with sour apples wrapped in cloth and early fruits of the year. This is culinary medicine, which best cures a barking stomach; he who is not healed by it is incurable. -------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION V. On Diet. By what method can one prolong life as long as possible? ANSWER. By observing the following salutary rules. 1. Rule. The pursuit of health is not to be satiated with food, and to be diligent in labors. 2. Motion, food, drink, sleep, lust: let all things be moderate. 3. New food should never be taken unless the previous food has been thoroughly digested. 4. Meals should not be equal, but supper should always be lighter. 5. The fault of the previous meal should be corrected by the frugality of the next. 6. Food should not be swallowed before it has been thoroughly masticated in the mouth, 7. Po-
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227. 7. Potus ne unquam superet alimenta ficca. 8. Potus ne sumatur priusquam bona cibi portio sit ingesta. 9. Varietas ciborum in eadem mensa ne adhibeatur. 10. Semel in septimana mensa omittatur cum scilicet corpus minus videbitur alimento indigere. 11. Semel in die corpus ita exerceatur, ut naturalis calor excitetur, utendum autem exercitio temperato ante cibum, cujus utilitates sic descripsit Fulgentius: Exercitium est humanæ vitæ conservatio, dominantis naturæ superfluitatum consumptio, virtutum roboratio, temporis lucrum; otio inimicum, juventutis debitum, senectutis gaudium. Nam exercitium solvit & evacuat per poros superfluitates: contra quies maxima nocumenta affert: hinc Poëta. Otia nullus amet, nisi sunt conjuncta labori, Nam nimia requie mortificatur homo. 12. Is ordo in cibis ingerendis servetur, ut liquida ac mollia solidis ac siccis præmittantur. 13. Inter unam & alteram mensam, ne quid cibi aut potus ingeratur. 14. Alvus quotidie sit mollis aut natura, aut arte. 15. Extreme calida in cibo, potu ac aëre vitentur, itidem frigida. 16. Somnus nec brevior sit sex horis, nec octo prolixior. 17. A cibo statim, ac pleno ventriculo, legere, scribere, ac gravioribus cogitationibus, operam dare perniciosum est. 18.
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227. 7. Drink should never exceed dry food. 8. Drink should not be taken before a good portion of food has been eaten. 9. Variety of foods should not be used at the same table. 10. Let the table be omitted once a week, when, of course, the body will seem to need less food. 11. The body should be exercised once a day, so that natural heat may be stirred up; moderate exercise should be used before eating, the benefits of which Fulgentius described thus: Exercise is the preservation of human life, the consumption of superfluities by the ruling nature, the strengthening of virtues, the gain of time; the enemy of idleness, the debt of youth, the joy of old age. For exercise loosens and evacuates superfluities through the pores; on the other hand, rest brings the greatest harm: hence the poet. Let no one love idleness unless it is joined to labor, For by excessive rest man is mortified. 12. Let this order be observed in taking food, that liquids and soft foods be taken before solid and dry ones. 13. Between one meal and another, let nothing of food or drink be taken. 14. The bowels should be soft every day, either naturally or by art. 15. Extremely hot things in food, drink, and air should be avoided, likewise cold things. 16. Sleep should be neither shorter than six hours nor longer than eight. 17. Immediately after food, and with the stomach full, to read, write, and devote oneself to more serious thoughts is harmful. 18.
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228. 18. Violentus motus à cibo statim omnino fugiendus. 19. Mane refoto corpore membra omnia fortiter extendantur. 20. Nunquam potus assumendus jejuno ventriculo, quoniam talis potus valde nocius est, & habet potentiam percutiendi nervos & eis nocendi. Galenus secundo Aphoris. 21. dixit: si quis famelicus ante cibum vinum acceperit, cito in spasmum et mentis alienationem incidit: Neque post cibum vinum assumendum est, quoniam digerit velociter & penetrat, & penetrare facit cibum, qui nondum sit digestus, & facit hæreditare oppilationes, & putrefactionem. 21. A notabili quantitate vini abstinendum est, & quantum potest fieri ab omni, quia no-cumentum adsert cerebro: & ex ipso, nemo debile cerebrum habens, nisi parum & admixtum bibat, & Serapio dixit: Vinum re-plet caput vaporibus multis. 22. Panis sit optimus ac mollis, cum pau-co sale mixtus. 23. Caseus ac lacticina omnia vitanda: lac integrum utile est in æstate cum sacharo: Aqua lactis vel serum lactis semper utile est. 24. Piscium rarus sit usus, soli froibiles admittantur adhibito aceto atque aromatibus atque salsamentis. 25. Conchylia ostrea ac testacea omnia, quod frigidum, lentum ac hærens alimen-tum gignant, declinanda. PRO-
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228. 18. Violent movement should be completely avoided immediately after food. 19. In the morning, after the body has been refreshed, all the limbs should be strongly stretched. 20. Drink should never be taken on an empty stomach, since such drink is very harmful and has the power to strike the nerves and injure them. Galen, in the second book of Aphorisms. 21. He said: if anyone who is hungry has taken wine before food, he quickly falls into spasm and mental derangement. Nor should wine be taken after food, because it digests quickly and penetrates, and causes the food, which is not yet digested, to penetrate as well, and brings about obstructions and putrefaction. 21. A notable quantity of wine should be abstained from, and as far as possible from all, because it is harmful to the brain; and no one with a weak brain should drink it, except a little and diluted, and Serapio said: Wine fills the head with many vapors. 22. Bread should be the best and soft, mixed with a little salt. 23. Cheese and all dairy foods are to be avoided; whole milk is useful in summer with sugar. Water of milk or whey is always useful. 24. Fish should be used rarely; only weak persons should be allowed it, with vinegar, spices, and condiments added. 25. Shellfish, oysters, and all shelled creatures are to be avoided, because they generate a cold, sluggish, and sticky food. PRO-
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229. PROPHETIA MIRABILIS AD ANNUM DOMINI Millesimum Sexcentesinium 34. futurum. A Lmanachius artium Magister Parisiensis, diligens lustrator universi hæc infrascripta cunctis notificat, diligenti indagine, antiquissimo codice, in bibliotheca communi, totius regni Franciæ reperta, quod anno Domini 34. in mense Januario & sequentibus; Consurgent ossa mortuorum (A) quæ quidem plena erunt oculis, sed non videbunt, virtutem tamen habebunt cæcos illuminandi, quæ per plana discurrunt vestitos quidem nudabunt, habentes spoliabunt, non habentibus dabunt, & inter homines discordiam concitabunt, furore dominante. Insurget enim gens bellicosissima, non utens bombardis aut tormentis ferreis vel æneis (hoc enim vulgatum est) sed sagittis peste infectis (B) tam venenatis, ut si unum ex militibus tetigerint non solum ipse, sed & totus exercitus quantus quantus est, moriatur. E contrario erit miles admodum benignus, (cui militiæ nomen dant non solum ruffici sed & cives, nobiles, principes, imo Reges (C) qui multos quidem prosternet, jacentes quasi semimortuos: sed tamen iterum reviviscent: in hoc bello qui primus aufugerit, præmium auferet, qui constanter in finem usque pugna- verit K 7
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229. PROPHETIA MIRABILIS FOR THE YEAR OF OUR LORD to be in the 1634th year. Almanachius, Master of Arts of Paris, a diligent observer of the universe, makes known to all the following matters, with diligent inquiry, found in an ancient codex in the common library of the whole kingdom of France, that in the year of our Lord 34, in the month of January and the following months, the bones of the dead shall arise (A), which indeed will be full of eyes, yet will not see; nevertheless they will have the power of enlightening the blind; those who run across the plains will strip the clothed, will despoil those who have, and will give to those who have not, and among men they will stir up discord, with fury prevailing. For a most warlike nation shall arise, not using bombards or iron or bronze cannon (for this is indeed common talk), but arrows infected with plague (B), so poisonous that if one of them should touch a soldier, not only he himself, but also the whole army, as large as it may be, shall die. On the other hand, there will be a very kindly soldier, (to this soldier not only foot-soldiers but also citizens, nobles, princes, indeed even kings give the name of soldier (C), who will indeed cast down many, lying as though half-dead; but nevertheless they will live again: in this war, he who first flees will carry off the prize, he who steadfastly unto the end shall have fought K 7
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verit & permanserit, non solum risu sed etiam poena pecuniæ præsentaria multabitur. (D) Interea ex regibus consurgent quatuor (E) cum suis exercitibus mirabilibus & monstrosis, qui pedes habent sed non ambulant, aures nec tamen audiunt, oculos nec vident, vosque similes illis, & in medio exercitus erit Heros quidam Diabolo. Tunc consurgens contra gentem, & pugnabit frater contra fratrem, servus contra Dominum, & erit admiratio universis: nam minor superabit majorem, multitudo cedet paucitati, & quod terribilius est contra nequissimum Belial, non erit victoria in hoc prælio, nec contra illum Heroa nisi unicæ non quidem magno, sed parvo & modico pygmæo pannolo. Et erit finaliter talis persecutio, qualis ab initio non fuit, & beatus, qui illæsus in tali pugna fuerit. Præterea supervenient alia larvata, quæ potius monstra vocabuntur, sed nondum statim finis, & nisi abbreviati fuerint dies: omnes depauperabuntur: sitiunt enim sanguinem justorum, & desudoribus pauperum vivere concupiscunt: Reges namque 4. cum uxoribus (F) senioribus & militibus, ac aliis equilibus suis venientibus quatuor mundi plagis animi relaxandi causa exeuntes in campum planum variis colorum floribus distinctum atque adornatum, incipient alter alterum provocare & in iram concitare, dicentes vincat qui potest, vive le Roy, fortuna nobiscum; hæc audientes qui astant, incipient admirari, non sine parva expectatione eventuum futurorum; Exitus enim
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if it has remained, not only with laughter but also with a present pecuniary penalty it shall be fined. (D) Meanwhile, out of the kings four shall arise (E) with their marvelous and monstrous armies, who have feet yet do not walk, ears yet do not hear, eyes yet do not see, and you like them, and in the midst of the army there shall be a certain Hero from the Devil. Then rising up against the nation, he will fight brother against brother, servant against lord, and there shall be wonder to all: for the lesser shall overcome the greater, the multitude shall yield to the few, and what is more terrible against the most wicked Belial, there shall be no victory in this battle, nor against that Hero except by a single one, not indeed a great one, but a small one and a little pygmy in a coat. And there shall finally be such persecution as from the beginning there has not been, and blessed is he who shall be unharmed in such a struggle. Moreover, there shall come other masked figures, which rather shall be called monsters, but not yet immediately the end, and unless the days be shortened: all shall be impoverished: for they thirst for the blood of the just, and desire to live by the sweat of the poor: for the four Kings, with their wives (F) elders and soldiers, and with their other equine companions, coming from the four quarters of the world, going out into the open plain for the sake of relaxing the mind, distinguished and adorned with various colored flowers, will begin to challenge one another and stir one another to anger, saying: let him who can win, vive le Roy, fortune with us; those hearing this, who are standing by, will begin to marvel, not without a small expectation of future events; for the outcome
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231. enim acta probabit & in fine videbitur cujus toni. Commisso bello, quod plerumque in feram usque noctem protenditur, omnes tacite in unum se recipiunt locum, neque amplius sunt loquelæ aut sermones, quum priora transierunt. His peractis sequitur poenitentia multorum, qui converterint ad cor, præ angustia spiritus gementes, & insaniam suam agnoscentes, in qua quidem poenitentia, stabit contritio, sine confessione & lachrimis & erit gaudium universis super uno peccatore poenitentiam agente. Prodibunt quoque magnates quatuor, (G) cum suis domiciliis, & servis, initur pugna certamine dubio, ille tamen qui primus 3 t. ceperit & abduxerit non solum ipsos captivos sed & pecuniæ tantum quantum illis alendis sufficit (H) auferet. Sphaera insuper lignea imo hemisphaera à peccatoribus super viventibus remote torquetur in novem ligneos jambos seu digitulos (I) quam potius fortunæ globum seu rotam diceres. Et quicunque inimicorum eorundem, plures ex his prostraverit in terram, quanto præconio quantisve donis muneretur, hi scient, quorum interest hæc scire: Nam nullus eorum, qui viriliter dimicaverit, immunis abibit: non curando aspectus torvos atque oppositos suorum sodalium contorquentium. Nam inde capiet, quo novos sibi comparare possit amicos, juxta illud: Tot amici, quod nummi. Heu quam inique comparatum est, ut hi qui minus habent, addant ut plurimum aliquid divi-
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231. for deeds will prove it, and at the end it will be seen whose the tone is. When war has been undertaken, which is for the most part prolonged into the deep night, all silently withdraw into one place, and there are no longer any cries or conversations, when the earlier things have passed away. After these things there follows repentance of many, who have turned to their heart, groaning because of the anguish of spirit, and acknowledging their madness; in this repentance there shall be contrition, without confession and tears, and there shall be joy for all over one sinner doing penance. Four magnates also will come forth, (G) with their households and servants; battle is joined in an uncertain contest, yet he who first seizes and carries off the three t. will take away not only the captives themselves but also as much money as is sufficient for feeding them (H). Furthermore, a wooden sphere, or rather a hemisphere, is turned by the sinners above the living, set apart, upon nine wooden legs or little digits (I), which you might more properly call the globe or wheel of fortune. And whoever of their enemies has overthrown more of these to the ground, by how great a proclamation and by what gifts he is rewarded, those who are concerned to know these things will know. For none of those who have fought manfully will go away unscathed, not caring for the stern and hostile looks of their companions turning away. For from this he will gain that he may acquire new friends for himself, according to that saying: As many friends as coins. Alas, how unfairly it has been arranged, that those who have less should add, for the most part, something of the rich-
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divitiioribus, sed hoc ibi fit, ubi non rectè vivitur. Exortis densis tenebris, præ festitudine exsurgunt semivivi (K) & dant se requiei, tunc consurget quoddam animal admirabile, habens os de cornu & barbam carneam (L) clamans super semi-vivo, surgite mortui, venite ad judicium. Tunc coniurgent semi-vivi, accipientes pelles mortuorum (M) vertentes & revertentes, postea consumunt patrem suum, cujus locus factus est in pace. Demum facta pace fit cantus celebris, & plurimi ex illis in Synagoga reperiuntur, ubi ipoliis & oneribus alleviantur, deponentes quæ apportaverant, eaque alienis custodibus committunt, ut & ipsi cantent simul cum illis, non lamentationes Hieremiæ, sed gaudeamus omnes, quoniam filius perditionis inventus est, tanquam ovis, quæ perierat: sit gaudium miseris quorum luctus vertitur in gaudium. Sed domi ibi erit fletus & stridor dentium; non habentes, quod manducent, quoniam captivi (N) sui educi sunt in tenebras exteriores, & quis scit, quando revertentur, dies cum illa dies iræ, dies calamitatis & miseræ, dies magna & amara valde, lugebunt super se omnes tribus terræ, à qua nos liberet, qui sic vivit & regnat, Amen. Concertatio muliebris. Orta rixa inter Mulieres, cum altera alteri objiceret mendacium, & convitia agitarent: Mentiris, inquit una, ut meretrix, ut fur, ut vene-
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among the richer, but this happens there where one does not live rightly. When thick darkness has arisen, the half-dead, in their great haste, rise up (K) and give themselves to rest; then there will arise a certain marvelous animal, having a horn for a mouth and a fleshy beard (L), crying over the half-dead, “Rise up, you dead, come to judgment.” Then the half-dead will rise together, taking up the skins of the dead (M), turning and returning, afterward they consume their father, whose place has been made in peace. Finally, peace having been made, a famous song is sung, and many of them are found in the Synagogue, where they are relieved of spoil and burdens, laying down what they had brought, and entrusting it to alien keepers, so that they too may sing together with them, not the lamentations of Jeremiah, but “let us all rejoice, for the son of perdition has been found, like the sheep that had perished”: let there be joy for the miserable, whose mourning is turned into joy. But at home there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth; having nothing to eat, because their captives (N) have been led into outer darkness, and who knows when they will return, on that day, the day of wrath, the day of calamity and misery, a great and very bitter day; all the tribes of the earth will mourn over themselves, from which may He deliver us, who thus lives and reigns, Amen. Female contest. A quarrel having arisen among women, when one charged another with a lie, and insults were bandied about: “You are lying,” said one, “like a whore, like a thief, like a ven-
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233. venefica. Huic altera: At tu, inquit, mentiris ut calendarii opifex, qui toto anno, & singulis diebus mentitur. Putabat nullum mendacius hominum genus excogitari posse, cui adversariam conferret, quam Astrologos & tempestatum conjectores. De Modestia civili lictoris. Comes Zollerensis, cùm in pago quodam vicino Tubingæ divertisset, & forte illic præfectus Tubingensis negotia istius loci componeret: mox unà prandere coeperunt. Erat fortè unus ex mensæ administris & pocillatoribus lictor oppidanus, homo pro popularium suorum more admodum civilis. Hic cùm discum Comiti apponeret, & aliquâ immunditiâ sordidatum adverteret, celeriter ad se reductum prius femorali ad nates abstersit, & deinde Comiti apposuit. Putabat enim hac ratione multò mundiorem jam factum esse discum, & comitis ore longe digniorem. Cujusdam Iudaicæ mulieris facetum dictum. Fui olim in oppidulo Hechinga nomine, quod est in ditione Comitum Zollerensium illuc reperi unam Iudæam, quæ cùm esset conspicua forma, fuit & perfaceta: cui ego cum persuadere conatus essem fidem Christianam, nihil ineptum respondebat. Tandem circumcisionem credidit tantum valere, quantum baptismum, quæsivitque à me, quanti nos Christiani baptismum faceremus: Respondebam, multi; & sine eo claudi portas regni coelorum: ipsa verò subjunxit: At nos Iudaicæ mulieres parum tenemus de circumcisione. Quod
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233. Sorceress. To her another said: “But you lie like a calendar-maker, who lies through the whole year and every single day.” He thought no more mendacious a race of men could be imagined, to whom he might compare as an opponent, than astrologers and weather-forecasters. On the civil modesty of a beadle. The Count of Zollern, when he had stopped at a certain village near Tübingen, and by chance the Tübingen prefect was also there settling the affairs of that place, soon began to dine together. There was among the servants and cup-bearers at table a town beadle, a man very civil, according to the custom of his countrymen. When this man set a dish before the Count and noticed that it had been soiled with some dirt, he quickly drew it back, wiped it with the seat of his breeches, and then set it before the Count. For he thought that in this way the dish had now become much cleaner, and far more worthy of the Count’s mouth. A witty saying of a certain Jewish woman. I was once in a little town named Hechingen, which is in the domain of the Counts of Zollern. There I found one Jewess, who, since she was distinguished in appearance, was also very clever. When I had tried to persuade her to the Christian faith, she answered nothing foolish. At last, when she believed circumcision to be worth as much as baptism, and asked me how much we Christians valued baptism, I replied, “A great deal; and that without it the gates of the kingdom of heaven are shut.” She then added: “But we Jewish women have little use for circumcision.” That
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234. Quod cum causam inquisivissem, dixit: Quoniam mallemus addi virorum nostram virilibus portionem, quam adimi. Unde cunctis adstantibus maximum risum commovit. De quodam Rustico. Ego nosco rusticum, qui cum esset factus Prætor pagi sui, venit non longo post tempore ad balneum in Minsingense oppidulum. Cumque ibi invenisset quendam, quo cum olim equos pavisset, dixit inter cæterea (cum ille gratulatus esset ei de Prætura adepta) quis æstimasset unquam, bone amice, dum cramus Hipponomi, quod ego indignus Prætor factus aliquando essem? Credens se tam grandi in Magistratu collocatum, ut singulari etiam augurio & fortuna opus fuerit, quum tamen ultra novem ruslicos non haberet sibi subditos. De Studente lepidum dictum. Ego habui ante aliquot annos conterraneum Schlecklingensem in studio nostro Tubingensi, qui cum aliquoties ad gradum Baccalaureatus (ut vocant) aspirasset, nec unquam obtinere potuerat, tandem spe omni ablata dixit: Non est necesse ut fiam Baccalaureus: nam & Christus habuit duodecim discipulos, & tamen nullus eorum fuit Baccalaureus. De quodam Nobili. Jacuit nuper mecum quidam nobilis Scholasticus, quem cum sæpe adhortatus essem, ut in honorem tantæ festivitatis (erat enim nativitas beatæ virginis) maturius surgeret, atque in fanum
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234. When I had inquired into the reason, he said: Because we would rather have our portion added to that of the men than taken away from us. Whereupon, in the presence of all who were standing by, he provoked great laughter. About a certain rustic. I know a rustic who, when he had been made Praetor of his district, came not long afterward to the bath in the little town of Minsingen. And when he had found there a certain man with whom he had once tended horses, he said, among other things, after the latter had congratulated him on his having obtained the Praetur: who would ever have thought, good friend, while we were grooms, that I, unworthy though I am, would one day become Praetor? He believed himself placed in so great an office that even a special omen and fortune were needed, though in fact he had no more than nine rustics subject to him. A witty saying about a student. Some years ago I had a fellow countryman from Schlecklingen in our studies at Tübingen, who, after repeatedly aspiring to the degree of Baccalaureus, as they call it, and never being able to obtain it, at last, all hope having been taken away, said: It is not necessary that I become a Baccalaureus; for Christ also had twelve disciples, and yet none of them was a Baccalaureus. About a certain nobleman. Not long ago a noble scholar lay with me, and when I had often urged him to rise earlier in honor of so great a festival, for it was the Nativity of the Blessed Virgin, and to go to the church
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235. fanum properaret. Quæsivit ille ignarus qualis dies esset) an festum circumisionis beatæ Virginis celebraretur. Quod tantam præbuit omnibus audientibus ridendi materiam, ut pene in proverbium verteretur. -------------------------------------------------------- EXPLICATIO Hujus Prophetiæ. A. Ossa mortuorum) id est, tessera, cubus Würffel, dobbelstein. B. Peste infectis) lusus, vulgo dictus Tic-Tack, in quo si una rotula tangatur, totus ludus amittitur. C. Principes imo reges) ludus aleatoriis vulgo Verkehren, hic ludus quoniam admodum delectabilis est ingeniumque volatile requirit magnatibus quoque allubescit. D. Pecunia præsentaria multabitur) recte, nam hic ludus non patitur dilationem debiti, cum sit molestissimus creditor. E. Ex regibus consurgent quatuor) Ludus chartarum, vulgo coram nobis Karneffel Spiel. F. Reges quoque duo cum uxoribus) Ludus turriculæ vulgo dictus Schacht Spiel, in quo etiam si appareant species humanæ non tamen homines, sed potius nomina hominum sunt. G. Magnates quatuor) Ludus chartarum, vulgo Triumphus dictus Trouff. H.
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235. he hurried to the temple. The man, being ignorant, asked what sort of day it was, whether the feast of the Circumcision of the Blessed Virgin was being celebrated. This furnished all the listeners with such matter for laughter that it nearly passed into a proverb. -------------------------------------------------------- EXPLANATION of this Prophecy. A. Bones of the dead) that is, dice, cube, Würffel, dobbelstein. B. Infected by the plague) a game, commonly called Tic-Tack, in which, if one little wheel be touched, the whole game is lost. C. Princes, indeed kings) a game of chance, commonly Verkehren, this game, since it is very delightful and requires a restless wit, is pleasing even to great lords. D. Cash in hand shall be fined) rightly, for this game does not permit delay of debt, since it is a most troublesome creditor. E. Four shall rise up from the kings) a card game, commonly in our presence called Karneffel Spiel. F. Also two kings with wives) the tower game commonly called Schacht Spiel, in which, even if the forms of human beings appear, they are nevertheless not men, but rather names of men. G. Four magnates) a card game, commonly called Triumphus, Trouff. H.
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236. H. Quantum illis alendis sufficit) Nam si- cuti oculos habent & non vident, ita os & non comedunt, I. Iambos seu digitulos) Ludus globi dictus Kegelen. K. Semivivi id est, somnolenti. L. Animal habens os de cornu) id est, Gal- lus gallinaceus, habn. M. Pelles mortuorum) id est, libros oratio- num. N. Captivi sunt nummi in bursis, id est, te- nebris. De Rustico. Novi rusticum, pinguefacere cupiens por- cum, tantùm illi in die cibum bis porrexit: & cum semper macer maneret, indignatus ille conquestus est vicino. A quo cum correptus esset, quod non bis, sed ter vel amplius deberet pastum porrigere. Respondit rusticus, ter vel amplius, nullo modo: quoniam ego homo cum maximis laboribus, contentus sum bis comedere in die. Credens hominem laborio- sum plus debere esse, quam porcum. Fatui cujusdam facetum dictum. Dicitur mihi de aliquo stupido homine & fa- tuo, qui cum funus maternum prosequeretur, cantabat alta voce. Quem cum pater castiga- ret, dixit: Haud esse te sanum credo pater: cum precio conducas Sacerdotes, qui canerent, ego vero gratis concinam. F I N I S.
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236. H. Enough to feed them) For just as they have eyes and do not see, so they have a mouth and do not eat, I. Iambs or little digits) The game of the ball is called Kegelen. K. Half-alive, that is, sleepy. L. An animal having a horned mouth) that is, a rooster, habn. M. Skins of the dead) that is, books of prayers. N. Prisoners are the coins in purses, that is, in darkness. On the Rustic. I knew a rustic who, wishing to fatten a pig, gave it food only twice a day: and when it always remained lean, he angrily complained to a neighbor. When the neighbor rebuked him for not giving it food twice, but three times or more, the rustic replied, “Three times or more? By no means: for I, a man with the greatest labors, am content to eat twice a day.” Thinking that a laborious man ought to be more than a pig. The witty saying of a certain fool. It is told to me of some stupid and foolish man, who, when accompanying his mother’s funeral, was singing aloud. When his father rebuked him, he said: “I do not believe you are sound, father: since you hire priests for money to sing, I will sing for free.” THE END.
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PUGNA PORCORUM PER P. PORCIUM, POETAM. Paraclesis pro Potore. Perlege porcorum pulcherrima proelia, Potor, Potando poteris placidam proferre poesin. NIVERSTADII, Apud CASPARUM MYRRHEUM MELCHIOREM THUREUM, & BALTHASARUM AUREUM, 1720.
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THE FIGHT OF PIGS BY P. PORCIUS, POET. An Exhortation for the Drinker. Read the most beautiful battles of pigs, O Drinker; By drinking you will be able to produce peaceful poetry. NIVESTADII, At the house of CASPAR MYRRHEUS, MELCHIOR THUREUS, and BALTHASAR AUREUS, 1720.
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AD LECTOREM JODOCUS HELMONTANUS. Porciolus Porcos, cecinisti parva croacum, Sic condigna refert præmia, Homere tibi. AD EUNDEM. Mæonides ranas cecinit, sed Porcius ille Posterior porcos, plaudite utrique precor. AD EUNDEM. Potando pugnas Porcorum perlege potor, Petendis posuit præmia porciolus. Porcorumque procul propellant prælia planetus, Persuadent propter poëmata percinere. Perdocuit paucis porcorum pulchra Poëta. Prælia, perlecto plaudite porciolo. Po-
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To the reader JODOCUS HELMONTANUS. Piglet, you sang the little croak of pigs, Thus Homer brings you fitting rewards. To the same. Maeonides sang of frogs, but that Porcius afterwards sang of pigs; I pray, applaud both. To the same. Reader, drinker, peruse the battles of the pigs by drinking, The piglet has set out rewards to be sought. And may the song drive the wars of the pigs far away; Their poems persuade one to sing them through. The fine poet taught in few words the pigs’ battles; having read, applaud the piglet. Po-
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Potentissimo PATRONO PORCIANORUM. P. PORCIUS. Poëta Prosperitatem precatur plurimam. POSTQUAM publice porci putamur; præstantissime patrone, placuit porcorum pugnam poëmate pangere, potissime propone[n]do pericula pinguium prælatorum: pu[n]guant pigriter pusillanimes prælati propter pinguedinis pondus, porro potentius porcelli pauca proceritate perpoliti: propterea placeat precor puerile poëma perlegere porcorum porcellorumque pugnam propositionibus pietam paribus, peripraepostere. Proditur patronus porcianorum, Primordialibus punctis. Res Inamæna Caret Affectu. Læta Decorem Omnimodè Aspirat Bellula Habe Ergo Rata: Proditur Poëta. Plura Latent Animo Coelata, Et non Temeranda Indiciis Ullis, Scilicet hoc Volui. Præ-
Transcription: Translated (English)
To the most powerful PATRON OF THE PORCIANS. P. PORCIUS. The poet prays for abundant prosperity. AFTER we are publicly thought pigs; most excellent patron, it seemed good to compose in verse the battle of pigs, especially by setting forth the dangers of fat prelates: the fainthearted prelates fight lazily because of the weight of fatness; and furthermore the piglets, more powerfully polished by their slight stature: therefore, I pray, may it please you to read this childish poem, the struggle of pigs and piglets, adorned with parallel propositions, somewhat perversely. The patron of the Porcians is disclosed, by the primordial initials. An unpleasing matter lacks feeling. A pretty little thing eagerly aspires to beauty in every way; so hold it as established: The poet is disclosed. Many things lie hidden in the mind, engraved, and not to be rashly shown by any signs; that, namely, is what I meant. Pre-
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240. P Ræcelsis proavis pulchre, prognate patrone, Pectore prudenti pietateque prædite priscâ, Præter progeniem, præter præclara parentum Prælia pro patria, pro præsulibusque peracta, Pleraque pro propulo proprio perfecta potenter Pellucens probitate, potentiique prosperitate, Proposito præsente petens plerumque peritos, Propereaque probas philomusos; persequerisque Parnasso potos, precio precibusque poëtas: Postquam percepi puerile placere poëma Præcipue propter præscripta proœmia pugna Porcorum, placuit parvam præfigere pugna Pagellam, porci prodentem proprietates Plausibiles, pinguem patronum promeruisse Pectore pinguiculo, pol promeruisse poëtam Pingui porcorum pingendo poëmata pugnam: Propositiones pugnæ. Porcos pistorum pergunt prosternere pugna Porcelli, pasti planti per pervia prata.
Transcription: Translated (English)
240. By the fair ancestors of Ræcelsis, begetter and patron, Endowed with prudent heart and ancient piety, Beyond his lineage, beyond the splendid deeds of his parents Done for country, done for the prelates, And many things accomplished powerfully for his own people, Shining through probity and prosperous power, With present purpose seeking out the learned as far as possible, And quickly approving lovers of the Muses; and you pursue The poets, drunk from Parnassus, with price and prayers: After I perceived that a childish poem pleased, Especially because of the prefaced prologues of the battle Of the pigs, it pleased me to set before it a small battle page, Setting forth the characteristics of pigs, That I might have deserved a pleasing patron, With a little plump heart, indeed, and a poet too To have deserved the battle of pigs by writing plump poems: Propositions of the battle. The piglets of the bakers go on overthrowing pigs in battle, Fed on their feet through the open meadows.
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PUBLIUS PORCIUS POETA. Perlege porcorum pulcherrima, prælla, potor Potando poteris placidam proferre poësin. inferatur pag. 241. di Placenzio o Pla- tir.
Transcription: Translated (English)
PUBLIUS PORCIUS POET. Publius Porcius, poet. Perlege porcorum pulcherrima, prælla, potor Potando poteris placidam proferre poësin. See page 241. di Placenzio o Pla- tir.
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NAZIONALE "VITTORIO EMANUELE BIBLIOT. NAPOLI
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National "Vittorio Emanuele" Library Naples
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BIBLIOTECA NAZIONALE "VITTORIO EMANILE III" NAPOLI
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National Library "Vittorio Emanuele III" Naples
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PUGNA PORCORUM
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Fight of the Pigs
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PUGNA PORCORUM PER P. PORCIUM Poëtam. (a) Laudite porcelli porcorum pi- gra propago. Progreditur, plures porci pin- guedine pleni. Pugnantes purgent, pecudum pars prodigiosa, Perturbat pede petrosas plerumque plateas, Pars portentosa populorum prata profanat. Pars pungit populando potens, pars plurima plagis. Prætendit punire pares, prosternere parvos. Primo porcorum præfecti pectore plano. Pistorum porci prostant pinguedine pulchri. Pugnantes prohibent porcellos, ponere poenas Præsumunt pravis: porro plebs pessima pergit Protervire prius, post profligare potentes. (b) Proconsul pastus pomorum pulte perorat Prælia pro pecude prava prodesse, proinde Protervire parum patres persæpe probasse Porcorum populo pacem pridem placuisse. Perpetuam, pacis promptæ præconia passim Pro præcone pie pacis per pondera plura L Pro- 2 Processus porcorum ponitur, b Propositio proconsulis.
Transcription: Translated (English)
BATTLE OF THE PIGS BY P. PORCIUS Poet. (a) Praise, piglets, the lazy brood of the pigs. There advances a greater number of pigs, full of fatness. Let the fighting pigs cleanse, the strange part of the herd, Trampling with their feet the stony streets for the most part, A monstrous part defiles the fields of the people. One part, mighty in plundering, stings by ravaging, another, very many, by blows. He intends to punish equals, to overthrow the small. At first the pig leaders with flat breast. The pigs of the bakers stand out, beautiful with fat. The fighting ones prevent the piglets, they presume to impose punishments On the wicked: moreover the worst of the crowd goes on To be insolent first, then to rout the powerful. (b) The consul, fed on apple gruel, declares That wars for the sake of the wicked herd are useful, and therefore That it was long ago sufficiently proved by the fathers That peace had pleased the people of pigs. Throughout, the proclamations of ready peace are everywhere For the herald of peace piously through many measures. L Pro- 2 The procession of the pigs is set forth, b The proposal of the consul.
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P U G N A Proponente preces, prudens pro plebe patronus Porcus prægrandis profert placidissima pacta. (b) pacisci placeat porcis, per prælia prorsum Plurima priscorum perierunt pascua patrum. præstat porcellis potiori pace potiri, Præstat prælatis primam præbere palæstram. porro proclivis pugnæ plebeia potestas (c) prælia portendit, per privilegia prisca Proponens pugnæ porcos potuisse patenti Prostravisse pares, per plebiscita probari. Porcum pugnacem pecudem, præclara potestas. Pendet per porcos pugnaces, pergite passim Perdere præfectos, porci properare pusilli (d) perdere pinguiculos, præfectos præcipitare, prigritia pollent prælati perpetuati, postquam plebs pertæsa potentatus penetravit præcipiti pede, porcelli petiêre pusilli. pugnando properare prius, pessundare patres. præstituunt personatos præcurrere porcos propugiles, porro plenum pinguedine putri præclarum porcum pistrino pinsere panem præcipiunt, per posticam, per pervia portant (e) propterea properans proconsul poplite prono, præ- b Placidatorum pacta proponuntur. c Pralia portendit. d Propterea porcellorum penetratio. e Preces proconsulis pro prælatis.
Transcription: Translated (English)
P U G N A The proposer of prayers, a prudent patron for the people A very large pig brings forth the most peaceful agreements. (b) Let it please to make peace with pigs, rather than through battles Very many of the ancient pastures of the fathers have perished. It is better for piglets to enjoy a better peace, It is better for the prelates to offer the first wrestling ground. Moreover, the common power, leaning toward battle, (c) foretells strife, through ancient privileges Presenting that pigs could in battle Have overthrown their equals, it is to be proved by plebiscites. The fighting pig, the beast, a splendid power. It depends on the fighting pigs; go everywhere To destroy the prefects; the little pigs hurry on (d) to destroy the plump ones, to overthrow the prefects, the dullness of the perpetuated prelates prevails, after the people, wearied of power, entered with hasty step, the little piglets sought them out. To hurry on first in fighting, to cast down the fathers. They appoint masked fighting pigs as champions, and furthermore a pig, full of rotten fat, to grind splendid flour in the mill to make bread they order to be carried through the back way, through the passages (e) therefore the proconsul, hurrying, with bent knee, prayers of the proconsul for the prelates. præ- b Agreements of the peacemakers are proposed. c It foretells strife. d Therefore, the entrance of the piglets. e Prayers of the proconsul for the prelates.
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Transcription: ATR-1
PORCORUM. 243 præcipitem plebem pro patrum pace poposcit. persta paulisper, pubes præciosa, precamur. pensa profectum parvum pugnæ peragendæ plures plorabunt postquam præcelsa premetur prælatura patrum, porcelli pecutientur passim, posteaquam pingues porci periere. propterea petimus, præsentem ponite pugnam per pia porcorum perimus penetralia, posthac prælati poterint patrata piacula parce perpetrare, procul postponite prælia parva, præ prælatorum poenis patientia præstat. (f) plebs porcellorum parte præcone parato Porcis prælatis proponit particulares pacis particulas: pateant præsentia pacta Porcorum populo, porcorum posteritati. Principio petimus prælatos perpetuatos Postponi, propter pia privilegia patrum, porcellos patuit pariformi pondere pastos porcis persimiles, porcos præstare pusillos propter pulmonem propter penetrale palati, pars parvi porci prunis plerumque perusta principibus primis portatur, porro putrescens porcorum pectus putri pinguedine plenum projicitur passim, partim pro peste putatur, propterea porcis prælatio præripiatur. pergite porcelli præfectos præcipitare. (g) pro prælatura porci pugnare parati prosiliunt, pars prata petit pars prona paludes prodit præcipuo proterva potentia plausu, porro porcelli pulchrè per prata perurgent L 2 pin- f Propositiones porcellorum particulares. g Posteriorum pugna.
Transcription: Translated (English)
OF PIGS. 243 he begged the headlong common people for the peace of the fathers. hold out a little longer, precious youth, we pray. consider the small progress of the battle to be carried through more will weep after the lofty one is pressed down, the ruling fathers will be brought low, piglets will be struck everywhere, after the fat pigs have perished. therefore we ask you, lay aside the present fight; through the holy places of the pigs we perish; afterward the rulers will be able to carry out the atonements they have done safely, put off the small wars far away, patience is better than the punishments of the prelates. (f) the crowd of piglets, with the herald prepared in part, sets before the elevated pigs particular fragments of peace: let the present agreements be open to the people of the Pigs, to the posterity of the pigs. At the outset we ask that the prelates, once established, be set aside, because of the pious privileges of the fathers; it was made plain that the piglets, fed with equal weight, were very like pigs, and that tiny pigs should be preferred because of the lung, because of the inner shrine of the palate; a part of the small pig, scorched for the most part by embers, is carried to the first leaders, and, furthermore, decaying, the flesh of the pigs, full of rotten fat, is thrown about everywhere, and is partly thought to be a pest; therefore let the pre-eminence be snatched from the pigs. Go on, piglets, cast down the prefects. (g) for the pre-eminence the pigs, ready to fight, rush forth; part seeks the fields, part the sloping marshes; bold power marches out with loud applause for a signal; and so the piglets press beautifully on through the fields L 2 pin- f Particular propositions of the piglets. g The later battle.
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Transcription: ATR-1
PU G N A pinguiculos properare procul, penetrare parati per portas patulas, porcos perfodere pergunt Prosternunt, pinguedo potens prohibet pro- perare. (b) propterea pacem proponunt; parcite porcis, porcelli posthac potimur pace perenni: propterea pulcher porcellus præco politus prospiciens patres pronos peccata profari prospiciens positos prædà, positosque periculo. propositum pandit; pacem perferre potestis; parcite prælati, procerum pondus puerile, perdurare parum propter plerosque putatur, perfringunt pacem penitus post pacta peracta. (i) ponite pro pacto pignus, proferre potentes. pro pacis praxi, potiora pericula pensant porcelli, portent pignus, pax pacta placebit. princeps porcorum propria pro plebe pedestris procumbens, poene perplexus prælia propter (k) pestifera populi, promittit præmia pulchra. pultum pomorum, propinam pulvere pisti pastilli, partem placentæ posterioris, pocula profundæ perquam preciosa paludes. porcum prægrandem placido pro pignore præbet pro- h Porci pacisci petunt. i Præconis propositio. k Profertur pignus pro passione;
Transcription: Translated (English)
PU G N A Pig-like ones hasten far off, prepared to penetrate through open gates, they go on to dig through the pigs They lay them low; mighty fatness prevents them from hastening. (b) therefore they propose peace; spare the pigs, after this we shall enjoy everlasting peace with piglets: therefore the handsome piglet, the polished herald, looking on, sees the fathers bowed down to speak out sins, looking on the things placed for plunder, and those placed in danger. He lays out the proposal; you can bring peace; spare the eminent ones, the burden of the nobles is childish, it is thought that it is too little to endure, because of the many, they shatter peace utterly after the pact has been completed. (i) put down a pledge for the agreement, you powerful ones will bring it forth. for the practice of peace, the piglets weigh greater dangers, let them bring a pledge; peace, once agreed, will please. The prince of pigs, lying down for the common people, on his own proper ground, a foot-soldier, almost bewildered, because of the battles of the pestilential people, promises beautiful rewards. A mash of apples, a drink of ground-with-powder cakes, a portion of the later cake, cups of the very precious depths of the marshes. He provides a very large pig as a gentle pledge. h The pigs seek to make terms. i The herald’s proposal. k A pledge is brought forth for suffering;
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Transcription: ATR-1
PORCORUM. 245 promulgas planâ porcellos proprietate. præfecturarum posthac pertingere palmam, porro porcelli pinxere procemia pacis particulis paribus, pareat pax posteritati. (1) porci prælati placido pacto pepigerunt perpetuam pacem, posthac præcedere parvos porcellos porcos, putri pinguedine plenos, phas posthac porcis passim pugnare pusillis pro pomis putridis, pro parte posterioris proventus pingui, poterint purgare plateas. prolixè poterint pomaria, participare, partiri prædas, patulas peragrare paludes, proclamaturi porcelli pectore pleno, postquam præripitur porcellis per peregri- nos postquam percipiunt pede prendi posteriori. (m) plaudite porcelli, plebs preciosa per- enni, parta pace parate procul præludia pulchra, pompas præcipuas, proscænia publica palmæ, purpureos pannos, picturas pendite pulchras progeniem priscam porcellorum perhibentes, priventur platani, priventur pondere pinus, porcellis passim pomaria prostituantur, palmarum prorsus plantatio præripiatur pendula, pro pacta portentur pace parati palmarum pilei, procedat pulchra propago pacificatorum porcellorum, penetrando planiciem, patriæ passim peragrando plateas, plantæ pro pedibus plateatim projiciatur. L 3 por- 1 Particula pacta pacis. 21 Pompæ porcellorum post pacem peractam.
Transcription: Translated (English)
OF PIGS. 245 You proclaim a property of piglets in a broad way. To reach hereafter the palm of prefectures, and the piglets have painted the prelude of peace with equal little parts: let peace obey posterity. (1) The prefixed pigs, by a calm agreement, have made a lasting peace, so that hereafter the little pigs may precede the pigs, full of rotten fat; so that hereafter the tiny pigs may everywhere fight for rotten apples, for the latter part of the income, fatly, they will be able to cleanse the streets. They will be able, abundantly, to participate in orchards, to divide spoils, to roam broad marshes, the piglets about to proclaim, with full breast, after the spoils are snatched from the piglets by strangers, after they perceive, with the rear foot, the taking of the back part. (m) Rejoice, piglets, a precious people for all time; peace having been made, prepare from afar beautiful preludes, chief pageants, public stages of victory, purple cloths, hang up beautiful paintings, declaring the ancient lineage of the piglets; let the plane trees be deprived, let the pines be deprived of weight, let orchards be sold everywhere to the piglets, let the hanging plantation of palms be wholly snatched away; let, in accordance with the agreement, the palm hats be carried in peace, prepared; let there advance the fair offspring of the peacemaking piglets, crossing the plain, roaming everywhere through the streets of the homeland; let a plant be thrown down in the streets before their feet. L 3 por- 1 A small part of the peace compact. 21 The pageants of the piglets after peace has been completed.
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Transcription: ATR-1
PU G N A portetur præcipuos præco peramoenus, pacis perfector promat præconia pacis publicitus, prono procumbant poplite porci, porcellos patriæ patronos profiteantur. (n) porro præcedat potu pincerna, paludis pocula propinans plenissima: pabula præbens pulmenti putris pro proprietate palati, pro præcone potens paleæ pistura paretur, proluvies pepli polluti, portio pinguis pleni potoris promentis particulatim pocula præsumpta, prægustatos patinarum pullos, perdices, pavos, porcos piperatos. præterea patriæ per prima palatia perget persuadens populo porcellorum pietatem, plaudant porcelli, portent per plaustra peronem per patriam patulo progressu perspiciantur: pistorum porci prope pistrinum patiantur perpetuas poenas, præservati prope pestes: (n) perturbent pueri porcos prope percutiendo, propellant porcos pulchræ per pensa puellæ, pertractent parvos porcellos, poplite prono procumbent, pilos patientur pectine pecti. plaudite porcelli, pistorum plangite porci. pistores pascant porcos pastu palearum, percuslos partim pedibus; per plurima probra partim projectos petris pugnisque pedeque, (2) pastores pascant porcellos posperitate præ- n Pincerna præcedit præconem poculo plenissimo, o Porcelli puellarum pollice perficti procumbant. p Porcorum prasaga pensiculatio pro profecto paranda.
Transcription: Translated (English)
G and N let a very charming herald carry the chief things; let the maker of peace publicly proclaim the praises of peace; let the pigs sink down on their knees in submission, let them proclaim the piglets to be the patrons of the fatherland. (n) moreover let the cupbearer go before, offering the waters of the marsh and serving the fullest cups; providing food and broth suitable to the taste, let bread for the herald be prepared from chaff, let there be the foul seepage of a polluted garment, a fat portion for the full drinker, offering little by little cups already tasted, and the chicken, partridge, peacock, and spiced piglets from the dishes. Furthermore, let him go through the chief palaces of the homeland, persuading the people of the piety of piglets; let the piglets applaud, let them carry on carts through the fatherland with open advance, let them be seen: let the pigs of the bakers, near the bakery, endure perpetual punishments, preserved near plagues; (n) let the boys disturb the pigs by striking them nearby, let them drive the pigs away with the girls’ lovely efforts, let them handle the little piglets, on bent knees let them fall prone, and let them endure having their hair combed. Clap, piglets; the pigs of the bakers, lament. Let the bakers feed the pigs with chaff, struck partly by feet; through many insults, partly thrown down by stones, fists, and feet, (2) let the shepherds feed the piglets with good fortune pra- n The cupbearer goes before the herald with the fullest cup, o The piglets, perfected by the girls’ thumb, may fall prostrate. p A weighing of pigs, as foretold, must be prepared for the intended success.
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Transcription: ATR-1
PORCORUM. 247 præcipua, peragrantes prata patentia passim. postridie postquam porcelli pace potiti, præsumpsere patres protervè pungere passim prælia prædictæ pugnæ populis perhibemus; plurima porcorum pensans præsaga potestas. proposuit primo palmæ præscribere pondus pestiferæ plebi porcellorum pedetentim proposuit pedites precio pro posse parare, porcos prædones per pagos perque paludes. (q) pungentes pecudes promuscide, phama- que passim perfertur, properatque pecus proclive, pro- inde perficitur pennæ procurator peracutus: ponens pugnaces porcos pecudesque papyro. promittunt posito pede præfectis præferare præscripto pugillum pugnam properare parati (r) præcipuum, prout præcipient princeps pugilelque. porro proventus precii plerisque parantur, præcurrent proceres precii plus percipientes placant pollicitis, proh! propellos peregrinos persidiam patrant proprioque penu potiores præstituunt prædas, proponunt postea plebi persolvendarum propinarum paraclesin pugnaque protrahitur, porro porcus philo- musus pædotriba pusillorum per parisienses promotus, pagi pastor, parochusque paludis paulum perdoctus pariter producere petrum L 4 per- q Phama prælii. x Perfidia præfectorum precium præripientium pu- gnantibus.
Transcription: Translated (English)
OF PIGS. 247 chiefly, wandering everywhere through the open meadows. The next day, after the piglets had gained peace, the fathers rashly began to prick about everywhere; we report to the people the battles of the aforesaid fight; the most numerous presaging power weighing the swine. He proposed at first to prescribe the burden of a palm to the pestilential swarm of piglets little by little; he proposed to prepare foot-soldiers at a price, as far as possible, the predatory pigs through villages and through marshes. (q) striking the cattle with a snout, and rumor is spread everywhere, and the herd hastens downhill, wherefore the very keen steward of the feather is brought to completion: placing on paper the fighting pigs and the cattle. They promise, with foot set down, to carry out before the officials the prescribed handful, ready to hasten to battle (r) the chief matter, as the prince and the boxer shall direct. Moreover, profits from the price are prepared for many; the nobles, running ahead and receiving more of the price, appease with promises, alas! they drive out the foreign wanderers, they carry out treachery with their own store, and set forth spoils, then they propose to the people an appeal for the payment of fees, and the battle is prolonged; moreover, the swinish Philomusos, the trainer of the little ones, promoted among the Parisians, a village pastor and also the parish priest of the marsh, somewhat well taught, likewise bringing forth Peter L 4 per- q Rumor of battle. x Treachery of the officials seizing the price from the fighters.
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Transcription: ATR-1
P U G N A pertrectabatur, proh! perdita pectora plena persidiæ: pudeat perceptæ præmia prædæ plebi præripere peccato pernicioso peccat, profusa pecunia, prodet, prodet prædones; postquam pensent peregrini præmia pro pugna patrata, proque periclis. (s) personuit parochus, pergens proponere plures persidiæ partes: porro princeps pugilesque pestiferum parochum proclamabant peri- mendum pseudo-euangelicumque probabant præcipi- tandum ponto, præterea plus provenisse pericli persuasu parochi, plus ponderibus pavimenti portæ præcelsæ, plus ponderibus platearum. protestabantur poenis plectendum poste pa- tente, (itis) ponendum prope prunas, particulisque peru- profundo puteo profundè præcipitandum, (t) publicitus pugiles prædicta piacula patrant. plebsque putat pulchrum philomusum perde- re porcum, proinde preces princeps proponit plebsque parata promittit parere piis precibus, pugilesque. (u) partiri pergunt propinam: perficiuntque perfidiam, pauci prohibent peccata patrari pro placito pugilum, plecti plerique putantur. propter perfidiam propalatam peregrine. post- s Propatulatio perfidia per Philomusum. t Pæna philomusi. u Porcellorum percipientum persolutionis perfidiam.
Transcription: Translated (English)
P U G N A was being examined, alas! lost hearts full of treachery: let them be ashamed to snatch away the rewards of the prey gained from the people by sinful wrongdoing. It sins, lavish money will betray, it will betray the robbers; after the strangers have weighed the rewards for the battle carried out, and for the dangers. ( s ) The parish priest resounded, going on to set forth many parts of treachery: moreover the prince and the fighters were proclaiming the harmful parish priest ought to be destroyed; they were also proving the pseudo-evangelical one ought to be cast down into the sea, besides more danger having come about through the persuasion of the parish priest, more through the weights of the floor of the lofty gate, more through the weights of the streets. They were protesting that punishments must be inflicted, the open gate having been beaten upon, ( itis ) placed near the coals, and with particles to be hurled very deeply into the deep pit, ( t ) publicly the fighters perform the aforesaid atonements. And the people think it a fine thing to destroy the lover of the Muses’ pig, therefore the prince presents prayers and the people, prepared, promises to obey the pious prayers, and the fighters too. ( u ) They go on sharing the bribe; and carry out treachery, though few prevent sins being committed according to the pleasure of the fighters; most are thought to be punished. Because of the treachery made public among strangers. after- s The making-public of treachery through the Philomusus. t The penalty of the Philomusus. u The treachery of the piglets perceiving the payment of retribution.
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Transcription: ATR-1
PORCORUM. 249 postquam porcelli præceperunt peregrinos privari precio, prolixe pensiculando (w) publicitus propere procurant præmia pu- gnæ, proponi porcis paganis persoluturus, prostat præco potens plures præcurrere porci prætendunt, prohibetque pedo plus percipientes. postquam pellecti precio porci peregrini. (x) præsidium pugna præbebant, præcipitare pugnam pergebant porci, porro properabant partim pinguiculi, partim putredine pleni provecti plaustris, partim peditis properabant. porro porcelli præceperunt peregrinis plaustra penetrando porcos prosternere pingues producique palam pendendos poste patente. (y) propterea peditis prudenter progredientes. perturbaverunt, projeceruntque potenter. plaustrum porcorum, prædaque potente potiti, præcipuos porcos protraxerunt plateatim. porro, porcorum prospecto principe primo: præco potens populo propinavit perimen-dum, plectendum poenis pendendum poste patente. porro pauca petit princeps proferre, prius- quam perficiat placitum præconis plebs pileata, L 5 per- W Ponitur persolutio præsentissima. x Pingues porci provehuntur plaustris. y Prædatio porcellerum.
Transcription: Translated (English)
OF THE PIGS. 249 after the piglets had forewarned the foreigners to be deprived of the price, carefully weighing it (w) publicly and hastily they prepare the rewards of battle, to be proposed for the pagan pigs, who were to be paid; the crier stands forth, powerful, able to run ahead of many pigs; and the pigs lay claim to it, while the beadle forbids those receiving more. after the foreign pigs had been enticed by the price. (x) they were providing a defense in battle; the pigs kept on rushing the fight forward, and they were pressing on further, some carried on carts, fat-bodied, some full of rottenness, some hurried on foot. And so the piglets had instructed the foreigners that, by driving carts through, they should throw down the fat pigs and have them openly brought out to be hung at the open gate. (y) Therefore, advancing prudently on foot, they threw everything into confusion and overthrew it by force. Having seized the pigs' cart and the spoil by force, they dragged the chief pigs off through the marketplace. Then, when the leader of the pigs had been seen first: the powerful crier proclaimed to the people that he must die, be punished with penalties, and be hanged at the open gate. Moreover, the prince asks to say a few words before the common people carry out the crier's decree, L 5 the payment is to be made at once. W The fat pigs are conveyed on carts. y The plundering of the piglets.
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Transcription: ATR-1
250 P U G N A permittuntque parum proponere proinde pro- fatur; (2) parcite porcelli, proavorum prisca putamur progenies, prisci potuerunt plura parentes prælia pro patria patrare, pericula plura pro populo perferre pio, pro plebe parati poenas pauperiemque pati, possunt pietatem publica phana parentum pyramidesque probare, promeriti pulchrè per præmia picta probantur. propterea pensate, precor, pensate periculum, parcite perdendo, pietatem perficientes. postquam perfecit princeps prædicta, parumper. plorant, percutiensque palam pectus peramoenum, profert parcendum ploranti præco politus propter progeniem, propter præciosa potentum patrum privilegia, prognatamque prosatur (a) progenie propria princeps præcoque proinde pergunt pacifici populo prope prospiciente, prælatos pariter, prælatis participari, partiri prædas: porro promiscua plebes propterea præfert, pateat prælatio prava. (b) postquam parturiunt præclara penaria prædas per- z Precatio principis porcorum. a Paciscuntur princeps. b Populi propositio potissima.
Transcription: Translated (English)
250 WAR and allow little to be set forth; therefore it profits; (2) spare, little pigs; we are thought the ancient offspring of our forefathers. The fathers of old could accomplish many battles for the fatherland, endure many dangers for the dutiful people, be ready to suffer punishments and poverty for the common folk; they are able to prove their devotion in public temples and in their fathers’ pyramids, and those who have deserved well are beautifully proved by painted rewards. Therefore weigh, I beg, weigh the danger; spare, while destroying, bringing piety to completion. After the prince had completed the aforesaid things, for a little while, they weep; and striking openly his very lovely breast, the polished herald declares that the weeping one should be spared, because of the offspring, because of the precious privileges of the powerful fathers, and the prince, born of such stock, goes on accordingly. (a) And so the peaceful men, with the people looking on nearby, press on; they share the prelates equally with the prelates, to divide the spoils: moreover the common people prefer mixed things; therefore let perverse authority be revealed. (b) After they produce splendid storehouses, spoils per- z Petition of the prince of pigs. a They make an agreement, prince. b The chief proposal of the people.
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Transcription: ATR-1
PORCORUM. perficiunt pacem patitur populusque posteaquam patuit prærepta pecunia plebi, plangunt privatim procerum præcordia pa- cem. plectunt perjuro perjuria plura patrantes. propterea porci, porcelli plebs populusque. posthac principibus prohibent producere pu- gnam. Personavit Placentius post pocula. Potentissimo, pientissimo pru- dentissimoque Principi. PATRI PURPURATO, præsenti Pontifici, PLACENTIUS plurimum precatur prosperitatis. Perge pater patriæ patriarchum perfice pa- cem. promereare palam palmam placidissime prin- ceps. possessæ pacis primam perhibe pietatem priscorum patrum per prudentissima pacta. posteritas perget præconia promere passim pontifici preciosa pio, plebecula, pubes, primores patriæ proclamabunt peramæno plausu pastorem pacis, pia pectora plaudent. phama paragrabit, peragrabit phama polorum per penetralia: præterea populosa propago L 6 pro-
Transcription: Translated (English)
OF PIGS. they bring about peace, and the people endure, after the money snatched from the people has been made known, the leaders privately lament the peace in their hearts. they punish the perjurer who commits many perjuries. therefore pigs, piglets, the common people, and the people. afterwards they forbid the princes to bring forward war. Placentius has made himself heard after the cups. To the most powerful, most pious, most prudent Prince, TO THE PURPLE-FATHER, to the present Pontiff, PLACENTIUS most earnestly prays for prosperity. Go on, father of the fatherland, patriarch, bring peace to completion. deserve openly the palm, most gently, prince. show the first reverence of possessed peace for the ancient fathers through most prudent compacts. posterity will continue to proclaim praises everywhere to the precious, pious pontiff; the little common people, the youth, the leading men of the fatherland will proclaim with very pleasing applause the shepherd of peace, and pious hearts will applaud. fame will travel, fame will roam through the innermost parts of the heavens; moreover the populous line of descendants L 6 pro-
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Transcription: ATR-1
P U G N A progenies patriæ, patres, puerique pusilli protestabuntur priscis patribus potiorem. pontificem pileo pretioso prædominantem, phama penetrabit penetrabit phama paludes persarum, poterit phoenix profere perennes pacis particulas, per pontificale paratas præsidium, posthac penetrabit pax paradisum plebs peregrinorum prospectâ pace perenni pacati populi pactum pariforme probabit. publica patronum pacis, privata patenter pectora perpetuo plausu pariter perhibebunt. prudens pontificis pectus, per plura probetur. pectra poëtarum, plerique poëmata promant præcipuam plerique parentelæ probitatem pertractent prosa, præstante poëmate prorsus præcellat princeps pacis, princeps pietatis. Postremo pronunciavit. pensa pauperiem, princeps præclare, poëtæ, FINIS. Præ-
Transcription: Translated (English)
STRIFE the offspring of the fatherland, fathers, and little boys will protest that the ancient fathers are the better. the pontiff, prevailing with his precious cap, fame will penetrate, fame will penetrate the marshes of the Persians; the phoenix will be able to bring forth enduring particles of peace, through the pontifical provisions of protection; thereafter peace will penetrate paradise. the throng of pilgrims, having seen enduring peace, will approve the compact of a harmonious people. publicly, as patron of peace, and privately hearts will openly bear perpetual applause in unison. the prudent breast of the pontiff should be proved by many things. the spirits of poets, let most of them bring forth poems; let them examine the chief virtue of their ancestry in prose, since in poetry he is altogether outstanding. the prince of peace, the prince of piety. In the end he pronounced. consider poverty, illustrious prince, poets, END. Pre-
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PORCORUM. Præcatiuncula. P. PORCII Poëtæ. PArce precor pingui pagellæ, parce prudente pugnantium parcemiæ parce parum pulchræ picturatæque poësi, præsente pictæ poculo. Phoebopostposito placuit profundere plura, præceps poëmaque promere. postquam potaram, perlegi paucula puncta pingens, proindeque potiùans. perplacuit poto plusquam puerile poëma, plerisque persuadentibus. produxique palam perscrutandum paradigmæ pleno probandum poculo. percusso pluteo puduit puduitque papyri partique pudet poëmatis. porro potores partim prodire perurgent, partim precantur protinus: præsertimque potest patronus præcipiendo parvâ precatus paginâ, porcorum populus, porcellorumque precatur promiscue plebecula, perfectam pugnam perfecto ponere prælo propediem placentium. Charus Centurio curavit comere chartas Censorem, cura commisit Chalcographorum. L7 Testa.
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OF PIGS. A little prayer. P. PORCIUS The Poet. Spare, I beg, this tiny page, spare the prudent spareness of those contending. Spare the poetry, not very beautiful and painted, in the presence of the painted cup. Phoebus set aside, it pleased me to pour forth more, and to bring out a headlong poem. After I had drunk, I reread a few points, painting, and so being drunk. The poem pleased me, though more than boyish, with the persuasion of many. And I openly produced the pattern to be examined, to be proved with a full cup. The tablet struck, I was ashamed, and ashamed of the paper, and ashamed of part of the poem. Moreover, the drinkers partly urge me to go on, partly beg me at once: and especially the patron may be able, by commanding, to ask with a small page, the people of pigs, and the little pigs too, are asking confusedly, the common crowd, to set a perfect battle before the perfect press of those who will soon be pleased. Dear Centurion took care to embellish the sheets, and committed the charge of the Chalcographers to the Censor. L7 Testa.
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Testamentum Ludicrum GRUNNII PORCELLI, Cujus D. HIERONYMUS, Ad EUSTOCHIUM, meminit. M. GRUNNIUS COROCOTTA PORCELLUS Testamentum feci, quod quoniam manu mea scribere non potui, scribendum dictavi. MAGIRUS Cocus dixit: Veni huc, eversor domi, soliversor fugitive PORCELLE. Ego hodie tibi vitam adimo, Corocotta Porcellus dixit: si qua feci, si qua peccavi, si qua vascula pedibus meis confregi, rogo domino Coce; veniam peto, roganti concede. Magirus cocus dixit: Transi puer, adfer mihi de culinâ cultrum. Porcellus comprehenditur à famulis: ductus sub die XVI. Calend. Lucerninas: ubi abundant Cyma, Clybanato & Piperato Coss. Et ut vidit se moriturum esse, hora spacium petit: Cocum rogavit, ut Testamentum facere posset, inclamavit ad se suos parentes, ut de cibariis suis aliquid dimittetet eis. Qui ait: Patri meo Terrino Lardino DO, LEGO DARI glandis modios XXX. Et matri mea Veturrina Scropha DO, LEGO DARI Laconica filiginis modios XL. Et sorori mea Quirina, in cujus votum interesse non potui, DO, LEGO DARI hordei modios XXX. Et de meis visceribus dabo donabo Su-
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Comic Testament OF GRUNNIUS PORCELLUS, of whom D. HIERONYMUS, in his letter to EUSTOCHIUM, makes mention. M. GRUNNIUS COROCOTTA PORCELLUS made a testament, which, since I could not write with my own hand, I dictated to be written. MAGIRUS the cook said: Come here, destroyer of the household, runaway turncoat PORCELLUS. Today I take away your life. Corocotta Porcellus said: if I have done anything, if I have sinned in anything, if I have broken any pots with my feet, I beg, master Cook; I ask for mercy, grant it to one who asks. Magirus the cook said: Go, boy, bring me from the kitchen a knife. Porcellus is seized by the servants; led away on the 16th day before the Kalends of Lucerna, when Cyma, Clybanatus, and Piperatus were consuls. And when he saw that he was about to die, he asked for a little time: he begged the cook that he might make a testament; he called aloud to his parents, that he might leave them something from his provisions. He said: To my father Terrinus Lardinus I GIVE, I ORDER TO BE GIVEN, thirty modii of acorns. And to my mother Veturrina Scropha I GIVE, I ORDER TO BE GIVEN, forty modii of Laconian millet. And to my sister Quirina, at whose wedding I could not be present, I GIVE, I ORDER TO BE GIVEN, thirty modii of barley. And from my own vitals I shall give, I shall bestow Su-
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Sutoribus setas, Rixatoribus capitinas; Surdis auriculas: Caussidicis & verbosis linguam: Bubulariis intestina: Esiciariis femora: Mulieribus lumbulos: Pueris vesicam: Puelliscaudam: Cynadis musculos: cursoribus & venatoribus talos: Latronibus ungulas: & nec nominando coco DO, LEGO ac dimitto popam & pistillum, qua mecum detuleram à querceto usque ad haram: liget sibi collum de reste, volo mihi fieri monumentum ex litteris aureis scriptum: M. GRUNNIUS COROCOTTA PORCELLUS, VIXIT ANNOS DCCCCXG IXS. Quod SI SEMS VIXISSET, MILLE ANNOS IMPLESSET. Optimi amatores mei vel consules vita, rogo vos ut corpori meo benefaciatis, bene conditatis de bonis condimentis nuclei, piperis & mellis: ut nomen meum in sempiternum nominetur. Mei domini, & consobrini mei, qui huic meo Testamento interfuistis, jubete signari. LUCANICUS TERGILIUS NUPTIALICUS CELSANUS LARDIO OTFELLICUS GYMATUS signavit. sign. sign. sign. sign. sign. sign. Cre-
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For cobblers, bristles; for quarrelers, capons; for the deaf, ears; for lawyers and the loquacious, a tongue; for beef-eaters, entrails; for those who eat the choicest bits, thighs; for women, loins; for boys, a bladder; for girls, a tail; for cunts, muscles; for runners and hunters, ankles; for thieves, hoofs; and, not to name the cook, I give and leave the ladle and pestle which I had brought with me from the oak-grove all the way to the pigsty: let him hang himself with a rope; I want a monument for myself to be made, written with golden letters: M. GRUNNIUS COROCOTTA PORCELLUS, LIVED 999 YEARS 9 MONTHS. IF HE HAD LIVED HALF A YEAR MORE, HE WOULD HAVE COMPLETED A THOUSAND YEARS. My best lovers, or consuls of my life, I beg you to deal kindly with my body, to embalm it well with good seasonings of nut, pepper, and honey, so that my name may be spoken forever. My masters, and my cousins, who were present at this testament of mine, order it to be signed. LUCANICUS TERGILIUS NUPTIALICUS CELSANUS LARDIO OTFELLICUS GYMATUS signed. signed. signed. signed. signed. signed. signed. Cre-
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Crepundia Poëtica dimidio aucta. H I S T O R I A DE G A L L O G A L L I N A C E O, I N Q U A Singuli versus Elegiaci, continent litteras Alphabeti. G Allinis propriis gallus satur, hisce re- lietis, Liber ad externas fertur amore novo. Comiter excipitur, fruiturque llibidine: las- sum Fortè domum regredi serior hora monet. Sed proprie gallum redeuntem nunc undique rostris Excipiunt, turbant, cumque furore necant. Gallum etenim fidum stabilemque in amore petebant: Non ex instabili hunc, qui vagus igne furit. Ergone adulterii hunc poenas pro labe dedisse, Sicque vel exceptum forsan obisse putas? Galle igitur, ductor quicunque futurus earum es, Hujus ab exemplo disce manere domi. De
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Poetic Rattles, enlarged by half. HISTORY OF THE ROOSTER, IN WHICH Each separate elegiac verse contains the letters of the alphabet. The rooster, sated with his own hens, leaving these behind, is borne to foreign ones by a new love. He is kindly received, and enjoys the pleasure; tired, perhaps a later hour warns him to return home. But now, when the rooster is returning, they everywhere meet him with beaks, disturb him, and kill him in rage. For they were seeking a rooster faithful and constant in love: not this one, fickle, who rages wildly with passion. So then, do you think he has suffered the penalties of adultery for that stain, and thus perhaps has died when caught? Therefore, O rooster, whoever among you is to be leader of them, learn from this example to stay at home. Of
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Crepundia Poëtica. 257 De Ebrio quodam. I Ntrarat lectum somnoque meroque sepul- tus, Micturus matulam quærit utraque manu. Muscipulam matulæ vice dum capit ebrius, ejus Pars muscipulæ capta pudenda dolo. Proverbia Leonina de Ebrietate. E Brietas prodit, quod amat cor, sive quod odit. Bacchus & argentum mutant mores sapien- tum Qui multum bibit, is miser ac Idiota redibit. Vivere vis lætus, vel sana mente quietus, Dæmonis ut linum, sic mordax effuge vinum. Ebrie quid faris? vivis vel morte gravaris? Quid facias nescis, truncus sine mente quiescis Nec differt multum, te inter fatoque sepultum Sicut sobrietas facit, ut sit longior ætas Sic facit ebrietas vitæ breviare diætas Ebibe vas totum, si vis cognoscere potum. Mortales lætos vinum facit atque facetos. Post vinum verba, & post imbrem nascitur herba. Quando venit potus, cestat sermo quasi totus. Si non ægrotat, bene mingit, qui bene potat. Ebrii cujusdam Epitaphium, prope Erfurdiam. H Ic jacet, qui fuit unus inter mille, Semper mane & sero, cum sua plenissima pera, In Pinterslehen natus, Hans Raumtasch fuit vocatus. Omnibus fuit gratus, qui bipsit in charitatis, Postea
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Poetic Crib Notes. 257 On a Certain Drunkard. He had entered his bed and, buried in sleep and wine, Seeks with both hands the chamber-pot for to piss. While the drunken man takes the rat-trap in place of the pot, By deceit his privy part is caught in the trap. Leonine Proverbs on Drunkenness. Drunkenness reveals what the heart loves, or what it hates. Bacchus and money change the ways of the wise. Who drinks much will return miserable and a fool. If you wish to live happily, or in quiet with a sound mind, As from the dart of a demon, so flee biting wine. Drunkard, what are you saying? Do you live, or are you burdened by death? You do not know what you do; like a trunk, you rest without mind. And there is not much difference between you and one buried in fate, Just as sobriety makes life longer, So drunkenness makes the span of life shorter. Empty the whole vessel if you wish to know the drink. Wine makes mortals cheerful and witty. After wine come words, and after rain grass is born. When drink comes, speech ceases almost altogether. If he is not ill, he who drinks well urinates well. The Epitaph of a Certain Drunkard, near Erfurt. Here lies one who was one among a thousand, Always morning and evening, with his wallet full to the brim, Born in Pinterslehen, Hans Raumtasch was his name. He was dear to all, who drank in charity, Afterwards
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Crepundia Poëtica. Postea pauper factus, est ad patibulum tractus. Hoc facit mihi valde væe, quia nullum dedit mihi Vale, Nec mihi hoc dixit sua mater quando morixit. Quicunque transit apud, memento flectere caput Dicentes humiliter, tria lignea Pater noster. De Vino modice sumpto. V Ina parant animos, faciuntque coloribus aptos, Cura fugit, multo diluiturque mero. Tunc veniunt risus, tunc pauper cornua sumit, Tunc dolor & curæ, rugaque frontis abit Tunc aperit mentes ævo rarissimo nostro Simplicitas artes, excutiente Deo, Illic sæpe animos juvenum rapuere puellæ, Et Venus in Vinis, ignis in igne fuit. De non sumpto Vino. Nulla placere diu, nec vivere Carmina possunt, Quæ scribuntur aquæ potoribus, ut male sanos Adscripsit liber Satyris, Faunisque Poëtas. Vina fere dulces oluerunt mane camoenæ. Laudibus arguitur vini vinosus Homerus: Ennius ipse pater nunquam nisi potus ad arma Prosiluit dicenda; forum puteosque Libonis Mandabo siccis, adimam cantare severis. Hoc simul edixit, non cessavere Poëtæ Nocturno certare mero, potuere diurno. Veteres ad numerum literarum nominum eorum, quos amabant, biberunt. NÆvia sex cyathis, septem Justina bibatur, Quinque Lydas, Lyde quatuor, Ida tribus. Omnis
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Poetical Cradles. Afterward, having become poor, he was dragged to the gallows. This causes me great woe, because he gave me no farewell, Nor did his mother say this to me when she died. Whoever passes by, remember to bow your head Saying humbly three wooden Our Fathers. On drinking wine in moderation. Wine prepares minds, and makes them fit for colors, care flees, and is much diluted with the wine. Then come laughter; then the poor man takes on horns, then pain and cares, and the wrinkle of the brow departs. Then simplicity opens minds in our very rare age to arts, with God shaking things loose, There often maidens snatched the minds of young men, and Venus was in wines, fire in fire. On not drinking wine. No poems can please for long, nor live, which are written for water-drinkers, as the book has falsely assigned poets to satyrs and fauns. The songs of the Muses, when morning comes, have almost always smelled of wine. Drunken Homer is convicted by the praises of wine: Ennius himself, the father, never sprang forth to arms to be spoken of unless drunk; I will consign the forum and Libo’s wells to the dry, and I will take away the power to sing from the strict. As soon as he proclaimed this, the poets did not cease to contend with night-time wine, and they could do so by day. The ancients drank according to the number of letters in the names of those whom they loved. Let Naevia be drunk with six cups, Justina with seven, Lydas with five, Lyde with four, Ida with three. All
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Crepundia Poëtica. 259 Omnis ab infuso numeretur amica Phalerno, Et quia nulla venit, tu mihi somne veni. Ad numerum Musarum novem scyphos propinabant Veteres, T Erbibe, vel toties ternos, sic mystica lex est. Vel tria potanti, vel ter tria multiplicanti. In Germanorum luxum & gulam. N Os miseri extremos pipere introceavimus ungues Jam me si videas, psittacon esse putes. Et Solem Lunæ longa conjungere mensa, Et nocte ad cænam continuare diem. Quid de Patricio sentis? qua nare madentes Inter Germanos vivere posse putas, De Septentrionalibus Germanis, qui Cerevisia maximè utantur. E St mos Arctoo quo se Germania claudit Æquore, quo rigidum temperat aræ gelu, Sub terra effossis facimus convivia cellis, Quis lardum crudum, farsaque cruda damus: Cum strumulo cæso, butyroque in pixide falso, Et Bacchum, & Cereris pocula aquosa damus. Phoebus Rogidas globus ut se condit in undas; Noxque suos oculos protulit ignivomos: Cumque processerunt stellata sydera mundi, Effulsitque suo jam Cynosura polo, Mox noctem ludis, BacchoCererisque liquore, Ducimus æquali & pocula lance volant. Item de iisdem. I amque fuit ventum sub subterranea castra, Quæ Ceres & Bacchus, Cypris & alma tenent Eli-
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Crepundia Poëtica. 259 Let everyone be counted as a friend from the poured Falernian, And since no one comes, come to me, O sleep. The ancients used to drink nine cups, according to the number of the Muses; Drink three, or three times three, so is the mystic law. Either three to the drinker, or three times three multiplied. On the luxury and gluttony of the Germans. We miserable people have set pepper on our last nails Now if you should see me, you would think me a parrot. And to join the Sun and Moon with a long table, And at night to continue the day at supper. What do you think of Patricius? By which nostril do you think that he can live among the Germans, of the Northern Germans, who use beer most of all. This is the custom in the Arctic region in which Germany is enclosed by the sea, where the frost hardens the rugged ground, we make our feasts in cellars dug beneath the earth, where we give raw bacon and other raw dishes: with a butchered hedgehog, and false butter in a box, and we give watery cups of Bacchus and Ceres. As Phoebus sinks into the waves like a globe; and Night has brought forth her fiery eyes: and when the starry constellations of the world have gone forth, and Cynosura has now shone upon her pole, then soon we spend the night in games, with the drink of Bacchus and Ceres, and cups fly with equal weight. Likewise on the same subject. And now we had come to the underground camp, which Ceres and Bacchus, Cypris and kindly Alma hold Eli-
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260 Crepundia Poëtica. Elysiis positum campis me forte putabam, Atque locis quibus in turba sepulta sedet: Tam varios video lusus, & ludicra verba, Oscula & amplexus quicquid & audet amans. Jamque ego non noctes tenebrosas ita putabam, Sed qui vernali videt in axe dies. Gaudet amor tenebris, volat sub nocte Cupido, Noxque placet Veneri Bacchoque blande tibi. Rhythmus Cordi Urcei, die divi Martini pronunciatus. Jo Jo Jo Jo. G Audeamus Jo Jo. Dulces Homeriaci. Jo Jo. Noster vates hic Homerus Dithyrambi dux sincerus Pergræcatur hodie. Jo Jo. Hæc est illa bona dies Et vocata læta quies Vina sitientibus, Jo Jo. Nullus metus nec labores, Nulla cura nec dolores, Sint in hoc symposio, Jo Jo. Vultis mecum jam potare Ex Lyæum exaltare Dulces Homeriaci, Jo
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260 Poetic Rattles. I had by chance thought myself placed in the Elysian fields, And in the places where, buried in a crowd, he sits: I see such varied play, and playful words, Kisses and embraces, and whatever a lover dares. And now I no longer thought them dark nights, But such as one sees on the wheel of spring days. Love rejoices in darkness; Cupid flies beneath night, And night is pleasing to Venus and to Bacchus, kindly to you. A rhythm for the heart of Urceus, pronounced on the feast day of divine Martin. Jo Jo Jo Jo. Let us be merry, Jo Jo. Sweet Homerics. Jo Jo. Our bard Homer here The sincere leader of dithyrambs Hellenizes today. Jo Jo. This is that good day And called the joyful rest For those thirsting for wine, Jo Jo. Let there be no fear nor toil, No care nor pains, In this symposium, Jo Jo. Do you now wish to drink with me, To be lifted up from Lyæus Sweet Homerics, Jo
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Crepundia Poëtica. 261 Jo Jo. Qui potare cupit mecum, Licet verum portet secum Vina plenis utribus Jo Jo. Ecce tibi Tribunali, Apportamus & Albani, Centum plenos urceos, Jo Jo. Sed quis nobis ministrabit Et quis præesto vinum dabit Dulce sitientibus? Jo Jo. Hic habemus Thomasinum, Cognoscentem bonum vinum, Primo visu subito, Jo Jo. Hic ridendo propinabit, Et bibendo propinabit Omnes Homeriacos, Jo Jo. Audi bone Thomasine Græce bibens & Latine, Tuum fac officium, Jo Jo. Est jam tempus ut potemus Et post potum sic oremus, Deflectamus genua, Jo Jo. Si potastis, jam levate, Et crateras coronate, Ut bibatis iterum Jo Jo. Fæ-
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Crepundia Poëtica. 261 Jo Jo. Whoever desires to drink with me, Let him carry truth with him, Wine in full bottles. Jo Jo. Behold for you, Tribunali, We bring Alban and likewise, A hundred full pitchers, Jo Jo. But who will serve us, And who will be at hand to give wine To the thirsty, sweet wine? Jo Jo. Here we have Thomasinus, One who knows good wine, At first sight at once, Jo Jo. Here, laughing, he will pour out, And by drinking he will pour out All the Homerics, Jo Jo. Hear, good Thomasine, Drinking Greek and Latin, Do your duty, Jo Jo. Now it is time that we drink, And after drinking let us pray thus, Let us bend our knees, Jo Jo. If you have drunk, now raise up, And crown the bowls, So that you may drink again Jo Jo. Fæ-
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Crepundia Poëtica. 252 Foelix est ter, foelix quater, Cui dat potum Bacchus Pater De spumanti cantharo. Jo Jo. Ne lucernæ exstinguantur, Et potantes moriantur Date nobis oleum. Jo Jo. Vos Germani, vos Hispani, Vos Insubres, vos Britanni, Bibite pro viribus, Jo Jo. Sed vos rogo dum potatis, Ter quaterque videatis, Ne frangatis urceum, Jo Jo. Omnes fortes sunt vinosi Et potantes animosi Dicit Aristoteles, Jo Jo. Omnis Doctor, omnis Rector Bacchi Patris sit protector, In æterna sæcula, Jo Jo. Dulces dulci misceatis, Ex hoc in hoc faciatis, Ut potetis dulcius Jo Jo. Bacche vatum fortis Pater Et qui solus es bimater, Et formosus diceris Jo Jo. Qui delphinos amatores Puc-
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Poetic Cracker. 252 Happy is he three times, happy four times, To whom Father Bacchus gives drink From the foaming cup. Jo Jo. May the lamps not be extinguished, And may the drinkers not die; Give us oil. Jo Jo. You Germans, you Spaniards, You Insubrians, you Britons, Drink according to your strength, Jo Jo. But I ask you, while you are drinking, To look three times, four times, Lest you break the jug, Jo Jo. All brave men are wine-loving, And drinkers are spirited, Says Aristotle, Jo Jo. Every Doctor, every Rector May be the protector of Father Bacchus, For ever and ever, Jo Jo. Mix the sweet with the sweet, From this make that, So that you may drink more sweetly Jo Jo. Bacchus, strong Father of poets, And you who alone are called two-mothered, And are said to be beautiful Jo Jo. You who are lovers of dolphins Puc-
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Crepundia Poëtica. 261 Puerorum & potores Feris misces lyncibus, Jo Jo. Tecum civem Lamsacenum Rogo ducas & Silenum, Bacchasque Thyrsigeras, Jo Jo. Et te prope sit Potina, Quæ dat potum in culina, Prima cunctis pueris Jo Jo. Tentat Bacchus Ityphallus Malus caper, malus gallus, Aha nimis turpiter Jo Jo. Bibe quantum vis Priape, Sed honestam partem cape, Ne perturbes gaudia, Jo Jo. Bibe, bibe, bibe, bibe, Tu qui sapis bibe, bibe, Dum Lyæus imperat, Jo Jo. Sed jam potrix turba tace Et tu Codre talos jace, Sub bibendi arbitrio Jo Jo. Quod jecisti canes ternos, Bibe, bibe, bibe ternos Jam Falerni calices, Jo Jo. Codre caput tibi fumat Ne quis ignis te consumat, Stingue
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Poetic Crib Notes. 261 For children and drinkers You mingle wild lynxes, Jo Jo. May you with me lead the citizen of Lamsacum And Silenus, I pray, And the Bacchae bearing thyrsi, Jo Jo. And near you let Potina be, Who gives drink in the kitchen, First of all to the children, Jo Jo. Bacchus, ithyphallic one, makes the attempt The bad goat, the bad rooster, Ah, most disgracefully Jo Jo. Drink as much as you wish, Priapus, But take an honest share, Lest you disturb the joys, Jo Jo. Drink, drink, drink, drink, You who are wise, drink, drink, While Lyæus commands, Jo Jo. But now, drunkard crowd, be silent, And you, Codrus, throw the dice, At the bidding of drinking Jo Jo. What you have thrown are three dogs, Drink, drink, drink three Now cups of Falernian, Jo Jo. Codrus, your head is smoking; Lest any fire consume you, Quench it
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Crepndia Poëtica. Stingue mere citius, Jo Jo. Et vos mei combennones Elevate bactriones, Ut possitis dicere Jo Jo. Jo Jo Jo Jo. Gaudeamus Jo Jo. Dulces Homeriaci, Jo Jo De duobus Conjugibus captis, Focus. Q Uam mirabiliter capiuntur foemina virque: Utentes licitis tactibus, atque jocis. Cistæ ludentes innitebantur apertæ. Cum simul in cistam, & clauditur illa, cadunt. De Virgine jam nuptura moriente. Q Uæ matura viro est virgo, immaturaque morti Mors rapit hanc, nuptam nec sinit esse velo. Si quis eam rapuisset vir, potuisset eidem Nubere: mors rapuit, nupta cui esse nequit. In puellas falsis crinibus, superbientes. Q Uæ geritis fietos alieno è vertice crines Dicite, sub dulci melle venena latent. In puellam semper faciem tegentem. M Itte operire nigro posthac velamine vultum, Nuda Venus nudi nam decus oris amat. Vidua & Eccho. Nunc ego sola meos hic nullo teste dolores Solabor tristi tristis & ipsa loco? Hic
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Poetic scraps. The more swiftly let it go out, Jo Jo. And you, my companions, Raise the pitchers, So that you may be able to say Jo Jo. Jo Jo Jo Jo. Let us rejoice, Jo Jo. Sweet Homeric things, Jo Jo. Of two captives, husband and wife, Focus. How wonderfully a woman and a man are caught: Making use of lawful touches and games. The open chests, playing, were leaning together. When both fall into the chest, and it is shut. On a maiden about to be married, dying. The virgin who is ripe for a husband, and immature for death, Death snatches her away, and does not allow her to be a bride beneath the veil. If some man had carried her off, she could have Married him: death carried her off, to whom she cannot be a bride. On girls who pride themselves on false hair. You who wear false locks from another's head, Say, beneath sweet honey poisons lie hidden. On a girl who always covers her face. Henceforth, leave off covering your face with black veiling, For naked Venus loves the grace of a naked face. A widow and Echo. Now shall I, alone, here with no witness, console my sorrows? In this sad place, shall I, sad myself, be consoled? Here
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Crepundia Poëtica. 265 Hic à parte juvat sylvarum obscurior umbra, Muscoso inde placent antra referta situ: Hinc etiam fontes è quorum murmure leni Exiguos lapides ingenuisso puto Atque inter tantos si fas gaudere dolores, Hunc equidem lætor me reperisse locum. Nullus adest? Ec. est. V. hic loquitur quis justius æquo? Ec. Echo. V. respondes tu, rogo si Dea? Ec. ea. V. Qui ne agitant fluctus? Ec. luctus. V. semperne manebit. Aut dolor assidue me superabit? Ec. abit. V. Non abit, at contra Cadmei militis instar Nascitur, & lætam me fore reris? Ec. eris. V. Absit ut hoc credas, prohibent fata aspera. Ec. spera. V. Quid sperem accepto vulnere, quæso refer? Ec. Fer. V. Fero quod possum, verum mors conjugis inter Præclaros primi sic mea corda movet. Ec. Amovet. V. ab illo facile abstinuisse putabis, In quo magno Deum munera erant sita? Ec. ita. V. Naturæ suadet vis. E. vis. V. tum cætera disce. Ec. Disce. V. omnes dotes opta referre. Ec. fere. V. Si quidquam omittam. Ec. haud mittam. V. excusatio talis. Sufficit, en dico principio, Ec. incipio. M V.
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Crepundia Poëtica. 265 Here, apart, the darker shade of the woods is pleasing, And the mossy caves filled with grime delight me; Here too are the springs, from whose gentle murmur I think to have brought forth these little stones And among so many sorrows, if it is right to rejoice, Surely I am glad to have found this place. No one is present? Ec. there is. V. Who speaks here more justly than fairness? Ec. Echo. V. You answer, I ask, if you are a goddess? Ec. she is. V. Whence do the waves not drive? Ec. griefs. V. Will it always remain? Or will pain continually prevail over me? Ec. it departs. V. It does not depart, but on the contrary, like the Cadmean soldier, It is born, and do you think I shall be happy? Ec. you shall be. V. Far be it that you believe this; harsh fates forbid it. Ec. hope. V. What shall I hope for, when I have received a wound? tell me. Ec. Bear. V. I bear what I can, yet the death of my spouse among the foremost So moves my heart. Ec. Removes. V. You will think it easy to have abstained from that in which the gifts of the gods were placed in great measure? Ec. so. V. The force of nature persuades. E. force. V. then learn the rest. Ec. Learn. V. desire to bring back all your gifts. Ec. nearly. V. If I omit anything. Ec. I shall not omit. V. Such an excuse. Enough, see, I say at the beginning. Ec. I begin. M V.
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Crepundia Poëtica. V. Artibus excultus. Ec. cultus. V. fuit atque disertus. Ec. Certus. V. tum leges excoluit. Ec. coluit V. Quod si fortunam spectes, fuit omne decorum. Ec. Aurum. V. est quod pluris tu facies? Ec. facies. V. Pulchra quidem facies perfecta ætate virili, Illum qui cernit numina sperat. Ec. erat. V. Plura sciat fecisse illum hæc quisquis legit Ec. egit. V. Iam dolor haud patitur dicere plura tibi. Ec. i. Contra Fæminas. Fæmina corpus, opes, animam, vim, lumina, vocem Polluit, annihilat, necat, eripit, orbat, acerbat. Adam, Samsonem, Loth, Davidem, & Salomonem. Famina decepit, quis modo tutus erit? Entiri: nere, & lacrymari, nilque tacere, Decidere hæ veræ sunt dotes in muliere. Ut corpus teneris, sic mens infirma puellis. Nil non perimttit mulier, sibi, turpe putat nil, Cum virides gemmas collo circumdedit, & cum Autbus extensis magnos commisit elenchos, Intolerabilius nihil est quam foemina dives Malo in consilio foeminæ vincunt viros. Neve puellarum lacrymis moveare caveto, Ut flerent oculos erudiere suos Fæ-
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Crepundia Poëtica. V. Educated in the arts. Ec. Cultivated. V. he was also eloquent. Ec. Certain. V. then he cultivated the laws. Ec. he cultivated V. But if you consider fortune, everything was becoming. Ec. Gold. V. is that what you value more highly? Ec. you will value. V. Truly a beautiful appearance in full manly age, He who beholds him hopes for the gods. Ec. it was. V. Let whoever reads this know that he did many things Ec. he acted. V. Now grief does not allow me to say more to you. Ec. go. Against Women. Woman pollutes, annihilates, kills, snatches away, deprives of, and embitters body, wealth, soul, strength, eyes, voice. She deceived Adam, Samson, Lot, David, and Solomon. Woman deceived them; who now will be safe? To cry, to spin, and to weep, and to say nothing, these are the true qualities in a woman. As the body is delicate, so the mind is weak in girls. A woman permits nothing, she thinks nothing shameful for herself, when she has hung green gems around her neck, and when with outstretched ears she has composed great speeches. Nothing is more intolerable than a wealthy woman; women in evil counsel defeat men. And beware lest you be moved by girls’ tears, for they have taught their eyes to weep. Fæ-
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Crepundia Poëtica. 267 Foemineus vere dolor est post facta dolere, Ille lavat laterem qui custodit mulierem. Male quod mulier incœpit, nisi efficere id per- petrat, Id illi morbo, id illi senio est: ea illi miseræ miseria est, Si bene facere incœpit, ejus tam cito odium percipit. Sed vobis facile est verba & componere fraudes, Hoc unum didicit foemina semper opus! Non sic incerto mutantur flamine Syrtes, Nec folia hyberno tam tremefacta Noto; Quam cito foeminea non constat fædus in ira, Sive ea causa gravis, sive ea causa levis. Væ tibi foemineo quisquis es captus jugo. Tu miser es, & eris, si tangat te ars mulieris. Sit tibi consultum mulieris spernere vultum? Componit vultum: quia vult ut des sibi multum. Attrahit ut fiscus, sed decipit ut Basiliscus. Non hodie, nec heri, nec cras credas mulieris. Est quasi grande forum vox alta trium mulierum. Pro foeminis. Rusticus est verè qui turpia de muliere Dicit, nam vere sumus omnes de muliere. Vestes foeminea bene tegunt, quia longæ. Ulcibus & modicis ornatur foemina verbis; Et collaudatur mulier si pauca loquatur Quæ dos matronis pulcherrima? vita pudica. M 2 In
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Crepundia Poëtica. 267 A woman’s true grief is to grieve after the deed is done, He washes a brick who keeps watch over a woman. Whatever a woman begins badly, unless she carries it through, That is her disease, that is her old age: that is misery for the miserable one, If she begins to do well, she gets hatred for it all too quickly. But it is easy for you to talk and contrive deceits, This one thing a woman has always learned to do! Not so quickly do the Syrtes change with an uncertain breeze, Nor leaves so tremble in the winter north wind; As quickly as a woman’s pact is not firm in anger, Whether the cause be serious or whether the cause be slight. Woe to you, whoever you are, captured by the woman’s yoke. You are wretched, and you will be, if woman’s craft touches you. Would you be advised to scorn a woman’s face? She composes her face, because she wants you to give her much. She draws you on like a purse, but deceives like a Basilisk. Do not trust a woman today, nor yesterday, nor tomorrow. The loud voice of three women is like a great marketplace. For women. The man is truly rustic who speaks shamefully of a woman, For truly we all are from a woman. Women’s garments cover well, because they are long. A woman is adorned with wounds and modest words; And a woman is praised if she speaks little. What is the fairest dowry for matrons? a chaste life. M 2 In
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268 Crefundia Poëtica. In medio uxores, & pisces sunt meliores. De muliere quæ viginti quatuor maritos habuit, Una viris mulier viginti quatuor uxor quæ fuit, hanc viduam non nisi stultus amet. Ad expertum Medicinæ Doctorem. Ægrorum haud minor noscasi tangere pulsum, Hoc cum te proles non animata docet. Nam dicis foetus sentire in conjuge vitam Ortus bis senis mensibus ante diem. Conjugis ast ventrem cave dum clyster rela- xes. Ne medium foetus mordeat hic digitum. Medici ficti. Ingunt se Medicos omnes; Idiota, Sacerdos: Iudæus, Monachus, Histrio, Lusor, anus: Miles, mercator, cerdo, nutrix, & arator. Salarium Medici. Aximus in morbis Medico permittitur orbis: Sed fugit ex mente medicus morbo rece- dente. De furto, Problema, ad Iuristas. Qvi domino invito rem contrectaverit est fur; Quid, si hoc invita non faciat domina; In jurisconsultum ad amasiam properantem. Uridicum, peragens vocat accelerare Pa- tronus, Lucatos nummos cernat amica cupit. Iuris
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268 Poetic Light. In the middle, wives, and fish are better. On the woman who had twenty-four husbands, One woman who was a wife to twenty-four men; who was this widow, only a fool would love. To an experienced Doctor of Medicine. To recognize the pulse of the sick is no less difficult for us to touch, as this your unborn offspring teaches you. For you say that the child feels life in the spouse, born two six-month periods before its day. But beware the spouse’s belly when you loosen the clyster. Lest the foetus in the middle bite this finger. Pretended doctors. They all set themselves up as doctors: idiot, priest, Jew, monk, actor, gambler, old woman; soldier, merchant, shoemaker, nurse, and ploughman. The doctor’s salary. The whole world is granted to the doctor in illness; but the doctor slips from mind when the sickness recedes. On theft, a problem for lawyers. Whoever, against his master’s will, handles a thing is a thief; what if he does not do this against his mistress’s will? To a jurist hurrying to his mistress. The patron calls, while carrying out the legal business, to hurry, because his lady friend wishes to see the Lucan coins. Law
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Crepundia Poëtica. 269 Quris præceptum. Uod tibi vis fieri, mihi fac; quod non tibi, noli, Sic potesin terris vivere jure poli, Baldus, Plato, Aristoteles. E Cce it Baldus eques gemmis oneratus & auro, Plato secum peditem trahit Aristotelem. Ad Romulum, Lupæ alumnium. E Xcipe, magne puer, lactantibus ubera labris, Quæ lupa facundo præbet amica sinu. Est lupa, sed genium ponit cum lacte lupi- num, Tu cave, ne mores, quos vomit illa, bibas Quam vereor, subito lac illud acescat; nec Quod tibi dat vitam, pluribus eripiat. Roma amoris nomen. Oma quod inverso delectaretur amore, Nomen ab inverso nomine cepit amor. Ad amatorem. A D dominam intrepido vis tendere carmi- na cursu. Scire operæ pretium est, quo pede versus eat, Nimirum pedibus metrorum ex omnibus præ unum, Reliquis mulier dactylon omnis amat. De amore proverbia. Lli poena datur, qui semper amat, nec amatur. Cæcat amor mentes, ac non raro sapientes. Curis jactatur, si quis Veneri sociatur. M 3 est
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Poetical Odds and Ends. 269 The precept. What you wish to be done to you, do to me; what not to you, do not, So can you live on earth by the law of heaven, Baldus, Plato, Aristotle. And see Baldus, a knight loaded with gems and gold, Plato drags Aristotle along with him on foot. To Romulus, the wolf’s nursling. Receive, great boy, with sucking lips the breasts which the wolf offers from her friendly lap in eloquent fashion. She is a wolf, but she lays aside the wolf’s spirit with milk; beware lest you drink the habits she vomits forth. How I fear that suddenly that milk may turn sour; nor may what gives you life take it away from many. Rome, the name of love. Rome, since it delighted in reversed love, Love took its name from the reversed name. To a lover. Do you seek to hasten your verses to your mistress with intrepid pace. It is worth knowing on what foot the verse goes, namely, of all metrical feet one above the rest, every woman loves the dactyl. Proverbs on love. There is punishment for him who always loves, and is not loved. Love blinds minds, and not rarely the wise. He is tossed by cares, if anyone is joined to Venus.
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Crepundia Poëtica. Est oculo gratum, speculari semper amatum Heu dolor est! gratis abscedere rebus amatis Illum nullus amat, qui semper, da mihi, clamat Post mortis morsum, vertit dilectio dorsum: Quot campo flores, tot sunt in amore dolores Stultus quando videt, quod pulchra puellula ridet, Mox fatuus credit se quod amare velit: Verus amor miserum nunquam contemnit amicum Dulcis amica vale, mandatum do tibi tale. In procum pudibundum. G Uttur clamat amo, cum gutture reliqua membra Quid animus tacita voce susurrat, amo. Omnia si hoc clamant tardas curadire puellas Et cur, amo, trepidas, dicere virginibus? Hoc quamvis clamant, tamen adveniente puellâ, Et lingua, & guttur vociferare negant. Quæ sit causa rogas, pudor est qui dicere non vult; Cum pueris pudor est, desine amare puer. In amatorem deformis Puella. V Estra modo est nostris oculis oblata puella, Tam dulcis, tam pulchra fallax ac candida vultu, Ut tres si offerret tales mihi Iupiter ipse, Ultro duas diti darem, ut abriperet restantem Nihil nisi sub specie pulchri amatur. Q Uisquis amat cervam, cervam putat esse Minervam Quis-
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Poetic Rattles. It is pleasing to the eye to gaze always upon the beloved; Alas, it is pain to depart freely from beloved things. No one loves him who always cries, “Give me,” Love turns its back after the bite of death: As many flowers as there are in the field, so many are the pains in love. When a fool sees that a pretty girl is smiling, At once the simpleton believes that he himself is the one she wants to love. True love never despises a wretched friend. Farewell, sweet friend; I give you this command. To a bashful suitor. The throat cries, “I love,” when the rest of the limbs are silent; What the mind whispers with a quiet voice: “I love.” If all things cry this out, why do you delay to hear the girls? And why, when you say “I love,” do you tremble to speak to maidens? Though they cry this, yet when a girl appears, both tongue and throat refuse to shout. You ask what the cause is; it is shame, which does not wish to speak. If you are ashamed before boys, stop loving, boy. To a deformed girl’s lover. Your girl has now been presented to our eyes, So sweet, so fair in her deceitful and white face, That if Jupiter himself offered me three such women, I would gladly give two to the rich man, so that he might carry off the remaining one. Nothing is loved except under the appearance of beauty. Whoever loves a doe thinks the doe is Minerva. Whos-
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Crepundia Poëtica. 271 Quisquis amat ranam, ranam putat esse Dia- nam, Quamvis fædatur, cuivis placet id, quod amatur. Opium nimia cupiditas quanta mala proferat. Propter opes acquirendas mala plurima fiunt. Et bona deficiunt plurima propter opes; Propter opes se mercator dat mille periclis. Exponitque mari se, sua propter opes. Propter opes vetulo fit sponsa puella marito, Ducit anum juvenis vir quoque propter opes. Propter opes quandoque volens vir cornua sumit, Sæpe dat invito foemina propter opes Propter opes tolli patitur sibi virgo pudorem Floreque fit demto publica propter opes. Propter opes, quæruntur opes, opulentia crescit; Crescit avarities sordida propter opes; Propter opes, quæcunque prius promissa, ne- gantur, Et data dicuntur non data, propter opes. Propter opes spes sæpe ruit, vota irrita fiunt; Summaque ad ima ruunt omnia, propter opes. Propter opes Medicus sæpe haud bona phar- maca scribit: Æger & hæc renuit sumere propter opes. Propter opes etiam carissima pharmaca fiunt: Quæ nequeunt inopes sumere propter opes Propter opes inopes Medicos accedere no- lunt, M, Auxi-
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Poetic Crepundia. 271 Whoever loves a frog thinks the frog is Diana, Though it is foul, what is loved pleases anyone. How many evils too great a desire for opium brings forth. For the sake of acquiring wealth, very many evils are done. And very many good things fail because of wealth; For the sake of wealth the merchant exposes himself to a thousand perils. And for the sake of his wealth he entrusts himself to the sea. For the sake of wealth, a young girl is given to an old man as bride, A young man too takes an old woman for the sake of wealth. For the sake of wealth, at times a man willingly takes horns, Often a woman gives them unwillingly for the sake of wealth. For the sake of wealth, the maiden suffers her modesty to be taken away, And, once the bloom is stripped, becomes public for the sake of wealth. For the sake of wealth, wealth is sought, opulence grows; Dirty greed grows because of wealth; For the sake of wealth, whatever was promised before is denied, And things given are said not to have been given, for the sake of wealth. For the sake of wealth, hope often collapses, vows are made void; And all things from the highest fall to the lowest, for the sake of wealth. For the sake of wealth, the physician often prescribes not-good medicines: The sick man refuses to take these too, for the sake of wealth. For the sake of wealth, even the dearest medicines become such As the poor cannot take, for the sake of wealth. For the sake of wealth, the poor do not wish to approach physicians, M, Auxi-
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Crepundia Poëtica. Auxiliumque negant hi quoque propter opes. Propter opes lites injustæ, injustaque dantur Iudicia injusto à Iudice propter opes. Propter opes, ditumque domos, inopumque pererrant, Et capiunt fures omnia propter opes. Propter opes passim sunt prælia bella, rapinæ; Pacis iniqua etiam foedera propter opes. Propter opes quid non patitur miserabile mundus? Proditur arx, urbes, regnaque propter opes. Propter opes nunquid Christum vendebat, Iudas. Et crepuit pendens arbore propter opes? Propter opes homines animam cum corpore perdunt, Sic perduntur opes, cunctaque propter opes. Tres studendi modi parum utiles. N On bene fit studium quodcunque fit ante fenestram, Nec valet in lecto, nec valet ante focum. Flamma nocet libris: studium impedit ante fenestram, Visa Venus: somnum lectus inire monet: Ergo relinque focum, lectum simul atque fenestram Major &c è studiis sic tibi messis erit. Studiosi Characterismus Belgico-Latinum. Ugduni studuit quidam Psaltista, L Die zijn vaderlik goed meest al verquist had Musicus erat atque Citharista Hy
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Crepundia Poëtica. These too deny assistance because of wealth. Because of wealth, unjust quarrels, and unjust judgments are given by an unjust judge because of wealth. Because of wealth, the wealthy and the poor roam about, and thieves take everything because of wealth. Because of wealth, there are everywhere battles and plunder; even the unequal treaties of peace are because of wealth. Because of wealth, what does not miserable the world suffer? The citadel is betrayed, cities, and kingdoms because of wealth. Because of wealth, did Judas sell Christ, and burst as he hung on the tree because of wealth? Because of wealth men lose soul and body, so wealth is lost, and everything because of wealth. Three ways of studying, of little use. A study is not well done when it is done before the window, nor is it of any value in bed, nor is it of any value before the hearth. The flame harms books: study before the window is hindered, when Venus is seen: the bed urges one to go to sleep; therefore leave the hearth, the bed, and the window at once; thus a greater harvest, etc., will be yours from your studies. Character sketch of a student, in Belgian-Latin. At Liège a certain psalmist studied, who had mostly squandered his paternal property. He was a musician and citharist; he
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Crepundia Poëtica. 213 Hy minde een meisken, en leid'er list na, Om haer te behagen op alle termine, Experientia multa docet sine fine, Dat bethoonde hy haer bewijsende, Quod amanti nihil sit difficile, Als hy een hoentken opkloof vers gebraden, En daer toe een stoop wijn in sijn maeg laden, Cupidinis instar erat amænus. In dictis ac factis totus obscænus? Nam sine Cerere & Baccho friget Venus. Een kaertken te speelen in plaets van studeeren, Libros vendere, en't gelt te versmeren, Een nachtken te tietacken of verkeeren: Sou ook een Eesel soo wel niet wat leeren? 's Avonts op straet te scrappen, tieren, en baren, Et alta voce, sta, sta, vociferare; Doch te vluchten, soo hem een muys komt tegen Scirpo armatus In plaets van een deegen; Tanta magnanimitas dient ook niet verjwegen Neen, 't is beter gelopen als slagen gekregen. Per mille Dæmones swoer den romen Johannes (is, Gans Droes ik moet sien wat dit voor een man 't Rammelter en ruyster al watter ontrent is: Cor meum pejus est quam cor serpentis. Broeder wat dunkt u of dit geen student is? Ænigma. D Ic, quibus hoc animal terræ nascatur in oris, Masculus est mater, cui mulierque pater? Aliud ad Ponticum E Sse duos oculos miror tibi Pontice, cujus Unocula est mater, unoculusque Paier. M 5 Non
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Crepundia Poëtica. 213 He courted a little girl, and cunningly set himself to it, To please her at every turn, Experientia multa docet sine fine, This he showed her, proving, Quod amanti nihil sit difficile, When he carved up for himself a freshly roasted chicken, And with that loaded a stoop of wine into his belly, Cupidinis instar erat amænus. In words and deeds wholly obscene? Nam sine Cerere & Baccho friget Venus. Playing cards instead of studying, Selling books and squandering the money, Passing a little night in dalliance or carousing: Would not even an ass learn something so well? At night in the street to shout, make noise, and bawl, Et alta voce, sta, sta, vociferare; Yet to flee when a mouse comes before him, Scirpo armatus in place of a sword; Such great courage must not be concealed either. No, it is better to have run off than to have taken blows. By a thousand devils swore the Roman Johannes (is, Good Lord, I must see what sort of man this is; The rattling and rustling, all that is around him: Cor meum pejus est quam cor serpentis. Brother, what do you think, is this not a student? Ænigma. Dic, quibus hoc animal terræ nascatur in oris, Masculus est mater, cui mulierque pater? Another, addressed to Ponticus Esse duos oculos miror tibi Pontice, cujus Unocula est mater, unoculusque Paier. M 5 Non
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Crepundia Poëtica. Non est corrumpenda substantia propter accidens. Artibus incumbens noli corrumpere sen- sus: Quid juvat ars, usus si tibi nullus erit? Artibus incumbas, ut vita tibi integra duret, Sic etiam poteris scribere multa senex. Fac quoque ne nimio mens sit labefacta la- bore; Arte quid is faciet, mens cui stulta, boni? Non corrumpendum est quod substat propter inhærens, Fundamento etenim cuncta ruente, ruunt. Votum Scriptoris. Qui librum scripsit, cum scutis vivere posset Detur pro poena scriptori pulchra puella. Ad nomen virginis Clara. Pereat, nec fit (Græcorum ut lingua mi- nistrat) Littera H. Chara est, quæ modo Clara fuit Fallimur & Clara es, clara tua forma relucet, Et mihi Chara, ergo nomen utrumque refers. Fabula de Pruna, Faba, & Stramine, Runa, Faba, & Stramen rivum transire laborant, Seque ideo in ripis Stramen utrimque locat. Sic quasi per poniem Faba transit: Pruna sed urit Stramen, & in medias præcipitatur aquas. Hoc cernens nimio risu faba rumpitur imo Parte sui, hancque quasi tacta pudore tegit, Fa-
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Crepundia Poëtica. Substance is not to be corrupted on account of an accident. Devoting yourself to the arts, do not corrupt your senses: What use is art, if you will have no practice? Devote yourself to the arts, so that your life may remain whole, thus also you will be able to write much when old. Take care also that the mind be not weakened by too much labor; What will he do with art, whose mind is foolish, of good? What lies beneath is not to be corrupted because of what is inherent, for when the foundation falls, everything falls. The Writer’s Wish. May a beautiful girl be given as punishment to the writer, who wrote a book, though he could live with shields. Concerning the name Clara, a virgin. Let it perish, and not be (as the Greek tongue supplies) the letter H. Dear is she who was just now Clara. We are mistaken: and you are Clara, your fair form shines forth, and dear to me; therefore you bear both names. The fable of the Plums, Beans, and Straw. A plum, a bean, and straw labor to cross a stream, and therefore places straw on both banks. So the bean passes, as if by a bridge; but the plum burns the straw, and is thrown into the midst of the waters. Seeing this, the bean bursts from excessive laughter at the very bottom of itself, and, as if touched by shame, covers it. Fa-
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Crepundia Poëtica. Fabula significatio. N Oli infelicem casum ridere propinqui Nec similis fiat, deteriorve tibi. In terrestrem Calicolam. A Nte necem cum quis cælorum tecta fre- quentat, Talem Luciferum quis fore posse negat? Ad Gertrudem Carmen Leoninum. O Pia Gertrudis quam inter bene basia ludis! Dum trudo, trudis, bisterve, quaterve re- trudis. Nullus solus bene ridet. E ride solus nam risus solius oris Pravus vel stultus reputabitur omnibus horis. Lusus deletabilis. St pulcher ludus, cum nuda ludere nu- dus. Trium breve fastidium. Ost triduum mulier fastidit, & hospes, & imber: Quod si plus maneat, quatriduanus eat. Agere & pati fortia Romanum est. C Um suspendendum mater deplangeret, ille Romanum est inquit, fortia posse pati. D Honoris & Divitiarum Comparatio. Onat opes homini Deus, & sibi poscit honorem. Ergo divitiis anteferendus honor. M 6 Ea-
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Poetic Rattles. Meaning of the fable. Let your relatives not laugh at an unhappy accident, nor let a similar one, or worse, happen to you. To an Earthly Calicolus. Before death, when one frequents the roof of heaven, who denies that such a one can be a Lucifer? A leonine poem to Gertrude. O pious Gertrude, how well you play amid kisses! While I push, you push back, twice, or three times, or four times. No one laughs well alone. And laugh alone, for laughter from a solitary mouth will be judged crooked or foolish at all hours. A delightful game. It is a beautiful game, when naked, to play naked with the naked. The short tedium of three days. For three days a woman, and a guest, and rain are tiresome: but if it stays longer, let it be off by the fourth day. To do and to suffer brave deeds is Roman. When his mother was lamenting him as he was to be hanged, he said, “It is Roman to be able to endure brave deeds.” Comparison of Honor and Riches. God gives wealth to man, and for himself demands honor. Therefore honor is to be preferred to riches.
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Crepundia Poëtica. Favor. R Identi domino, nec cælo crede sereno, Ex facili causa dominus mutatur &. aura. Dos formosa. F Ormosam nudam volo, nudam non; volo formam; Quæris cum forma quid volo? materiam. An viduo ducenda sit vidua? Q Quæritur à viduo viduam cur ducere nolit? Nam simile est similis congrua, parque pari, Respondet viduus: viduam tum duxero quando. E cruce suspensus vir prior ejus erit. Ut mihi nupta virum nequeat laudare priorem, Est vir enim viduæ semper in ore prior. Pro nasutis. D Ic mihi nasutos carpis cur zoile, nasos Indignos nostin regibus esse breves. Ad Claram, ne sola maneat. C Uncta creare Deus voluit ne longius Solus, solaque tu Clara manere cupis Bias. O Mnia qui dixit mea mecum porto, vide-tur Uxorem sapiens non habuisse Bias Omnis similitudo claudicat. C Um quis homo nequam Mancum deluderet Non mirum est paritas claudicat omnis ait. In
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Poetic Playthings. Favor. By the same master, do not trust even a clear sky, For through a slight cause the master changes, and so does the breeze. A Beautiful Dowry. I want a beautiful woman naked, not naked; I want beauty; When you ask what I want with beauty? — the body. Should a widow be given to a widower? Why, asks the widower, should he not marry a widow? For like is fitting to like, and equal to equal. The widower replies: I shall marry a widow when the man suspended from the cross has been her former husband. So that my wife cannot praise a former husband, for a husband is always first in a widow’s mouth. For the long-nosed. Tell me, Zoilus, why do you mock my long nose? Do you not know that short noses are unworthy of kings? To Clara, that she may not remain alone. God wished every creature to bring forth offspring, lest it remain too long alone; and yet you, Clara, wish to remain by yourself. Bias. The wise man who said, “All I have I carry with me,” seems not to have had a wife, Bias. All likeness limps. When some worthless man tried to mock Manco, he said: no wonder, for every likeness limps. In
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Cre[ti]ndia Poëtica. In Cothurnatum Gallicum. V Ectari rauco pudor est tibi, Gallico, curru, Cur ergo rauco non pudor ire pede? Anagramma uxoris. I Nsaturabile par sunt orcus & uxor: ait Rex, Unius experiens, alteriusque, sciens. Quisquis in uxorem cecidit, descendit in orcum: Rite inversa sonant Vefor & Orcus idem. Responsio. N Uncupor vefor ego, non sum quasi conjugis orcus. Sed quia per totam sedula curso domum: In muliere vir est, ut in orco Belzebub? ergo Infernum si sit foemina, vir Satan est. In Anabaptistas de uxorum communitate. C Ommunes vobis uxores esse feruntur. Impingi falso censeo tale nefas. Conjugium est, dum carne duo sociatur in una, Et, soboles, certum novit adulta patrem. Uxores vobis non sunt, dicantur amicæ, Quis ita communes omnibus esse licet. Sed cum nemo libens aliis concedit amicam. Ergo Meretricum nomina vera ferant. Gratis at (objicitis) præstant, & nulla me- retur: Nomine ne careant, scorta vocare decet. Haud nova res igitur communia scorta te- neri, Commune est vobis hoc aliisque nefas. M 7 In
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Cre[ti]ndia Poëtica. On the Gallic Cothurnus. For you, Gallic one, there is shame in a noisy chariot, Why then is there no shame in going on foot with noise? An anagram of the wife. The abyss and a wife are alike insatiable: says the king, Knowing one by experience, and the other as well. Whoever has fallen into a wife, has descended into the abyss: Rightly reversed, Vefor and Orcus sound the same. Response. I am called Vefor, I am not, as it were, the abyss of a spouse. But because I run busily through the whole house: In a woman there is a man, as in the abyss Beelzebub? therefore If hell is female, the man is Satan. On the Anabaptists concerning the community of wives. Your wives are said to be common. I judge that such an outrage is falsely charged. Marriage is, when two are joined in one flesh, And the grown offspring knows his certain father. Your wives are not yours; let them be called friends, Since it is not permitted for one to be common to all in that way. But since no one willingly yields a friend to others, Therefore let them bear the true name of prostitutes. Indeed, you object, they provide things freely, and no one earns them: Since they should not lack a name, it is proper to call them harlots. It is therefore no new thing that common harlots be kept, This outrage is common to you and to others as well. M 7 In
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Crepundia Poëtica, In eosdem. O Mnia sunt vobis communia sicut amicis. Laudo quod exposita participentur opes. Uxores vero dum prostituuntur & ipsæ, Hoccine amicitia est? non puto: Luxuria est, est. In uxorem. O Uì capit uxorem capit absque quiete laborem, Longum languorem, Lacrymas, cum lite dolorem. Ad uxorium. S Æpe quiescit ager, non semper arandus at uxor. Est ager, assiduo vult tamen illa coli. De Helena ad nuptias Paridis transeunte. D quod Naso jubet, Menelai noverat uxor: Si qua velis apte nubere, nube Pari Tristis ob id Menelaus erat: quia vertice nata Cornua se numero sensit habere pari. (co.) De equo bipede noto, ac proinde homine Platoni- Mne animal bipes impiumque est homo, quando Platoni Creditur: ergo Equus, qui bipes ortus, homo est. Ad Amatorem, F Les, rides, gaudes, moëres, requiescis, oberras: Non mirum, vita est talis amantis; amas. Cornix & Meretrix. B Alnea Cornici non prosunt, nec Mere- trici; Nec Meretrix munda, & nec Cornix alba- fit unda. Scor-
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Crepundia Poëtica, To the same. Everything is common to you, just like to friends. I praise the sharing of wealth that is laid out. But as wives too are prostituted, is this friendship? I do not think so: it is luxury, it is luxury. To a wife. Whoever takes a wife takes, without rest, labor, a long illness, tears, and with quarrels, pain. To a married man. Often the field rests, not always to be plowed, but a wife is a field, yet she wants to be cultivated constantly. On Helen crossing over to Paris's wedding. What Naso commands, Menelaus's wife knew: If you wish to marry well, marry Paris. Sad on that account was Menelaus, because, born with horns on his brow, he felt that he had horns equal in number. (co.) On the two-footed horse, and therefore on man according to Plato. Man is a two-footed and impious animal, when he is trusted by Plato: therefore the Horse, who was born two-footed, is a man. To a Lover, You laugh, you rejoice, you grieve, you rest, you wander: no wonder, such is the life of a lover; you love. The Crow and the Harlot. Baths are of no use to the crow, nor to the harlot; nor is the harlot clean, nor does the crow become white from water. Scor-
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Crepundia Poëtica. 272 Scortatorum infelicitas. Fertur in amplexu quendam exspirasse puellæ; Quæstio sit: quonam spiritus ejus iit? Hoc scio: nam Pauli docet id sat Epistola, quod non Præbeat ad Supæros janua talis iter. De Scortorum fallacia. F Allite fallentes, ex magna parte prophanum Sunt genus, in laqueos quos posuere cadant. Item. CRederatem ventis, animum ne crede puellis. Namque est foeminea tutior unda fide. Ad Adolescentes nupturos, ne ducant meretrices N E placeant turpes pietatis imagine tædæ, Si bonus es, & vis ducere, duc similem, Quid faciet meretrix, fallit quæ casta putatur, Vina placent aliis, fæx ne relicta tibi? Item ne ducant etiam virgines filias meretricum L Acdabit hæc scorti, quæ lac suxit meretricis? Quo semel est imbuta recens servabit odorem Testa diu. Et, Quod nova testa capit, inveterata sapit. Der Hasen schmäckt gern nach der ersten Brüh, Epitaphium cujusdam Sacerdotis, ad obitum dilectæ suæ Elsæ. H Oc jacet ingenuæ formæ Elsa sepulchro: Grata fuit Elsa mane cultello semper. Quæ dum vixit, in rufa tunica vixit, In rufa tunica, Deus habet suum anima. Qui
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Poetic Miscellany. 272 The Misfortune of Lewd Men. It is said that someone breathed his last in a girl’s embrace; The question is: where did his spirit go? This I know: for Paul’s Epistle teaches that enough, that such a door does not Provide a path to the heavens above. On the Deceitfulness of Whores. Deceivers deceive; for the most part they are a profane race, let them fall into the snares they have laid. Likewise. Trust the winds, but do not trust a girl’s mind. For a woman’s wave is the safer faith. To young men about to marry, lest they take prostitutes Lest base bridal torches please under the guise of piety, If you are good and wish to marry, choose one like yourself; What will a prostitute do, she who is falsely thought chaste? Wine pleases others; why should the dregs be left for you? Likewise, let them not even marry virgins, daughters of prostitutes. Will this one be pleasing to the lecher, who sucked a whore’s milk? Whatever a fresh vessel is once imbued with, it will long retain the scent. And, What a new vessel takes in, an old one tastes of. A hare likes to smell of the first broth. Epitaph of a certain priest, upon the death of his beloved Elsa. Here lies Elsa, of noble form, in the tomb: Dear was Elsa in the morning, always, to the knife. While she lived, she lived in a red gown, In a red gown; God has her soul. Who
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Crepundia Poëtica. Qui orat pro secum debes comedere mecum, Et si sunt mille, omnes oratis pro ille. Amend. Clericus. Clericus in sella gaudet veniente puella. Clerice sis fortis nec des tua munera scortis Cantiuncula Latino-Germanica. Pertransibat Clericus, Durch einen grünen Waldt Videbat ibi stantem, stantem, stantem, Ein Magdelein wohlgestalt. Salva sis puellula, Gadt grüss dich Magdelein fein, Dico: ibi vere, vere, vere, Du solst mein Beischlaf sein. Non sic, non sic mi Domine, Ihr treibet mit mir spott, Si vultis me supponere, supponere, supponere. So macht nicht viel der Wordt, Ceciderunt ambo, Wohlin das grüne gras, Extraxit ille dactylum, dactylum, dactylum, Sie fragt ihn was ist das? Sublevarunt vestes, Di keine wahren weiss: Fecerunt mirabilia, mirabilia, mirabilia, Nach aller menschen weiss Und da das spiel vollendet war, Ambo surrexerunt, Und ging ein jedes seinen wegh, seinen wegh, seinen wegh, Per quam venerunt. Anno præterlapso, Da bracht sie ihm ein Kind, Quem
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Poetic Toys. Who prays for themselves must eat with me, And if there are a thousand, all pray for him. Amend. Cleric. The cleric in the chair rejoices at the coming girl. Cleric, be strong and do not give your gifts to whores. Little song in Latin-German. The cleric was passing through, Through a green wood, He saw standing there, standing, standing, A maiden, well-formed. Hail, little maiden, God greet you, fine little maiden, I say: there, truly, truly, truly, You shall be my bedfellow. Not so, not so, my lord, You are mocking me, If you want to lay me down, lay me down, lay me down. Do not make so much of the word, They both fell down, Well then, upon the green grass, He drew out his finger, finger, finger, She asked him, what is that? They lifted up their garments, No one truly knows: They did marvels, marvels, marvels, According to the custom of all men. And when the game was finished, Both rose up, And each went his way, his way, his way, By the way they had come. In the year gone by, She brought him a child, Whom
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Crepundia Poëtica. 281 Quem ille fabricaverat, fabricaverat, fabri- caverat. Mit seinen instrument. Quis est qui nobis cecinit, Das war ein braf Student, Qui liberos composuit, composuit, composuit Biss aen sein letztes end. Carmen ad Clerum. Disce bene, Clerice, virgines amare; Qui a sciunt dulcia oscula præstare, Juventutem floridam tuam conservare, Pulchram & amabilem prolem procreare Et ut cognoscas latius So nimb gar eben war, Ludimagister fatuus, Das ist weit offenbar. Se multum ratus amari, Von einem Weiblein schon, Amore volens cremari Hies sie mit ihm heym gohn. Repleatur vini veteris, Und waren guter ding, Jocus hic fuit celebris, Gar schön sie ihn umbfing. Non immemor rei suæ, Der Schantz namen sie in acht, Gratulando illi suave, Bald ihn zu ein Narren macht. Multos hinc extorquet nummos Das ist ihr aller arth, Abit & quærit alios, Lag
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Crepundia Poëtica. 281 He whom he had fashioned, fashioned, fashioned. With his instruments. Who is it that sang to us, That was a fine student, Who composed the children, composed, composed, Until his very last end. Song to the Clergy. Learn well, cleric, to love virgins; You who know how to bestow sweet kisses, To preserve your youthful bloom, To beget a fair and lovable offspring, And so that you may know more widely Just take careful heed, You foolish schoolmaster, That is plainly evident. Thinking himself much beloved, By a little woman already, Wishing to be consumed by love, She called him to go home with her. May he be filled with old wine, And they were in good spirits, This jest was celebrated, And she embraced him most sweetly. Not unmindful of his affair, They took his cloak into account, Congratulating him gently, Soon making a fool of him. From this he wrings many coins, That is their whole manner, He departs and seeks others, Lay
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Crepundia Poëtica. Lag ihm an sicher hart, Nec hunc curabit miserum, Dieweil sie Pfenning hat. Nevit post huic linteolum, Dar in geschrieben steht: W. V. H J. M G. Er kundes aufflegen fein, Sic speculans Poëtice, Das war die Gattung fein Omne dedisti gaudium, Weynen und hertzenleidt Grave paris cordolium, Jammer menglich gespreit Non fuerat autem ita, W. V. H. Wilt und Hert, Illi prius non audita, I. M. G. Ist mein gefert. Sonabat, mira dicam, Der guth Gesel war ein Gauch, Iudæo portat tunicam, Zwo Deck, den Mantel auch, Ut eam posset adire Mit Säckel wohl beswört, Quo placentur ejus iræ, Gar bald er zu ihr färt. Ad ipsum ubi venerat, Da Wahr es gar noch nacht Ipsa blandi: i non cessat, Biss sie das Geld rauss bracht; Mox aperit stultus peram Wolt so gelieben sich, Rem refero, vobis veram, Si sprach, halt dich an mich,
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Crepundia Poëtica. He lay in secure hard, Nor will this poor wretch heed him, Since she has pennies. He sewed for him afterward a little cloth, In which was written: W. V. H. J. M. G. He could lay it out finely, Thus poetically contemplating, That was the fine kind: Omne dedisti gaudium, Weeping and heartache, Grave paris cordolium, Sorrow spread to everyone. Non fuerat autem ita, W. V. H. means Will and Heart, Illi prius non audita, I. M. G. is my deed. Sonabat, mira dicam, The good fellow was a fool, Iudæo portat tunicam, Two covers, the cloak too, Ut eam posset adire Well provided with a purse, Quo placentur ejus iræ, Soon he rides to her. Ad ipsum ubi venerat, When he was there, Ipsa blandi: i non cessat, until she brought the money out; Mox aperit stultus peram He wanted to be liked so, Rem refero, vobis veram, She said, hold fast to me,
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Crepundia Poëtica. In cubiculum ducitur, Hoffet ein guten Muth, Super lectum absconditur, Er meynt es wer als guth. Ecce quidam ingrediens, Selber er auffthun kundt, Manet cum ipsa dormiens, Dem wahr sein Hertz verwundi, Sub lecto jacebat spre tus, Sie hett ein Scherer Knecht Summis qui viribus fretus, Macht ein gros Gepracht, Pauper sub lecto torquetur, Durfft reden gantz kein wordt, Et qui non cruciaretur, Wo er solchein Spiel hort? Mane surgens hilariter, Das Fräwlein war gescheit Exeunt domum pariter, Wenn er forcht seiner Haut. Interim miser trepidus, Säumpt sich nicht lang im Hauss, Saltabat prorsus territus, Hinden zum laden auff. Nec post illam adivit Sie hett das Gelt schon ein Ubi talia rescivit Auch wolt sie nimmer sein, Deinde totum extortum Thet ihm gar eben recht Fallacissimum hoc scortum Verprasz der Scheerer Knecht Lusum cernens se fabulam,
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Poetic Toys. He is led into the chamber, Hoping for a good heart; He hides beneath the bed, Thinking it all just fine. Behold, when someone comes in, He himself could not get out; He remains with her, sleeping, His heart was wounded indeed. Under the bed he lay hidden, She had a barber’s servant, Who, relying on his full strength, Made a great display there. The poor man is tormented under the bed, He dared not speak a single word; And who would not be tortured When he heard such sport? In the morning he rises cheerfully, The young lady was clever, They go out together from the house, While he fears for his skin. Meanwhile the wretched man, trembling, Did not linger long in the house; He danced, utterly terrified, Out the back to the lane. Nor did he go after her; She had already taken the money, When she learned of such things She also wanted to be no more, Then he was stripped of everything; It served him exactly right. This most deceitful harlot Played the barber’s servant a trick, Seeing the game as a fable,
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284 Crepundia Poëtica. Von dern er wohl getrawt, Incepit amare quandam Auff die er gäntzlich bawt, Bonorum cum dispendio, Versch'empt sein Mutter-Erb. Erat durans amatio, Darnach ward sie ihm herb, Repertus it per tegulas, Er lief über Die Dach, Ammittitque suas scholas, Der Teuffel des gelach, Se post caminum abscondit, Es war ihm gar kein schertz, Vota precelque spopondit, Erschrocken war sein Hertz. Fuga sibi consuluit, Das war ein Fassnacht Spiel. Linquat vestem oportuit, Ein Buler leidt sich viel. Amor dicebat abiens, Ist Kartheusers Orden, Heu mihi quam fui amens, Innen bin ichs worden. Quid autem nunc dicam Clara? Es weiss doch jederman, Quam proba sit avis rara, Ach Gauch ich fahr davon. O Gretula, Kataraque, Klein Lieb macht grosses Weh, Id stultus sensit utique, Bisher und fürbaff meh, Ergo sapienter dixi, Ich wist gern wie der. bies. Tamen
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284 Poetic Rattles. Von the one in whom he trusted well, Incepit amare quandam On whom he built completely, Bonorum cum dispendio, He squandered his mother’s inheritance. Erat durans amatio, Then it became bitter for him, Repertus it per tegulas, He ran over the roof, Ammittitque suas scholas, The devil laughed at him, Se post caminum abscondit, It was no joke for him at all, Vota precelque spopondit, His heart was frightened. Fuga sibi consuluit, That was a Shrovetide game. Linquat vestem oportuit, A lecher suffers much. Amor dicebat abiens, It is the Carthusian order, Heu mihi quam fui amens, Now I have become one within. Quid autem nunc dicam Clara? Everyone knows it well, Quam proba sit avis rara, Ah, fool, I am going away. O Gretula, Kataraque, Little love makes great sorrow, Id stultus sensit utique, Up to now and even more so, Ergo sapienter dixi, I would gladly know how the one is, bad. Tamen
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Crepundia Poëtica. 285 Tamen si non ita vixi Der sich nicht narren lies Ejus ego vellem viventis noscere nomen; Qui non foeminèa lusus ab arte foret. Felix dives & beatus, Mag wohl Pfaff Keris seyn, Meo casu avisatus, Lass solchs und trinck guten Wein. Demum sic nunciatur, Wie ein gestorben ist, Quod deflendo lamentatur, O Todt wie grimm du bist. Et quia favet Helicon, Schreit er mit grossem leydt. Hoc elegans eulogium, Godb geb ihm ewig Freud. Eheu terribili grassans mors impia vult V Lethifera fixit cuspide corda tu A Sorte cadit parili dux & cum rhetoric consu L A stratenens vitæ, præmia digna tu Æ. Hic jacet Elisabet, si benefecit habet. Ein Fürstin schon im Thummen loch, Ligt leyder todt, und lebet noch, In meinen Hertzen gantz ohn end, Seyt sie geschieden is behend, Alleinig gar verlassen mich, Betrübt und elend jammerlich, Empfindet jetzt den rechten Lohn, Trost gibt dem sie hat wohl gethan. Ita vixit ille Rector, Er wolts nicht anders han, Vale semper bone Lector, Lug-
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Crepundia Poëtica. 285 Yet if I did not live thus He who would not be deceived I would wish to know the name of him who lives; Who would not be by feminine art beguiled. Happy, rich, and blessed, May he well be Priest Keris, Warned by my fate, Leave such things and drink good wine. Then at last it is announced, How one has died, Which, bewailing, laments: O Death, how grim you are. And because Helicon favors, he cries with great sorrow. This elegant eulogy, God give him eternal joy. Alas, raging terribly, impious death wishes to V Fix its lethal spear in your heart A By fate the leader falls, and with the rhetorician consu L From the path of life, worthy rewards to you Æ. Here lies Elisabet; if she did good, she has it. A fair princess in the dungeon, Lies, alas, dead, and yet lives, In my heart wholly without end, Since she departed quickly, She alone has utterly forsaken me, Troubled and miserable, pitiably wretched, Now feels the rightful reward; Comfort gives the one she has done well by. Thus lived that Rector, He would have it no other way, Farewell forever, good reader, Lug-
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286 Crepundia Poëtica. Lug du und stos dich dran, Guth Gesell ist Rinckman. Filia Moecha qua? Filia Moechatur, quæ Moecha matre creatur. Meretrix. E St Meretrix dicta ex hoc, quod dat verbula fieta, Exterius picta est, verum interius maledicta. Carmen Trochaicum Rythmicum ad Peregrinantes. Q Uì videre mundi. Concupis rotundi. Universitatem, Atque vanitatem: Ambula per urbes, Teque nolo turbes, Si vagas puellas Cernis ore bellas. Virgines fuerunt, Nunc at exuerunt Cum metu pudorem, Cum pudore florem. Flore destitutæ, Laude diminutæ, Ære prostitutæ Fraude & involutæ; Non petunt amorem, Te volunt datorem, Non amant ocellos. Sed tuos locellos. Si cares locellis, Non places ocellis: Non
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286 Poetic Playthings. Lug du und stos dich dran, Good fellow is Rinckman. Daughter of a whore, where? The daughter is a whore, who is begotten of a whore mother. Whore. A whore is so called from this, that she gives feigned little words; Outwardly she is painted, but inwardly accursed. Trochaic rhythmic poem for travelers. You who wish to see the world, Desire the roundness of it. The university, And also vanity: Walk through the cities, And do not trouble yourself; If you roam, and maidens You see, fair of face. They once were virgins, Now they have stripped off With fear their modesty, With modesty their bloom. Deprived of bloom, Diminished in praise, Prostituted for money, Betrayed and ensnared; They do not seek love, They want you to give, They do not love the little eyes, But your little purses. If you have no little purses, You do not please little eyes: Not
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Crepundia Poëtica. 281 Non manus puellis Est avara bellis. Naviga per undas Æquoris profundas Piscibusque pisces Victitares disces. Hic vides vagantes, Qui manus parantes Exhibent carinis, Mercium rapinis. Si nemus pererras, Exterasve terras, Repperis latrones, Qui necant barones. Sive te necabunt Teve sauciabunt, Eximent vel ullas Sacculis medullas. Mendicare panes, Sacculos inanes Quitenes, & æris Indigus vereris? Præstat ergo ad ædes Patriasve sedes Denuo redire, Quam fame perire. Virgo non vitianda. E St Magnum crimen corrumpere virginis hymen. Carmen Rythmicum de Nuce & virgine. C Um nux rubescit Et virgo crine pubescit; Tunc nux vult frangi, Ej
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Poetic Toys. 281 The hands of girls Are not greedy for wars. Sail across the waves Of the deep sea, And among fish you will learn To live on fish. Here you see wanderers Who, with hands at the ready, Show themselves to the hulls For the plundering of goods. If you roam through woods Or foreign lands, You find robbers Who kill barons. Whether they will kill you Or wound you, They will even strip out Any marrow from your purses. Do you fear, in need of money, To beg for bread, With empty purses? It is better, then, to return again To your home Or ancestral seats Than to perish of hunger. A virgin is not to be violated. It is a great crime to corrupt a virgin's hymen. Rhythmic Poem on the Nut and the Virgin. When the nut reddens And the maiden ripens in hair; Then the nut wants to be broken, And
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Crepundia Poëtica. Et virgo stipite tangi. Signa corruptæ virginis Vulvæ dum pollent, gena pallet, & ubera mollent: Hæc sunt signa satis corruptæ virginitatis. De meretrica noctu interfecta. Um se singit anus formosam nocte puel- lam Et lupa fucato decipit ore procum, Suppositam veluti calchas pro Virgine cer- vam Sic procus hanc mactans conficit ense lupam. Epitaphium Ponelopis meretricula PEnelopes tumulum, fractosque Cupidinis arcus, Extinctasque faces adspice; quisquis ades; Et lachryma: lachrymis extinctæ tristibus ornant Et Venus & Charites funera Penelopes. De puella duobus nupta. Um genitor natæ tædas non curat adultæ, Nupit amatori sponte puella suo; Quærenti Veneris furtivæ gaudia, densum Nunc nemus exhibuit, nunc seges alta tho- rum Multi abiere dies, generum pater optat, & illa Non negat; in gremio nupta jacetque viri. At prior, uxorem repetit, pater abnuit; illa Pellitur è patria tunc sine dote domo. Illa quidem vellet, quod lex vetat, esse duobus Juncta viris: merito jura priora valent Posterior repetit sponsæ data dona maritus; Primaque promissi pignora conjugii Ai-
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Poetic Rattles. And a virgin touched with a stick. Signs of a corrupted virgin: when the womb is tainted, the cheeks pale, and the breasts grow soft. These are surely the signs of lost virginity. On a courtesan killed at night. An old woman in the night makes herself seem a lovely girl, and the she-wolf deceives the suitor with a painted face; as if a doe had been substituted for a virgin in place of the calchus, so the suitor, striking her, dispatches the she-wolf with his sword. Epitaph for Penelope the little courtesan. Behold Penelope’s tomb, and Cupid’s broken bows, and their extinguished torches, whoever you are that come; and weep: with bitter tears they adorn the funeral of Penelope, and Venus and the Graces. On a girl married to two men. When the father does not care for his grown daughter’s wedding torches, the girl marries her lover of her own free will; seeking the joys of stolen Venus, now a thick grove has served her, now a tall field as a bed. Many days passed; the father wishes for a son-in-law, and she does not refuse; as a bride she lies in her husband’s lap. But the first husband claims her back; the father refuses; then she is driven from her native home without a dowry. She herself would wish, what the law forbids, to be joined to two men; rightly the earlier rights prevail. The later husband demands back the gifts given to the bride; and the first pledges of the promised marriage Ai-
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Crepundia Poëtica. 289 Accipit. Uxorem retinet prior, augur Apollo. Dic quis eris proles, quam dabit illa pater? Fauniæ meretriculæ. F Aunia lascivas inter memoranda puellas, Illa ego famosis gloria fornicibus; Qua teneros movisse jocos haud doctior ulla, Nec fuerat Veneris fingere mille modos. Dum lusu nimium dulci lassata recumbo; En subito incautam Mors nigra me rapuit, Omnia cum rapiant; non sunt mihi fata dolori: Sed quod non medium Mors fuit inter opus, De Perilla mendica meretrice. (læ?) Q Uid pia subtrahitur mendicæ dona Peril- Non minus est, quam quæ stat prope digna Crocis Poenitet hanc actæ, si quid fuit improba vitæ; Et dolet admissi territa mole stupri. Audiit esse minus quoniam se mille profanis Uni quam sacro substituisse viro. Mille sacris quondam se substituisse fatetur. Desuit; & peccat jam minus illa, date. Bellicum facinus. A Udierat procul arma, bonâ de gente Ba- tavus. Gestit in hostiles fervidus ire globos. At lateri patrium mater dum subligat ensem, Hæc, inquit, referas, nate fac arma domum Vix priori steterat pugnæ, vestigia pressit, (Mille micant enses, vulnera mille ferunt. Numquid, ait, ludi est? oculis non parci- tur ipsis, Certe oculis ludus non placet ille meis, N Forte
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Crepundia Poëtica. 289 Receives. He keeps his former wife, Apollo the augur. Tell what child you will be, which father will she give? Of Faunia the little whore. I, Faunia, among the wanton girls to be remembered, I am the glory of the famous brothels; No one more skilled at moving tender jests, Nor had there been one to devise a thousand forms of Venus. While, wearied by pleasure too sweet, I lay down; See, suddenly black Death seized me unawares, Since all are snatched away; the fates are not a grief to me: But that Death was not in the middle of the act, Of Perilla the beggar whore. (?) Why are the pious gifts of poor Perilla taken away Not less than she who stands nearby, worthy of Crocus? She repents of her past life, if there was anything wicked in it; and, terrified by the burden of the offense, she grieves over the rape committed. She learned that she had been set in place of a thousand profane men rather than of one sacred husband. She confesses that once she had been set in place of a thousand sacred men. She is done; and now she sins less, give her this. A warlike deed. He had heard arms from afar, the Batavian of good stock. He is eager to rush into the hostile ranks. But while his mother fastens his fatherland's sword to his side, “This,” she said, “son, take back home as your weapon. Hardly had he stood his ground in the earlier fight, he pressed forward, (a thousand swords flash, a thousand wounds are dealt. “What,” he said, “is this a game? not even the eyes are spared, certainly that game does not please my eyes, No, perhaps
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Crepundia Poëtica. 290 Forte tamen jacuit truncum sine nomine cor- pus Irruit: Hispanum nam cutis esse docet. Sævit atrox, & qua cædendo, qua laniando; Absecuit miles strenuus ense femur. Facturusque fidem, magni argumenta duelli, Et femur, & ferrum sanguinolenta gerit, Inde memor moniti, nam pugna cruenta peracta est, Arma celer properat salva referre domum. Hoc ait Hispanum mulctavi verbere mater, Maternosque femur projicit ante pedes. Horret anus, sed enim potius caput ense tulisses Nate, refert, olim hic forte redibit eques. Non faciet certo ô Mater; sed poscis iniquum, Unde caput vellem tollere? non habuit. In Hispanum signum crucis in pallio gerentem. C Ur Hispane crucem geris ob Mavortia facta? Aptior est factis crux maledicta tuis. Ad Claram. D Ant oculi mortem, dant Clara tua oscula vitam, Sic sæpe ut vivam, sic volo sæpe mori. Tria mala. Q Uæ mala sunt hominum rebus tria maxima, scire Quæris? habe paucis; foemina; flamma, fretum. Ad Grammaticos. D Icite Grammatici, cur mascula nomina cunnus, Et
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Crepundia Poëtica. 290 Yet by chance there lay a trunk without a name, a body he rushed upon: for the skin shows it was Spanish. Savage he raged, now by cutting, now by tearing; the brave soldier severed the thigh with his sword. And to prove it true, the tokens of the great duel, he carries back both thigh and steel stained with blood; then, mindful of the warning, for the bloody fight had been completed, he hastens to bring the arms home safe. Thus, says the mother, I punished the Spaniard with a blow, and she throws the mother’s thigh before her feet. The old woman shudders; but rather, my son, she says, you should have carried off the head with your sword; perhaps some day a horseman will come back here again. No, mother, certainly I shall not; but you ask what is unjust: where should I have wished to take the head? He had none. To a Spaniard bearing the sign of the cross on his cloak. Why do you, Spaniard, wear the cross for deeds of war? The accursed cross is more fitting for your deeds. To Clara. Your eyes give death, Clara’s kisses give life; so I wish to live often, so I wish to die often. Three evils. Do you ask what are the three greatest evils of human affairs? Take them briefly: woman; flame, the sea. To the Grammarians. Tell me, Grammarians, why the masculine noun cunnus, And
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Crepundia Poëtica. 291 Et cur foemineum mentula nomen habet? Sic ego; sic aliquis senior de gente verenda Rettulit, attollens longa supercilia; Mentula foeminei gerit usque negotia sexus, Unde genus merito vendicat illa sibi. Indefessus agit res qui sine sine virorum Mascula non temere nomina cunnus habet. In furem. E Ripuit vitam sibi fur, vis noscere causam? Tortoris nummos maluit esse suos. In Porphyrium. F Lesse bis; at nunquam legitur risisse Redemptor, Cur hominis proprium risibile ergo vocas! Militia amoris. M Ititat omnis amans vincenti laurus amata est, Victorique parant læta trophæa jugum. Poësis nova. Q Uisquis amas Phoebum pariter venerare Lyæum, Quam tribuit venam Phoebus jacchus ait. Iohannes pro Anagrammate habet S I N E A N O. I Nfantem vidi (fuit hæc res mira) sine ano: Nomen Ioannes hoc Anagramma dabat. Q Metamorphosis. Q Ui fuit ante bipes, si ducta homo conjugè, fiat, Hic animal quadrupes, qua specie illud erit Non asinum nec equum, sed cervum foemina format, N Au
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Poetical Crumbs. 291 And why does the phallus have a feminine name? Thus I; thus some elder of the venerable race Related, raising his long eyebrows; The phallus conducts the business of the female sex throughout, Whence that sex justly claims the name for itself. Untiring is he who does things without the aid of men; The cunt has not the masculine name by chance. Against a thief. A thief stole his own life; do you want to know the reason? He preferred the torturer’s coins to be his own. Against Porphyrius. He lies twice; but the Redeemer is never said to have laughed, Why then do you call laughter the special property of man? The war of love. Every lover strives; the beloved laurel is the victor’s, And glad trophies prepare a yoke for the triumphant one. A new poem. Whoever you are, love Phoebus and also reverence Lyæus; Phoebus gives the vein, says Iacchus. John has for an anagram S I N E A N O. I saw an infant (this was a marvellous thing) without an anus: This anagram gave the name John. Metamorphosis. Whoever was before a two-footed creature, if, with a spouse joined, he become, This four-footed animal, in what shape shall it be? Not an ass nor a horse, but a female deer forms it, Nou
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Crepundia Poëtica. Aut illum cuculi more volare facit. Quis felix? P Rimus, qui nulli debet; sortem inde secundam, Judice me, cœlebs, tertius orbus habet. Si tamen uxorem quis habebit, dote recepta, Recte erit, obtingat si tumulare malum. Gryphus Ænigmaticus. D Ic quid non vivens vivum sit vertice dempto? Id lapis est: dempto vertice nam sit apis. Inque brevem si mutetur, quæ syllaba longa est Navis & ablato vertice fiet avis. Sic paries, aries sit, sanguis & anguis: at hamus Mus, magnus Agnus, Iaspis & aspis erit. Et rabies abies sine vertice, simula mula est Fit loculusque oculus, sic oculusque nihil Imo & quod vivit sine vertice vivit & ivit, Transit nequam in equam, sicque boves in oves. Focus Grammaticus. M Obile foemineum fixum fugit omne virile; Vaccaque non crassus, crassa sed illa datur. Dos sacra, non sacer est; cur dicitur ergo sacerdos An quia sacra sacrum dos facit esse virum? Non incongruus est igitur mihi sermo futurus, Quando sacerdotem dixero dote sacrum. Sed cur Vestalis foror est quoq; dicta sacerdos? Nec potius sacra dos, quando virile nihil; Nam quia dote sacra est, non hinc dicenda sacerdos, Sed
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Poetic Rattles. Or makes him fly like a cuckoo. Who is happy? First, he who owes nothing; for this reason a second lot, in my judgment, the bachelor has, and the third the childless man. But if anyone shall have a wife, with the dowry received, it will be right, if then the evil is buried. Riddling Gryphus. What thing, not living, becomes living with the top removed? It is a stone: for with the top removed it becomes a bee. And if into a short one is changed the syllable that is long, the ship, the top taken away, will become a bird. Thus wall becomes ram, blood and serpent; but the hook a mouse, the great lamb, jasper and asp will be. And madness, with the top gone, is fir, and at the same time mule is made It becomes a purse and an eye, thus the eye too nothing; Indeed, what lives without a top lives and went, The wicked passes into the equal, and so oxen into sheep. Grammatical Hearth. The feminine movable avoids every fixed masculine; And the cow is not rough, but rough is what is given there. The dowry is sacred, it is not sacred; why then is a priest called a priest? Is it because sacred dowry makes a man sacred? Therefore my speech will not be out of place, when I have called a priest sacred by dowry. But why is the Vestal sister also called a priestess? Nor rather sacred dowry, since nothing is masculine; for because it is sacred by dowry, it should not for this reason be called priestess, But
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Grepundia Poëtica. 293 Sed potius sacra dos jure vocando foret. Fallor? an hæc ideo est forte appellanda sa- cerdos, Quod sacrâ huic animus sit quoque dote sacer? De septima Genitura domo, apud Astrologos. COnjugii Astrologis domus est si septima, quare Rixarum hæc eadem est, litigiique domus? Non quia pacifica est, aut lites fæmina tollit: Lis solet uxorem, corpus ut umbra, sequi. Hoc probat Elisabeth.: medio huic in nomine Lis est, Bellaque fide parans Isabella suo est. Mulier unde dicta? Dieta fuit mulier quasi* mollior: est ta- men Eva. Non de carne sui sumpta, sed osse, viri. VATICINIUM, Seu Carmen Chronographicum de pace, in opposito sensu Retrogradum pro anno 1633. Opinio loquitur, VatIClnor bona, non beLLans hIC LabI- tVr annVs: pa CIfer est VenIens, non MaLa ContrIb VIt Suspicio respondet. COntrIbVIIt MaLa, non Veniens est pa- CIfer annVs, LabIbVr hIC beLLans non bona VatiCI- nor. N 3 De *Varro delinq. Lat.
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Grepundia Poëtica. 293 But rather she would rightly be called a sacred gift. Am I mistaken? Or is this perhaps to be called a priest, Because with this one the mind, too, is sacred with a holy gift? On the Seventh House of Nativity, among the Astrologers. If the seventh house is, for astrologers, the house of marriage, why is this same one also the house of quarrels and lawsuits? Not because it is peaceful, or because a woman ends disputes: A quarrel is wont to follow a wife, as a body follows a shadow. Elizabeth proves this: in the middle of her name there is “lis,” And Isabella, by her very name, prepares wars with faith. Whence is woman said to be so called? She was said to be mulier, as if from mollior: yet she is Eve. Not taken from the flesh of himself, but from the bone of the man. PROPHECY, Or A Chronographic Poem on Peace, backward in the opposite sense for the year 1633. Opinion speaks, I prophesy good things; this year, not warring, is slipping by: The coming one is peace-bearing; evil contributes nothing. Suspicion answers. Evil has contributed; not coming, this year is peace-bearing; I prophesy: here, warring, nothing good is slipping by. N 3 De *Varro, on the corruption of Latin.
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Crepundia Poëtica. De frigore in Februario 1635. vaticinium felis, et Chronicum carmen. Felis nostra retro, ConI Vn CtlS renIb Us IgnI, SiChoCOMne geLV VatI Clnata FVIT; 1635. Ebrius commisso homicidio culprit vinum. Ebrius occidens occurrentem obvius ense; Mox capitur sceleris nescius ipse sui. Criminis ast dum mane sui quæ causa roga- tur, Nescio quæ sit, ait; sit nisi causa merum. Ignoscenda mero culpa: at frangenda lage- na est Prætor ait, ne iterum peccet, ut ante, me- rum. Ebrietatis quot sunt species? Is sex credatis species sunt ebrietatis? Est vilis primus; sapiens est alter opimus. Ternus grande vorat; quartus sua crimina plorat. Quintus luxuriat: sextusque per omnia jurat; Septimus attendit, octavus singula vendit; Nonus nil celat, quod habet sub corde revelat Somnia denus amat; undenus turpia clamat; Et cum sit plenus, vomitum reddit duodenus. Aliter. Ebrius atque satur, modis his ecce vagatur: Hic canit, hic plorat, sed & hic blasphemus, hic orat, Hic est Pacificus, sed & hic nullius amicus; Hic saltat lætus, sed & hic sermone facetus, Hic qui loqui nescit, hic cespitat, ille pigrescit, Hic
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Poetic Rattles. On the cold in February 1635. A cat’s prophecy, and a chronicle poem. Our cat, backward, with joints and reins of fire, was cast into the icy sickness; 1635. The drunk man, having committed murder, is a culprit in wine. The drunk man, killing, meets the one coming toward him with a sword; Soon he is caught, himself unaware of his crime. But when, in the morning, the cause of his crime is asked of him, “I do not know what it is,” he says; “unless the cause is wine.” A fault done in wine deserves pardon; but the bottle must be broken, says the magistrate, lest he sin again, as before, in wine. How many kinds of drunkenness are there? Do you believe there are six kinds of drunkenness? The first is cheap; the second is wise and full-bodied. The third devours much; the fourth laments its own crimes. The fifth grows wanton; and the sixth swears by everything; The seventh pays attention, the eighth sells everything; The ninth hides nothing, but reveals what it has under its heart. The tenth loves dreams; the eleventh cries out shameful things; And when it is full, the twelfth gives back vomit. Otherwise. A drunk man, and a full one, behold, wanders in these ways: Here he sings, here he weeps, but here too he is blasphemous, here he prays, Here he is peaceful, but here too he is friend to no one; Here he dances joyfully, but here too he is witty in speech, Here he who does not know how to speak, here he stumbles, there he grows sluggish, Here
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Crepundia Poëtica. 295 Hic est clamosus, sed & hic verbis vitiosus, Disputat hic, ille ast currit per compita villæ, Hic servit Veneri, somno vult ipse teneri, Hic vomit, hicque vorat; sic Bacchi turba laborat. In Ebrium. Pontice cum sapido Baccho tibi vena tu- mescit Quid clamas; homines mille necare volo? Quod magis admiror, quoniam te uxore ju- vante Non tenerum puerum progenerare potes. Oenopora Germanus ad Populares suos. N On potare nefas. Potinna nata benigna, Teutona progenies, pulcro conamine sueta Cum poelis vacuare scyphos, magnosque cu- lullos Æmula Persarum & Græcorum læta superbi: Quid, quo jure modoque, ubi cur & quando bibendum? Internumque liet, Davus fors potet an herus, Quodque liet robur potus? jam rite propinat Potorum præses: Tu oculis, ore imbibe & aure, Qua peccare datur potu haut impegeris un- quam; Qua præstare datur potu, haud defeceris un- quam. In Pamphagum, hominem voracissimum. P Amphagus in patulam tam multa ingres- serat alvum Quam poterant denis plus satis esse viris: N 4 Ecce
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Poetic Toys. 295 This one is loud, and this one is faulty in speech; this one argues, but that one runs through the farm’s crossroads; this one serves Venus, wishes himself to be held by sleep; this one vomits, and this one gulps down food; thus Bacchus’s crowd toils. To a Drunkard. Ponticus, when your vein swells with tasty Bacchus, why do you cry out, “I want to kill a thousand men”? What I admire more is that, since with your wife’s help you cannot beget a tender boy. Germanus Oenopora to his fellow citizens. Not to drink is a crime. Potinna, kindly born, offspring of the Teutons, accustomed by a fair effort with the poets to empty cups and great goblets, a happy rival of the Persians and the proud Greeks: what, by what right, in what way, where, why, and when is one to drink? And may the inner man rejoice, whether Davus perhaps drinks or the master, and whatever strength may be pleased by drink? Now the presider over drink gives the toast in due form: you, with eyes, mouth, and ear, drink in the lesson, lest in drink you ever fail in the duty of error; lest in drink you ever fail in the duty of excellence. Against Pamphagus, a most voracious man. Pamphagus had entered his wide belly with so much that it might well have been enough for more than ten men: Behold
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Crepundia Poëtica. Ecce venit caupo, pretiumque expostulat: ille Ebria terribili lumine mota rotans, Evomit in patinam vinumque cibosque receptos, Atque ait; En, merces tu tibi habeto tuas. Famulus Otthonis hominis voracissimi. Onditus hac sub humo est gurges vastissimus Ottho, Cui nunc officium justa rependit humus. Condidit in ventrem terræ tot jugera vivus; Hunc sub ventre suo nunc quoque terra tenet. In Astrologum: omnia ex Astris scire volentem. Strologo Astra, foris quæ fiunt, omnia dicunt: Uxor cuncta domi quæ facit, Astra silent. De Clara dotibus. Tres quondam nudas, vidit Priamejus Heros? Luce Deas; video tres quoque luce Deas; Hoc majus; tres uno in corpore. Claraque ridens Est Venus, incedens Juno, Minerva loquens. Idem ad Claram. Tres uni. Si dona ferunt, Vulcania conjux. Formam, divitias Juno, Minerva sonum. Falsam esse sententiam: CASTA EST QUAM NEMO ROGAVIT. Alum est plebs quod ait: Casta est quam, nemo rogavit; Casta quasi non sit virgo petita procis. Nemo
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Poetic Little Toys. Look, the innkeeper comes and demands payment: he, Dizzy, stirred by a terrible gleam, turning around, Throws up into the dish the wine and the food he had taken in, And says: There, keep your wages for yourself. Servant of Otto, a most voracious man. Buried beneath this earth lies the enormous maw of Otto, To whom now the earth duly pays its service. Alive, he laid waste so many acres into his belly; Now the earth too holds him beneath its own belly. Against the astrologer, who wants to know everything from the stars. The stars tell the astrologer everything that happens outside: The wife’s doings at home, the stars are silent about. On Clara’s dowries. Did the son of Priam once see three naked Goddesses in daylight? I too see three goddesses in the light; This is greater: three in one body. And Clara, laughing, Is Venus, walking is Juno, speaking is Minerva. The same to Clara. Three for one. If gifts they bring, then Vulcan’s wife, Beauty and riches from Juno, voice from Minerva. The saying is false: CHASTE IS SHE WHOM NO ONE HAS ASKED. The common people say something else: Chaste is she whom No one has asked; Chaste, as though not a maiden sought by suitors. No one
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Crepundia Poëtica. 297 Nemo petit turpem, quam judicat esse puellam: At nihilo minus hæc cor meretricis habet, Uni ex mille procis cupiat si pulchra placere; Attamen amplexus non nisi nupta dabit. At cui forma deest, quia spernitur omnibus, hinc fit. Ut facile admittat luxuriosa virum. Pulchra procos refugit, quamvis à mille petatur: At deformis eos poscit, iisque caret. Fallum est hoc igitur, Casta est quam nemo rogavit, Casta procis petitur; quæ caret, illa minus. De pulice. Pulchra pulex teneræ penetrat dum membra puellæ, Clamque subit niveum dente premente femur, Comprimitur digitis & Nigro Clauditur Orco Sed dedit hoc illi distichon alma Venus Mortuus hic jaceo sed non hic mortuus ardens, Dum premor albenti pollice, vivo pulex. Ænigma. IN Cælo est vox una novem quæ scripta figuris Tres fel habet, cunctas sed cita felis habet. Solutio est, vox felicitas. Aliud Ænigma. Perdita huic res est, nec, ubi sit perdita nescit: Et tamen hæc nullo reperienda loco est. N 5 Inve-
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Poetical Toys. 297 No one seeks a girl whom he judges to be ugly: Yet none the less this one has a courtesan’s heart, If a beautiful girl should wish to please one lover out of a thousand; Nevertheless she will grant embraces only if she is married. But the one who lacks beauty, because she is despised by all, thereby comes to be such as easily to admit a man. The beautiful shuns suitors, though she is sought by a thousand; But the ugly woman seeks them, and has none. Therefore this is false: she is chaste whom no one has asked, the chaste is sought by suitors; she who lacks them is less so. On a flea. While the lovely flea penetrates the tender limbs of a girl, And secretly slips in, its tooth pressing the snowy thigh, It is crushed by the fingers and shut up in black Orcus; But kindly Venus gave it this distich: “Though I lie here dead, yet here dead I am not, burning; While I am pressed by the whitening thumb, I live, flea.” Riddle. In Heaven there is one voice, written with nine figures; It has three “fel,” but the quick cat has them all. The solution is the word felicitas. Another Riddle. A thing is lost to this one, and she does not know where it is lost: And yet this thing is to be found in no place. N 5 Inve-
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Crepundia Poëtica. Invenit tamen huic similem non prorsus eandem: Plorat, & hanc similem se reperisse dolet. Solutio. Perdita res est virginitas; ubi perdita scitur. Hæc tamen in nullo est invenienda loco. Rem similem invenit prægnans ubi facta puella est: Nam cum prole sata est huic nova virginitas. Et quia virginitas nova prodit abisso vetusta, Plorat, ob idque novam se reperisse dolet. Aliud Ænigma mulieris conjugata ad procum Est quiddam quod pene nefas mihi dicere versu, Hoc tibi vis totum, Pontiliane, dari. Syllaba prima meo debetur tota marito: Sume tibi reliquas, non ero dura, duas. Solutio est, vox Osculum. Aliud Ænigma. O Sine quinque tenet vocales dictio, & unam Ter liquidam, angelicus quam capit usque polus. Idem paulo aliter. O Sine quinque tenet vocales dictio, & unam Ter liquidam, in templis quam fibi Pascha petit. Solutio est, dictio Alleluja Aliud Ænigma. O Uære mihi verbum totum quod regnat in orbe Sola-
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Poetic Trinkets. Yet she found something similar to this, though not exactly the same: She weeps, and grieves that she has found something like it. Solution. The thing lost is virginity; it is known when it is lost. Yet this is to be found nowhere. A pregnant girl finds something similar when she has become a woman: For with offspring sown, a new virginity is born to her. And because new virginity comes forth from the abyss of the old, she weeps, and for that reason grieves that she has found a new one. Another riddle of a married woman to her suitor There is something which I hardly dare to call by name in verse, This you wish, Pontilianus, to be given to you whole. The first syllable is owed entirely to my husband: Take the remaining ones for yourself; I shall not be harsh; two. The solution is the word: Kiss. Another riddle. O, without five vowels, a word contains, and one Three times liquid, which the angelic heaven receives all the way. The same, slightly differently. O, without five vowels, a word contains, and one Three times liquid, which in the temples Pascha seeks for itself. The solution is the word Alleluia. Another riddle. O where is the word for me, the whole word that reigns in the world Only-
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Crepundia Poëtica. 299 Solaque in Empyreosyllaba prima polo. Solutio est, verbum Satago. Aliud Ænigma. Poma Petrus carpsit, decerpsit & arbore Paulus; Pomorum numerus quis sit uterque latet: Petrus ait Paulo, duo des mihi poma tuo- rum: Pomorum numerus tunc mihi duplus erit. Paulus ait Petro, tria des mihi poma tuorum; Pomorum numerus tunc mihi triplus erit. Dic quot poma Petrus, quot Paulus ab arbo- re carpsit: Si quid Arithmetica doctus in arte potes. Solutio. Æ Qualem numerum pomorum carpsit uterque: Sex etenim Petrus, sex quoque Paulus ha- bet. Aliud Ænigma. O Scula dat Nymphæ, cum multa fora- mina, Pastor. Quæ clamat toties, oscula dat quoties. Solutio. F Istula Pastoris cui multa foramina, Nym- pha est: Quam quoties inflat, fistula dulce canit. Aliud Ænigma. A Christo orandi certa est data formula no- bis; Dic mihi, quot voces formula tota capit? Dic quæ sit media, & minima, & quæ ma- xima vocum, N 6 Opti-
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Poetic Crepundia. 299 And the first syllable alone in the empyrean sky. The solution is the word Satago. Another Riddle. Peter plucked apples, and Paul from the tree; How many apples each had, is hidden: Peter says to Paul, “Give me two of your apples; then the number of my apples will be doubled.” Paul says to Peter, “Give me three of your apples; then the number of my apples will be tripled.” Say how many apples Peter, how many Paul plucked from the tree: if in arithmetic you are skilled in the art. Solution. What number of apples each plucked: for Peter had six, and Paul had six as well. Another Riddle. The shepherd gives kisses to the nymph, with many holes. She that cries so often gives kisses whenever she cries. Solution. The shepherd’s pipe, which has many holes, is the nymph: as often as he blows it, the pipe sings sweetly. Another Riddle. Christ has given us a certain form of prayer; tell me, how many words does the whole form contain? Tell what is the middle, and the smallest, and what the largest of the words, N 6 Opti-
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Crepundia Poëtica. Optima quæ, dein quæ pessima vox sit ibi Solutio. Q Vinquaginta ibi sunt voces si junxeris Amen. Da Vocum in medio est, si modo desit Amen. A vox hîc minima est, sed maxima sanctificetur. Optima vox Pater est, pessima voxque malo Tria, ni feceris, se ipsa facient. ÆEc tria, ni facias, facient se: nempe tuarum. Rerum ni, facias, se facit ipse status. Et podex, nisi, tu tergas, se terget id ipsum, Filia; ni tu des, se dabit ipsa viro. Inaures. O Stultas mentes! aures aliena voluptas Cur lædit? caput hoc quis neget esse Nu- Lira. (dæ?) Q Unquaginta abeant è nomine Lira sit ira: At Lira, cum brevis est syllaba prima canit. Bruxella. Rbs Bruxella, licet perdat Rux, Bella futura est, R, X, E pereant, nil nisi Bella manet. Epitaphium pro puero Exposititio. Escio qui fuerint, qui me genuere parentes Forte meum ignorat mater & ipsa patrem, Quod mihi sit nomen, proprium non dixero verum, Apellativo nomine dicor homo. Sive *Amen poni tunc debet post à malo.
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Poetic little cradles. That which is best, then that which is the worst voice there is Solution. Q. Fifty voices are there if you join Amen. Da is in the middle of the voices, if only Amen is omitted. A voice here is the least, but the greatest be sanctified. The best voice is Father, and the worst voice is evil. Three things, unless you do them, will do themselves. And three things, unless you do them, will do themselves: namely yours. Of things, unless you do them, the state itself does it. And the buttocks, unless you wipe it, it wipes itself, that very thing, Daughter; unless you give, she will give herself to a man. Earrings. O foolish minds! why does another’s delight harm ears? who would deny this head to be Nu- Lira. (dæ?) Q. Fifty may go away; from the name Lira there is ira: But Lira, when the first syllable is short, sings. Brussels. Bres Bruxella, though it lose Rux, Bella will be in the future, R, X, E perish, nothing but Bella remains. Epitaph for a boy Exposititio. I do not know who were the parents who begot me; perhaps my mother herself is ignorant of my father, what my name is, I shall not say the proper one, but by an appellative name I am called man. Or *Amen should then be placed after à malo.
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Crepundia Poëtica. 301 Sive mea est meretrix, seu pauper honestaque mater, Hoc tamen officium præstitit illa pium: Quod me lustratum Baptismate chartula signet; Corpus ut intret humum, spiritus astra pe- tat. Non pro me Lector, pro patre & matre roga- bis. Ut requiem æternam ponet utrique Deus. Aliud Epitaphium. H Ic situs est Nero, laïcis mors, vipera clero, Devius à vero, Cupa repleta mero. Aliud. C Ontinet hæc fossa, Bedæ venerabilis ossa Aliud. H Ic jacet Erasmus qui quondam bonus Erat mus: Rodere qui solitus, roditur à vermibus. Hoc in disticho nullus quantitatum est respectus: nam nos Britones non curamus quantitates syllabarum. Aliud. Q Uem lapis iste tegit, salvet qui tartara fregit. Aliud. H Ic infra est cineres, quem descent hæc mulieres. Rusticus Andreas qui vitiabat eas. Aliud. S Ylvius hic si us est, gratis qui nil dedit unquam: N 7 Mor-
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Crepundia Poëtica. 301 Whether she is my harlot, or a poor and honorable mother, yet still she performed this pious duty for me: that this little tablet may mark me, cleansed by Baptism; so that the body may enter the earth, and the spirit seek the stars. Do not pray, reader, for me, but for father and mother. That God may grant eternal rest to each. Another Epitaph. Here lies Nero, death of the laity, serpent of the clergy, deviating from the true, a tub filled with wine. Another. This grave contains the bones of venerable Bede. Another. Here lies Erasmus, who once was a good mouse: he who was wont to gnaw is gnawed by worms. In this distich no regard is had to quantities: for we Britons do not care about the quantities of syllables. Another. Whomever this stone covers, may He save who broke Tartarus. Another. Here below are the ashes, which these women descended. Rustic Andrew, who violated them. Another. Sylvius here if he was, who never gave anything freely: N 7 Mor-
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Crepundia Poëtica. 302 Mortuus at gratis quod legis ista dolet. Aliud. Hic sum, post vitam miseramque inopem- que sepultus. Nomen ne quæras, Lector, Di te male perdant. Aliud. Talis eris, qui calce teris mea busta pedestris, Qualis ego jaceo, vermiculosus eris. Sis Cæsar, Macedo, vasti moderator & orbis Sis Cato sis Cicero, denique talis eris. Aliud. Hic dormit Claustri Prior, hic aurigaque plaustri, Hicque jacet rite ast rediturus ad ostia vitæ: Nam sine figmento consurget ab hoc monumento. O mors quam dura, & quam tristia sunt tua jura; Si mors non esset, quam lætus quilibet esset; Præterit iste dies, stat mox aurora secundi: Stat labor aut requies, sic transit gloria Mundi. Anagramma. V Ox eadem gerere & regere est, omenque notandum: Ut regat uxorem vir, gerat illa virum. De uxore luzente maritum. L Achrymula ex oculis fluxit, dum foemina luxit: Hanc lætam ob lethum quis putet esse viri; Ænigma. M Us post infernum est, præcedit utrum- que voluntas. Dic
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Poetic Toys. 302 Though dead, he grieves that you read these things for nothing. Another. Here I lie buried, after a wretched and needy life. Do not ask my name, Reader; may the gods do you ill. Another. You will be such as I am, who with your foot tread on my tomb; As I lie, full of worms, so shall you be. Be you Caesar, a Macedonian, ruler of the vast world; Be you Cato, be you Cicero; in the end you will be such as this. Another. Here sleeps the Prior of the Cloister, here the carter of the cart, And here he lies, duly, yet to return to the gates of life: For without fail he shall rise from this monument. O death, how harsh, and how sad are your laws; If death did not exist, how happy everyone would be! This day passes, and soon the dawn of the next stands still: Labor or rest stands still; thus the glory of the world passes away. Anagram. V. To wear and to rule are the same voice, a sign worth noting: As the husband rules the wife, so she rules the husband. On the husband who is laughing at his wife. L. A little tear flowed from my eyes, while the woman laughed: Who would think this woman glad at the death of her husband? Riddle. M. A mouse after hell is, will precede both by will. Say
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Crepundia Poëtica. 303 Dic quis compositum sic sibi nomen habet? Solutio est, Wilhelmus. Sara. Q[uæ] Uæ velit ancillam concedere nupta marito, Res est hoc nostro tempore rara Sara. Versus Protei seu variabiles, quorum non vem priores singuli, servato sensu, variant 72 57 60. decimus vero 399 16800 modis. Ad stultum. COr, vox, dens, frons, ren, splen, pes, lux sunt tibi, deest mens. Ad Cæcum. Ens, cor, vox, dens, frons, ren, splen; pes sunt tibi, deest lux. Ad Claudum. Ux, mens, cor, vox, dens, frons, ren; splen sunt tibi, deest pes. Ad tristem. Es, lux, mens, cor, vox, dens, frons, ren; sunt tibi, deest splen. Ad infacundum. Plen, pes, lux, mens, cor, vox, dens, frons sunt tibi, deest ren. Ad inverecundum. En, splen, pes, lux, mens, cor, vox, dens sunt tibi, deest frons. Ad mitem. Rons, ren, splen, pes, lux, mens, cor, vox sunt tibi, deest dens. Ad mutum seu Taciturnum. Ens, frons, ren, splen, pes, lux, mens, cor sunt tibi, deest vox. Ad
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Crepundia Poëtica. 303 Say who has composed such a name for himself? The solution is, Wilhelmus. Sara. Who would wish the maid to be yielded by the married woman to her husband, is a rare thing in our time, Sara. Verses of Proteus, or variable verses, of which not the first lines each, with the sense preserved, vary in 72, 57, 60. The tenth indeed in 399, 16800 ways. To the stupid. COr, vox, dens, frons, ren, splen, pes, lux you have, mens is lacking. To the blind. Ens, cor, vox, dens, frons, ren, splen; you have pes, lux is lacking. To the lame. Ux, mens, cor, vox, dens, frons, ren; you have splen, pes is lacking. To the sad. Es, lux, mens, cor, vox, dens, frons, ren; you have, splen is lacking. To the ineloquent. Plen, pes, lux, mens, cor, vox, dens, frons you have, ren is lacking. To the shameless. En, splen, pes, lux, mens, cor, vox, dens you have, frons is lacking. To the gentle. Rons, ren, splen, pes, lux, mens, cor, vox you have, dens is lacking. To the mute, or Taciturn. Ens, frons, ren, splen, pes, lux, mens, cor you have, vox is lacking. To
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Crepundia Poëtica. Ad Timidum Vox, dens, frons, ren, splen, pes, lux, mens, sunt tibi, deest cor. De perfecto. Or, vox, dens, frons, ren, splen, lux, mens pes, vola, crus huic. Venus. Um tam Venalis quam Bacchus prostet in urbe. Cur insigne suum non habet, alma Venus. Ad Rusticum, Epigramma. Ur mala fæmineo de sexu Rustice pro- fers, Et bona quæ confert, non reticenda, taces? Fæmineum est servile genus, crudele, su- perbum? Nobilis, & elemens virgo humilisque da- ta est. Lege, modo, ratione caret, rectum abjicit, inquis? At placet huic rectum, lex ratio, atque modus. Extremis ea gaudet, ais mediocria vitat? Hæc extrema fugit, sed mediocre tenet. Decepit Iudæa virum, prolemque Rebecca? Conc[erning] pit alma virum Virgo, paritque Deum. Eva genus nostrum felicibus expulit arvis? In meliora facit, nos ut eamus A V E. Cur bona fæmineo de sexu, Rustice celas? Et mala si qua facit, non referenda, refers? De Podagra. Ascitur ex Venere & Baccho, solventi- bus artus, Fi-
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Poetic Little Sayings. To the Timid One Voice, tooth, brow, kidney, spleen, foot, light, mind, are yours; the heart is lacking. On the Perfect. Or, voice, tooth, brow, kidney, spleen, light, mind, foot, palm, leg, to this man. Venus. As much as a bawd, let Bacchus stand for sale in the city. Why does not gracious Venus have her own emblem? To Rusticus, Epigram. Why do you bring forth bad things about the female sex, Rusticus, and keep silent about the good things it provides, which should not be passed over? Is the female sex a servile race, cruel, arrogant? A noble and gentle maiden is given, humble. Do you say that, if she reads, she lacks reason and rejects what is right? But what is right, law, reason, and measure please her. Do you say she delights in extremes and avoids the moderate? She shuns extremes, but holds to the moderate. Did Judea deceive man, and Rebecca deceive the offspring? A holy Virgin conceives and bears God. Did Eve drive our race from the blessed fields? She brings us to better things, that we may go, A V E. Why do you hide the good things about the female sex, Rusticus? And if she does any evil, why report it, when it should not be repeated? On Gout. It is brought on by Venus and Bacchus, loosening the limbs, Fi-
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Crepundia Poëtica. 30 Filiaque solvit membra, Podagra, virum. Item. MEmbrifragus Bacchus cum membrifraga Cytherea Progeniunt gnatain, membrifragam Podagram. Item. NNe Veneris nec tu vini capiaris amore; Uno namque modo vina Venusque nocent, Ut Venus enervat vires, sic copia Bacchi, Et tentat greslus, debilitatque pedes. Symbolum cujusdam Podagrost. SALUS ET SPES MEA DEUS. E Mergit duplex sensus sub voce SALUTIS. Namque SOLI una salus, altera sola POLI. Indulgent illam mortali semine creti, Creti ast hanc tantum de genitore DEO. In trullis (mirum!) foecundis nascitur illa, Turpibus & mediis ista paranda venit. Hinc in magnatum tot pocula pota salutem In gyrum ductus Bachius ordo probat, Hujus amore simul deducunt labra frequentes Absorbent poti flumina magna meri. Ast hanc æherea tantum de fede fluentem Non ficta gignit cum pietate, fides. Illa facit fragiles, agiles hæc, illa scelestos, Coelestes isthæc, perpetuoque beat. Vade salus hominum, DOMINUS mea spesque salusque, Hanc peto, non illam sic bene salvus ero. VOS
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Poetic Rattles. 30 And the daughter loosens the limbs, Podagra, of the man. Likewise. Limb-breaking Bacchus, together with limb-breaking Cytherea, Beget the girl, limb-breaking Podagra. Likewise. Lest you be seized by the love of Venus or of wine; For by one and the same way wines and Venus harm, As Venus unmans strength, so the abundance of Bacchus weakens, And tries the steps, and debilitates the feet. The device of a certain Podagrost. GOD IS MY SALVATION AND MY HOPE. And the word SALVATION bears a double sense. For one salvation is for the SUN, the other only for the POLE. That one is granted by those born of mortal seed, but this one only from GOD the father. In vessels (marvel!) that salvation is born fruitful, this other comes to be prepared among base and middling things. Hence, amid the great men, so many cups drunk in a circle prove the salvation brought about by Bacchus' order; through love of this, crowds at once draw down their lips and swallow great rivers of pure wine. But this, flowing only from the heavenly seat, is not begotten, with piety, except by faith. That one makes men frail, this one agile; that one wicked, this one heavenly, and blessed forever. Go, salvation of men, LORD, my hope and salvation, I seek this one, not that; thus shall I be safely saved. YOU
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Crepundia Poëtica. VOS PODAGROSI omnes, omnes HUC, HUC, HUC, huc, inquam, Relictis omnibus, celeri gradu, pro more vestro, accurrite. ATTULITENIMPRÆGRANDIS & capitooooosus Doctor vobis re- medium salubre & approbatum. Lamentes, schnappentes, hinckentes, leiseuntes, & pelliceos pedes cornu duriores reddens. Videte ut curam vestri habeatis. EXPERIMENTATUM APPROBATUM, justum, bonum, excellens & salubre hoc medicamentum est tale. Ures, Mures, Lemures, Vacca, Bracca; Caca, Ede, Minge, Pedes, Quercus, Ster- cus, Suppellex, misce cum allio, & osculare ancillam in culo: quæ omnia si tibi non suf- ficient, sume gentianam & pastrianam, & admisce stercus vitulinum, tunc pedem ha- bebis cervinum. Auff Teutsch so viel: V Euse, Meuse, Leuse, Niss, Schiss, Friss, Speck, Leck, Dreck, Hausrath, Seudreck, Knobloch, leck der Magdt das Arsloch, Ha-
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Crepundia Poëtica. YOU PODAGRIC ONES, all, all of you, HERE, HERE, HERE, here, I say, leaving everything behind, hurry hither at your accustomed quick pace. FOR THE VERY LARGE and very big-headed Doctor has brought you a wholesome and approved remedy. Limping, snapping, hobbling, creeping, and making your leathery feet harder than horn. See that you take care of yourselves. TESTED AND APPROVED, just, good, excellent, and wholesome is this medicine as follows. Burns, Mice, Worms, Cow, Breeches; Feces, Eat, Urine, Feet, Oak, Dung, Household Stuff, mix with garlic, and kiss the maidservant on the backside: if all this is not enough for you, take gentian and pastriana, and mix in calf dung, then you will have a deer’s foot. In German, so much as this: Your cow, mouse, louse, nit, shit, eat, bacon, lick, filth, household goods, sewage, garlic, lick the maid’s arse, Ha-
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Crepundia Poëtica. 307 Hastu nicht genug daeran, so nimb Finziun und Pastrian, Vermisch es mit eim Kalberdreck so ist dir wohl gethan. In Claram. V Ir ducatne duas, an nubat virgo duobus Quæritur: hanc litem solvere Clara volens Una viris, inquit, magis apta duobus: in una Consistent aliter quomod carne duo? Metamorphosis. C Arnibus in plenum currum bo syllaba scandat, Carbones plenus nil nisi currus habet. Alia. C Arbones fiunt, abeat bo syllaba, carnes, Sed carnes fiunt, r, pereunte, canes. Alia. C Arnes carbones medians bo syllaba reddit[ur] At b si pereat littera, carbo caro est. Suum cuique pulchrum, Ad H. M. C Lus tibi vicini conjux, tua plus placet illis cuique igitur pulchrum non folet esse fuum. De duobus Philosophis, quorum alter ridebat res humanas, alter flebat. H lepieno, lachrymas effundit lumine, ridet Alter num rufus dignus uterque fuit? De Pallade, et Venere armata. A Rmatam vidit Venerem Lacedæmono Pallas. Nunc certemus, ait, judice vel Paride. Cui Venus armatam tu me, temeraria, temnis Quæ
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Crepundia Poëtica. 307 You do not have enough daeran, then take Finziun and Pastrian, mix it with some calf dung, and you will be well served. In Claram. Vir ducatne duas, an nubat virgo duobus Question: Clara, wishing to settle this dispute, said: “One woman is more fit for two men than one: how could two men remain in one body otherwise?” Metamorphosis. Carnibus in plenum currum bo syllaba scandat, Carbones plenus nil nisi currus habet. Another. Carbones fiunt, abeat bo syllaba, carnes, Sed carnes fiunt, r, pereunte, canes. Another. Carnes carbones medians bo syllaba reddit[ur] At b si pereat littera, carbo caro est. Suum cuique pulchrum, Ad H. M. Clus tibi vicini conjux, tua plus placet illis cuique igitur pulchrum non folet esse suum. Of two Philosophers, one of whom laughed at human affairs, the other wept over them. He laughs, pouring out tears with his eyes; the other weeps. Which of the two was more worthy? Of Pallas and Venus armed. Armed Venus was seen by Pallas in Sparta. “Now let us contend,” she said, “with Paris as judge.” To whom Venus: “You despise me, armed one, rashly, what”
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Crepundia Poëtica. Quæ quo te vici tempore, nuda fui. * Propria quarto modo. M Entitur quisquis communem Thaida dixit. Thaida semper habet solus & omnis homo. De Culice. N On sinit ipse culex placidos me capere somnos. Credo equidem in culicem se modo vertit amor. Lucifer, Ulcifer. L Ulcifer in Cælo splendebat sideris instar: Nunc ab eo tenebras, quasciet, Orcus habet. Perdidit is lucem, nimium dum luce superbit; Luce carente ideo perpetuo igne flagrat. Litterulas prima inversas det syllaba: verè. Ulcifer est is, qui Lucifer ante fuit. Dira ergo igne dabit, non lucem ast ulcera servis: Ulcera quæ nullo sunt abitura die. In Pomponiam. C Orpore cum quæstum faciat Pomponia, punctum. (Vtile nam dulci miscuit) omne tulit: Ad Gallam puellam, jam senescentem. D Icebam tibi: Galla senescimus, effugit ætas. Utere rene tuo; casta puella, anus est. Sprevisti, obrepsit non intellecta senectus. Nec revocare potes, qui periere dies. Nunc * Omni homini, soli & semper.
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Poetic Crumbs. The time when I conquered you, I was naked. * In the fourth mode, from what is one’s own. Whoever said Thais was common is lying. Thais is always for one alone, and for every man. On the Gnat. The gnat itself does not let me take peaceful sleep. Indeed, I believe love has just turned itself into a gnat. Lucifer, Ulcifer. Ulcifer was shining in heaven like a star: Now from him Darkness, however it may be, Hades has. He lost his light, while boasting too much in the light; Therefore, lacking light, he burns with perpetual fire. Let the first syllable give the letters reversed: truly. Ulcifer is the one who was formerly Lucifer. So he will bring dreadful fire, not light, but sores to the slaves: Sores that will not depart on any day. Against Pomponia. Since Pomponia is making money with her body, she got a point. (For she mixed the useful with the sweet) she carried off everything. To the girl Galla, now growing old. I was saying to you: Galla, we are growing old, time is escaping. Use your reins; chaste girl, you are an old woman. You scorned it; unnoticed old age has crept in. Nor can you call back the days that have passed. Now * To every man, alone and always.
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Crepuidia Poëtica. 309 Nunc piget, & quereris, quod non aut illa voluntas Tunc fuit: aut non est nunc ea forma tibi. Da tamen amplexus, oblitaque gaudia junge, Da, fruar, & si non quod volo, quod volui. Homerus. M Entiri cæcum cum nemo miretur Homerum: Auritus testis: non oculatus erat. Ad puerum formosum. D VM dubitat natura, marem faceretne puellam: Factus es, O pulcher, poene puella puer. De Iove, Iunone & Clara. J Uppiter, insani dum sæva Cupidinis arma, Et nequit accensas pertolerare faces, Jane biceps, coeli custos, mihi limina pande, Pande nec hoc unquam sentiat uxor ait. Sensit ut hoc uxor turbatur, & undique fluctus Ore vomit: liquida sit magis atra pice. Irruere in magnum magna cum voce Tonantem, Audet, & illius detrahit arma manu. Clavigerum terret Janum; lustratque per omnes Terras, an videat quo vir ab igne calet. Nunc huc, nunc illuc: dum torvo lumine se fert, Aspectu patuit candida Clara suo. Quam simul ut vidit, cæcas exarsit in iras; Tuque Iovem exclamat, regnaque nostra trahis? Duma
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Poetic Scribbles. 309 Now you are vexed, and complain that then there was not that will of yours: Or that now that form is not yours. Yet give me your embraces, and join forgotten delights; Give me leave to enjoy, and if not what I want, what I once wanted. Homer. No one wonders at blind Homer, though he tells lies: His witness was a listener; he was not an eye-witness. To a handsome boy. While nature hesitates whether to make a male or a girl, You have been made, O handsome one, almost a girl-boy. Of Jupiter, Juno, and Clara. Jupiter, while the savage arms of raging Cupid, And the kindled torches he can scarcely endure, Two-headed Janus, guardian of heaven, open the doors to me, Open them, and let my wife never hear of this, he says. When his wife learned of this, she is disturbed, and from every side she pours out waves from her mouth: she would be more like black pitch if liquid. With a loud voice she dares to rush upon the great Thunderer, and with her hand strips away his weapons. She frightens Janus with the key-bearer; and through all the lands she searches, whether she can see where her husband burns with passion. Now here, now there: while she moves with grim look, fair Clara was revealed to her sight. As soon as she saw her, she burst into blind rage; and cries, “Do you drag Jupiter away, and our kingdom too?” Duma
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Crepundia Poëtica. 310 Dum rotat, & piceo contorquet ab æthere fulmen; Illud in hæc durus pectora flexit amor. Ad Grammaticos, cur sate scribat lasciva. C Armine cur spargam cunctis lasciva in bellis, Quæritis? insulsos arceo Grammaticos, Fortia magnanimi canerem si Cæsaris arma, Factave divorum relligioso virum, Quot miser exciperemque notas, patererve lituras! Quot fierem teneris supplicium pueris! At nunc una mihi dictent cum basia carmen, Pruriat & versu mentula multa meo, Me legat innuptæ juvenis placiturus amicæ, Et placitura novo blanda puella viro, Et quemcunque juvat lepidorum de grege vatum Otia festivis ludere deliciis. Lusibus at lætis procul hinc absistite sævi Grammatici, injustas & cohibete manus: Ne puer, ob molles cæsus lachrymansque lepores, Duram forte meis ossibus optet humum. De cornibus Problema. S I quando sacra jura thori violaverit uxor, Cur gerit immeritus cornua vir? caput est. In Erasmum. C Ur Monachos fratres & claustra relinquis Erasme! Non Misera factum hoc ambitione caret. Namque latens illic velut in scrobe vilis E- RASMUS In
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Poetic Toys. 310 As it spins, and from the pitch-black heaven hurls the thunderbolt; That fierce love bent it into these hearts. To the Grammarians, why he writes playful things. Why do I scatter playful things in all battles, you ask? I keep away the tasteless Grammarians. If I were to sing the mighty arms of great-souled Caesar, Or the deeds of the gods with pious verse, How many marks should I endure, and suffer erasures! How much punishment should I become for tender boys! But now let kisses dictate a poem to me alone, Let the phallus itch with my verse in many a place, Let the unmarried youth read me, to please his friend, And the gentle girl, pleasing to a new husband, And anyone of the charming band of poets Who likes to spend leisure in festive delights. But, cruel men, keep far away from these happy games, Grammarians, and restrain your unjust hands: Lest some boy, beaten for tender charms and beauty, weeping, Should perhaps wish for the hard earth for my bones. On Horns, a Problem. If a wife should at any time violate the sacred laws of the marriage-bed, Why does the husband, though guiltless, bear horns? It is the head. Against Erasmus. Why, Erasmus, do you leave the monks, your brothers, and the cloister! This act of misery is not without ambition. For, lying hidden there like a wretched creature in a ditch, E- RASMUS In
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Crepundia Poëtica. 311 In lucem ut videas, & videare, salis. Christus in cruce. IN medio Christus latronum quando pe- pendit Aut nunquam; aut Virtus, tunc fuit in medio, In medio virtus. Ambulat in medio mulier pomposa viro- rum: Virtus jam medium perdidit ergo locum. Duo ante conjugium divites, post illud pauperes, SSe, inquit Invenis, terræ sibi jugera mille: Redditibus ditem se quoque virgo refert. Atque parem se divitiis censebat uterque: Ast inopes juncti se reperêre thoro. Cur? quæ narrantur si sint ea vera reperta? Virgo onera omissit; debita virque sua. Nec } ex malis minimum. } ex bonis maximum. Optima sit quamvis, uxorem nolo gigantem Uxorem Nanam nolo, licet mala sit. Antithesis inepta. C Um super imposita est sedi inversa al- tera sedes, Neutra tibi ut sedeas apta futura situ est. Carmen Rhythmicum de Dactylo. Dactylus antiquus Non est mulieris amicus, Frangitur ut stramen, Cum venerit ante foramen. Æni-
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Poetic Rattles. 311 In order that you may see the light, and be seen, you keep hopping about. Christ on the Cross. When Christ hung in the midst of the thieves, Either never; or Virtue, then was in the midst, Virtue in the midst. A pompous woman walks in the midst of men: Virtue has now therefore lost the middle place. Two before marriage rich, after it poor, “Yes,” says the suitor, “to themselves they own a thousand acres of land:” With revenues, the maiden also calls herself rich. And each judged himself equal in wealth: But, joined in marriage, they found themselves poor. Why? if what is reported should prove true? The maiden left off her burdens; the man, his debts. Nor is the least of evils the greatest of goods. However excellent she may be, I do not want a giant’s wife; I do not want a dwarf-wife, though she be bad. A foolish antithesis. When another seat is placed upside down on top of the seat, neither of them will be suitable for you to sit on, in their present position. Rhythmic Song about the Dactyl. The ancient dactyl Is no friend of woman, It breaks like straw When it comes before the opening. Æni-
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312 Crepundia Poëtica. Ænigma Arithmeticum O Va duæ gestant populo vendenda sorores, Ast horum numerus quis sit, uterque latet Una ait, Heus adjunge meis, soror, octo tuorum: Sunt numero æqua tuis ova futura mea. Altera, non, inquit, sed da mihi quinque tuorum; Ovorum numerus tunc mihi triplus erit. Dic, age quot gerat ova prior; quot & ova sororum Altera Arithmeticâ si quid in arte potes. Responsio. O Cto decim gerat ova prior, tunc cuncta sororis. Bis septem atque decem posterioris erunt. Nam si posterior donaverit octo priori, Sex & viginti cuilibet æqua manent. At si posterior sumat sibi quinque prioris; Hæc retinet tredecim, ter tredecim, illa tenet. Testes. A N quia testamur fixum sic dicimur; an quod Nequitiæ testes adsumus ambo tuæ, Detestatio mortis accersitæ. Q Uid juvat heulfeiro fatum properare vel undis? Sponte venit tacitum nec remoratur iter, Scilicet hæc omnis spatiosum turba per orbem Victima Plutonis nil miserantis erit. Vnum omnes exspectat iter: quod Trojus he- ros, Quod
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312 Poetic Playthings. An Arithmetic Riddle O, two sisters bring eggs to sell to the people; but the number of each is hidden. One says, “Come, sister, add eight of yours to mine: then the number of my eggs will be equal to yours.” The other replies, “No, but give me five of yours; then the number of my eggs will be three times yours.” Tell me, then, how many eggs the first has; and how many eggs each sister has, if you can in the art of arithmetic. Answer. The first has eighteen eggs; then all will be the sister’s. The latter will have twenty-eight. For if the latter gives eight to the first, twenty-six remain to each alike. But if the latter takes five of the first’s for herself, the former keeps thirteen, the latter has thrice thirteen. Witnesses. We testify, because we are fixed; or is it because we both stand as witnesses to your wickedness, a detestation of death that has been summoned? What use, alas, to hasten fate by fire or by the waves? It comes of its own accord on the silent path and does not delay; surely this whole crowd across the spacious world will be a victim for Pluto, who takes no pity. One journey all await: that which the Trojan hero
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Crepundia Poëtica. 313 Quod Numa, quod Tullus dives, & Ancus sit, Litteralis Dactyli Metamorphosis, Surgens facit I, Intrans facit O, S. Pede levato. Focus in Inconstantem. SE famulum Noipus, modo se cupit esse Magistrum, Se modo Cantorem, se modo vult Logicum Vivere vult Romæ, modo Pisis degere mallet, Malleret in patria stertere posse domo. O quot mente urbes peragrat, quot devorat artes! Omnibus esse locis, omnia nosse cupit. Interea Logicus non est, non Musicus ille, Non famulus, pueros non elementa docet. Nec Romæ vivit, nec Pisis degere curat, Et pudet ad patrium scalpere crura focum. Quid Noipe es, velubi es? nihil, omnia, nusquam & ubique. O ars digna loco, dignus & arte, locus! In sententiam Ovidianam. O Mnia sunt hominum tenui pendentia filo, Et subito casu qua valuere ruunt. Carnifices crasso suspendunt corpora filo Ne subito canibus dilaceranda ruant. De puero & Sorore. Forte puer rutilum cum matre resedit ad ignem, Et tenuit gremio lactea vasa suo, Tum soror oppositâ pueri quæ parte sedebat; Detegit obscuro, nescia membra loco. O Illud
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Poetic Cradlesongs. 313 That Numa, that rich Tullus, and Ancus were, Literal Metamorphosis of the Dactyl, When rising it makes I, When entering it makes O, S, with lifted foot. A jest at Inconstancy. Noipus, once a servant, now wants to be a master, Now a singer, now he wishes to live as a logician, He wants to live in Rome, now he would rather dwell in Pisa; He would rather be able to snore at home in his native land. O how many cities he traverses in his mind, how many arts he devours! He wants to be in every place, to know everything. Meanwhile he is not a logician, not a musician, Not a servant; he does not teach boys their elements. Nor does he live in Rome, nor does he care to dwell in Pisa, And he is ashamed to scratch his legs by the native hearth. What are you, Noipe, or where are you? Nothing, everything, nowhere and everywhere. O art worthy of a place, and place worthy of the art! To Ovid’s saying. All things among men hang by a slender thread, And by sudden chance fall when once they were strong. Executioners suspend bodies by a thick rope, Lest, falling suddenly, they be torn apart by dogs. Of a boy and his sister. Once a boy sat with his mother by the ruddy fire, And held in his lap the milk-white vessels of his own; Then his sister, seated on the opposite side of the boy, Uncovered, in the dark, his limbs, unaware of the place. O that
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Crepundia Poëtica. Illud ubi frater jam terque quaterque notasset Sollicitat Matrem vocibus hisce suam; Quæso jube nostra cunnum occultare puella Mater, ut in cineres ecce remissa sedet. Mox Priapus dudum mihi qui surrexit in altum, Dejicit è gremio lac patinamque meo. Amicorum Iurgium. OB bis sex obolos lis nascitur inter amicos; Vere igitur damnum tollit amicitiam. Sed qui tam ob parvas componunt jurgia causas Vix bis sex obolis hosce valere puto. Duorum Rusticorum querela, Leoninis versibus expressa. Rust. 1. O Sors cæca bono semper scelerata colono! O durum fatum nocte nigrante fatum! Nos inopes victus, viles gestamus amictus, Æternos fletus cura paritque vetus, Et tu scire potes quas proferat area dotes, Qui vix fonte bibis, vix satiare cibis. Rust. 2. D Um te cernebam, attonito sermone stupebam, Sperabamque bonos aure probare sonos Jam tandem scivi primum ut tua tecta subivi, Qui vaga rura terunt, hi mala multa ferunt O sors haud sentis quis sit status esurientis! Paupertate gravor, cor tenet inde pavor. Rust. 1 S Ervio nummatis, urbanis vivo beatis, Arva
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Poetic Cradlesongs. When my brother had already marked that fact three and four times over, he urges his mother with words like these: “I beg you, mother, order the girl to hide our little cunt, as, look, she sits withdrawn into the ashes.” Soon Priapus, who long ago had risen up high for me, knocks milk and the bowl from my lap. The Quarrel of Friends. For two times six obols a lawsuit arises among friends; so truly does loss destroy friendship. But those who compose quarrels over such small causes I think hardly worth even two times six obols. The complaint of two peasants, expressed in Leonine verses. Peasant 1. O blind Fortune, always wicked to the good farmer! O harsh fate, fate blackening in the dark night! We are poor in means of living, we wear shabby garments, care and old age produce endless tears, and you can know what gifts the granary brings forth, you who scarcely drink from the spring, scarcely satisfy yourself with food. Peasant 2. While I was looking at you, I stood amazed in stunned speech, and hoped your ears would approve good sounds. Now at last I have learned, as soon as I entered your house, that those who tread the wandering fields bring many evils. O Fortune, do you not feel what the condition of the hungry man is! I am weighed down by poverty; fear holds my heart because of it. Peasant 1. I live by Servius’ coin, like the rich city-dwellers, Fields
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Crepun[ti]a Poëtica. 315 Arva aliena regens, ast ego semper egens. Rust. 2. Quid texo has telas? Vos Divi audite querelas Et post mille neces accipite astra preces. Da Deus hanc lætâ bursam turgere monetâ. Unicus hic clamor, unicus hic & amor. Mirabilis Interrogatio. THeologorum præceps judicium, Jurisconsultorum langues consilium, Medicorum tardum remedium, Philosophorum suave delirium, Dic mihi quid sit optimum? Responso. Ei bonæ abusus haud est bonus Caupo. Ospitii rector semper sit lætus ut Hector, Ut Job sit patiens, utque Sibilla sciens. Titus Manlius filium plectens. Ilius a pugnâ spoliis veniebat onustus. Faustaque non jussa sumplerat arma ma- nu Ultores patriæ sensit me judice fasces: Nempe simul potuit victor & esse nocens Non pater occidi, nam quisquis judicis æqui Personam induerit, exuit ille patris. C. Iunius Brutus. Pse ego subjeci natorum colla securi. Utcunque hoc olim postera turba ferat: Crederet imperio quisquam movisse super- bos, Quando superbiret sanguis in Urbe meus? Quin potius collapsa domus me lugeat orbum O 2 Dum
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Poetical Trash. 315 Ruling others' fields, but I am always in want. Rust. 2. Why do I weave these webs? You gods, hear the complaints, And after a thousand deaths receive the prayers of the stars. Grant, O God, that this purse swell with happy coin. This is the only cry, this the only love. Wonderful Question. Theologians' rash judgment, Jurists' feeble counsel, Physicians' slow remedy, Philosophers' pleasant madness, Tell me, what is best? Answer. The innkeeper is not good for abusing good things. Let the keeper of the hostelry always be as joyful as Hector, as patient as Job, and as wise as the Sibyl. Titus Manlius punishing his son. He had come from battle laden with spoils. And with arms taken not by order, but by his own hand. The avenging fasces were, in my judgment, set over his country: for he could at once be victor and guilty. He was not killed by his father; for whoever has assumed the role of an impartial judge, has cast off that of father. C. Junius Brutus. I myself submitted the necks of my sons to the axe. However posterity may one day take this: Would anyone believe that the proud were stirred by authority, when my blood was swelling with pride in the City? Rather let my fallen house lament me bereft of children, O 2 Dum
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Crepundia Poëtica. Dum tibi me possis dicere Roma patrem Jephte ex voto inconsulto filiam immolans. Q Uod memorat cæcus de rege Poëta Pe- lasgo, Heu utinam de me sola theatra ferant! Sed nimium veris gesta est mihi fabula rebus, Dum cecidit nostra filia cæsa manu. Non satis ut constet, pius, an sceleratus, Jeph- tes Vota recusanti solverit ista Deo. Serius infelix moneo, æternumque monebo: Irrita vota facit, quisquis iniqua facit. De quadam puella: C Um quædam, cur sim barbatus, virgo rogaret, Hoc, dixi, vultu territus hostis abit. Tunc illa id falsum tibi vel me teste probabo. Quæ glabra tuta fui, facta sed hirta pejor. Medicus et Lippus S Tercus & urina hæc Medicorum fercula prima: Sunt Medicis signa, at sunt Lippis fercu- la digna In fictos amicos. I Ntumeant Zeph y ris si turgida vela secundis Et veniant satis omnia læta tuis? Mille tibi comites, & mille parabis amicos; Affinis, Dominus, cunctaque solus eris. At postquam, infidum mutans semel aspera vultum, Ingruerit velis aura maligna tuis; Tum qui jam fueras tot circumseptus amicis, Et modo qui dominus, qui modo frater eras; Hæc
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Poetic Playthings. That I may be able to say to you, Rome, father Jephthah, sacrificing his daughter from an ill-considered vow. What the blind poet tells of the Pelasgian king, Ah, would that theaters alone should bear it from me! But the tale has been acted too truly in my own affairs, When our daughter fell, slain by a father’s hand. It is not enough to make clear whether Jephthah was pious or wicked In paying those vows to the God who refused them. Too late, unhappy one, I warn, and I shall warn forever: Whoever makes unjust vows, makes them void. On a certain girl: When a certain maiden asked why I was bearded, I said, “Thus terrified, the enemy departs from this face.” Then she said she would prove that false, by you or by me as witness. I, who was smooth-skinned and safe, became worse, but hairy. The Doctor and the Squint-eyed Man Dregs and urine—these are the doctors’ first dishes: They are signs for doctors, but dishes fit for squinters. On false friends. May the West Winds swell the sails with favorable breezes, And may all things come to you sufficiently glad? A thousand companions will be yours, and you will prepare a thousand friends; You will be brother-in-law, master, and everything, all by yourself. But after, changing once to a harsh face, false faith, A hostile breeze should rush upon your sails; Then you, who were just now surrounded by so many friends, And but now were master, but now brother, were— These
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Crepundia Poëtica. 317 Hæc sola cunctis infelix dicta reportas, Quis mihi? quid tecum proximus ipse mihi. In senem uxorem ambientem. Cum tua laxa tremit fædato in corpore pellis Ambis virgineum captus amore thorum, Quæ tamen est ratio, num forsan extrahet annos; Et bustum & naulum triste puella dabit. Senex dives de se. P Auper eram juvenis, nunc tandem ætate senili Ditesco; hei misero, tempore utroque mihi! Uti cum poteram, nummorum copia deerat: Copia nunc superest larga, sed usus abest: In avarum sacerdotem, facetia. A Udi quid spectat ad hos, qui bonum vult esse sacerdos. Alta prece lege, cum vadis per civitate, Curre per Ecclesiæ, lachrymare, percute pectus Et genua flecte, longissima Missa lege. Habe pellet rite, si vis implere burse. Esto Pontifices, Papa, Sacerdos, & omnes Expede mille statim sac cito redire. Murmure non cure, mitte vade quomodo vade, Per manice, burse, pome coclear, quoque pyre Da puere parve, tunc mater dat tibi magne. Castitas puella rustica. R Ustica conscendit noctu foenile puella, Hanc sequitur poscens dulcia surta puer. O 3 Ad
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Crepundia Poëtica. 317 This unhappy thing alone you bring back to all, saying: Who to me? What have you, nearest one, to do with me? Against an old man courting a wife. Though your loose skin trembles on your withered body, You court a virgin’s bed, driven by love; Yet what sense is there? Perhaps she will drag out your years; and the girl will give both grave and funeral fee. An old man rich about himself. Poor I was when young; now at last in old age I grow rich; alas, wretch that I am, in either time! When I could use it, there was no abundance of money; Now abundance is plentiful, but use is lacking. A jest against an avaricious priest. Hear what concerns those who wish to be a good priest. With loud prayer, when you go through the city, Run through the church, weep, beat your breast, and bend your knees; read the longest Mass. Wear the vestments properly, if you wish to fill your purse. Be Pope, Bishop, Priest, and all the rest; get money at once, and quickly go back. Do not care for murmuring; go, go how you will, through sleeve, purse, apple, spoon, and also pear give to the little boy, then the mother gives you plenty. A country girl’s chastity. A country girl climbs the hayloft by night, A boy follows her, asking for sweet embraces. O 3 Ad
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Crepundia Poëtica. Ad quem correpto foeni conversa maniplo, Te misere feriam, me nisi linquis ait. De Astrologo & Aratore. Dixerat Astrologus coelum sine nube futurum, Principe silvarum lustra petente suo. Dixerat è contra ruiturum nubibus imbrem, Vertere consuetus bobus Arator humum. Vix ingressus erat Princeps nemus illico densum. Cum subito pluviæ præcipitantur aquæ Laudat Aratorem Princeps, ipsumque docere Astra, sed Astrologum sumere rastra jubet. De Thalete Astrologo & Anu rustica. A Rdua sorte Thales coeli dum sydera lustrat, In foveam gressu præcipitante ruit; Hunc anus ut quædam delapsum rustica vidit Quæ vitreo liquidas fonte petebat aquas. Sic super illudens cum pervenisset ad ipsum, Alloquitur quatiens voce tremente caput. Astra quid inspectas coeli sublimia stulte, Nec tibi quæ prosint inferiora vides? Dumque futura studes aliis prædicere fata, Cernere quæ jaceant, non potes ante pedes In puellam apud focum sapius dormientem. Q Uando dat somno sele officiosa puella, Tunc ait hoc tacite, carpe pudicitiam Nam dum somnifera tanguntur tempora virga, Abrepti somno culpa pudoris erit. In somnolentam. P Ost coenam dormire, inquis, nequeo im- mediate; Mira-
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Poetic Rattles. To one who, clutching a handful of hay, had turned toward him, “Unless you leave me, I shall miserably strike you,” he said. On the Astrologer and the Plowman. The Astrologer had said that the sky would be without a cloud, when the Prince, with his woodland retinue, was seeking the groves. The Plowman, by contrast, had said that rain would pour down from the clouds, he who was accustomed to turn the earth with his oxen. The Prince had scarcely entered the thick wood, when suddenly the waters of the rain came tumbling down. The Prince praises the Plowman, and orders him to teach the stars, but orders the Astrologer to take up the harrow. On Thales the Astrologer and the old countrywoman. While Thales, in lofty fortune, was surveying the stars of heaven, he fell headlong into a pit in his hurrying step; an old rustic woman saw him thus fallen, she who had been fetching clear water from a glassy spring. So, coming upon him as he lay there and mocking him, he addressed him, shaking his head with a trembling voice: “Why do you foolishly inspect the lofty stars of heaven, and not see the things below that may benefit you? And while you seek to foretell the fates to others, you cannot observe what lies before your feet.” To a girl sleeping by the hearth. When the diligent maid gives herself to sleep, then he says this quietly: “Seize your chastity; for when drowsy times are touched by the wand, when sleep is carried off, guilt will be the shame.” To a sleepy girl. After supper, you say, I cannot sleep immediately; a wonder-
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Crepundia Poëtica. 319 Miraris? lectum prandia adusque premis. Tutior est sibilus Basilisci quam cantus puella. Tutius in silvis basiliscum adire frenmen- tem, Quam molles cantus foemineumque Me- los. Ad puellam. R Es tibi in immensum quam parvo tem- pore crevit! O Mega nunc, annos ô Micron ante duos. In Nanum. A Usus formicæ Nanus conscendere ter- gum, Credebat domito sese elephante vehi. At vero ut cursu fettur nimis illa superbo; Infelix media præcipitatur humo, Calcatusque miser, quid rides in vide casum Dixit communem cum Phaëthonte mihi? In Sartorem. S Artor cum in fulta residebat fuste fenestra Esse suum vesti forfice dans & acu, Bini dura canes inter se bella gerentes Sartorem ad lapsum fuste cadente trahunt Vidit ut hoc populus, risit; sed turbidus ille Plebs justi ob casum non pia gaudet ait. In Cerelliam eunucho Gallo nuptam. N Unc ego Spartanos iterum desidero, mores. Spondeat ut nudo virgo puella viro. Nuper enim sterili desponsa Cerilli a Fran- co, Crediderat Gallo nubere; nupta Capo est: O 4 Tri
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Crepundia Poetica. 319 Do you wonder? You press on from breakfast to lunch. The hiss of a basilisk is safer than a girl’s song. Safer in the woods to go near a hissing basilisk Than the soft songs and feminine melody. To a girl. R. Your rise has grown immensely in so short a time! O Mega now, two years ago O Micron. On a Dwarf. A. The dwarf, accustomed to climbing the back of an ant, Believed himself to be riding a tamed elephant. But as it was carried on with too proud a stride, The wretch is suddenly thrown to the ground in the middle; And when the poor fellow, trampled, said, “Why do you laugh at a fall that is common even to me, As to Phaethon?” Against a Tailor. S. While the tailor was seated at his propped-up window, Giving his own cloth by scissors and needle, Two dogs engaged in a fierce struggle with each other Drag the tailor to a fall as the prop falls away. When the people saw this, they laughed; but he, in anger, Said, “The crowd is not pious, rejoicing at the fall of the just.” On Cerellia, married to a Gallic eunuch. N. Now I once again long for Spartan customs, That a virgin girl should pledge herself to a naked man. For recently, betrothed to the barren Cerillus by a Frank, She had believed she was marrying a Gaul; she is married to a eunuch: O 4 Tri
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Crepundia Poëtica. Tria mulieris petulantiam cohibent. F Oemina molle genus, turpes proclivis ad actus Ni vir sit custos; ni pudor atque metus In Medicum quendam. D Ilectum Medicus gnatum ad me misit ut illum Grammaticis primis imbuerem studiis. Ast ubi, Musa refer furias Pelidis ex iram, Notat & hoc carmen quod solet inde cani Multas qui fortes animas sub Tartara misit Discipulum nostris detinet à foribus; Meque videns genitor; tibi sum devinctus amice, Gnatus at è nobis hæc bene discet, ait: Namque & ego multas animas sub Tartara mitto, Nec mihi Grammatici tunc opus est opera. In Cinnam Medicum. T Ollere scis morbos: at quomodo; tollis & ægros; Quodque facis (Judas ut) cito Cinna facis, Qui tuus est patiens, ô terque quaterque beatum! Ægrotare illum non patiere diu. Æsculapius Trifrons. I Ntrantis Medici facies tres esse videntur Ægrotanti; hominis, Dæmonis, atque Dei. Quam primum accessit Medicus dixitque salutem; En Deus, aut custos Angelus, æger ait: Cum morbum Melicina fugaverit, ecce homo clamat: Cum
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Poetic Cradles. Three things restrain a woman’s wantonness. Woman, a soft sex, prone to shameful acts, unless a man be her guardian; unless shame and fear. To a Certain Physician. The chosen doctor sent his son to me that I might imbue him with the first studies of grammar. But when, Muse, recount the Pelides’ fury in anger, and note also this verse that is wont to be sung thereafter, “Many brave souls he sent beneath Tartarus,” the pupil keeps me at the doorsteps; and the father, seeing me, says: “I am bound to you, friend, but let the boy learn these things well from us,” he says: “for I too send many souls beneath Tartarus, and then I have no need of a grammarian’s work.” To the Physician Cinna. You know how to remove diseases; but in what way do you remove the sick as well? And what you do, Cinna, you do quickly, like Judas. Blessed, yes, three and four times blessed is he who is patient with you! You will not allow him to be ill for long. Aesculapius with Three Faces. The face of a physician entering seems to the sick man to be threefold: of a man, of a demon, and of a god. As soon as the physician arrived and spoke words of health, “Behold a god, or a guardian angel,” says the patient; when medicine has driven away the disease, behold, he cries, a man; when
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Crepundia Poëtica. 321 Cum poscit Medicus præmia; vade Satan. Antidotum contra pestem. Viginti foliis Rutæ salis adde pusillum. Atque duas ficus jungo, nucesque duas; Antidotum Mithridatis habes contra omne Venenum. Aëris & contra pestiferi omne genus. Auctor de se. Hæc miser scripsit Poëta Cui semper deest moneta Est Valde bonus socius, Edit & bibit ocius. Non Curat farvis valorem, Emit panem apud pistorem. Quem non juvant carminibus Quæ docet de virginibus: Non est enim affabilis, Nec forma delectabilis: Non habet ergo gratiam, Sed semper stat post januam Semperque locum ultimum Tenet in domo virginum; Sed hoc non nocet admodum; Non adfert enim commodum Non est bonum aucupium, Purgat enim Marsupium, Et studiis est noxium, Perditioque juvenum omnium; Ergo colamus Venerem, Quæ gradum habet ad inferna celerem. Nobilis procedit male, Ideo posthac amor vale. O 5 Do
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Poetic Crepundia. 321 When the Doctor asks for payment, begone, Satan. Antidote against the plague. Add a little salt to twenty rue leaves. And add two figs, and two nuts; You have Mithridates’ antidote against every Poison. And against every kind of pestilent air. About himself. This poor Poet wrote these things To whom money is always lacking He is a very good companion, He eats and drinks quickly. He cares little for trifles, He buys bread from the baker. Whom the verses do not delight Which he teaches about virgins: For he is not affable, Nor is his appearance pleasing: Therefore he has no favor, But always stands behind the door And always the last place He holds in the house of virgins; But this does not matter greatly; For it brings no advantage. It is no good hunting ground, For it empties the purse, And is harmful to studies, And the ruin of all young men; Therefore let us worship Venus, Who has a swift step down to the infernal regions. A nobleman fares badly, Therefore henceforth, love, farewell. O 5 Do
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Crepundia Poëtica. De quodam Sponso. Item pauper anum juvenis sibi duxit, & ipsa In socii ut coepit mutua jura thori. Omnes in geniale viros conclave vocavit: Estque gravi exorsus taliter ore loqui: Vos chari affines, vos quotquot adestis amici, Appello testes hac ego nocte meos. Quod mendax fuerit Conjux, si objecerit olim Hanc nudis natibus me subiisse domum. Ac simul has picta redimitas sindone partes Rejectis pronus vestibus exhibuit. De Fure quodam. Constitit horrendum furti reus ante tribu- nal, Et vinetas tenuit post sua terga manus. Hunc ubi formosum juvenem paupercula virgo, Cerneret, in socium poscit habere virum. Ad quam conversus morti modo proximus ille, Argutum nasum preslaque labra videt, Moxq; assistentem licitorem hortatur & inquit Adjusdam propera, vivere nolo, necem. Mortuus utilius, quia quum tabesco superstes, Atque brevem malo, quam sine fine, crucem. De puella quadam et juvene. Spexit juvenem formosa puella super- bum, Illius in vultu lumina fixa tenens. Hic ait, in terram potius tu dejice ocellos; Non oculos habeat casta puella vagos. Imo,
Transcription: Translated (English)
Poetic Rattles. On a Certain Bridegroom. Likewise, a poor old woman a young man took to himself, and she too In her companion began the mutual rights of the bed. He summoned all the men to the bridal chamber: And, beginning with a grave voice, spoke thus: You dear relatives, you friends, as many as are here present, I call you this night as my witnesses. That my wife would be a liar, if she were to charge me that once I came to this house with naked buttocks. And at once, stripping off his garments, he displayed those parts wrapped in painted linen, lying face down. On a Certain Thief. A dreadful thief, charged with theft, stood before the tribunal, and held his hands tied behind his back. When a poor little maiden saw this handsome young man, she asked to have the man as a partner. To her, turning himself, he, just now close to death, sees his sharp nose and pressed lips, and then urges the attendant bailiff and says: Hasten to aid me; I do not want to live, death. It is better to be dead, because while I waste away as a survivor, I prefer a brief cross to one without end. On a Certain Girl and Young Man. A beautiful girl looked upon the proud young man, keeping her eyes fixed on his face. He said, “Rather cast your eyes down to the ground; a chaste girl should not have wandering eyes.” “Nay,”
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Crepundia Poëtica. 323 Imo, ait, hæc magis in terra tulumina figas, Ex terra primum nam tua facta caro est, Nostri principium fuit ortus, costa virilis; Hanc quæro, & jungi me velit illa sibi. Cur foemina citius crescant viris? UT loliu segetes crescendo vincit, ut alte Emicat hortorum carduus inter opes: Foemina sic maribus citius consurgit in auras, Foemina non ullum ferre parata modum Nimirum pravæ crescunt vel ocius herbæ, Foemina quas inter connumeranda fuit. Erit finis, hæc Medica præscriptio, ut le- ctoribus sit sine fine salus R. id est, Recipe mamillarum virginalium manipulos duos, Et comprime, donec fiat resurrectio carnis Atque tunc pone rem in re, Donec sudaveris ad uncias quinque, fiat mixtio. F I N I S
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Poetic Toys. 323 “Nay,” he says, “rather plant these hillocks in the earth, For your flesh was first made from the earth; Our beginning was from a man’s rib; This I seek, and may she be willing to be joined to me. Why do women grow more quickly than men? As darnel in growing surpasses the crops, as high The thistle springs up among the riches of the gardens: So woman rises sooner into the air than men, Woman prepared to bear no limit whatever. Surely weeds of evil kind grow the faster, And woman was to be counted among them. The end shall be this medical prescription, that for the readers there may be health without end. R. that is, take two handfuls of virgin breasts, And squeeze them until there is a resurrection of the flesh, And then put the thing in the thing, Until you have sweated down to five ounces; let there be a mixture. END
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CANUM CUM CATIS CERTAMEN CARMINE COMPOSITUM CURRENTE CALAMO C. CATULLI CANINII. Auctor est Henricus Harderus.
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THE CONTEST OF DOGS WITH CATS COMPOSED IN VERSE WRITTEN AT FULL SPEED BY C. CATULLUS CANINIUS. The author is Henricus Harderus.
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CANUM CUM CATIS CERTAMEN.
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The contest of dogs with cats.
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NAPOLI AMICANA NAZIONALE "VITTORIO EMANUELI BIBLIOTECIA
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Naples National Library "Vittorio Emanuele" Library
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Canum cum Catis Certamen. 325 Attorum caninus certamina clara canumque Calliope concede chelyn; clariæque Camoe æ Condite cum cytharis celso condigna cothurno Carmina: certantes canibus committite cattos, Commemorate canum casus casusque catorum, Cumprimis causas certamina cuncta creantes. Currentem cupide cruda cum carne catellum Conspexere cati captique cupidine coenæ Comprendunt catulum, capiunt coguntque carere Carne, canis clamor complebat compita', cuncti Confluxere canes; conamina cruda catorum Conqueritur catulus, captas carnesque cibosque Commemorat; cunctis cum cognita causa catellis, Concilium cogunt, canus calvusque culinæ Custos Castrutio cathedram conscendere celsam Cæpit, cumque canum consedit concio, causa Communis, clamat, comites, commune ciebat Consilium: coeunt crudelia corpora catti Contrectantq; canum carnes complentq; culinam. Contemnunt catulos; contemnunt? cedere cogunt, Corpora corripiunt, contestaturque cicatrix Cæcilii catuli conamina cruda catorum Conniveat causaque cadat careatque culina Clara
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The Contest of Dogs with Cats. 325 Of Attus, the doggish contest of dogs, and the clear call of dogs; grant, Calliope, your lyre, and you, bright Muses, store up with citharas songs worthy of lofty buskin: set cats to contend with dogs; recount the dogs’ misfortunes and the cats’ woes, above all the causes that bring all contests into being. A puppy, running eagerly with raw flesh, was seen by the cats; and, seized by desire for the feast, they seize the pup and force him to be without meat. The barking of the dog filled the crossroads; all the dogs flocked together. The cats’ raw attacks the puppy complains of, and he recalls the meat and food taken from him; and when the cause became known to all the puppies, they summon a council, and the bald dog, guardian of the kitchen, Castrutio, began to mount a high chair; and when the assembly of dogs had sat down, he cried that a common cause was calling a common council, comrades: cruel bodies of cats are gathering together, and they are laying hands on the dogs’ flesh and filling the kitchen. They despise the puppies; do they despise them? they force them to yield, seize their bodies, and the scar on little Caecilius testifies to the cats’ savage attempts, until the cause be overlooked and fall away, and the bright kitchen be without it.
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326 Canum cum Catus Certamen. Clara caterva canum? citius contendere cursu Cum cervo cancer cupiet citiusque canorus Cogetur creperis Cygnus cessisse cicadis Cur catuli cur cessamus? conjungite castra, Conveniant campo catti, certamine claro Contendant cui conveniat censura culinæ Collaudare canes cani coepere cerebri Consilium, Ceneus cum Castilione creatur Centurio. Cernunt catti crudele cieri Certamen, coeunt catti conflantque cohortes. Callimedonta caput campi columnque Ca- torum Consilium commune creat, curamque capessit. Cumque coëgissent catuli cattique catervas, Certamen campestre catis campestre catellis Complacuit, currêre citi cursuque citato Convenere canes, cum conspexere catellos Cattorum cuneata cohors, concurrere coepit Candida canenti cum Castilione Camauce, Conculcata cadit clarumque cruore colorem Corrumpit. coeunt certamine Casca Colaxque Casca colorato, candenti corpore Colax, Casca Colaxque cadunt. carus Condoq; Co- quoq; Captaneus claram cupiens convellere Callam Conficitur. Catilina cadit, capiturque Ceraustus Cumque Capo Canaus celebris commilito claudi Cromvelli, cum coepisset contingere castra Crantor corruerat cunctoque cruore carebat Confectus cursu. consligit Claudia cæco Cum Cephalo. curvam Clebuli Caronia cau- dam Con-
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326 The Contest of Dogs with the Cat. A bright pack of dogs? The hound would sooner strive in speed With the stag; and the swift-voiced Cancer would wish more quickly To be driven from the chilly cicadas by the Swan. Why, puppies, why do we delay? Join the camp, Let cats meet in the field, in a splendid contest Let them compete to see whose judgment it is to praise the kennel. The dogs, with gray brains, began to commend The counsel; then Ceneus, together with Castilio, is created A centurion. The cats see a cruel contest stirred up, The cats gather and form cohorts. Callimedon, chief of the field, and the pillar of the Cat-men Creates a common council and takes up the burden. And when the pups and cats had assembled their bands, The field contest pleased the cats and the field kittens. They ran swiftly and at a rapid pace, The dogs came together when they saw the kittens; A wedge-shaped troop of the cat-men began to charge. Bright Camauce with Castilio shines, Is trampled down and with blood destroys the fair color. In the contest Casca and Colax come together, Casca with colored body, Colax with shining body; Casca and Colax fall. Dear Condoq; Co-quoq; Captaneus, wishing to tear away the bright Calla, is undone. Catiline falls, and Ceraustus is captured. And with Capo Canaus, the celebrated comrade of Cromwell, When he had begun to approach the camp, Crantor had collapsed and was lacking all blood, Finished by running. Claudia, in the dark, Seizes Cephalus. The curved tail of Clebuli Caronia Con-
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Canum cum Catis Certamen. Convellit. Cum cattorum coeunte caterva Colligeret cunctas Canape Chionæa cohortes, (Clara canis Canape campo Custosque cubilis Callimachi) coepitque canum convertere cur- sus Corbulo consuetis contritus colla catenis; Certatur, cæsis colles camposque cruentant Corporibus. colluctantur caudis cubitisque Cattorumq; canumq; cohors, celeberrima Cauce Cum cedens campo claudo cum crure cucurrit Cæpissentque canes cattorum cingere cornu; Currite, clamabat Caronia, currite catti, Conficimur capimurque, canes coepere cruenti Clauso certantes cuneo circumdare cattos. Cernite constrato cumulata cada vera campo, Cernite calcantes cattorum colla catellos: Cedamus campum canibus, causaque cadamus Continuo catti cedunt cursuque citato Condita conantur celeres contingere castra, Cum consternari cattos, cum corde carere Conspexere canes, conclamavere citoque Conglomerata cohors certat contendere cursu Cum Cattis, capiunt cattorum castra catosque Complures, captos cænoso carcere claudunt, Connexis cruciant caudis cumulantque catenis; Centeni cecidere cati, cessere cruenti Centeni, claudit centum custodia captos: Concinno comitum celebrantes carmine cla- dem Complaudunt catulisque canes, canibusq; catelli; Constituunt certas captivis conditiones: Cum
Transcription: Translated (English)
Contest of Dogs with Cats. It drove them apart. When the cat-assembled band gathered all the forces of Chionaean Canape, (the bright dog Canape, guardian of Callimachus’ bed) it began to turn the dogs’ course aside; Corbulo, worn down, with his accustomed chains around his neck; the fight is on; slain bodies blood the hills and fields. They struggle, cats and dogs rolling together with tails and elbows, and the throng of cats and dogs, most famed in the hollow When, giving way on the field, with a lame leg he ran; and the dogs had begun to surround the cats in a horn-like wedge; “Run,” cried Caronia, “run, cats! We are being finished off and taken!” The bloody dogs began to encircle the cats, fighting in a closed wedge. “See the slaughter strewn across the field, see the cubs treading on the cats’ necks: let us yield the field to the dogs, and fall by reason; at once the cats yield and, with swift running, the quick ones try to reach the hidden camp. When the dogs saw the cats thrown into panic, and bereft of heart, they shouted aloud, and the gathered band quickly strives in a rush to contend with the cats by running; they seize the cats’ camp and many cats, and shut the captives in a foul prison, torment them with linked tails and heap on chains; a hundred cats fell, a hundred bloody ones gave way, and custody shuts up a hundred captives: with fitting song the comrades celebrate the defeat, the dogs applaud with the puppies, and the puppies with the dogs; they establish fixed terms for the captives: When
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328 Canum cum Catis Certamen. Cum canibus coeat Cattis Concordia: coënts Captivi careant catti, cedantque culina (no) Cum coquitur, cineres captent, caleantq; cami- Cernere contenti completos carne catellos. Captivi canibus cito consensere, canesque Carcere confracto cum cattis conciliantur. Colle cavo comitum congesta cadavera con- dunt Cattorumq; canumq; cohors curantq; cruentos Complexi catulos catti cattosque catelli Civili certant cauda, cubitisque cohærent: Cantatur, crudam claudunt convivia cædem, Cunctaque composito cessat certamine clades, FINIS.
Transcription: Translated (English)
328. The Contest of Dogs with Cats. When the Cats come to agreement with the dogs: when they have agreed, let the captives be deprived of cats, and let the kitchen yield no more (no). When it is being cooked, let them gather the ashes, and warm the hearths; content to see the little dogs full of meat. The captives quickly made terms with the dogs, and the dogs too are reconciled with the cats when the prison is broken open. In the hollow hill the comrades bury the piled-up corpses, and the ranks of cats and dogs attend to the bloody work; the cats embrace their kittens and the little dogs, and the cats’ cats; they contend in civil fashion with tail, and cling together by the elbows; song is sung, they close the feast over the raw slaughter, and when all is settled the ruin ends with the finished contest, FINIS.
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AOS 1466847
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AOS 1466847
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